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年級:高中一年級學(xué)科:英語課題:讀后續(xù)寫--語言(三)
(2016年10月浙江卷)OneweekendinJuly,
Jane
andherhusband,
Tom,haddriventhreehourstocampovernightbya
lake
intheforest.Unfortunately,onthewayanunpleasantsubjectcameupandtheystartedtoquarrel.Bythetimetheyreachedthelake,JanewassoangrythatshesaidtoTom.“I’mgoingtofindabetterspotforustocamp”and
walked
away.
Withnopathtofollow,Janejustwalkedonforquitealongtime.Aftershehad
climbed
toahighplace,sheturnedaround,hopingtoseethelake.Tohersurprise,shesawnothingbutforestand,farbeyond,asnowcappedmountaintop.Shesuddenlyrealizedthatshewaslost.
“Tom!”shecried.“Help!”Noreply.IfonlyshehadnotlefthermobilephoneinthatbagwithTom.Janekeptmoving,butthefarthershewalked,themoreconfusedshebecame.Asnightwasbeginningtofall,Janewassotiredthatshehadtostopforthenight.Lyingawakeinthedark,JanewantedverymuchtobewithTomandherfamily.Shewantedtoholdhimandtellhimhowmuchshelovedhim.Janeroseatthebreakofday,hungryandthirsty.Shecouldhearwatertrickling(滴落)somewhere
atadistance.Quicklyshefollowedthesoundto
astream.
Tohergreatjoy,shealsosawsomeberrybushes.Shedrankandateafewberries.Neverinherlifehadshetastedanythingbetter.Feelingstrongernow,Janebegantowalkalongthestreamandhopeitwouldleadhertothelake.
Asshepickedherwaycarefullyalongthestream,Janehearda
helicopter.Isthatforme?Unfortunately,thetreesmadeitimpossibleforpeopletoseeherfromabove.Afewminuteslater,anotherhelicopterflewoverhead.Janetookoffher
yellowblouse,thinkingthatsheshouldgotoanopenareaandflagthemiftheycamebackagain.standardsfullscore25,7levels評分檔次描
述(22-25分)
①logicplots②detaileddescription,variedsentencepatterns③properconnections
Onepossibleversion:Paragraph1:
Butnomorehelicopterscameanditwasgettingdarkagain.
Jane
hadtostayaloneintheforestforanothercoldnight,whichwasquiteoutofherexpectation.Sheloweredherheadinsorrow,tearsrollingdownonhercheeks.Evensomenoisesmadeherfacepale.Slowlyfearcreptuponher.Huggingherkneesunderatree,shethoughtabout
Tom.“Hemusthavecalledforthosehelicopters.Maybehewasinoneofthemandwillcomebackagain!Ihavetoguidehimtomorrow.”Shefellasleep,dreamingofseeingTom.Paragraph2:
ItwasdaybreakwhenJanewokeup.
Aftereatingsomeberriesandthenwalkingalongthe
stream,shehopedtofindasuitableplacetoguidethehelicopter.Seeingarockinanopenarea
atadistance,sherushedtotherock,climbedontoitandwaited,craningherneck.Thehelicopterappearedagain.Janeflutteredherhands,whichsignaledclearlywhereitshouldland.Itdidn’tmissJaneanditlandedslowly.Jumpingoffthehelicopter,TomrantowardsJane.Withtearsstreamingdownherface,sheburstoutcrying,hookingherarmsaroundTom'sneck...Howmanyscoreswillyougive?Problems:Therearealomostnoeffectiveconnectors.LearningobjectivesBytheendofthisperiod,we’llbeableto:1.introduceseveralstrategiestomakeapassagemorelogical;2.makethepassagemorelogicalbyusingsomeeffectiveconnectors.Whatarethestrategiestomakeapassagelogical?1.substitution替代
Someanimalsproduceagreatvarietyofnoisesandscientistshavewonderedwhetherthesesoundsmakeupalanguage.Dianawasdead,whichmadealotofpeoplesad.2.repetition重復(fù)
Wewalkedandwalkeduntilverylateinthenight.Itseemedthatithadbeenalong,longday,andwefeltexhausted.3.anaphora前指Studentsareseldomexpectedtomemorizeinformation;instead,theyareencouragedtothinkforthemselves.Janehadtostayintheforestforanothercoldnight,andthis
madeherveryfrightened.4.conjunction---timeatthistime,first;second,atlast,next,previously,simultaneously,eventually,lastbutnotleast,tobeginwith,tostartwith,toendwith,finally,allofasudden,afewminuteslater...Theyfoughtabattle.Afterwardsitsnowed.Sherushedtotherock,climbedontoitandwaited,craningherneck.Allofasudden,
thehelicopterappearedagain.4.conjunction---causeandeffect因果because,becauseofthis,,anotherimportantfactor/reasonof...,since,as,for,inthat,owingto,dueto,forthereasonthat…,inviewof,resultfrom,asaresultofthis,therefore,…andso…,consequently,asaresult,thus,hence,so,sothat…,asaconsequence...Shemissedthetrain.Asaconsequence,shehadtowait.Janeflutteredherhands.Becauseofthis,itdidn’tmissJaneandlandedslowly.
4.conjunction---contrast轉(zhuǎn)折but,evenso,however,though,eventhough,independentof,recklessof,despitethat,inspiteofthat,regardlessof,yet,unless,nonetheless,unfortunately,onthecontrary,differentfromthis...
Allthefigureswerecorrect;they’dbeenchecked.Yetthetotalcameoutwrong.
Janeflutteredherhands.Unfortunately,
nobodycametohelp.4.conjunction---parallel,progressiverelation并列和遞進(jìn)and;also,too,aswellas,either...or...,both…and...furthermore,moreover,further,,notonly...butalso...,not…but...,inaddition(to),additionally,muchmoreinteresting,morespecifically,next,besides,moreover,ofevengreaterappeal...Shemissedthetrain.Moreover,shehadtonofoodtoeat.Janeflutteredherhands.Additionally,
sheevencriedloudlytocatchpeople'sattention.4.conjunction---examplesforexample,forinstance,inthiscase,namely,instance,asyouknow;youmayas/say;asheexplains;like;suchas;acaseinpointis,inparticular,including,toputitsimply,statedroughly,asanillustration,Shemissedthetrain.Moreover,shehadtonofoodtoeat.Janeflutteredherhands.Additionally,
sheevencriedloudlytocatchpeople'sattention.4.conjunction---emphasis強(qiáng)調(diào)infact,especially,particularly,whatismoreimportant,inreality,certainly,ofcourse,indeed,inparticular,nottomention,believeitornot,undeniably,itiscertain/surethat…,definitely,undoubtedly,withoutadoubt,intruth,inanyevent,obviously...Thiswasadarkforest.Undoubtedly,shehadtostayinitforacoldnight.Janeflutteredherhands.Obviously,shesparednoeffortstocatchpeople'sattenion.4.conjunction---placebeyond,oppositeto,adjacentto,atthesameplace,inthemiddle,around,infrontof,inthedistance,farther,hereandthere,above,below,between,onthisside,Sherestedherselfunderatree.Above,stoodanowlonthebranch.Shehopedtofindasuitableplacetoguidethehelicopter.Inthedistance,therewasalargelake.Basedonvarietiesofdifferentmeans,wecanmakeapassagemorelogicallyconnected.1.Butnomorehelicopterscameanditwasgettingdarkagain.
Jane
hadtostayaloneintheforestforanothercoldnight,whichwasquiteoutofherexpectation.
Butnomorehelicopterscameanditwasgettingdarkagain.
Asaresult,
Jane
hadtostayaloneintheforestforanothercoldnight,whichwasquiteoutofherexpectation.caueandeffect+substitution2.Evensomenoisesmadeherfacepale.Slowlyfearcreptuponher.Evensomenoisesmadeherfacepale.Slowlyfearcreptuponherundoubtedly.
emphasisSeeingarockinanopenarea
atadistance,sherushedtotherock,climbedontoitandwaited,craningherneck.Thehelicopterappearedagain.Janeflutteredherhands,whichsignaledclearlywhereitshouldland.Itdidn’tmissJaneanditlandedslowly.Seeingarockinanopenarea
atadistance,sherushedtotherock,climbedontoitandwaited,craningherneck.Thenthehelicopterappearedagain.Janeflutteredherhands,whichsignaledclearlywhereitshouldland.Thistime,itdidn’tmissJaneandlandedslowly.
timeRewritethepassagewithlogicalconnectorsParagraph1:Butnomorehelicopterscameanditwasgettingdarkagain.
Asaresult,Jane
hadtostayaloneintheforestforanothercoldnight,whichwasquiteoutofherexpectation.Sheloweredherheadinsorrow,tearsrollingdownonhercheeks.Evensomenoisesmadeherfacepale.Slowlyfearcreptuponherundoubtedly.
Hug
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