《老爸老媽的浪漫史 第二季 第11-15集》英中字幕

===《老爸老媽的浪漫史第二季第11-15集》英中字幕=========目錄第11集 2第12集 14第13集 27第14集 39第15集 51

第11集Kids,asyouknow,Christmasisa timeyouspendwithyourfamily. SoinDecemberof2006, Ihadthreeoptions. Spenditwithmymomand hernewboyfriendClint, spenditwithmydadandhis newgirlfriendmicro-brewing, orheaddowntoStaten Islandtospendit withmysuperreligious cousinStacyandherfamily. SoIoptedfor noneoftheabove anddecidedtospend Christmas2006inManhattan... celebratingwith myotherfamily. Okay,Ihaveonelastpaper dueat5:00p.m.today, sountilthen, Iwillbeatthelawlibraryatschool, butI'mnottobe disturbedforanyreason. Dude,openyoureyes. You'regoingtohurtyourself. No,no.ChristmasEvewinter wonderlandismyreward forfinishingmypaper. Baby,doIsmellyour SinfullyCinnamonCookies? Yes. Damnmeandmy heightenedothersenses. Mustbestrong. Okay,I'llbeback hereat5:00. Savemeatleast20cookies anddonotcleanthebowl. Wasthatareindeer? Idon'twanttoknow! Hey,look. Ouroldansweringmachine. Oh,yeah.Afteryouleft, we,uh,weunpluggedit becauseitremindedMarshallofhow youusedto,youknow,leavemessages. Buthey, youguysarebacktogether. Isaywe'replugging itbackin. It'sgoodtohaveyouback. Thanks. Oh,hey,look, there'sstillsomemessagesonhere. HeyTed, it'sDadcallingtocheckin. I'mgoingfishingthis weekendwithmyfriendClint, soifIdon'thearfromyoubeforehand, I'lltalktoyounextweek. Yes,sameClint. Hey,Marshall.Areyoulyingonthe couchrightnowmopingaboutLily? Youare,aren'tyou? Well,stopit. She'snotworthit. YougottagetoverthatGrinch. ButIdidn'tsay"Grinch." Isaidabadword. Avery,verybadword. Oh,fudge. ButIdidn'tsayfudge. I'm...awhat? I--ThatwasBarney, thatwasBarney. -Thatwasyou,Ted. -ThatwasMarshall. Marshalllefta messageforMarshall? Youknow,itmayhavebeenme, butitwassolongago. Man,thatmachine, itreallygarblesyourvoice. Youknow,italmost madeitsoundlikeIsaid... Whywouldyoucallmethat? Itwasafairquestion. Marshall'sbreakupwithLilyhad senthimintoadeepdepression andnothingcould gethimoutofit. Untiloneday... Shewasperfect. Ilosttheperfectwoman. Ishouldhaveknockedher upwhenIhadthechance. Okay.That'sit. You'renevergoingtogetoverheruntil youstopputtingheronapedestal. Sonomoreicecreamuntilyoutell meonethingthat'swrongwithLily. There'sonlyoneofher? Okay. Shecalledoffyourwedding anddumpedyoutobea painterinSanFrancisco. Whatdoyoucallthat? Fiercelyindependent? Brave? Iguessitwasa littleselfish. Thereyougo. Andinalmostnotime, thatsparkturnedintoaroaringfire. Yeah.No,you'reright. Lilywouldlaughatanything. She'dgiveitupforabadpun. I'mtellingyou, she'salaughslut. Rememberthattimewe heardherlaughing andwethoughtshewas watchingWeekendAtBernie's, butitturnedoutshewas watchingWeekendAtBernie's2? Andherart? "I'mLily,I'manartist." Shedoesn'tevenownaberet. Yeah,andifshe's suchagreat"artist," whydoesshesuck atPictionary? Whodrawsaninjastarlikea StarofDavid?Right,right? Yeah! -Anotherround! -Yeah! Iwastryingtohelphim. I'mhisbestfriend. That'sthebestfriend'sjob. Thebestfriend'sjobis tocallmethatword? Yeah. Oh,Ted. Oh,Teddyboy. Whyisthissuchabigdeal? It'sjustaword. Weuselotsofwords, everyday. Itshouldn'tbeanydifferent thananyotherword. Thenwhydon'tyousayitnow? Grinch. Youtimedthatdidn'tyou? Perfectly. Well,atleastyouapologized. Youapologized,didn'tyou? Oh,yeah. "I'msorry"werethefirst wordsoutofmymouth. I'msorry, butIamnotapologizing. Iwasjusttryingtoput theguybacktogether. Yousmashedhimtopieces. Areyouseriouslynotgoingto apologizeforleavingthatmessage? -No! -Whynot? Because,Lily,thissummer, youwerekindofaGrinch. -Oooh. -Oooh. Oh,you'llbesorry,TedMosby. TedVivianMosby! That'snotmymiddlename. 00:05:00,351-->00:05:02,015 Youkissyourmother withthatmouth?Likeyou'venever saidthatword. Idon'tkissyour motherwithmymouth. Yet. Areyousick? Isitsicktofindmaturity andexperiencesexy? No,Imeantdoyouhaveacold? I'mfine. I'mfine.Mynose isjustoverflowingwithawesome andIhadtoget someofitout. Now,ifyou'llexcuseme, theholidaysareatime whenpeopleare lonelyanddesperate. It'sthemostwonderful timeoftheyear. Ishouldgoapologize. It'sChristmasEve. Yeah.Imean, slammingdoorsandscreamingcurses? IfIwantedthat,Iwould havegonehomefortheholidays. Idon'tseeany mistletoe,but... Oh!Oh,God! Uh..."Blessyou" wouldhavebeennice. -You'resick. -I'mnotsick. -You'resick. -Youknowwhat?Iamsick. SickofyoutellingmeI'msick. Whatup? Ahh...Threeflightsofstairs, notadropspilled. Hey,buddy. Yousurethisisgonnawork? Yeah,thisisourthing. Incollege,wheneverIwantedtomake upwithher,I'dbuyherabeer. -Cute,right? -Totally. Plusfreemug. Okay,comeon. Usuallythatwould've donethetrick, butitturnedoutthiswasaproblem notevenalcoholcouldsolve. Actuallythebeer helpedalittle. Shetookthedecorations. Shetookthedecorations! WhataGrinch! ThattimeIdidsay"Grinch." Allright. IguessIhaveto callher,right? Lily'scellphone. She'lllistento reason--right? Oh,hey,Billy. Actually,funnything-- thevoicedialgotyou. Iwastryingtocall... Oh,I'msorrytohearthat. Yeah,theholidaysarearough timeforeveryone,Billy. Okay,yeah, dinnernextWednesday. Okay. Damnvoicedial. Barney!Whatthe hellareyoudoing? Getinhere,it'sfreezingoutside. Areyouinsane? Hey,blameLilyandheroppressive "nocigarsintheapartmentrule." God,it'slikeMarshall's marryingtheTaliban. Highfive. Eww.No. Youhavetogohome andgettobed. Oh,Robin,mysimplefriend fromtheuntamednorth, letmetellyouaboutalittle thingIliketocallmindoverbody. Yousee, wheneverIstartfeelingsick, Ijuststopbeingsick andbeawesomeinstead. Truestory. Yeah,intwominutes, I'mgoingtopoundasixer ofRedBull,hopinacab, playacoupleof hoursoflasertag, maybegetaspray-ontan. It'sgonnabelegen... Waitforit... Lily! MerryChristmas,assface. Um,Lily? WherearetheChristmasdecorations? Atmyapartment. Youwanttobringthembacksowecan celebrateChristmastogether--please? Ted,doyouknow whatIwoulddo ifoneofmykindergartners usedthatkindoflanguage? Iwouldbeonthephone withtheirparents. Yeah,I'mnotakindergartner. Exactly.Youknow whatthatwordmeans. Youknowthatcallingpeople namesismeanandhurtful... assface. Lily,ifyoudon'tbringthat stuffbackrightnow,we... Shehungup. She'sjustmad. She'llcooldown. Lily... Don'tforgettotakethe cookiesoutoftheoven... assface! Damnit! IcouldbeinClevelandrightnow makingpeppermintlagerwithmydad. Whereareyougoing? Marshallgetshome inthreehours. He'sgonnashowup-- noLily,nowinterwonderland. IgottagetuptotheBronx. ...dary. Hey,dude, how'sthepapergoing? Screwthepaper,how'sthewinter wonderland?Isitmagical? Oh...somagical. Whenyouwalkthroughthedoor, doesitfeellike you'vebeenslappedin thefacebyChristmas? Suredoes.Look,Igottago. Comeon,man,describeit! Tellmeaboutthedecorations. IsRudolphthere? Heis,isn'the? Hi,Rudolph! Ah,yeah,but,youknow... decorations,isthatreally whatChristmasisabout? Hell,yeah! Whatelsewoulditbeabout? Uh,trythebirthofChrist. Youknow,Christmas-- ChristMas, whichmeans"MoreChrist" toourSpanishfriends. Yeah,well, allIknowiswalkinginthatdoor andseeingthewinterwonderland andseeingLilyandallyouguys, just...Ican'twait. Right.Igottago. Right.Okay. Oh,wait.Ted,Ted,Ted,Ted. Onemorething. Howaboutthecookies? Aretheydelicious? Youknow,honestly, theytastealittlestore-bought. Oh!Igotanothercall. Well,tellLilyIloveher. Right. -Hello? -TedEvelynMosby! Oh.Uh,hey,Mom. MerryChristmas. Ijustgotthemost disturbingcallfromLily. Howcouldyouuse suchahorribleword? Oh,God,shecalledyou? Areyouactingout becauseofthedivorce? Is-isthisallaboutClint? No,Mom, whywoulditbeaboutClint? Hey,buddy,it'sClint. Howyoudoing,champ? Hey,Clint.Listen,um, Idon'treallyhavetimeto... Hey,hey,no,no,no.Ted,Ted. Youdon'tknowthisyet, butyouandIaregoing tobegreatfriends. Now,theNativeAmericans havethisritual... Thisisalowmoment fortheBarnacle. Ishouldbeoffplaying lasertagrightnow, butinstead... Don'tlookatme.I'mhideous. Youjustlooklike aregularguy. Exactly. I'maTed. I'mwearingelastic-waistfleecepants. Andisn'titmorecomfy? Yes. Comeon, youneedeatsomething. Tooweak...tohold...bowl. Fine,I'llfeedyou. Ouchieinmymouth! Idon'twantit. Iwanticecream. No,you'renothavingicecream fordinnerjust'causeyou'resick. -Butmythroathurts. -No. Ihateyou! Don'tleaveme. Whoisit? Pizzadelivery. Whoa. Hey,youtrickedme. YoureallythoughtIwas thepizzadeliveryguy? No,Iknewitwasyou. Ijustthoughtyou'dat leastbringapizza. Yeah,well, Ibroughtabeer, butIgaveittoahomelessguy. Allright,hetookitfromme. Now,willyoupleasecomehome? No,I'mnotspending Christmaswithyou. Okay,I'msorryfor callingyoua... thatword, overthesummer, andforsayingitagaintoday. Andforthinkingitalot onthesubwayrideover. Ihadnorighttosaythat.Itwas hurtfulandimmatureandI'msorry. Oh,shutup. YouthinkIdon'tknowyourfake apologiesbynow,TedMosby?Huh? You'reclearlystillmadatme. -I'mnotmadatyou. -Yes,youare. Iamnotmadatyou,Lily. Now,canwepleasejust... I'veapologizedtoMarshall andhe'sforgivenme andwe'vemovedpassedit. Whycan'tyou? Becauseyounever apologizedtome. Marshall'snottheonly oneyouwalkedouton. Youleaveforthreemonths, youdon'tevencall. Comeon,Lily, we'resupposedtobefriends! Yeah,somefriend, youcalledmeaGrinch. -YouwereaGrinch! -Howcanyou... Grinchy,Grinch,Grinch, Grinch,Grinch,Grinch,Grinch. Happy? Now,you'vepissedoff thebigguyupstairs. Yeah,I'msure GodcaresifI... Youusethatlanguageagain andI'llturnoffyourwater! That'smysuper. Helivesaboveme. Great.Thanksto yourfilthymouth, nowI'mgoingtohave Christmasaloneinthedark. Fine.Idon'twant toruinChristmas. Youcanhavetheapartment. Don'tworryaboutseeingmethere I'llbeinStatenIsland withmycousinStacy. Just Ow. MerryChristmas. You'respendingChristmas Evewithyourfamily? Baby,thatsucks.I'msosorry. Uh,they'refine.They'rejust... they'realittleweird. Youknowtheydon'tbelieve ingiftsorChristmastrees. AndtheythinkSanta's howSatanspellshisname whenhewantstotrickus. Well,doyouwant metogowithyou? Wasthatasincereoffer? Firsttellmeyouranswer. Staythere.Saveyourself. We'llspendallday togethertomorrow. Okay. Oh,how'sBarneyfeeling? Youmeanthewhiney bottomlesspitofneediness? Hewasbuggingme,soIspiked hisechinaceateawithcodeine. You'regonnabeagreatmom. Holycrap,themagical Christmasseasonisuponus. AndthankGodwedon't payforutilities. MerryChristmas! What'sinthebox? Onlythebestpresent forthebestgirlever. Ittookmeallday totrackitdown. Ithoughtyouwere writingapaper. Ah,naw,Iblewthatoff. I'llgetanextension. School'snotimportant. Whatisthatpitter patterontheroof? Coulditbethesoundof anawesomeChristmasstory abouttocomedownthechimney? Why,yes,itis. 'Twastheday beforeChristmas... Itwassupposedtoarrive, like,fivedaysago, butthenitgot lostandrerouted. Icheckedtwootherbranches, finallytheytoldmeitwashere. Yeah,allIneededtoknow wasthetrackingnumber. Lookslikeit'sheadedouttoour regionalbranchinPoughkeepsie. What? No,no,no,no, Ineedthatpackagetoday. Listen,thetruckalready leftfiveminutesago, sounlessyouwant torunafterit... Stop!Stop! Stop,please,stop. Stop.Stopthetruck. Ineedapackageonyourtruck. CanIpleasetakealookinback? Sure.ButIgottakeep drivingmyroute. I'mrunningbehind. Mybad. I'mokay. Hey,man,thanksforhelpingme makemyfianc閑'sChristmas. Noproblem. ToobadIcan'tdeliverallthese packagesbytheendoftheday. Wait,sosomepeoplearen'tgoingto gettheirgiftsintimeforChristmas? Sadly,no. TheycallmebackdoorSanta Imakemyruns aboutthebreakofday TheycallmebackdoorSanta Imakemyruns aboutthebreakofday Oh,ho,ho Imakeall thelittlegirlshappy... Wedeliveredeverysingle packageonthattruck. ButIstillhaveone packagelefttogive. Yeah,Idid. MerryChristmas. -Openit,Baby. -Okay. Oh,myGod. AnEasyBakeOven! I'vewantedoneoftheseever sinceIwasalittlegirl. Inthisexactmodel. Inevertoldyouthat. Howdidyouknow? It'sourfirstChristmas sincewegotbacktogether. Iwanttogether somethingreallyspecial. SoI'mgettingherajukebox. Wow,that'sagreatgift. Notreally. It'sthisbiganditdispensesgum. Oh,man,Iknow somethingyoucouldgether thatwouldblowhermind. Ready? Eightyearsago... WhenIwasakid, allIwantedwasanEasyBakeOven. IbeggedandIbegged, butallIgotwasastupidLegoset becausemyfeministmom didn'twantmeconformingto traditionalgenderroles. EasyBakeOven-- that'swhatI'mgoingtocallmyvan. Dude...howwastheconcert? Icouldn'tfindtheoutside. Ican'tbelieveTedremembered afteralltheseyears. Yeah,andafterallthatweed. Whereisheanyway? StatenIsland. Why? Okay,don'ttellyourmom, butIgotyouguyssomepresents. Likethegift ofGod'slove? No,dude,realpresents. UncleTedgotuspresents! That'sokay,Ted, we'lljustgivethemtocharity. Yay! Uh,notyou,Charity. Imeantthelessfortunate. Ted,howwouldyoulike tosaygracetonight? Uh,youknowwhat, whydon'tyousayit. Ireallywouldn't knowwhattosay. Whydon'tyoureciteyour favoritepassageofscripture. That'sagreatidea,Charity. But,really,Idon'tknow. Imeanhowdoyouchoose yourfavoritepassage? It'stheBible;there'ssomany... greatones... ThatonefromPulp Fiction'sprettycool. Ooh,I'llgetit. Charity,I'mtappingyouin. Dear,Father, thankyouforthisday, andthankyouforbringing thisfamilytogether. Amen. Whoisit,Ted? Uh,it's... it'sjust,um,carolers. Silentnight Holynight... Icameheretoapologize. I'msosorry,Ted. Iaccept.Givemethebeer. Oh,oh, itissogoodtoseeyouguys. Areyoucominghome? Totally. Butfirst,Lily, Ioweyouanapology. Oh,fortheloveofGod, areyouassickofapologiesasIam? Yes! Canwejustskiptheapologyand gostraighttotheforgiving? Yes. AndIpromise,Iwillneverever callyoua...youknow,again. That'sokay. IwaskindofaGrinch. What'saGrinch? Nothing.It'ssomething youshouldn'tsay. Mom,what'saGrinch? Grinch,Grinch,Grinch... MerryChristmas,everybody. Run,run. MerryChristmas,Marshall. 孩子們圣誕節(jié)是一家團(tuán)聚的日子 在2006年的圣誕 我有三個(gè)選擇 和我媽媽還有 他的新男友克林特過圣誕 也可以去找我爸爸 還有他的小甜心 或者乖乖待在斯塔藤島 和我那異常虔誠的堂姐斯坦西 還有她的家人一起度過 但是以上三個(gè)選擇我都放棄了 決定在曼哈頓過2006年的圣誕 和我的特殊家人一起過圣誕 我最后一場考試在 今天下午五點(diǎn) 在考試之前 我都要在圖書館里復(fù)習(xí) 沒有任何事情可以改變我的計(jì)劃 老兄睜開你的眼睛 你會(huì)摔到的 不不對于我來說 平安夜所營造的冬日幻境 00:00:43,360-->00:00:44,960 就是對我勝利完成考試的獎(jiǎng)勵(lì) 我聞到了濃濃的 肉桂曲奇的香味了親愛的 沒錯(cuò) 見鬼我其他感官 的敏感度太高了 一定很敏感 我出門了 我5點(diǎn)回來 給我留20塊曲奇 記住不要把碗洗了 這是個(gè)馴鹿! 不要告訴我 (我要親眼看) 我們原來的那個(gè)電話答錄機(jī) 是啊你從你走后 我們...我們就把它拆了 這個(gè)容易讓馬修睹物思人 因?yàn)槟阋郧敖?jīng)常用它 但是你們已經(jīng)破鏡重圓了 我建議我們把它裝回去 算是你對回來的慶祝 謝謝 里面還有些信息呢 泰德 這是你老爹 這個(gè)周末我要和克林特去釣魚 如果你留言給我的話 我下周回復(fù)你 是的克林特 （泰德母親的新男友) 馬修還在躺在沙發(fā)上 為莉莉的離開垂頭喪氣啊 你在嗎?不是這樣的嗎? 不要再這樣了 她不值得你這樣... 你應(yīng)該忘記那個(gè)爛人 事實(shí)上我沒有說爛人 我說了個(gè)更糟的詞 非常非常糟的... 虛假 事實(shí)上我不是想說這是假的 (而是上帝啊) 我什么? 我...是巴尼 這個(gè)是巴尼說的 -泰德不要說謊 -是馬修 馬修給自己留言? 這個(gè)也許是我 但是這個(gè)是很早以前的了 這個(gè)機(jī)器總把聲音錄的失真 所以聽上去像是我說的 實(shí)際... 你為什么叫我那個(gè)? 這個(gè)是個(gè)很難回答的問題 馬修跟莉莉分手以后 他的情緒實(shí)在不好 沒有什么可以幫他 走出失戀的痛苦 直到那天... 她太完美了 我失去了一個(gè)我夢寐以求的女人 她給我機(jī)會(huì)時(shí)我該追上去的 夠了 如果你還在繼續(xù)神話她 那么你將永遠(yuǎn)都忘不了她 告訴我一件莉莉做錯(cuò)的事情 要不就沒有冰淇淋吃了 她只做過一件錯(cuò)事 (哇～只有一件錯(cuò)事的人多完美啊) 好吧 她不跟你結(jié)婚了 棄你而去之后 你在舊金山淪為個(gè)油漆匠 你管她叫什么? 自我獨(dú)立? 勇氣? 我認(rèn)為有點(diǎn)自私 對了! 在短時(shí)間內(nèi) 星星之火開始燎原了 對你是對的 莉莉會(huì)嘲笑身邊所有事情 她總是用一個(gè)很糟的理由 來表示她放棄了 我告訴你她的快樂神經(jīng)有問題 記得那次她大笑的事情嗎? 我們認(rèn)為她在看 '老板度假去' 結(jié)果她在看 '老板度假去2' 她很有藝術(shù)細(xì)胞? 我是莉莉 我是個(gè)藝術(shù)家 她甚至都沒有得過獎(jiǎng) 如果現(xiàn)實(shí)如她所說 她是個(gè)藝術(shù)家 那她還玩pictionary? (pictionary多人游戲一人畫圖一人猜) 是誰把忍者之星畫成了大衛(wèi)之星? 是她吧? 是啊! -再來慶祝下 -好的 我是他哥們我當(dāng)然要幫他啦 這就是哥們改作的事情 是哥們就可以叫我那個(gè)? 是的 天啊泰德 泰德你還沒有長大啊 就一個(gè)單詞的事情 有那么嚴(yán)重嗎? 每天我們都說無數(shù)的詞 它和別的單詞應(yīng)該沒有什么區(qū)別 那你為什么現(xiàn)在不說? 爛人 你在算計(jì)我? 沒錯(cuò) 至少你要道歉啊 你道歉了嗎? 當(dāng)然 我當(dāng)時(shí)先說對不起 對不起但是這不是道歉 我只是想幫他走出失戀 你把他的心撕碎了 你就不能因?yàn)?一條留言跟我道個(gè)歉? -不! -為什么不? 因?yàn)槟憬衲晗奶?的確是個(gè)爛人 你會(huì)后悔的 泰德?莫斯比 泰德?維維安?莫斯比 我的全名可不是那樣 你用那種口氣更你媽說話? 好像你從來沒有錯(cuò)過那個(gè)詞一樣 我又沒有用那種口氣 更你媽說過話 但是 你病了? 你是不是認(rèn)為我缺乏性生活? 我是問你是不是感冒了? 我很好 就是我的鼻子里有太多的東西了 我需要弄些出來 如果你覺得有欠于我 假期真是讓人孤獨(dú)無聊的時(shí)候 這是一年里最美好的時(shí)候 我該去道歉吧 今天是平安夜 一個(gè)充滿了砸門還有咒罵的平安夜? 如果我想要那些的話 我可以回家過 我沒有看見槲寄生但是... 神啊 "保佑你"我本可以做的更好... -你病了 -沒有 -你病了 -你知道什么?我病了 你說我病了我就病了!怎么可能? 爬了三層樓一滴也沒有灑出來 老兄 你確定這個(gè)管用? 是的這是我們的方式 大學(xué)時(shí)每當(dāng)我想向她道歉 我就買杯啤酒給她 -有意思吧? -是的 加上個(gè)免費(fèi)的杯子 起來吧 通常這招都有用 但這次的問題是 一杯啤酒不足以解決的 事實(shí)上啤酒確實(shí)有點(diǎn)用 她拿走了圣誕裝飾 她拿走了圣誕裝飾! 真是個(gè)爛人 這次我確實(shí)說了爛人這個(gè)詞 好吧 我想我不得不給她打電話了 莉莉 她不是想聽解釋嗎? 你好比利 事實(shí)上這很有趣 語音撥號撥到你那了 我本打算打給... 天啊很遺憾 假期對于每一個(gè)都是有點(diǎn)粗糙 晚餐在下周三舉行 好 該死的語音撥號 巴尼!你在那做什么? 進(jìn)來外面那么冷 你瘋了嗎? 要怪就怪莉莉的規(guī)矩 公寓里禁止吸煙 上帝啊馬修 像娶了個(gè)塔利班份子一樣 我很好 不 你該回家躺在床上 羅賓你是從未開化的北方來的 讓我來告訴你一些 關(guān)于我認(rèn)為的意識決定物質(zhì) 你也看見了 當(dāng)我發(fā)現(xiàn)我病了 我會(huì)用恐懼來嚇退病魔 真的 在兩分鐘內(nèi) 我會(huì)喝半打紅牛之后跳上出租車 玩兩小時(shí)的激光搏擊 也可能是把皮膚弄成陽光色 這將要... 等待... 莉莉! 圣誕快樂屁股臉! 莉莉!圣誕裝飾在哪? 我公寓里 你有想把他們送回到這里 來跟我們一起過圣誕的想法嗎?求你了 泰德你知道嗎? 如果在幼兒園里 有人用那個(gè)詞我會(huì)怎么做? 我會(huì)打電話給他的家長 是啊但是我可不是小孩 事實(shí)上你知道那個(gè)詞的意思 你也知道用那個(gè)來形容別人 會(huì)對別人造成傷害... 屁股臉 如果你不那些東西還回來 我們... 她掛了 她現(xiàn)在很激動(dòng) 她會(huì)冷靜下來的 莉莉... 不要忘了把那些曲奇從烤箱里取出 屁股臉! 見鬼! 我現(xiàn)在應(yīng)該在克利夫蘭 和我爸爸喝著薄荷啤酒 你去哪? 馬修他三小時(shí)后回來 他會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)沒有莉莉 就沒有冬日幻境 我得去找莉莉 ...工作. 兄弟考試怎么樣? 什么考試?冬日幻境怎么樣?很漂亮? 是啊有點(diǎn)魔幻的感覺 當(dāng)你進(jìn)門的一瞬間 是什么感覺? 有沒有震驚的感覺? 確實(shí)很震驚 我有事要做先掛電話了 不要這樣兄弟 描述一下屋子有多漂亮 魯?shù)婪蛟谀?他在不在? 魯?shù)婪蚰愫冒? 是但是你要知道... 圣誕精神不單單是裝飾? 該死是啊!那還有什么? 慶祝耶穌的生日 你知道圣誕是耶穌的生日 意味著更多的愛 給那些需要的人 好吧好吧 我所知道的是當(dāng)我走進(jìn)門 看見冬日的幻境 莉莉還有你們這些朋友 僅僅...我等不及了 是的我真的要掛了 恩好 等等泰德還有件事 曲奇怎么樣?好吃嗎? 說實(shí)話不像是是家里做的 我有另一個(gè)電話來了 告訴莉莉我愛他 恩 -你好? -泰德?伊夫林?莫斯比 媽媽 圣誕快樂 我剛才接到了莉莉的電話 你怎么能用那么粗俗的詞! 俄地神啊 她打電話給你了? 這就是你對我們離婚 作出的回應(yīng)? 難道都是因?yàn)榭肆痔? 不是的媽媽 你為什么會(huì)認(rèn)為是因?yàn)榭肆痔? 兄弟我是克林特 你做的怎么樣? 克林特聽好 我沒有時(shí)間... 不是不是泰德 你還不了解情況 但是你我將會(huì)成為好友 現(xiàn)在美國本地人有一種儀式... 這是巴尼的慘淡時(shí)光 我現(xiàn)在應(yīng)該是 結(jié)束激光搏擊的時(shí)候了 但是事實(shí)上 不要盯著我現(xiàn)在我很慘 你看上去是個(gè)正常人 事實(shí)上 我是泰德我穿著 有萊卡的T恤羊毛褲 這樣不是更舒服嗎? 是的 來吃點(diǎn)東西吧 太虛弱...拿不動(dòng)...碗 好吧我來喂你 燙到嘴了 我不想吃 我想要冰淇淋 不行你晚飯不能 只吃冰淇淋你病了 -但是燙到我舌頭了 -不 我恨你! 不要離開我 誰? 送比薩的 你騙我 你真認(rèn)為我是送比薩的啊? 不我知道是你 我只是認(rèn)為 你至少該帶個(gè)比薩來 好吧好吧 我本來帶了杯啤酒的 但我給了個(gè)無家可歸的人 好吧他搶走的 現(xiàn)在你愿意回去了嗎? 我是不會(huì)和你過圣誕的 好吧叫你那個(gè) 是我錯(cuò)了... 那個(gè)詞 整個(gè)夏天 還有今天又說了 坐地鐵來著的路上 我想了很多 我沒權(quán)利罵你這個(gè)是很傷人的 同時(shí)也是我不成熟的表現(xiàn)我錯(cuò)了 等下... 你以為我不知道現(xiàn)在你口是心非? 泰德?莫斯比 你現(xiàn)在依然在生我的氣 -我沒有生你的氣 -有你是在生氣 莉莉我沒有生氣 現(xiàn)在我能不能... 我向馬修道歉了 他原諒我了 我們就這樣過去了 為什么你不能? 因?yàn)槟銖膩頉]有向我道歉 馬修不是惟一 一個(gè)因?yàn)槟闶軅娜?你走了三個(gè)月 一個(gè)電話也沒有 莉莉我們是朋友啊! 是啊我們是朋友 但你罵我是個(gè)爛人 -你以前就是個(gè)爛人! -你怎么能... 爛人爛人爛人 超級爛人無敵爛人 高興了? 現(xiàn)在你惹惱了 樓上的那個(gè)大家伙 是啊我相信 上帝才信如果... 你再說那個(gè)詞一次 我就斷了你的水! 我房東住在我樓上 很好謝謝你的大嘴 現(xiàn)在我要一個(gè)人 在黑暗中度過圣誕 我不是想破壞你的圣誕 你可以去我們那而且 我不會(huì)在那礙你的眼睛 我去斯塔藤島 和我的堂姐過圣誕 這 圣誕快樂 平安夜你和你親戚過? 親愛的對我來說真遺憾 他們?nèi)撕芎盟麄冎皇?.. 他們只是有那么一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)怪異 他們不相信禮物還有圣誕樹 他們還會(huì)想 當(dāng)圣誕老人想騙 我們的時(shí)候用哪個(gè)名字 你希望我跟你一起去嗎? 這是真的? 先告訴答案 待在那自己多保重 明天我們可以在一起 好吧 巴尼好些了嗎? 你指的是那個(gè)在生病 還牢騷滿腹的那個(gè)? 他騷擾我所以我在他的松果菊茶里 加了點(diǎn)可待因 你會(huì)成為一個(gè)偉大的母親 天啊奇妙的圣誕到來了 感謝上帝我們沒有交物管費(fèi) 圣誕快樂! 盒子里有什么? 最好的禮物送給最完美的你 找到它花了我一整天的時(shí)間 我以為你在考試 不是我沒有考 我將參加補(bǔ)考 學(xué)校里的事情不是最重要的 那些在房頂上 噼啪作響的是什么? 聽上去像圣誕節(jié)的恐怖故事 是關(guān)于煙囪出來的怪物的? 為什么是的 有這么個(gè)故事 圣誕的兩天前... 他說五天前就會(huì)到的 但是它變更了時(shí)間 不見了 我問了兩家分理處 最后他們說包裹在這里 我所要知道的就是運(yùn)單號碼 上面說你的包裹剛剛 向波基普西的分理處寄出的 什么? 不不我今天就要那個(gè)包裹 五分鐘前車已經(jīng)開了 除非你愿意去追... 停車!停車! 停車!請停車! 把車停下 你車上有我想要的包裹 我可以看看后面嗎? 可以啊但是我可不能停車 我已經(jīng)慢了 還好嗎? 很好 太感謝你的幫助了 幫我完成我美好的圣誕 沒關(guān)系 可惜我在今天結(jié)束的時(shí)候不能 把這些東西全部送到客戶手里了 你的意思是有些人 不能準(zhǔn)時(shí)拿到圣誕禮物? 很可惜是的 我們送完了車上的每一個(gè)包裹 但是我還有一個(gè)包裹需要送 是的我做到了 圣誕快樂 -親愛的打開它 -好的 上帝啊 快速烤面包機(jī) 但我還是個(gè)小孩的時(shí)候 我就想要一個(gè) 就是這個(gè)東西 我從來都沒有跟你說過 你怎么知道的? 這是我們和好之后的第一個(gè)圣誕 我向送她點(diǎn)與眾不同的 所以我想送他個(gè)自動(dòng)點(diǎn)唱機(jī) 確實(shí)是個(gè)好禮物 不是啦它只有這么大 還是用來裝口香糖的 兄弟我知道你送她么最好了 是她最想要的 準(zhǔn)備好了? 八年前 當(dāng)我還是個(gè)孩子的時(shí)候 快速烤面包機(jī)就是我最想要的 我一再的要求我 那位女權(quán)主義的母親 最后我得到的是 傻啦吧唧的樂高積木 她不想讓我成為一個(gè)傳統(tǒng)的女性 快速烤面包機(jī) 這就是我叫做的前衛(wèi) 哥們...音樂會(huì)怎么樣? 我在外面找不到入口 我簡直不能相信泰德 居然還記得那么多年前的事情 是啊在除去了 所有亂七八糟的東西之后 他去哪了? 斯塔藤島 為什么? 我沒有告訴你們的媽媽 但是我給你們帶禮物了 就像上帝的愛那種禮物? 不是小朋友 是真正的禮物 泰德叔叔給我們帶禮物了! 泰德這很好我們可以 把禮物給慈善團(tuán)體 不是你查瑞迪 我指的是那些不幸的人 泰德今晚你想說些什么? 你知道嗎?你為什么不自己說呢? 我真不知道該說什么 你為什么不背誦圣經(jīng)里 你最喜歡的那一篇? 查瑞迪好主意 但是事實(shí)上我不知道 我的意思是你怎么確定你最歡的? 這個(gè)是圣經(jīng)里面 有太多太多的經(jīng)典了... 黑色通緝令那節(jié)很不錯(cuò) 我去開門查瑞迪你來吧 偉大的主今天我們在這感謝你 感謝你讓一家人團(tuán)聚 阿門 泰德誰來了? 是...是唱詩的 請接受我得道歉 對不起泰德 我接受你的道歉 把啤酒給我 看見你們真的很高興 你回家嗎? 當(dāng)然 但是首先莉莉 我欠你個(gè)對不起 看在上帝的面份上 你像我一樣厭惡道歉? 是的! 我們能不能忘記那些 直接原諒對方? 是的 我保證我永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì) 再用那個(gè)詞來罵你 好吧 我確實(shí)是爛人 什么是爛人? 沒什么是些 你不應(yīng)該說的的詞 媽媽什么是爛人? 爛人爛人爛人... 圣誕快樂 跑快跑 馬修圣誕快樂 第12集Kids,youremember myfirstdaywithRobin. -IthinkI'minlovewithyou. -What?! Well,here'sthething,normalpeople, youknow,peoplewhoaren'tyourdad, usuallytakelongertosay"Iloveyou." Robinwentthroughtheusualstages. -Spider!Spider! -Ileftsomethinginthehallway. -Where? -Rightthere. Gotit. Firstthere'sthemoment whenyouthinkyouthinkit. Whoa,stillalive. There'sthemoment youthinkyouknowit. Oh,youdon'twanttokissme, you'llgetsick. Totallyworthit. There'sthemomentwhereyouknow youknowit,butyoucan'tyetsayit. Allright,it'sgettingtobethattime. I'lltalktoyoutomorrow? Goodnight. Goodnight. Wait,Ted? Yeah? Goodnight. Well,great,I'llseeyouthen. Bye,sweetie. Hey.Guesswhat? MysisterKatieiscoming tovisitnextweekend. ShegetsinonThursday. That'sawesome. YouknowwhatI'mgoingtodo? I'mgoingtotakeoffworkFriday. We'regonnatakeher totheEmpireStateBuilding. Really?You'ddothat? Ofcourse.Everyoneshouldsee theEmpireStateBuilding. Andthenthere'sthemoment whereyouknowyouknowit, andyoucan'tkeepitinanylonger. -Ted. -Yeah? Falafel. -Falafel? -Falafel. InsteadoftellingTedyoulovehim, yousaid"falafel"? -Itotallychoked. -Ijustdon'tgetit. Whycan'tyoutellTedyoulovehim? Oh,comeon,thisisabigdealforme. Oh,God,you'dthinkyounever saidittoaguybefore. No. Okay,well,Idon'tusuallyget thisfarintherelationship. Iusuallytakethethree-weekexit. Don'ttellmeyou'reactuallybuying intoBarney'sfreewaytheory. Watchyourstepswhenyougetup,kids, 'causeIamabouttodropsomeknowledge. Relationshipsarelikeafreeway. Waitaminute,amonthagoyoutoldme relationshipsarelikeatravelingcircus. No,thisisnew. Thistrumpsthat. Freewayshaveexits. Sodorelationships. Thefirstexit,mypersonalfavorite, issixhoursin. Youmeet,youtalk,youhavesex, youexitwhenshe'sintheshower. Soeverygirlyouhavesexwithfeels theimmediateneedtoshower? Actually,yeah,Igetthat. Thenextexitsarefourdays, threeweeks,sevenmonths-- that'swhenyouguysaregonna breakup,markyourcalendars. What? Thenayearandahalf,18years, andthelastexit--death. Which,ifyou'vebeenwiththesamewoman foryourentirelife, it'slike,"Arewethereyet?" SoI'veneverbeenonthefreeway thislongbefore. Imean,usuallybynowIfindout theguyhassomeweirdpersonalitything thatmakesmewant totakethenextexit. Yeah,beenthere. Ioncedatedaguywhocouldonlygoto thebathroomwhenclassicalmusicwasplaying. Okay,itwasMarshall. It'sjustthingsaregoingsowellwith TedIjustdon'twanttocomplicateit. Relax,it'llhappenwhenithappens. WhichisalsotheadviceIgaveMarshall togethimovertheclassicalmusicthing. Oh,herecomesKatie. -Aw,yoursister'ssocute. -Yeah. ThisremindsmeofwhenIusedtosee hercomingupthedrivewayfromschool, withherlittlepigtails andherHelloKittybackpack. -Hello,Kitty. -Oh,no. No.No.No. -Hey,Robin.Howareyou? -Oh,good.Good. So,whoisthis...tongueperson? Robin,thisismyboyfriendKyle. Lookslikehotnessrunsinthefamily. Oh,yousaidthat. Great. Sohowlonghaveyoutwobeen...? -Twowholemonths. -Yeah. He'sactuallycomingtovisit familyinNewYork,too. Isn'tthatgreat? Mycousin.He's23,kindofawad, buthebuysmebeer,so... That'scool. ThisismyfriendLily. Hot. Yousaythings! Well,comeon,let'sgetyouback tomyplace,we'llgetyousettled. Um,actually,I'mgoing tostaywithKyletonight. -Uh,no,you'renot. -Oh,comeon. It'skindofaspecialnight. IfyouknowwhatImean. What? Oh.Oh... Ican'tbelievemybabysisterisplanning tolosehervirginitytoa... ...douchewithafauxhawk. Thiscan'thappen. Youguyshavetohelpme talkheroutofit. Speechtotalkagirloutofhavingsex. Yeah,Idon'thaveanyofthose. Discouragingpremaritalsex isagainstmyreligion. Please?I'mheroldersister. I'msupposedtoteachherhowtomake goodandresponsibledecisions. It's2:00andyou'vealready hadthreescotchandsodas. That'swhyIneedyourhelp. RobinconvincedKatietostaywithher thatfirstnight. Andthenextday,Itookeverybody totheEmpireStateBuilding. Youguysarelucky youcameherewithanarchitect. EmpireStateBuildingfun factnumberone: Whenconstructionbegan onMarch17,1930, theframeworkroseatarate offourandahalfstoriesperweek. Fourandahalfstoriesperweek. Fourandahalfstoriesperweek. Thereitis. Thereitis.Comeon. Thesearefunfacts,guys, let'shavefunwiththem. Youknow,Katie,Ihavewantedtocome totheEmpireStateBuildingforsolong, butIwaitedtocomehere withsomeonespecial. Oh,herewego. MarshallandIhaveneverbeento theEmpireStateBuildingeither. ButI'msogladIwaitedtodosomething soimportantwithmyfianc? Speakingofwaiting,Isigned anabstinencepledgeinhighschool. It'stotallycooltowait. Andstayawayfromdrugs... otherthanpot. -Youtoldthem? -Oh,okay,yes,Itoldthem. ButonlybecauseIthinkyoushould hearitfromothergrownups,too. Everyonethinksyoushouldwait. Right,guys? -Totally.Youshouldwait. -Sexisfun. See? Youaresuchahypocrite. Youwereonly16whenyoulostyours. Well,howdoyouknowthat? Youleftyourdiaryinyouroldroom slashmynewroom. I'llpayyou$10,000forthatdiary. Look,I'vebeendatingKyle fortwomonthsnow. It'slikeforever. Imean,we'vealready