Power+of+Now《當下的力量》英文版

ThePowerofNow

CONTENTS

AboutthisBook

AbouttheAuthor

Acclaim

Preface

Foreword

Acknowledgments

Introduction

TheOriginofThisBook

TheTruthThatIsWithinYou

CHAPTERONE:YouAreNotYourMind

TheGreatestObstacletoEnlightenment

FreeingYourselffromYourMind

Enlightenment:RisingaboveThought

Emotion:TheBody'sReactiontoYourMind

CHAPTERTWO:Consciousness:TheWayOutofPain

CreateNoMorePaininthePresent

PastPain:DissolvingthePain-Body

EgoIdentificationwiththePain-Body

TheOriginofFear

TheEgo'sSearchforWholeness

CHAPTERTHREE:MovingDeeplyintotheNow

Don'tSeekYourSelfintheMind

EndtheDelusionofTime

NothingExistsOutsidetheNow

TheKeytotheSpiritualDimension

AccessingthePoweroftheNow

LettingGoofPsychologicalTime

TheInsanityofPsychologicalTime

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NegativityandSufferingHaveTheirRootsinTime

FindingtheLifeUnderneathYourLifeSituation

AllProblemsAreIllusionsoftheMind

AQuantumLeapintheEvolutionofConsciousness

TheJoyofBeing

CHAPTERFOUR:MindStrategiesforAvoidingtheNow

LossofNow:TheCoreDelusion

OrdinaryUnconsciousnessandDeepUnconsciousness

WhatAreTheySeeking?

DissolvingOrdinaryUnconsciousness

FreedomfromUnhappiness

WhereverYouAre,BeThereTotally

TheInnerPurposeofYourLife'sJourney

ThePastCannotSurviveinYourPresence

CHAPTERFIVE:TheStateofPresence

It'sNotWhatYouThinkItIs

TheEsotericMeaningof"Waiting"

BeautyArisesintheStillnessofYourPresence

RealizingPureConsciousness

Christ:TheRealityofYourDivinePresence

CHAPTERSIX:TheInnerBody

BeingIsYourDeepestSelf

LookbeyondtheWords

FindingYourInvisibleandIndestructibleReality

ConnectingwiththeInnerBody

TransformationthroughtheBody

SermonontheBody

HaveDeepRootsWithin

BeforeYouEntertheBody,Forgive

YourLinkwiththeUnmanifested

SlowingDowntheAgingProcess

StrengtheningtheImmuneSystem

LettheBreathTakeYouintotheBody

CreativeUseofMind

TheArtofListening

CHAPTERSEVEN:PortalsintotheUnmanifested

GoingDeeplyintotheBody

TheSourceofChi

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DreamlessSleep

OtherPortals

Silence

Space

TheTrueNatureofSpaceandTime

ConsciousDeath

CHAPTEREIGHT:EnlightenedRelationships

EntertheNowfromWhereverYouAre

Love/HateRelationships

AddictionandtheSearchforWholeness

FromAddictivetoEnlightenedRelationships

RelationshipsasSpiritualPractice

WhyWomenAreClosertoEnlightenment

DissolvingtheCollectiveFemalePain-Body

GiveUptheRelationshipwithYourself

CHAPTERNINE:BeyondHappinessandUnhappinessThereIsPeace

TheHigherGoodbeyondGoodandBad

TheEndofYourLifeDrama

ImpermanenceandtheCyclesofLife

UsingandRelinquishingNegativity

TheNatureofCompassion

TowardaDifferentOrderofReality

CHAPTERTEN:TheMeaningofSurrender

AcceptanceoftheNow

FromMindEnergytoSpiritualEnergy

SurrenderinPersonalRelationships

TransformingIllnessintoEnlightenment

WhenDisasterStrikes

TransformingSufferingintoPeace

TheWayoftheCross

ThePowertoChoose

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AboutthisBook

TomakethejourneyintoThePowerofNowwewillneedto

leaveouranalyticalmindanditsfalsecreatedself,theego,

behind.Fromthebeginningofthefirstchapterwemove

rapidlyintoasignificantlyhigheraltitudewhereonebreathes

alighterair,theairofthespiritual.Althoughthejourneyis

challenging,EckhartTolleofferssimplelanguageanda

questionandanswerformattoguideus.Thewords

themselvesarethesignposts.

Formanyofustherearenewdiscoveriestobemade

alongtheway:wearenotourmind;wecanfindourwayout

ofpsychologicalpain;authentichumanpowerisfoundby

surrenderingtotheNow.Wealsofindoutthatthebodyis

actuallyoneofthekeystoentryintoastateofinnerpeace,

asarethesilenceandspaceallaroundus.Indeed,accessis

everywhereavailable.Theseaccesspoints,orportals,canall

beusedtobringusintotheNow,thepresentmoment,where

problemsdonotexist.Itisherewefindourjoyandareable

toembraceourtrueselves.Itisherewediscoverthatweare

alreadycompleteandperfect.

Manyofuswillfindthatourbiggestobstacletothis

realizationisourrelationships,especiallyourintimate

relationships.Butagain,wearein"newterritory"andallis

notwhatithadseemedbefore.Wecometoseethatour

relationshipsareyetanotherdoorwayintospiritual

enlightenmentifweusethemwisely,meaningifweuse

themtobecomemoreconsciousandthereforemoreloving

humanbeings.Theresult?Realcommunionbetweenself

andothers.

Ifweareabletobefullypresentandtakeeachstepin

theNow;ifweareabletofeeltherealityofsuchthingsas

the"inner-body,""surrender,""forgiveness,"andthe

"Unmanifested,"wewillbeopeningourselvestothe

transformingexperienceofThePowerofNow.

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AbouttheAuthor

EckhartTollewasborninGermany,wherehespentthefirstthirteenyearsofhislife.AftergraduatingfromtheUniversityofLondon,hewasaresearchscholarandsupervisoratCambridgeUniversity.Whenhewas

twenty-nine,aprofoundspiritualtransformationvirtuallydissolvedhisoldidentityandradicallychangedthecourseofhislife.

Thenextfewyearsweredevotedtounderstanding,integrating,anddeepeningthattransformation,whichmarkedthebeginningofanintenseinwardjourney.

Eckhartisnotalignedwithanyparticularreligionortradition.Inhisteaching,heconveysasimpleyetprofoundmessagewiththetimelessanduncomplicatedclarityoftheancientspiritualmasters:thereisawayoutofsufferingandintopeace.

Eckhartiscurrentlytravelingextensively,takinghisteachingsandhispresencethroughouttheworld.HehaslivedinVancouver,Canada,since1996.

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Acclaimfor“ThePowerofNow”

"IfIwereallottedonlyonebook,Iwouldchoose

EckhartTolle'sThePowerofNow.Why?Becausethisbook

emanatesaspiritoflove,notonlythroughitswords,butin

thespacesbetweenthewords.Nobookhastouchedme,nor

embracedmeasthisonehas."

—PatriciaGordon,Calgary,Alberta

"Thisbookoffersusawonderfulgift,butwemusthave

thecouragetoseizeit.Iencourageyoutoacceptthisgift.I

believeourverysurvivalonthisplanetisdependentonthe

innerjourneythatEckhartTolleisurgingustotake."

—BillCarpenter,BusinessmanandFellowSpiritualSeeker

"Ifoundthisbooktobeawonderfulperspectivefor

peoplelikemewhowishtointegratethemessagedelivered

soeloquentlybyACourseinMiraclesandDeepakChopra's

SevenSpiritualLawsofSuccess.EverytimeIreturntoa

segmentofthebook,Iamsurprisedtofindanewdeeper

meaningthanthepreviousread."

—Jean-PierreLeBlanc,CEO,SAJE(manufacturerandretailchainofnaturalhealthproducts)

"Thismanuscriptislikeacollectionof'DailyBread'in

thatthegleaningsofknowledgethataremadeavailableby

Eckhartareinaspirituallydigestibleformofquestionand

answer.Theseconsciousawarenesstriggersareamustread

inthispresentageoftruthseekers."

—DavidL.Jones,authorofAWarriorintheLandofDisease

"Thebookgavemecomfortandinspiredmenoend

andgavemeinsightafterinsightregardingmyownpersonal

journey.Itwasarevelationandajoytoread."

—AlbertKoopman,BusinessExecutive

"Ihavesearchedformeaning,well-being,healthand

life,butunfortunatelyIwassearchingoutsidemyself.The

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PowerofNowhasshownmehowtofindlife'selusive

treasureswithin."

—JohnKuchenthal,OrganizationalDevelopmentConsultant

"Iheartlyrecommendthisprofoundlyinspiringbookto

allseekerstoday."

—LamaSuryaDas,authorofAwakeningtheBuddhaWithin

"...aremindertobetrulypresentinourownlivesand

liberatedfromourpastandfuture.Itcantransformyour

thinking.Theresult?Morejoy,rightnow!"

—O:TheOPRAHMagazine

"Tollehassucceededontwofronts:synthesizingthe

teachingsofmasterssuchasJesusandtheBuddhaintoan

easilyaccessibleguidetoachievingspiritualconsciousness

andmakingastrongcasethattheinabilityofhumanstofree

themselvesfromdominancebythemindandliveinthe

presentistherootcauseformiseryintheworld....He

makesenlightenmentseemattainableandnecessaryforboth

individualpeaceandthehealthoftheplanet."

—ForeWordMagazine

"Fresh,revealing,current,newinspiration.Outofthe

manyspiritualbooksthatcrossmydeskthisonestandsout

fromtheflock....Ifyouareconsideringgettingbackin

touchwithyoursoul,thisbookisagreatcompanion."

—CommonGround,Vancouver,BritishColumbia

"Withintenseandcompellingclarity,Tolle'sguidance

holdsthepromiseofleadingustoourownbestandhighest

placewithin,toresonatewithandreflecttheenergyoftrue

transformation."

—SpiritofChangeMagazine

"Thisseemstobethe'rightbook'formanypeopleat

thispointintime.Thewritingisclearasabell;thewords

ringtrue.Trulyanexceptionalbookthatpromisestomakea

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realdifferenceinpeople'slives."

—TomOakley,BanyenBooks,Vancouver,BritishColumbia

8

PUBLISHER'SPREFACE

BYMARCALLEN

AuthorofVisionaryBusinessandAVisionaryLife

Perhapsonceinadecade,orevenonceinageneration,a

booklikeThePowerofNowcomesalong.Itismorethana

book;thereisalivingenergyinit,oneyoucanprobablyfeel

asyouholdit.Ithasthepowertocreateanexperiencein

readers,andchangetheirlivesforthebetter.

ThePowerofNowwasfirstpublishedinCanada,and

theCanadianpublisher,ConnieKellough,toldmesheheard

repeatedstoriesofpositivechangesandevenmiraclesthat

havehappenedoncepeoplegotintothebook."Readerscall

in,"shesaid."Andsomanyofthemtellmeofthewonderful

healings,transformations,andincreasedjoytheyare

experiencingbecausetheyhaveembracedthisbook."

Thebookmakesmeawarethateverymomentofmy

lifeisamiracle.Thisisabsolutelytrue,whetherIrealizeit

ornot.AndThePowerofNow,overandover,showsme

howtorealizeit.

Fromthefirstpageofhiswriting,itisclearthatEckhart

Tolleisacontemporarymaster.Heisnotalignedwithany

particularreligionordoctrineorguru;histeachingembraces

theheart,theessence,ofallothertraditions,andcontradicts

noneofthem—Christian,Hindu,Buddhist,Muslim,indigenous,oranythingelse.Heisabletodowhatallthe

greatmastershavedone:toshowus,insimpleandclear

language,thattheway,thetruth,andthelightiswithinus.

EckhartTollebeginsbybrieflyintroducingustohis

story—astoryofearlydepressionanddespairthat

culminatedinatremendousexperienceofawakeningone

nightnotlongafterhistwenty-ninthbirthday.Forthepast

twentyyears,hehasreflectedonthatexperience,meditated,

anddeepenedhisunderstanding.

Inthelastdecade,hehasbecomeaworld-classteacher,

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agreatsoulwithagreatmessage,onethatChristtaught,one

thatBuddhataught:astateofenlightenmentisattainable,

hereandnow.Itispossibletolivefreeofsuffering,freeof

anxietyandneurosis.Todothis,wehavetocometo

understandourroleasthecreatorofourpain;ourownmind

causesourproblems,nototherpeople,not"theworldout

there."Itisourownmind,withitsnearlyconstantstreamof

thoughts,thinkingaboutthepast,worryingaboutthefuture.

Wemakethegreatmistakeofidentifyingwithourmind,

thinkingthat’swhoweare—when,infact,wearefar

greaterbeings.

Overandover,EckhartTolleshowsushowtoconnect

withwhathecallsourBeing:

Beingistheeternal,ever-presentOneLifebeyond

themyriadformsoflifethataresubjecttobirthand

death.However,Beingisnotonlybeyondbutalso

deepwithineveryformasitsinnermostinvisibleand

indestructibleessence.Thismeansthatitisaccessible

toyounowasyourowndeepestself,yourtruenature.

Butdon'tseektograspitwithyourmind.Don’ttryto

understandit.Youcanknowitonlywhenthemindis

still,whenyouarepresent,fullyandintenselyinthe

Now....ToregainawarenessofBeingandtoabide

inthatstateof'feeling-realization'isenlightenment.

ThePowerofNowisnearlyimpossibletoreadstraight

through—itrequiresyoutoputitdownperiodicallyandreflectonthewordsandapplythemtoyourownlife

experience.Itisacompleteguide,acompletecourse,in

meditationandrealization.Itisabooktoberevisitedagain

andagain—andeachtimeyourevisitit,yougainnewdepthandmeaning.Itisabookthatmanypeople,includingme,

willwanttostudyforalifetime.

ThePowerofNowhasagrowingnumberofdevoted

readers.Ithasalreadybeencalledamasterpiece;whateverit

iscalled,howeveritisdescribed,itisabookwiththepower

10

tochangelives,thepowertoawakenustofullyrealizewho

weare.

MarcAllen

Novato,CaliforniaU.S.A.

AugustI999

11

FOREWORD

BYRUSSELLE.DICARLO

AuthorofTowardsaNewWorldView

Blanketedbyanazuresky,theorange-yellowraysofthesettingsuncan,atspecialtimes,giftuswithamomentofsuchconsiderablebeauty,wefindourselvesmomentarilystunned,withfrozengaze.Thesplendorofthemomentsodazzlesus,ourcompulsivelychatteringmindsgivepause,soasnottomentallywhiskusawaytoaplaceotherthanthehere-and-now.Bathedinluminescence,adoorseemstoopentoanotherreality,alwayspresent,yetrarelywitnessed.

AbrahamMaslowcalledthese"peakexperiences,"sincetheyrepresentthehighmomentsoflifewherewejoyfullyfindourselvescatapultedbeyondtheconfinesofthemundaneandordinary.Hemightjustaswellhavecalledthem"peek"experiences.Duringtheseexpansiveoccasions,wesneakaglimpseoftheeternalrealmofBeingitself.Ifonlyforabriefmomentintime,wecomehometoourTrue

Self.

"Ah,"onemightsigh,"sogrand...ifonlyIcouldstayhere.ButhowdoItakeuppermanentresidence?"

Duringthepasttenyears,Ihavecommittedmyselftofindingout.Duringmysearch,Ihavebeenhonoredtoengageindialoguewithsomeofthemostdaring,inspiringandinsightful"paradigmpioneers"ofourtime:inmedicine,science,psychology,business,religion/spirituality,andhumanpotential.Thisdiversegroupofindividualsisjoinedbytheircommonlyvoicedinsightthathumanityisnowtakingaquantumleapforwardinitsevolutionarydevelopment.Thischangeisaccompaniedbyashiftinworldview—thebasicpicturewecarrywithusof"thewaythings

are."Aworldviewseekstoanswertwofundamentalquestions,"Whoarewe?"and"WhatisthenatureoftheUniverseinwhichwelive?"Ouranswerstothesequestionsdictatethequalityandcharacteristicsofourpersonal

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relationshipswithfamily,friendsandemployers/employees.

Whenconsideredonalargerscale,theydefinesocieties.

Itshouldbeoflittlesurprisethattheworldviewwhich

isemergingcallsintoquestionmanyofthethingsWestern

societyholdstobetrue:

Humanityhasreachedthepinnacleofits

development.

Esalenco-founderMichaelMurphy,drawingupon

comparativereligiousstudies,medicalscience,anthropology,

andsports,hasmadeaprovocativecasethattherearemore

advancedstagesofhumandevelopment.Asapersonreaches

theseadvancedlevelsofspiritualmaturity,extraordinary

capacitiesbegintoblossom—oflove,vitality,personhood,

bodilyawareness,intuition,perception,communication,and

volition.

Firststep:torecognizetheyexist.Mostpeopledonot.

Then,methodscanbeemployedwithconsciousintention.

Wearecompletelyseparatefromeachother,nature,

andtheKosmos.

Thismythof"other-than-me"hasbeenresponsibleforwars,

therapeoftheplanet,andallformsandexpressionsof

humaninjustice.Afteralt,whointheirrightmindwould

harmanotheriftheyexperiencedthatpersonaspartof

themselves?StanGrof,inhisresearchofnon-ordinarystates

ofconsciousness,summarizesbysaying"thepsycheand

consciousnessofeachofusis,inthelastanalysis,

commensuratewith"All-That-Is"becausethereareno

absoluteboundariesbetweenthebody/egoandthetotalityof

existence."

Dr.LarryDossey'sEra-3medicine,wherethethoughts,attitudes,andhealingintentionsofoneindividualcan

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influencethephysiologyofanotherperson(incontrastto

Era-z,prevailingmind-bodymedicine)isverywell

supportedbyscientificstudiesintothehealingpowerof

prayer.Nowthiscan'thappenaccordingtotheknown

principlesofphysicsandworldviewoftraditionalscience.

Yetthepreponderanceofevidencesuggeststhatindeedit

does.

Thephysicalworldisallthereis.

Materialisticallybound,traditionalscienceassumesthat

anythingthatcannotbemeasured,testedinalaboratory,or

probedbythefivesensesortheirtechnologicalextensions

simplydoesn'texist.Ifs"notreal."Theconsequence:allof

realityhasbeencollapsedintophysicalreality.Spiritual,or

whatIwouldcallnonphysical,dimensionsofrealityhave

beenrunoutoftown.

Thisclasheswiththe"perennialphilosophy,"that

philosophicalconsensusspanningages,religions,traditions,

andcultures,whichdescribesdifferentbutcontinuous

dimensionsofreality.Theserunfromthemostdenseand

leastconscious—whatwe'dcall"matter"—totheleast

denseandmostconscious,whichwe'dcallspiritual.

Interestinglyenough,thisextended,multidimensional

modelofrealityissuggestedbyquantumtheoristssuchas

JackScarfettiwhodescribessuperluminaltravel.Other

dimensionsofrealityareusedtoexplaintravelthatoccurs

fasterthanthespeedoflight—theultimateofspeedlimits.

Orconsidertheworkofthelegendaryphysicist,David

Bohm,withhisexplicate(physical)andimplicate

(non-physical)multidimensionalmodelofreality.

Thisisnomeretheory—thei982AspectExperiment

inFrancedemonstrated,thattwoonce-connectedquantum

particlesseparatedbyvastdistancesremainedsomehow

connected.Ifoneparticlewaschanged,theotherchanged—

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instantly.Scientistsdon'tknowthemechanicsofhowthis

faster-than-the-speed-of-lighttravelcanhappen,though

sometheoristssuggestthatthisconnectiontakesplacevia

doorwaysintohigherdimensions.

Socontrarytowhatthosewhopledgetheirallegiancetothetraditionalparadigmmightthink,theinfluential,

pioneeringindividualsIspokewithfeltthatwehavenot

reachedthepinnacleofhumandevelopment,weare

connected,ratherthanseparate,fromalloflife,andthatthe

fullspectrumofconsciousnessencompassesbothphysical

andamultitudeofnonphysicaldimensionsofreality.

Atcore,thisnewworldviewinvolvesseeingyourself,others,

andalloflife,notthroughtheeyesofoursmall,earthlyselfthatlivesintimeandisbornintime.Butratherthroughthe

eyesofthesoul,ourBeing,theTrueSelf.Onebyone,

peoplearejumpingtothishigherorbit.

Withhisbook,ThePowerofNow,EckhartTolle

rightfullytakeshisplaceamongthisspecialgroupof

world-classteachers.Eckhart’smessage:theproblemof

humanityisdeeplyrootedintheminditself.Orrather,our

misidentificationwithmind.

Ourdriftingawareness,ourtendencytotakethepath

ofleastresistancebybeinglessthanfullyawaketothe

presentmoment,createsavoid.Andthetime-boundmind,

whichhasbeendesignedtobeausefulservant,compensates

byproclaimingitselfmaster.Likeabutterflyflitteringfrom

oneflowertoanother,themindengagespastexperiencesor,

projectingitsownmade-for-televisionmovie,anticipates

whatistocome.Seldomdowefindourselvesrestinginthe

oceanicdepthofthehereandnow.Foritishere—inthe

Now—wherewefindourTrueSelf,whichliesbehindour

physicalbody,shiftingemotions,andchatteringmind.

Thecrowninggloryofhumandevelopmentrestsnotin

ourabilitytoreasonandthink,thoughthisiswhat

distinguishesusfromanimals.Intellect,likeinstinct,is

merelyapointalongtheway.Ourultimatedestinyisto

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re-connectwithouressentialBeingandexpressfromour

extraordinary,divinerealityintheordinaryphysicalworld,

momentbymoment.Easytosay,yetrarearethosewhohave

attainedthefurtherreachesofhumandevelopment.

Fortunately,thereareguidesandteacherstohelpus

alongtheway.Asateacherandguide,Eckhart'sformidable

powerliesnotinhisadeptabilitytodelightuswith

entertainingstories,maketheabstractconcrete,orprovide

usefultechnique.Rather,hismagicisseatedinhispersonal

experience,asonewhoknows.Asaresult,thereisapower

behindhiswordsfoundonlyinthemostcelebratedof

spiritualteachers.BylivingfromthedepthsofthisGreater

Reality,Eckhartclearsanenergeticpathwayforothersto

joinhim.

Andwhatifothersdo?Surelytheworldasweknowit

wouldchangeforthebetter.Valueswouldshiftinthe

flotsamofvanishingfearsthathavebeenfunneledaway

throughthewhirlpoolofBeingitself.Anewcivilization

wouldbeborn.

"Where'stheproofofthisGreaterReality?"youask.I

offeronlyananalogy.Abatteryofscientistscangettogether

andtellyouaboutallthescientificproofforthefactthat

bananasarebitter.Butallyouhavetodoistasteone,once,

torealizethatthereisthiswholeotheraspecttobananas.

Ultimately,proofliesnotinintellectualarguments,butin

beingtouchedinsomewaybythesacredwithinandwithout.

EckhartTollemasterfullyopensustothatpossibility.

RussellE.DiCarlo

Author,TowardsaNewWorldView:

ConversationsattheLeadingEdge

Erie,PennsylvaniaU.S.A.

January1998

16

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

IamdeeplythankfultoConnieKelloughforherloving

supportandhervitalpartintransformingthemanuscriptinto

thisbookandbringingitoutintotheworld.Itisajoyto

workwithher.

IextendmygratitudetoCoreaLadnerandthose

wonderfulpeoplewhohavecontributedtothisbookby

givingmespace,thatmostpreciousofgifts—spacetowrite

andspacetobe.ThankyoutoAdrienneBradleyin

Vancouver,toMargaretMillerinLondonandAngie

FrancescoinGlastonbury,England,RichardinMenloPark

andRennieFrumkininSausalito,California.

IamalsothankfultoShirleySpaxmanandHoward

Kelloughfortheirearlyreviewofthemanuscriptandhelpful

feedbackaswellastothoseindividualswhowerekind

enoughtoreviewthemanuscriptatalaterstageandprovide

additionalinput.ThankyoutoRoseDendewichfor

word-processingthemanuscriptinheruniquecheerfuland

professionalmanner.

Finally,Iwouldliketoexpressmyloveandgratitudeto

mymotherandfather,withoutwhomthisbookwouldnot

havecomeintoexistence,tomyspiritualteachers,andtothe

greatestguruofall:life.

Youareheretoenablethedivine

purposeoftheuniversetounfold.

Thatishowimportantyouare!

—EckhartTolle

17

INTRODUCTION

THEORIGINOFTHISBOOK

Ihavelittleuseforthepastandrarelythinkaboutit;however,IwouldbrieflyliketotellyouhowIcametobeaspiritualteacherandhowthisbookcameintoexistence.

Untilmythirtiethyear,Ilivedinastateofalmostcontinuousanxietyinterspersedwithperiodsofsuicidaldepression.ItfeelsnowasifIamtalkingaboutsomepastlifetimeorsomebodyelse'slife.

Onenightnotlongaftermytwenty-ninthbirthday,Iwokeupintheearlyhourswithafeelingofabsolutedread.Ihadwokenupwithsuchafeelingmanytimesbefore,butthistimeitwasmoreintensethanithadeverbeen.Thesilenceofthenight,thevagueoutlinesofthefurnitureinthedarkroom,thedistantnoiseofapassingtraineverythingfeltsoalien,sohostile,andsoutterlymeaninglessthatitcreatedinmeadeeploathingoftheworld.Themostloathsomethingofall,however,wasmyownexistence.Whatwasthepointmcontinuingtolivewiththisburdenofmisery?Whycarryonwiththiscontinuousstruggle?Icouldfeelthatadeeplongingforannihilation,fornonexistence,wasnowbecomingmuchstrongerthantheinstinctivedesiretocontinuetolive.

"Icannotlivewithmyselfanylonger."Thiswasthe

thoughtthatkeptrepeatingitselfinmymind.ThensuddenlyIbecameawareofwhatapeculiarthoughtitwas."AmIoneortwo?IfIcannotlivewithmyself,theremustbetwoofme:the'I'andthe'self'that'I'cannotlivewith.""Maybe,"Ithought,"onlyoneofthemisreal."

Iwassostunnedbythisstrangerealizationthatmy

mindstopped.Iwasfullyconscious,buttherewerenomorethoughts.ThenIfeltdrawnintowhatseemedlikeavortexof

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energy.Itwasaslowmovementatfirstandthenaccelerated.Iwasgrippedbyanintensefear,andmybodystartedtoshake.Iheardthewords"resistnothing,"asifspokeninsidemychest.Icouldfeelmyselfbeingsuckedintoavoid.Itfeltasifthevoidwasinsidemyselfratherthanoutside.Suddenly,therewasnomorefear,andIletmyselffallintothatvoid.Ihavenorecollectionofwhathappenedafterthat.

Iwasawakenedbythechirpingofabirdoutsidethewindow.Ihadneverheardsuchasoundbefore.Myeyeswerestillclosed,andIsawtheimageofapreciousdiamond.Yes,ifadiamondcouldmakeasound,thisiswhatitwouldbelike.Iopenedmyeyes.Thefirstlightofdawnwasfilteringthroughthecurtains.Withoutanythought,Ifelt,Iknew,thatthereisinfinitelymoretolightthanwerealize.Thatsoftluminosityfilteringthroughthecurtainswasloveitself.Tearscameintomyeyes.Igotupandwalkedaroundtheroom.Irecognizedtheroom,andyetIknewthatIhadnevertrulyseenitbefore.Everythingwasfreshandpristine,asifithadjustcomeintoexistence.Ipickedupthings,apencil,anemptybottle,marvelingatthebeautyandalivenessofitall.

ThatdayIwalkedaroundthecityinutteramazementat

themiracleoflifeonearth,asifIhadjustbeenbornintothisworld.

Forthenextfivemonths,Ilivedinastateof

uninterrupteddeeppeaceandbliss.Afterthat,itdiminishedsomewhatinintensity,orperhapsitjustseemedtobecauseitbecamemynaturalstate.Icouldstillfunctionintheworld,althoughIrealizedthatnothingIeverdidcouldpossiblyadd

anythingtowhatIalreadyhad.

Iknew,ofcourse,thatsomethingprofoundlysigni