《老爸老媽浪漫史 第六季 第11-15集》英中字幕

===《老爸老媽浪漫史第六季第11-15集》英中字幕=========目錄第11集 2第12集 15第13集 28第14集 41第15集 52

第11集Kids,inthewinterof2010,孩子們2010年的冬天wehadanewadditiontoourlittlegroup我們的小團(tuán)體加入的新成員Zoey.蘇伊Zoeywasmarriedto..蘇伊有個(gè)老公TheCaptain.自稱船長Boys!Greattoseeyou!孩子們很高興見到你們Lookingsmart.小伙兒挺帥啊Haveawonderfultimetonight,okay?今晚玩得開心點(diǎn)好咩Okay.很好Thatmanisterrifying.這位仁兄太可怕了Everythinghesaidwasnice,butIamprofoundlyscared.他說的話都很友善可我咋就頭皮發(fā)麻呢Keepsmiling.Hecanstillseeus.保持微笑他還看得見咱呢Therewasjustsomethingabouthim.我們總覺得他哪兒不對(duì)勁Wecouldn'tputourfingeronituntil...可又說不上毛病在哪直到...Ifigureditout!我總算明白了Iknowwhat'ssocreepyaboutTheCaptain.我知道船長讓人害怕的原因了Okay.好你說Yeah.看IsnappedthisphotoofhimlasttimehedroppedoffZoey.他昨晚送蘇伊來的時(shí)候我快拍下了這照片Observe.請(qǐng)觀察Thebottomhalfofhisface...他臉的下半部分issmiling.笑瞇瞇的Look,heseemshappy.他看似很歡樂Seemslikeaniceguy.看似很友善Butthetophalfofhisface...但是他臉的上半部分...wantstomurderyou!兇神惡煞的宰人樣Cheerful.很歡樂很友善Wantstomurderyou.兇神惡煞的宰人樣No.Cheerful.不很歡樂很友善哦Wantstomurderyou.恨不能宰了你Now,holdon.Letmeaskhimaquestion.現(xiàn)在等下我來問個(gè)問題Captain,whatdoyouthinkoficecream?船長你覺得冰激凌怎樣Oh,helovesit!看他超愛冰激凌Captain,whatdoyouthinkofrainydays?船長你覺得雨天怎么樣Whoa,hehatesthem.哇他恨透下雨天Captain,quickquestion:船長問個(gè)小問題HowdoyoufeelabouttheJonasBrothers?Ooh.你覺得喬納斯兄弟怎么樣[搖滾組合]What-Whatisthat?這...這是什么意思-Idon'tgetit.-Idon'tgetit.-我沒明白-搞不懂Hehatesthathelovesthem.又愛又恨冰火兩重天Ah!原來如此Great.Okay.好極了好的Hey,guys,Zoeyjusttoldmeabout伙計(jì)們蘇伊跟我說thisgreatFrankLloydWrightretrospectivetonight.今晚有個(gè)超贊的弗蘭克?勞埃德?賴特巡回展弗蘭克?勞埃德?賴特:建筑大師Who'sin?誰想一起去Sorry,I'm,uh,I...抱歉那個(gè)我...I-Idon'tknow,washingmyhair.準(zhǔn)備洗個(gè)頭什么的Runningthewater.我?guī)湍惴潘瓾oldingthetowel.我給你拿毛巾AndI'llbehometryingtogetoverthefact我會(huì)在家黯然神傷獨(dú)自糾結(jié)thatnooneinvitedmetothebighairwashingparty.為毛沒人邀我去參加洗頭狂歡節(jié)Allright,fine.Guessit'lljustbemeandZoey.好吧那就我和蘇伊倆去咯Oh,wait.Justthetwoofyou?等一下就你們倆嗎Treadlightly,Mosby.小心擦槍走火啊小莫Anytimeasingleguyhangsoutwithamarriedwoman,無論何時(shí)一個(gè)單身男跟個(gè)已婚少婦出門therearerulesthatmustbefollowed.一定要嚴(yán)守以下規(guī)則Rulenumberone...第一Don'tusethehusband'scondoms.千萬別用她老公的套套That'sjustrude.那樣太失禮了Rulenumberone:第一don'tgoanywherethathascandles.千萬不能去點(diǎn)蠟燭的地方Excuseme,Captain,howdoyoufeel打擾一下船長你如何看待aboutTedandZoeyhavinganintimatechatbycandlelight?泰德和蘇伊兩人親密的秉燭夜談It'llbethelastdinnertheyeverhave.那將是你們最后的晚餐Rulenumbertwo:第二Nosharingfood.不要共享食物Infact,anythinginvolvingsalivaisoff-limits.事實(shí)上只要牽扯到口水就要堅(jiān)決杜絕Toothbrushes,thermometers,lipstick.牙刷體溫計(jì)唇膏統(tǒng)統(tǒng)不行Well,ifIcan'tshareherlipstick,討厭啦如果不能共用她的唇膏there'sreallynopointinevengoing.人家連展覽都不想去了Andthemostimportantruleofall...最后也是最重要的一點(diǎn)Lubricantispublicproperty.潤滑劑可以隨便用啦Please.拜托Nolyingtothespouseaboutanythingyoudo.全程必須毫無保留地告訴配偶Whywouldanyonelie?這有什么可隱瞞的Look,ZoeyandIarejustfriends.聽好我和蘇伊不過是朋友Iftherewasanythingmorethanthat,如果有一丁點(diǎn)兒曖昧Iwouldn'thangoutwithher.我絕不會(huì)跟她出去Lily'sright,Ted.莉莉說得對(duì)泰德Onceyou'remarried,it'sveryhard一旦你結(jié)婚了就很難tobefriendswithasinglepersonoftheoppositesex.跟一個(gè)潛在性伴侶保持朋友關(guān)系Yeah.Unlessyou'reoldfriends,沒錯(cuò)除非是個(gè)老朋友whichiswhyicanhangoutwithMarshallwheneverIwant.所以我隨時(shí)都可以找馬修玩Right,MarshMadness?對(duì)不對(duì)呀馬修也瘋狂Nodoubt,RoboCop.沒錯(cuò)咆哮小賓賓Youtwoneverhangoutalone.你倆從不單獨(dú)行動(dòng)Youjustmadeupthosenicknamesrightnow.剛才那些綽號(hào)也都是隨口取的Iguessit'strue.我想應(yīng)該是哦YouandIneverreallyhangoutalone.咱倆都沒單獨(dú)出去玩過Well,let's.Let'shavedinnertogether,justthetwoofus.那就去唄一起吃晚飯就咱倆Oh!Sweet.真窩心耶Nocandles.不準(zhǔn)點(diǎn)蠟燭Nocandles.要蠟燭干啥Lily,Iguessthatleavesjustyouandme.莉莉那樣的話就剩咱倆了Wanttohang?想與我共度夜晚嗎AndthenLilysaidsomethingtoBarney隨后莉莉的回答thatinsultedeveryfiberofhisbeing.深切地凌辱了巴尼的每一個(gè)細(xì)胞Nah.拉倒Wait.No.Ithadtobemorethanjust,"Nah."等下不對(duì)肯定比"拉倒"這個(gè)詞更傷人Oh,Ithinkshesaid...我記得她原話是You'reabig...stupidoctopushead!你這愚蠢的大頭章魚No,thatdoesn'tmakesense.不對(duì)不可能這樣無故罵人Okay,hangon.Whatdidshesay?好了等一下她怎么說的來著Shesaid,um,uh...她說呃Tobehonestkids,I'mhavingalittletroubleremembering實(shí)話實(shí)說孩子們爹有點(diǎn)兒想不起來exactlywhattheirfightwasabout.他們當(dāng)時(shí)為什么吵起來了Hey,itwas20yearsago!喂都二十年前的事了好不好I'llremember.我會(huì)想起來的Anyway,thenextnight...隨便啦第二天晚上Well,Lily,youwereright.莉莉你說的沒錯(cuò)SomethingweirdhappenedwithZoeylastnight.昨晚我跟蘇伊真的怪怪的{\an8}[手機(jī)鈴聲為《起錨歌Anchorsaweigh》]Oh,that'stheCaptain.咦是船長Yes,IcallmyhusbandTheCaptain,沒錯(cuò)我稱呼我老公為船長butthatistheonlyconcessionImaketohisseafaringways.對(duì)他的航海事業(yè)我只有這一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)妥協(xié)哦Hangon.等會(huì)兒哈Ahoy.啊嘿[海上打招呼用詞]I'mjustoutwithfriends.我跟朋友們?cè)谕饷嫱婺谾riends.Plural.朋友們她居然用復(fù)數(shù)Like-Liketherewasmorethanoneofme.就跟那當(dāng)時(shí)有好幾個(gè)我一樣Sheliedtoherhusband?Uh-oh.她對(duì)她老公撒謊了不妙So,whatdidyoudo?那你怎么做的Uh,Zoey,um,didyoujustsayyouwereoutwithfriends?蘇伊你剛是說和"朋友們"在外面嗎Yeah.TheCaptain'sonhiswayhomefromMilan.是啊船長正在從米蘭回來的路上Hecangetalittlejealoussometimes,他有時(shí)會(huì)有點(diǎn)吃醋soIdidn'twanttomakehimworry.所以我不想讓他擔(dān)心Isthatokay?有問題嗎It'stotallyokay.完全沒問題-It'snotokay!-Ididn'treallythinkitwasokay!-問題大了-我也覺得有問題Pur-leez!Youlietoyourhusbandallthetime.胡說你一直都在對(duì)你老公撒謊"Uh,uh,thatshirtlooksgreatonyou""那件襯衫穿在你身上真帥""Iloveyourmom""我愛你媽媽""IneverfantasizeaboutBarneywhenwe'redoingit""我跟你做愛的時(shí)候從沒臆想過巴尼"Soundfamiliar,Pinocchio?這話聽起來很耳熟吧木偶匹諾曹[撒謊鼻子會(huì)長長]What'swrongwiththisshirt?這件襯衫怎么不好了Lily,ruling.莉莉你來裁決DoIhavetostophangingoutwithZoey?我是不是不該再跟蘇伊出去了No,youjustneedtospendtime不你只需要跟他們兩口子withherandTheCaptaintogether.一起出去玩玩Ifyou'refriendswiththebothofthem,如果你成為他們倆的朋友thenthere'snotaproblem.那就沒問題了Actually,IdohaveastandinginvitationfromTheCaptain說真的船長真的邀請(qǐng)過我togoforaridewiththemonhisboat.乘坐他的船跟他們倆一起出海游玩Great.SogomakenicewithCaptainCreepy,太好了好好跟恐怖船長相處andproblemsolved.問題就解決了Thenextnight,第二天晚上MarshallandRobinwenttodinner,馬修和羅賓去吃晚餐justthetwoofthem.只有他們倆Nowhistorically,他們聊到了theyhadthreesolidconversationtopics:三個(gè)亙古不變的話題coldweather...寒冷的天氣Decemberchill--sogreat.十二月很冷太棒了Totally.沒錯(cuò)...sports...體育Didyoucatch你看了thegamelastnight?昨晚的比賽嗎Yeah.Nail-biter.看了太激烈了...andcoldweathersports.以及冬季體育-Youknowwhat'sfun?-Mm.-你知道什么最有趣嗎-什么Iscoldweathersports.是冬季體育Theyarefun.是很有趣Theyblewthroughthemall他們?cè)陂_場的十六秒里inthefirst16seconds.就把這三個(gè)話題聊了個(gè)遍Man,thisisawkward.天啊太尷尬了She'sgivingmenothing!她跟我沒話說He'sjuststaringatme!他就這么盯著我She'sjuststaringatme!她就這么盯著我It'smakingmenervous.弄得我很緊張Great,nowmylefteyeistwitching.這下好了我的左眼開始亂跳了Marshall,it'scool.馬修沒事的Shedoesn'tseeit.她沒發(fā)現(xiàn)Whatthehell'sgoingonwithhiseye?他的眼睛到底是怎么了AmIsupposedtonottalkaboutthat?我是不是不該過問Great,nowmyrighteyeisdoingit.這下好了我的右眼也跳了CanIgetyoutwosomedrinks?兩位需要什么酒水嗎-Lotsofdrinks.-Oh,somanydrinks.-迫切需要-越多越好Thatsamenight,BarneyandLilywerestillfighting同樣在那晚巴尼和莉莉仍在為某事about,um...something.爭執(zhí)不休Orwasitthatotherthing?或是為別的事-Barney.-Saveit,Lily.-巴尼-省省吧莉莉Iamstillmadatyoufor...我還在生你的氣something,andforthatotherthing.因?yàn)檫@件事還有那件事Look,I'msorryIhurtyourfeelings.對(duì)不起我讓你傷心了Butlet'sbehonest.但老實(shí)說You'vebeensupersensitivelately.你最近太敏感了No,Ihaven't!不我沒有God,howcanyousaythat?!天啊你怎么能這么說呢Watchout!小心Wait.Theywereonthestreet.等等他們當(dāng)時(shí)是在大街上Watchout!小心Wow.Thanks,Lily.謝謝莉莉Yousavedme.你救了我Yousavedus.你救了我們爺倆Look,Iknowyoudidn'tmean我知道無論你說了什么whateveritwasyousaidthatmademesomad.讓我生氣的話你都不是故意的IthinkIprobablydidn't.我大概不是故意的吧Andjustlikethat,thefightwasover.就這樣爭吵結(jié)束了Youknow,kids,friendshipisfunnysometimes.孩子們友情有時(shí)很搞笑Wait.等等Istillcan'tresistgettingonelastshotin.我還是忍不住想最后再說一句LikeIsaid,thefightwasjustgettingstarted.正如我說的爭執(zhí)又一觸即發(fā)Hi,Captain.嗨船長TheCaptain.船長大人Captain.船長Ahoy,Ted!啊嘿泰德Excellenttoseeyou.見到你太好了Ah,you,too.Uh,where'sZoey?你也是蘇伊在哪Well,I'mafraidshe'sfeelingalittleundertheweather.她身體有點(diǎn)不舒服Lookslikeit'sjustyou,me看來就只有我和你andsixhoursinfrigidinternationalwaters.在這冰冷的公海上共度六小時(shí)Orwecouldstayondryland,或者我們可以待在陸地上hangoutwithsome...witnesses.跟其他人一起玩比如目擊者You'reahoot.你真有意思I'vebeenlookingforwardtothis.我期待今晚Foraverylongtime.已經(jīng)很久了Well,anchorsaweigh!起錨出發(fā)Kids,here'sonethingIdoremember.孩子們有一件事我記得很清楚IwasprettysureIwasgoingtodiethatnight.我十分確信當(dāng)晚我小命不保Youknow,Ihadthisreallyboringpoetryclassincollege.我在高中的時(shí)候上過非常"沒勁"的詩歌課Whoa,whoa,whoa,whoa.等等等等Youwerejustthinkingthatthisdinnerisreallyboring.你覺得這頓晚餐很沒勁That'swhatmadeyouthinkofyourboringclassincollege.所以讓你想起了高中"沒勁"的課What?!What?No!No!No,no,no.什么不不不Marshall,no.No.I...馬修不是的我...Ijustsawthatboardofspecials,andIthought,我只是看見了"勁減"優(yōu)惠餐牌我就想youknowwhatsucks?什么才是最遜的呢Beingbored."沒勁"WhichIamnot.而我現(xiàn)在恰好不是Sothatclearsthat...rightup.于是我就想起了那節(jié)課自然而然Robin,I'manattorney.羅賓我可是律師Fine.Thisnight'salittleawkward.好吧今晚是有點(diǎn)尷尬Iguessit's'causeweneverhangoutalonetogether.我想是因?yàn)槲覀儚臎]單獨(dú)出來過Whyisthat?這又是為什么It's'causeofTheMermaidTheory.都是美人魚理論鬧的Twoyearsago,IhadjusthiredanewassistantatGNB.兩年前我在巨人國家銀行雇了一名新助理So,who'stheeyebroccoli?這花菜眼是誰啊Okay,that'sIris,mynewassistant.那是愛瑞斯我的新助理Andyes,she'salittleplain,好吧她是有點(diǎn)普通butI'mmarried,sothat'sgood.但我已經(jīng)結(jié)婚了這挺好的Markmywords,Marshall.記住我的話馬修SomedayyouwillfindIrissoexcruciatinglyattractive,有一天你會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)愛瑞斯魅力超凡youwon'tbeabletolookherdirectlyintheboobs.你都無法直視她的雙峰Idon'tthinkthat'sgonnabeaproblem.我可不覺得這會(huì)是問題Marshall,doyouknowhowthemythofmermaidscametobe?馬修你知道美人魚神話是怎么來的嗎I'msorry.Myth?抱歉什么神話Itwas300yearsago.那是在三百年前Sailorsstuckatseawouldgetdesperate在海上航行的船員們對(duì)于女性伴侶forfemalecompanionship.饑渴不已Itgotsobadthat,eventually,這種饑渴的程度之深最終themanateesoutinthewaterstartedtolooklike...一只出水的海牛也開始看起來像...beautifulwomen.美女Mermaids.美人魚Let'sgogetsometail!我們?nèi)ゴ螯c(diǎn)魚吧Yousee,everywoman,nomatterhowinitiallyrepugnant,每個(gè)女人不管最初有多么令人厭惡hasamermaidclock.都有個(gè)美人魚變身倒計(jì)時(shí)Thetimeittakesforyoutorealizeyouwanttoboneher.過不了多久你會(huì)開始想把她扒光Sure,todayyouseeIrisasamanatee.當(dāng)然今天你認(rèn)為愛瑞斯就是個(gè)海牛Butsheain'tgonnastaythatway.但她不可能一直都是海牛Marshall,yoursecretary'smermaidclockstartsrightnow.馬修你秘書的美人魚變身倒計(jì)時(shí)現(xiàn)在開始Andittookoneyear,threemonths,and16days,1年3個(gè)月零16天都相安無事buteventually...但最終D'oh!別啊Toldyou.我說的吧TheMermaidTheory.美人魚理論It'sathing.很準(zhǔn)的Youoweme500bucks.你欠我500塊Didwebetonthis?我們打賭了嗎Let'ssayyes.就算是打了吧-Andthat'swhyweneverhangoutalone?-Yes.-因?yàn)檫@個(gè)我們從來沒單獨(dú)出來玩過嗎-是的AsLily'sbestfriend,youarethelastpersonontheplanet身為莉莉的死黨你是最最不應(yīng)該who'sallowedtoturnintoamermaid.變成美人魚的人Wait,doesthatmean等等是不是說thatI'mamanateerightnow?我現(xiàn)在就是只海牛Big-timemanatee.絕對(duì)是只大海牛Whatwerethosesailorsthinking?那些水手是什么腦子Huh.Idon'tknow.不了解Beingoutatseacandocrazythingstoaman.置身于大海的人都會(huì)做出瘋狂的舉動(dòng)Vast,thesea.廣闊的大海Deep.深邃Endless.無盡Goingaroundformiles.駛出數(shù)里Youcouldscreamandscream,andnotasoulwouldhearyou.呼喊尖叫卻沒有一個(gè)人能聽見Listentothis.聽Help!救命啊Somebodyhelpme!快來人啊I'mtrappedonaboatwithamadman!我跟一個(gè)瘋子被困在船上了Help!救命See?Nothing.瞧見沒什么反應(yīng)都沒He'sgonnakillme.他肯定會(huì)殺了我的Okay,calmdown,Teddy.好吧放輕松點(diǎn)泰德He'snotjealous.他沒有吃醋Hehasn'tevenmentionedZoey.他都沒提過蘇伊So,Ted,泰德Inoticedyou'vebeenspendingalotoftimewithZoey.我發(fā)現(xiàn)你經(jīng)常和蘇伊一起玩Seriously?Istepawayforfiveseconds,不是吧我才走開一會(huì)兒andyoueatallmyonionrings?你就把我的洋蔥圈都吃完了Nosurprisethere.我就猜到會(huì)這樣What'sthatsupposedtomean?你這是什么意思Areyoucallingmefat?你是不是說我胖Ifthereisonethingyouneverdo,有一件絕對(duì)不能做的事itiscallawomanfatrighttoherface!那就是當(dāng)面說一個(gè)女人胖Wait.Barney'snotawoman.等等巴尼不是女人That'sright--Barneywasn'thurtbyLily,對(duì)了不是莉莉傷了巴尼的心LilywashurtbyBarney.是巴尼傷了莉莉的心Wanttohang?想與我共度夜晚嗎Nah.拉倒Watchout!小心Wow...thanks,Barney.謝謝你巴尼Yousavedme.你救了我Yousavedus.你救了我們娘倆Ifthere'sonethingyouneverdo,有一件絕對(duì)不能做的事it'scallawomanfatrighttoherface!那就是當(dāng)面說一個(gè)女人胖Okay,nowI'montrack.好了現(xiàn)在理順了Therestofthisstoryshouldmakeperfectsense.剩下的故事應(yīng)該能對(duì)得上號(hào)了Oh,Lily,I'msorry.莉莉?qū)Σ黄餒ey,youwanttoseeamagictrick?想看變魔術(shù)嗎You'reajerk.混蛋Okay,thatmakesnosense.好吧又對(duì)不上號(hào)了Kids,I'mofficiallyadmittingdefeat.孩子們我承認(rèn)我失敗了Iwillneverrememberthisstory.我記不得這個(gè)故事了I'msorryforwastingyourtime.抱歉耽誤了你們的時(shí)間Ted,letmeshowyoumyharpooncollection.泰德給你看我收集的魚叉Justgonnamakeaquickcall.我先打個(gè)電話Hey,sillyquestion.弱弱地問一下Whatareourexactnauticalcoordinates?我們現(xiàn)在的準(zhǔn)確船舶坐標(biāo)是多少Hownow?現(xiàn)在的嗎Oh,bother.哦完了she'sagoner.她死定了Bynow,theicytidehasalreadydropped現(xiàn)在冰冷潮水的中心溫度itscoretemperaturetonearfreezing.已經(jīng)接近0度Anddownitgoes.越往下越冷Nowit'sat50meters.現(xiàn)在她掉到50米處Completecrushingblackness.那里有令人窒息的漆黑100meters.100米Thepressureissointense,壓力太大thekeysarepoppingrightoutofitshead.按鍵一個(gè)個(gè)從前端蹦出來-Head?-200meters.-腦袋-200米Noonewilleverfinditsmangledremains,再也沒人能找到它的殘骸saveforthecrustacea成為專吃支架尸體的thatfeedoffitslifelesshusk.甲殼類動(dòng)物的盤中餐Canyouhearmenow?你能聽到我說話嗎No.Becauseyou'reonthebottomofthesea.不能因?yàn)槟闵钕莺５譝ell,Igotabigmorning,so...我明天還要一大早起床所以-Drycleaners,bank,youknow,so...-Ted,it'stime.-去洗衣店銀行所以-泰德是時(shí)候了Ihavesomethingforyou.我為你準(zhǔn)備了一樣?xùn)|西Waithere.在這等一下Okay,yougottoswimforit,Mosby.好吧你只能游走逃命了莫斯比Manversussea.人海之戰(zhàn)Youcandothis.你能行Youdidn'tgeta"GoodEffort"ribbon你之所以沒有拿到謝克海茨[美國俄亥俄州]fromtheShakerHeightsJCCSwimCamp猶太人社區(qū)中心游泳訓(xùn)練營的"勤奮綢帶"becauseyoudon'thavewhatittakes.是因?yàn)槟銢]有必須搏命去游的理由Foundit.找到了Zoeytoldmeyou'reascotchdrinker.蘇伊跟我說你愛喝蘇格蘭烈酒Iboughtthisspecialfortonight.我特地為今晚買的AndjustasIstartedtorealizethat就在我放松緊繃的神經(jīng)maybeIwasn'tindangerafterall,開始覺得沒有危險(xiǎn)的時(shí)候wehitabump.我們的船突然猛烈地一晃Ted?泰德Ok,ok.Soyou'reafraidthat我明白了所以你是擔(dān)心ifyouspendtoomuchtimealonewithme,跟我單獨(dú)一起呆久了I'llturnintoamermaid?我會(huì)變成美人魚嗎Yes.Imean,sure,rightnow,對(duì)我的意思是you'rebaldandleathery當(dāng)然現(xiàn)在的你禿頂皮厚andcoveredinathicklayerofblubber...裹在一層厚厚的脂肪里AmIblushingor...?你的贊美是不是讓我臉紅了...butatsomepoint,mystupidmalebrainwill但到某一時(shí)刻我白癡的男性大腦會(huì)把你transformyouintoafoxyfish-babe變形成一個(gè)妖艷的魚美人singin'"PartofYourWorld"tomypants.對(duì)著我的下半身高歌《你世界的一部分》{\an8}[迪士尼經(jīng)典動(dòng)畫片《小美人魚》里的插曲]Okay,evenifthathappens,好吧如果發(fā)生了isthereanywaytoun-mermaidme?有沒有什么辦法把我從美人魚變回來IaskedBarneythesamething.我問了巴尼同樣的問題Oncemermaidified,there'sonlyoneway一旦變身美人魚只有一個(gè)辦法awomancangobacktobeingunattractiveagain,能讓這個(gè)女人變得毫無吸引力可言butit'sprettygruesome.但是方法很駭人Death?一命嗚呼嗎Worse.Pregnancy.更糟糕懷孕Ifababy'sonboardthattrain,女人一旦懷上孩子itisheadedstraightbacktoManateeCity,就搭上了速度駛回海牛城的快車wherethegrassain'tgreenandthegirlsain'tpretty.那里芳草不再萋萋淑女不再窈窕Pregnancy?懷孕Mm-hmm.Onceamermaidgetspregnant,沒錯(cuò)美人魚一旦懷孕shebecomesamanateeagain.就會(huì)變回海牛NeverthoughtI'dsaythatsentence.沒想過我真會(huì)說出這種話Wait!That'sit!慢著我想起來了That'swhatBarneyandLilywerefightingabout!莉莉和巴尼爭來吵去的就是這事兒TheMermaidTheory!美人魚理論Buttheirargumentdidn'thappenatthesametime但是他們的爭論和其他事情asallthisotherstuff.發(fā)生在不同時(shí)間I'mliterallyinthewrongyear!我搞錯(cuò)年份了Ithappenedmuch,muchlaterwhenLilywas...那發(fā)生在經(jīng)年之后彼時(shí)莉莉已然pregnant.孕婦一枚Well,Lily,Iguessit'sjustyouandme.那么莉莉貌似只剩下你和我了Youwannahang?想與我共度夜晚嗎Nah.拉倒Wheneverwe'realone,每當(dāng)我們兩個(gè)獨(dú)處時(shí)youspendthewholetimeundressingmewithyoureyes.你總是無時(shí)無刻地用你的眼睛把我扒光Youeventakeoffmyshoes.甚至還脫了我的鞋子Highheelschafemyshoulders.在開搞的時(shí)候高跟鞋會(huì)擦傷我的肩膀Butyoudon'thavetoworryaboutthatanymore.但是你用不著擔(dān)心這個(gè)Eversinceyougotpregnant,you'rejustabigfatmanatee.自從懷孕后你就成了一只大胖海牛Well,you'reabig那你就是只stupidoctopusface!愚蠢的大臉章魚Thatwasit!Iremembernow!沒錯(cuò)了我想起來了Wow.Thanks,Barney.謝謝巴尼Yousavedme.你救了我Yousavedus.你救了我們娘倆Ifthere'sonethingyouneverdo,有一件絕對(duì)不能做的事it'scallawoman"fat"righttoherface!那就是當(dāng)面說一個(gè)女人胖I'msorry,Lily.對(duì)不起莉莉Hey,youwanttoseeamagictrick?想看個(gè)魔術(shù)嗎You'reajerk.混蛋Hey.Hey,wait.喂喂等等Comeon.Iwaskid...別這樣我開玩...Wait,wait,wait!等等別走啊There'sanotheraddendumtoTheMermaidTheory.美人魚理論還有個(gè)補(bǔ)充說明Apregnantwomanwho'sbecomeamanateecanbecome變成海牛的懷孕婦女只需一個(gè)簡單的小動(dòng)作amermaidagainthroughonesimpleact.就能變回美人魚What'sthat?什么動(dòng)作Breast-feeding.Hot.喂奶巨性感Really?真的嗎Really.哥不騙你Whenthosethingsswelluptothreetimestheirnormalsize,當(dāng)咪咪的渾圓程度變成正常情況的三倍sodoI.我的某個(gè)部位也會(huì)隨之脹大三倍That'ssosweet!說的我心都醉了Seekids?ToldyouI'dgetit!看到了吧孩子們我就說我想起來了嘛Okay.Nowwe'reeven!行了現(xiàn)在我們扯平了Yeah,that'stheendingtoawholeotherstory.沒錯(cuò)那是后話We'llgetthere.暫且先不提SoyoureallythoughtIwasgonnakillyou?你真以為我要?dú)⒘四銌醀ell...ish.差不多Oh,Ted,that'sridiculous.泰德這太荒唐了IfIwantedtokillyou,I'dinviteyoutomyhuntinglodge.我要是想殺你就會(huì)邀你去我的狩獵小屋It'sfarmoreremote,andIwouldn'thave荒山野嶺人煙罕至我也不用擔(dān)心toworryaboutyouturningupinsomenosyfisherman'snet.你會(huì)被漁網(wǎng)撈起來永無后患See?It'sstufflikethat.看就是這種腔調(diào)Why-whydoyoutalkthatway?你干嘛非得這樣嚇人呢Oh,I'mjustjestingforsport.我跟你鬧著玩兒呢See,sometimesIdon'tbondaswell你看有時(shí)候我跟蘇伊的小朋友們withZoey'syoungerfriends.合不大來ButIknowshereallylikesyou.但是我知道她特別喜歡你Iwashopingthatmaybewecouldbebuddies.我一直希望某天或許我們能成為哥們兒Wecan.我們可以Wecanbebuddies.我們能成為哥們兒Justnotonaboat.別在船上就好Fairenough.有道理Thehuntinglodgeitis.那就去狩獵小屋吧Youknow,oncewestoppedtryingtohaveaconversation你知道我們放棄糾結(jié)于沒話找話andjustfocusedonthedrinking專心喝酒那會(huì)兒Ihadfun.我可開心了Yeah.Me,too.沒錯(cuò)我也是呢Andthenaterriblethinghappened.接著可怕的事情發(fā)生了Marshall'sbeergoggleskickedin馬修醉酒上頭andhisverydrunkmindstartedtosee在他迷離的眼神里赫然出現(xiàn)了No!No!No!不不不No!No!不不Don'tturn!別變身啊Idon'tfeelsogood.我覺得不太舒服Oh,myGod!Oh,myGod,Iam,Iamsosorry!天啊真是太抱歉了Oh!YoumustthinkI'mtotallydisgusting.你肯定覺得我惡心死了Ireallydo.我是這么覺得Andfromthatmomenton從那一刻起Marshallneverworried馬修再也不必?fù)?dān)心aboutRobinbecomingamermaidagain,羅賓會(huì)再次變成美人魚了andthetwoofthemwerecloserthanever.從此他們兩個(gè)親密無間甚過往常Hey,Ted.你好啊泰德Hey.Youfeelingbetter?你好感覺好些了沒Ihaveaconfessiontomake.我要對(duì)你坦白Iwasn'treallysick.我那天并沒有不舒服Youweren't?你沒有嗎I'msorry.對(duì)不起Iwasjustfeelingguilty只是對(duì)船長撒謊thatIliedtoTheCaptainand讓我有些愧疚Idon'tknow,Ijustthoughtitwouldbegood我也說不上來我只覺得ifyoutwospentsometimetogether.讓你們倆獨(dú)處一陣子也不錯(cuò)Igetit.我懂了Andyouwereright.你說的沒錯(cuò)He'saniceguy.他是個(gè)好人Imean,hecanbealittlescary.我是說他有些許嚇人Yeah,hegetsalittlemurderywhenhe'snervous.沒錯(cuò)他緊張的時(shí)候表情像個(gè)殺人犯Yeah,he'sacreepydude.對(duì)他是個(gè)驚悚的怪咖ButIlikehim.但是我喜歡他AndIjustwanttomakesure我只想確認(rèn)一下youandIhangingout你跟我單獨(dú)約見doesn't,youknow,crossanylines.不會(huì)越過什么界限吧Me,too.我也是Imean,ifeitheroneofushadeventheslightesthint我意思是要是我們中有一個(gè)對(duì)另外那個(gè)offeelingsfortheother,weshouldn'thangout.有哪怕一絲好感我們就不應(yīng)該呆在一起了Youdon't,doyou?你不會(huì)吧會(huì)嗎No.Doyou?不會(huì)啊你呢No.不會(huì)Stillnosignofland.還是沒有陸地的跡象It'sbeen243dayssincewe'veseen我們已經(jīng)有整整243天沒看見anotherlivingsoul.另外的活物了Whatareyoulookingat?你看什么呢Dude,weneedtofindland.伙計(jì)我們得趕緊上岸第12集InDecemberof2010,myfriendsandIdecided2010年12月我和我的朋友們決定togoseeIt'saWonderfulLifeonthebigscreen.去電影院看《生活多美好》這部電影[《It'saWonderfulLife》是1946年法蘭克?卡普拉導(dǎo)演的美國勵(lì)志電影]Itseemedlikesomethingweallneeded.在當(dāng)時(shí)看來我們很需要看這種電影Afterall,ithadbeenacrazycoupleofdays.畢竟這幾天下來我們都被折騰得不輕Itallstarted...由一根驗(yàn)孕棒withapregnancytest.引發(fā)的反思幾天前Thisistakingforever.等得花兒都謝了Areyousureyoudiditright?你確定你都按說明書來做嗎Isthereawrongwaytopeeonastick?在根棒子上尿尿還需要什么說明書Hey,canIaskyouaquestionthat'splaguedmeforyears?我能問個(gè)困擾我多年的問題嗎Cangirlsaim?女孩噓噓能瞄準(zhǔn)嗎Um,canboysaim?那男人能瞄準(zhǔn)嗎'CauseitseemstomelikeI'mtakingamop因?yàn)榻忝菜聘籼炀鸵脗€(gè)拖把tothatbathroomflooreverytwodays.去衛(wèi)生間給你打掃戰(zhàn)場Okay,you'retheonewhoputtheFarSidecalendarupoverthetoilet.那是你把"發(fā)笑日歷"掛到馬桶旁邊YouknowIlaughwithmywholebody.你知道我一笑而動(dòng)全身的It'sbeentwominutes.兩分鐘到了One,two,three.一二三-It'spositive.-It'spositive?It'spositive?-兩條杠-兩條杠真的兩條杠嗎-It'spositive.-It'spositive?-是兩條杠-真是兩條杠It'spositive!兩條杠啊It'spositive!杠杠滴兩條杠I'mpregnant.我懷孕了What?!什么I'veneverseenthatwomanbeforeinmylife!我從來沒見過這女的Sorry.Forceofhabit.Congratulations!抱歉條件反射恭喜恭喜ToLilyandMarshall.敬莉莉和馬修ToLilyandMarshall.敬莉莉和馬修Well,thankyou.謝謝你們Imean,we'veneverbeenhappier.我是說我們從來沒有這么開心過Can'timagineanythingbringingmedownrightnow.我想現(xiàn)在沒什么能打擊到我了You'renotpregnant.你沒懷孕Well,thatdidit.正中紅心Kids,thisisthestoryofthe36hours孩子們接下來的36個(gè)小時(shí)里weallthoughtLilywaspregnant,我們都以為莉莉懷孕了andhowitcausedeachofustoreexamineourownlives.這件事讓我們重新審視了自己的人生Becausewhilethiswashappening...因?yàn)檫@件事發(fā)生的時(shí)候Areyousureyoudiditright?你確定你都按說明書來做嗎...IwasonthephonewithPunchy,我正在跟小粉拳通電話mybestfriendfromhighschool,他是我高中時(shí)代的好友whohadrecentlyaskedmetobehisbestman.他剛邀請(qǐng)我做他的伴郎Hey,Punchy,I'vegiventhissomeseriousthought.你看小粉拳我仔細(xì)想過了IthinkIknowhowwecancrushthese我想我知道咱怎么解決floralarrangements.這些擺花的事了Ah,hereitcomes.Hitmeup,Schmos!來吧暢所欲言吧尿斯比Peonies,lavenderblossomswithahaloofbaby'sbreath牡丹花配薰衣草上面再覆上一層滿天星foranambianceofspringtimerejuvenation.營造出一種萬物回春的氣氛Crushedit!?贊吧That'sexactlytheaccentofwhimsythiscelebrationofloveneeds!這種古怪的特色正好符合歡慶愛情It'sgonnabeamagicalday.那天一定會(huì)很美的Iknowwhatyou'rethinking.我知道你在想什么IwishIwasadude.真希望我是個(gè)爺們兒Idowishyouwereadude.我還真希望你是個(gè)純爺們兒BecauseifIwasadude,因?yàn)槿绻沂莻€(gè)爺們兒IcouldhaveTedMosbyasmybestman.我就能讓泰德?莫斯比當(dāng)我伴郎了No,andhere'swhy.錯(cuò)了我來告訴你原因吧Ted,thebestman'sjob泰德伴郎的職責(zé)isnottocrushthefloralarrangements.不是安排擺什么花It'stogetthegroomdowntheaisle,而是保證伴郎順利走過教堂過道because,nomatterwhoheis,hewillfreakout.因?yàn)椴还芩钦l他都會(huì)突然崩潰AndIjustdon'tthinkyouhavewhatittakes而我覺得你沒那個(gè)本事togetthatgetthatsoldiertopickuphisrifle讓那個(gè)大兵扛起槍andchargeupthehill.沖上那個(gè)山頭Uh,areyouforgettingI'vedonethisbefore?你難道忘了哥搞定過一次嗎IwasMarshall'sbestman.我當(dāng)過馬修的伴郎Andhowdidthatgoagain?那天出現(xiàn)了什么情況來著Oforone.0和1顛倒了Oh,comeon.Thatwasn'tmyfault.拜托那錯(cuò)不在我好不好AndneedIremindyou,Igaveabeautifultoast.而且提醒你下我的致辭可是美得不行呢Ted.泰德O,doyoutakeonetobeyourlawfullyweddedwife?0你愿意取1為你的合法妻子嗎Oh,God,I'mfreakingout.天啊我要崩潰了WhydidIchoseTedtobemybestman?我為毛要讓泰德那倒霉貨當(dāng)伴郎啊Uh,yeah.It'shardtotakecriticism被你這種連著看七集fromsomeonewhojustrecordedsevenepisodes《拋硬幣贏百萬》的人批評(píng)ofMillionDollarHeadsorTails.真讓人接受不了Kids,MillionDollarHeadsorTails孩子們《拋硬幣贏百萬》wasanextremelypopularshow是當(dāng)時(shí)的一檔超人氣節(jié)目withanextremelysimplepremise.其內(nèi)容卻十分腦殘Allright,yourpracticeflipcameup好了剛試拋的結(jié)果是tails...反面butourVegasoddsmakertellsus但我們賭城莊家說過thatthenexttossisstilljust50-50.下一擲的正反比率仍舊各占一半Andso,Jordan,那么喬丹foronemilliondollars...為了一百萬美元...heads...ortails?要正面還是反面Whatwastheyearofthecoinagain?年度硬幣是什么WhythissuddenobsessionwithHeadsorTails?你為什么突然迷上《拋硬幣贏百萬》Well,itturnsout這個(gè)嘛是這樣的thatHeadsorTailshasajobopening.這個(gè)欄目組現(xiàn)在公開招人呢Ta...Heads.反...正面Marni,flipthatcoin.瑪妮拋硬幣Ooh!Damn!靠媽的Sonow,becauseofthatincident,所以現(xiàn)在因?yàn)槟谴问鹿蔋eadsorTailsislooking《拋硬幣》要招一個(gè)foranewCurrencyRotationSpecialist.新的硬幣流轉(zhuǎn)專職員YoumeanCoinFlipBimbo?你是說擲硬幣的花瓶嗎They'renotbimbos!才不是花瓶呢Youauditioned,didn'tyou?你去試鏡了對(duì)嗎Andyou'reCanadian?!你還是加拿大人Robin,asidefromthatcoin,羅賓不提那硬幣thisistheotherthingthat'sflippingrightnow.現(xiàn)在還有另外一樣?xùn)|西在翻滾Whatismylidforyou.你的美貌太閃耀讓我一直忍不住眨眼You'rethenewCoinFlipBimbo?你成了新任拋硬幣花瓶了CurrencyRotationSpecialist.是硬幣流轉(zhuǎn)專職員Robin,youbettercheckyourself羅賓做事之前好好想一想beforeyouTrebekyourself.到底要不要這么作賤自己You'reajournalist!你可是個(gè)新聞?dòng)浾遅hatisthematterwithyou?你到底哪根筋不對(duì)了Well,it'sanationalaudience!這個(gè)節(jié)目可是在全國范圍內(nèi)播放Igettowearshinydresses!我還能穿著美美的禮服上鏡Robin,羅賓haveyouforgottenaboutyourNewYear'sresolution?忘了你的新年愿望了嗎2010年1月1日Iamneverdrinkingagain.我以后再也不喝酒了No,beforethat.不是在那之前Iamgonnafinishthiswholebottletonight.我今晚要干掉這一瓶2009年12月31日Beforethat,too.也在那之前Imovedhere我搬來這里toworkforabig-timecablenewschannel是為了進(jìn)一家一流的有線新聞臺(tái)likeWorldWideNews.就像《環(huán)球新聞》那樣Well,bythistimenextyear,Iwillbewearing所以明年的這個(gè)時(shí)候我一定要aWorldWideNewsI.D.badgearoundmyneck.掛上《環(huán)球新聞》的工作證AndtoshowyouthatI'mserious,為了向你表明我的決心thisismyfirstandonlydrinkofthenight.今晚我就只喝這一杯-Okay.-Okay?-好-好吧Oh,damn,that'ssmooth.我靠好酒IthoughtyoufinallygotthatinterviewatWorldWideNews.我以為你終于如愿到《環(huán)球新聞》面試了Well,Idid,buttheyonlyofferedmeaboring,是沒錯(cuò)啦但他們只安排我干一個(gè)low-paid,off-cameraresearchjob.無趣又錢少還不能露臉的研究工作Whichcouldbeasteppingstonetobiggerthingsinyourcareer.這或許會(huì)成為你今后輝煌事業(yè)的基石Well,socouldHeadsorTails.《拋硬幣》說不定也行ThefirstCurrencyRotationSpecialistwenton第一位硬幣流轉(zhuǎn)專職員入圍了tobeasemi-finalistonTheBachelor,andthen,《單身漢》雜志的半決賽緊接著shelost,like,ahundredpoundsonTheBiggestLoser,她參加《減肥達(dá)人》減了一百磅的體重andnowshe'stotallywinningCelebrityRehab.現(xiàn)在她完全成了名人了ItseemedliketherewasnochangingRobin'smind.看起來羅賓的主意已定Butwhatwedidn'tknow,inthatmoment,但當(dāng)時(shí)我們并不知道就在那一刻wasthatourworldwasabouttobeturnedupsidedown.我們的世界即將發(fā)生天翻地覆的變化I'mpregnant.我懷孕了What?!什么Now,kids,whenyourfriendshavegreatnews,孩子們當(dāng)朋友們的喜訊傳來you'rehappyforthem...for,like,amillisecond.你會(huì)為他們高興大概一毫秒的時(shí)間Andthenyoustartthinkingaboutyourself.然后你就會(huì)想到自己Oh,myGod!我的天啊They'rereallyhavingababy.他們真的要有孩子了WhatamIdoingwithmylife?我的人生該怎么辦StartingMonday,I'maCurrencyRotationSpe--周一起我就是硬幣翻轉(zhuǎn)專職員了Oh,whoamIkidding?哦別開玩笑了I'maCoinFlipBimbo,andI'mstillsingle.我就是個(gè)擲硬幣的花瓶而我還是單身Okay,let'snotgothere,Scherbatsky.好吧咱不去那兒了施巴斯基That'sawholeotherthing.這完全違背理想I'vegottotakethatWorldWideNewsjob.我要接下《環(huán)球新聞》的工作Andso,thenextnight,wehadtwothingstocelebrate.就這樣第二天晚上我們有兩件事要慶祝Well,youarelookingatthenew你們現(xiàn)在看到的是associateresearcheratWorldWideNews.《環(huán)球新聞》新的助理研究員Oh,mygosh.That'samazingnews.我的天這消息太棒了Whatchangedyourmind?是什么讓你改主意了MarshallandLily.馬修和莉莉Ijustrealizedthat我才意識(shí)到Iamabouttohavealittleniecewholooksuptome.我就要有一個(gè)會(huì)崇拜我的小侄女了AndIdon'twanttobesadAuntRobin,我不想成為悲催的羅賓阿姨theagingCoinFlipBimbo成為擲硬幣的老花瓶whogivesherthecreeps.只會(huì)教她諂媚奉承IwanttobecoolAuntRobin,我想成為酷酷的羅賓阿姨therespectedjournalist...成為受人尊敬的記者whogivesherbeer.給她買啤酒喝-What?-What?Oh.-什么-沒什么Ihaveneverseenyouguyslookingsoatpeace.我從未看過你們倆如此氣定神閑ToLilyandMarshall.敬莉莉和馬修ToLilyandMarshall.敬莉莉和馬修Well,thankyou.謝謝你們Imean,we'veneverbeenhappier.我們從沒這么開心過SothenextdayRobincalled第二天羅賓打電話給HeadsorTailstorespectfullydecline.《拋硬幣贏百萬》節(jié)目組禮貌地拒絕邀請(qǐng)Hi,Mr.Trebek.ThisisRobinScherbatsky.嗨崔貝克先生我是羅賓?施巴斯基Butatthatmoment...但就在那一刻You'renotpregnant.你沒有懷孕AshonoredasIambytheoffer,um...能收到邀請(qǐng)我十分有幸[警報(bào)解除沒有懷孕]Oh,myGod.我的天They'renothavingababy.他們沒懷上WhatamIgettingallupinmyheadabout?我腦子里都在想什么Thatresearchjobsoundshard.那份研究的工作聽起來難度大AndI'mpretty.而且我人這么漂亮I'mreally,reallypretty.沉魚落雁閉月羞花Youarelooking你眼前站著的是atthenewCoinFlipBimbo.新任硬幣小姐-YoutooktheHeadsorTailsjob?-Yeah.-你接了《拋硬幣》的工作-是的WhataboutWorldWideNews,yourI.D.badge?那《環(huán)球新聞》呢你的工作證呢YoumadeaNew