讀后續(xù)寫救援類+井下救人+講義 高三英語二輪復(fù)習(xí)

讀后續(xù)寫原文

Onalateafternoon,Brandonfinishedfeedinghiscowsonthefarmanddecidedtogobackwithhistwosons,Louie,6,andEverett,3.Astheyheadedforthehouse,thetwoboysranaheadoftheirfather.SuddenlyBrandonwasawareheforgottoclosethedoorofthebarn(牲口棚).Hetoldtheboystowaitforhimatthegateandreturnedtolockit.Whenhewasatthegateminuteslater,hesawonlyhisyoungestson.“Where’sLouie?”heshouted.“Hefellinthehole!”Everettsaid.Brandonquicklyrealizedwhathadhappened.Noooo,hethought.Louiecanbarelyswim!HerantothewellandheardLouiesplashing,tryingnotto.Instinctively,hejumpedin.SomehowBrandonmanagedtograbontoapipethatrandownthesideofthewell,whichslowedhisfallandkepthimfromcrushing(擠壓)hisson.FinallyBrandonhitthefreezingwateratthebottomofthewell.HepoppedhisheadoutofthewaterandgrabbedLouie,whowaspanickingandtryingtostayafloatinwaterthatwastoodeepforeitherofthemtostand.Knowingtheycouldtread(踩水)foronlysolong,Brandonliftedhissonontohischestashepackedhisownbackagainstthenarrowwallsforsupport.“Allright,Dad,youcanpullusoutnow.”Louiesaid.Ifonlyitwerethateasy.Therewasnowayhecouldclimbout.Thepipethathe’dgrabbedduringhisfallwastooslipperytobeofanyuse.Therewasonlyonewayout.LookinguptoseeEverettpeeringdownatthemfromthetopofthewell,Brandonshouted,“Everett,you’regoingtohavetobeabigboyandsaveus.Runtotheroadandstandbythemailboxuntilsomeonestops.Tellthemweneedhelp.”Everettdidashewastold.Hestoodalonebythesideoftheroad,wavingtostopsomeone.Paragraph1:Afterawhile,ChrisandMark,nearbyfarmers,weredrivingbythefarm.

Paragraph2:Twentyminuteslater,Louieemerged(出現(xiàn)),thenBrandon,bothcoldandwet.救人后的橋段已經(jīng)是續(xù)寫的第二段了，得呼應(yīng)主題了。我們羅列下文章中出現(xiàn)的角色和重要橋段：父親和大兒子（大兒子落井，父親營救失敗）

小兒子（小兒子路邊求救）

開車路過的

ChrisandMark（好心鄰居實(shí)施救援）總結(jié)一下：父躍井救長子，仰賴次子尋援。好心鄰居路過，隨即攜手相救。這是個(gè)套娃式的救助過程，父親救大兒子失敗，三歲小兒子呼救，鄰居施以援手最終成功?！笌椭恕怪黝}是我們肯定能想到的。不過，holdon，回到故事的開始，大兒子為什么會(huì)掉到井里去呢？既然大兒子能掉進(jìn)去，其他小孩子是不是也會(huì)掉進(jìn)去？這井是妥妥的安全隱患啊！所以，我們完全可以在成功救援后安排眾人集思廣益商量如何修復(fù)井口的安全問題，比如加裝防護(hù)欄、增加警示標(biāo)識(shí)等。這樣的話，主題就可以升華為「團(tuán)結(jié)互助創(chuàng)造更安全的社區(qū)環(huán)境」了。是不是瞬間感覺更有東西可寫了。所以，我們?cè)诳紙?chǎng)上需要花一點(diǎn)時(shí)間羅列下角色和重要故事橋段，從關(guān)鍵細(xì)節(jié)中生發(fā)出故事主線。第二段精改

▼Paragraph2:Twentyminuteslater,Louieemerged(出現(xiàn)),thenBrandon,bothcoldandwet.

Words,failedtoexpresstheirgratitudeasthetwowarm-heartedfarmershelpedthemupandledthemintotheircarinordertoshelterfromthecold.

//【父子得救后的反應(yīng)】Nightenveloped

them,

with

thesilvermoonlightilluminatingthefacesofLouieandEverett,

cuddlinguptogether

astheycuddleduptogether.

//【以景襯情】Touchedbythepeacefulsceneofreunion,ChrisandMarkfeltasenseofwarmthcoursingthroughtheirbodies,imbuingthemwith

strenghth

strengthand

makingeverythingworthwhile.

//【鄰居見狀的反應(yīng)】Itwasnotlongbeforetheambulancearrived.Andtheybidfarewell,withthewonderfulmemoryoftheextraordinaryencounter

engrave

engraved

ontheirhearts.

//【故事簡單收尾】XTL

同學(xué)的情節(jié)安排，詞句的表達(dá)都是非常優(yōu)質(zhì)的。尤其是采用了「虛實(shí)結(jié)合」的寫作手法，在寫完父子得救后的反應(yīng)后，來了一句景物描寫，以景襯情，突出了虛驚一場(chǎng)后的歲月靜好，非常有畫面感，很生動(dòng)。當(dāng)然，從最后的收尾看，XTL

同學(xué)在糾結(jié)怎么點(diǎn)題。所以最后的簡單收尾基本就是個(gè)過場(chǎng)，thewonderfulmemoryoftheextraordinaryencounter

著實(shí)是比較空，沒有實(shí)質(zhì)內(nèi)容，有點(diǎn)虛了哈。按照之前給的情節(jié)思路，我這邊寫了一個(gè)版本，僅供參考。父子得救后的反應(yīng)

+

Theharrowing/terrifying

ordealhadended,butitleftalastingimpactoneveryoneinvolved/yetitsimpactlingeredintheheartsofallinvolved.

//【一個(gè)轉(zhuǎn)場(chǎng)，為接下來的危險(xiǎn)預(yù)警措施做過渡】

Intheaftermath,theygatheredtogethertoexplorewaystoenhancethesafetyofthewell’sopening.Drivenbyasharedsenseofresponsibility,theyformedacommitteededicatedtoraisingfundsandimplementingtheproposed/suggested

safetymeasures.Theireffortswerenotinvain.Thewell’sopeningwasfortifiedwithsturdyprotectivebarriers,andconspicuouswarningsignswerestrategicallyplaced.

//【共同努力的過程和成果】Theincidentnotonlyunitedthembutalsoinspired/ignited

arenewedcommitmenttofosteringasafeandcaringenvironmentforall.

//【收尾點(diǎn)題】同樣是簡單收尾，但這塊的

unitedthem

+

inspiredarenewedcommitmenttofosteringasafeandcaringenvironmentforall

是有實(shí)質(zhì)內(nèi)容的，不會(huì)那么虛了。第一段精改

▼Paragraph1:Afterawhile,ChrisandMark,nearbyfarmers,weredrivingbythefarm.

Suddenly,theycaughtsightofatinyfigure,armswavingviolentlywithdesperation,screaminginanattempttodrawtheirattention.“What’swrongboy?”Chris

enquired

inquired,pullingupthecar.“DadandLouiefellintothehole!”Everett

uttered

said/criedout/exclaimed

withtearsofpanic.Astonishedinhearinghiswords,thetwotookactionwithouthesitation.WhileChriswascallingforemergencyhelp,Markfumbledinthetrunkandbroughtoutabundleofrope.Bythetimetheyrushedtothescene,thefatherand

the

sonhadbeen

at

on

theedgeoftotaldespair.

Ashesawthedescendingrope,however,exhilarationandreliefovertookBrandon,whowasalreadynumbwithcold,liftinghissonupwiththelastounceofstrength.

However,ashesawthedescendingrope,Brandonfeltasenseofgreatexhilarationandrelief,usinghislastounceofstrengthtolifthissonup.文章中一些修改大家直接看修改前和修改后的對(duì)比就可以。最后一句從語法的角度看沒有問題，之所以修改一下，是為了讓句子結(jié)構(gòu)更加清晰，表達(dá)更加流暢。一些比較重要的

Tips

給大家單獨(dú)列一下：edge（名詞）的用法具象含義：某個(gè)物體的邊緣或邊界介詞

on

更強(qiáng)調(diào)「平面」的概念，介詞

at

則更強(qiáng)調(diào)「點(diǎn)」的概念抽象含義：某人或某物處于某種狀態(tài)或情況的邊緣（我們用

on

theedgeof）Thecompanyis

onthecuttingedge

oftechnology.處于技術(shù)的前沿或領(lǐng)先地位Hewas

ontheedgeof

anervousbreakdown.處于精神崩潰的