GRE評(píng)改文章及寫作策略

1、包凡一 GRE寫作講義GRE評(píng)改文章及寫作策略Current Problemsno examples or evidence to support statementsfailure to demonstrate the understanding of the complexitythea. implications of a statement (legally ban smoking), b. qualification of a statement (narrow down a general and vague statement), c. and acknowledge merit

2、s in an opposing viewthree body paragraphs instead of two (prepare examples in advance)to apply the TOEFL tactics to GREsimple repition in the final paragraphpoor working vocabularySolutionswrite exampleswrite beginning paragraphs and and an outline for the body part send it to me at my email addres

3、sincrease working vocabularyReserch Paper as an exampleFirst Chapterhypothesis and null-hypothesisliterature reviewmethodology discussionconclusionSecond ChapterThe content of the surveyThe operation or the calculationConcluding ChapterFirst paragraph states what this chapter is about.The last parag

4、raph states what has been talked about.PS as examplesBand 4 and 6 as examples缺乏例證Nonmain stream areas and Huma n NeedsRules: Prese nt your perspective on the issue below, using releva nt reas ons an d/or examples to support your views.Topic: Such nonm ai nstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortun

5、 e-telli ng, andpsychic and para no rmal pursuits play a vital role in society by satisfy ing huma nn eeds that are not addressed by main stream scie nee.原稿： It is true that in con temporary society the nonmain stream areas of in quiry, such as astrology,fortune-tellingand the like, satisfyhumanneed

6、s more than themainstream scienee. But what we should bear in mind is that, always it is themain stream scie nee that point out the way to overcome various obstacles, and light up peoples hope in true meaning.語言錯(cuò)誤：1.“It is true ”是多余的。第一句話中的”more”出了很大的問題，曲解了原意, 把 nonm ai nstream 的作用說的比 ma in stream e

7、nquiry還要重要。原來說的是“ play a vital role ” , 并不是 “ pivotal ” role.書面英語中應(yīng)避免使用“ And the like ”?！叭计鹣Ｍ?：spark hope, kindle hope“l(fā)ight up” 的意思是給人帶來興奮和快樂，如如: The shining report cards lit Father s face up. /The funny caro on picture lit up the childre ns eyes.改后稿：In con temporary society nonmain stream areas o

8、f inquiry such as astrology and fortun e-telli ngsatisfy humanneeds more tha n main stream scie nee. But we shouldbear in mi nd that main stream scie nee always poi ntsthe way to overcome obstaclesand sparks people s hope in finding truth.第1段寫作要求put forth a clear perspectivedemonstrate the understan

9、ding of the complexities or implications of the issue.prepare readers for the main ideas of the followi ng paragraphs改后稿 2. In deed, astrology, fortune-telling and psychic readings can sometimes provide comfort when we are feeling sad, color our lives when we are bored, and spark hope whe n we are d

10、epressed. But these pursuits are ultimately based on falsehood and their ben efits are short-livedand illusi on ary.Sice nee remai ns themost reliable means through which we understand ourselves, derive wisdom, con fide nee and hope.原稿： Although called nonmainstream areas, weshould not ignore that t

11、o someextent, these areas such as astrology play an active role in society. We can see that in various festivals, no matter Chinese (such as Spring Festival) or Wester n (such as Vale nti nes Day), people are willi ng to resort to astrology, mostly hop ing to meet good luck. This kind of activitiy a

12、lways meets their needs, because the anquivolentnature of astrology desti nesJtWLnot dampe n peoples en thusiasm and hope. With these nonmain stream areas peoples life becomes more colorful.點(diǎn)評(píng)：第一句話語法錯(cuò)誤，主語應(yīng)該是”these areas ” ,但是現(xiàn)在看上去變成了“We .“ No matter ”應(yīng)改為“ whether ”。“meet good luck ” 不是好的英語表達(dá)?！癟his k

13、ind ”后面應(yīng)該是復(fù)數(shù)?！?destine ”一詞表示 “一定”，通常是用形容詞： He wasdestined for an important career in the Church of En gla nd. /By family traditi on he was dest ined for a career as a regular army officer.Man dela s stateme nt from pris on dest ined to smolder in the homes and serva nt quarters.改后稿： Although they ar

14、e called nonmainstream, weshould admit that to someextent, beliefs such as astrology play an active role in society. Wecan see that in various holidays, whether Chinese or Western, people are willing to resort to nonmainstream ideas. These kinds of activities meet our needs because they encourage en

15、thusiasm and hope and make people s lives more colorful.評(píng)語：本文中的例子不足以支持論點(diǎn)，情人節(jié)不是什么占星術(shù)，人們也不會(huì)寄希其帶來好運(yùn)。中國的春節(jié)習(xí)俗在中國是非常主流的文化內(nèi)容，不能算是非主流的。國外源于 宗教的節(jié)日都不能歸類于非主流。作者說了非主流的信仰能夠豐富人們的生活，我們一定要用具體的實(shí)例來說明這些信仰如何豐富了人們的生活其實(shí)，在這段中可以說明一下非科學(xué)的信仰解決了人們的什么方面的需求，在接下來的段落中對(duì)比說明科學(xué)又能給人們帶來什么不同的好處。改后稿 2： Although they are called nonmainstre

16、am, we should admit that to someexte nt, beliefs such as astrology play an active role in society. A gla nee at the astrology column in different newspapers and magazines reveals do s and don ts that con tai n more en courageme nt tha n warni ng. . Freque ntly there are phrases like:“Aquarius should

17、 cease feeling depressed or exerting pressures on yourself” ,or “ Chan ces are good that Leo will get a promotio n this week, so keep moving on and show your tale nt to your boss ” , or “ Things may go astray for Virgo this week, yet just wait to see the silver lining next week. ” These nonmainstrea

18、m con tributio ns meet a n eed because they foster en thusiasm and hope and add color to our lives.改后稿3：astrology, and psychicAlthough they are called nonmain stream, we should admit that to some exte nt, beliefs such as astrology play some role in society. Grievi ng family members seek ing to con t

19、act their lost relatives find comfort in believ ing that mediums can con tact the dead. Some people who are worried about their jobs or facing difficult decisions feel more assured about the future when they consult a palm-reader or fortun e-teller. Those who lack power or feel that the earth is a I

20、on ely place in the vast uni verse may find a more acceptable perspective in believing that other benevolent beings exist. Witchcraft,phe nomenoncan be found in most cultures as man s attempt to expla in the uni verse, or to gain power over a world in which huma ns are otherwise helpless.改后稿4:Most p

21、eople do not order their lives accordi ng to the para no rmal, many would bewilling to consider them as explanations when science fails or a possibility inthe background of what is real. A husband who has lost his wife might have veryvivid dreams in which he talks to her. Psychologymay say that this

22、 resulted fromhis own subconscious wishes, but the husband may find himself believing that his wife has spoke n from the dead. A father whose child has bee n kid napped might consult a psychic for visions of where the child has been taken if the police investigations have failed. It seems that peopl

23、e can trust in science, but are willing to consider other possibilities when scientific explanations fail them.原稿： The nonmainstream areas can do harm to the society, only when people dont inq uire them merely for fun, but for resolution of life instead. It is ignorance because no one in the world c

24、ould point out way for others, n either does the God. Only those people with con fide nce have the posibility to successfully solve problems.評(píng)點(diǎn)：“ Doharm to ” 改為“ harm”，因?yàn)楦苯?。英語里有“ does more harm tha n good” ,“did little harm ”這樣的表達(dá)法，但是“對(duì)。有害”應(yīng)該直接用“harm” ,或者beharmful to, detrimental to.解決問題”“ the God

25、改為 “ God ” 或是 “the Gods0 “resolution ” 是“決心”的意思：NewYearresoluti on.或者是“決議” 的意思，如： a resoluti on of the dispute.中的“解決”要用“ solve ”或者 “ solution與前面的毛病一樣，這段中只闡明了觀點(diǎn)，但是沒有提出任何地例證來支持他的觀點(diǎn)。只說論點(diǎn)，不講證據(jù)是中國學(xué)生的普遍問題。另外，在英語國家里，上帝是主流的而不是“非 主流的”。在內(nèi)容上又有點(diǎn)偏題。文篇的題目是主流與非主流，可以定義為科學(xué)與迷信，但 是宗教并不是迷信。宗教在西方社會(huì)是居于主流地位的。這一段的措辭有點(diǎn)像是討論科

26、學(xué) 與宗教的關(guān)系。改后稿：Nonmainstream areas can harm society when people look to them for genuinesoluti ons to real problems, not just for fun. This is done from ignoran ce, sincen obody, not eve n God, can provide any an swers. Only people with con fide nee can successfully solve their problems.改后稿 2： Nonmain

27、stream areas can be harmful when people look to them for genuine soluti ons to real problems, not just for fun. A pers on who becomes ill shouldseek help from a health care professional but should not resort to consulting afortune-teller.Astrologers may believe that the rotationof planets accounts f

28、orin flue nza, yet aspiri n is defi nitely more effective in treat ing its symptoms. Asfor in dividuals, only people with con fide nee and problem-sol vingskills cansurm ount difficulties. If you treat an importa nt in terview lightly just becausethe astrology column says that you have will fabulous

29、 luck in job-hunting, you may rui n a great opport uni ty.原稿： And the mainstream scienee plays the very vital role to provide people with reas on able methods. These scie nee are based on practical experime nts, carefully an alize and reas oning. They may not seem as good as those nonmain stream are

30、as in satisfying human needs, but under their artless face they give people real help.改后稿： On the other hand, science plays the very vital role of providing people with reasoned methods to conduct life. Science is based on practical experiments, careful analysis, and reasoning.They may not seem as m

31、iraculous as nonmainstream areas in satisfying humanneeds, but under their artless face they give people real help.改后稿 2： On the other hand, the history of mankind has amply demonstrated that, science based on experiments and analysis, provide people with reasoned methods to conduct life. Psychology

32、 explaines humanbehavior. Sociology enlightens people on their relationship with their surrounding environment. Modern medicine has advanced so much that it is now possible to predict cancer even before a child is born.評(píng)語: 本段的結(jié)構(gòu)很好，但跟前面所有的段落一樣，缺乏真正能夠支持論點(diǎn)的的實(shí)例。原稿： Generally speaking, the so called nonm

33、ainstream areas color our life to agreat extent, but we should believe in the mainstream science whenwewant to resolve problems.改后稿： Mainstream areas color our lives to a great extent, but we should put our trust in mainstream science when we want to solve real problems.評(píng)語：用法錯(cuò)誤：“So-called ”暗示所提及的內(nèi)容不

34、是真正意義上的非主流，只是這樣叫 罷了1. loss of loved onesmedium, sea ncesPrese nReasonIdeasEffectivMa nyteds/Well-focueViolatioIn sighExamplsed AndVocabulans oftfuleswell-orgary AndConventiPositiPersuani zed?Sentenceon s?on?sive?Variety?NNNYY總評(píng)：這篇習(xí)作所犯的錯(cuò)誤非常有代表性，提出的觀點(diǎn)幾乎完全沒有例證。這是中國學(xué)生 最大的通病。許多學(xué)生似乎覺得如果觀點(diǎn)是公認(rèn)的，就不需要例證了。但是現(xiàn)在

35、是在考寫 作能力，其中最重要的一條就是能否用恰當(dāng)?shù)乩C支持觀點(diǎn)。至于觀點(diǎn)是否新穎還是其次 的考量。第二個(gè)錯(cuò)誤，也是非常普遍的錯(cuò)誤就是沒有表現(xiàn)出對(duì)問題的復(fù)雜性的理解。有的任課老師 把這一點(diǎn)說成是“表達(dá)復(fù)雜思想的能力”。這樣說不準(zhǔn)確。GRE作文不要求表達(dá)“復(fù)雜的思 想”，而是表現(xiàn)出認(rèn)識(shí)到議題的復(fù)雜性的能力。 GREF題目往往不是黑白分明的，你可以有 自己的觀點(diǎn)，多么強(qiáng)烈都可以，但是從第一段起，就要注意展現(xiàn)對(duì)問題復(fù)雜性的認(rèn)識(shí)。具 體說，就是你反駁或不同意的觀點(diǎn)往往也有它的道理。關(guān)于打草稿關(guān)于最后寫第一段n eeds met by the para normal-fortune tellingdeci

36、sion-making, uncertainty about the futurelack of power occult, witchcraftfeeli ngs of Ion eli ness in the cosmos extra terrestrials, othermythical beingsdifficultyrelatingto people,need to be understood psychic,astrology沒有理解原題的復(fù)雜性，沒有論據(jù)Attitudes Towards Two Types of Law對(duì)兩種法律的態(tài)度Rules: Present your per

37、spective on the issue below, using relevant reasons and/or examples too support your views.Topic: There are two types of laws: just and unjust. Every individual in a society has a responsibility to obey just laws and, even more importantly, to disobey and resist unjust laws.原稿： In almost everyone s

38、opinions, t here are two kinds of laws in our society: just and unjust. Howshould we take our attitudes to these two different laws? Some say that we should only obey just laws and disobey and resist unjust laws; others say that all the individuals should obey these two kinds of laws. In my point of

39、 view, I am favor the first one attitude.改后稿： In most people s opinion, there are only two types of laws in our society: just and unjust. What kind of attitude should we have towards these laws? Some people say that we should only obey the just laws and ignore the rest, others say that all laws must

40、 be obeyed. I personally agree with the first attitude.Comments:An essay should be started with confidence, almost everyone is replaced with most to give the introduction more power.評(píng)語：這像TOEFL文篇的開篇。完全不對(duì)。應(yīng)體現(xiàn)出作者的自信，將“ almost everyone ”改為“ most”增加開頭的力度原稿： First, laws are the fundamentals of our society

41、, especially in the modern society, so everyone should obey the laws to maintain our society to operate properly. All the rights such as freedom, democracy, and independence and so on we now hold can only be protected by the laws. If someone does not obey the laws, he will do as much harm to himself

42、 as to our society; if everyone in our society does not obey laws, our society will be corrupted and all the people will be the hazards to others.改后稿： Laws are the fundamental backbone of society, especially modern society, and everyone must obey the law to maintain society. The rights that we hold

43、dear, such as freedom, democracy and independence, exist because they are protected by law. If a person breaks the law he harms both himself and society. If everyone breaks the law society will begin to break down.評(píng)語：全文都是空話。原稿： Secondly, as an organic integrity, that has its own play rules here we c

44、all it laws. If the laws themselves are unjust, it is unconceivable that they can preserve fair play? Moreover, unjust laws poison our society and they penalize innocent people rather than guilty ones. So we should resist unjust laws.改后稿： Often normal and natural rules and behaviors are turned into

45、laws. However, when laws become outdated and unjust how can they benefit society? Unjust laws are a detriment to society and end up penalizing innocent, rather than guilty people. If we want to preserve our society we should resist unjust laws.評(píng)語：既空洞，又跑題。原稿：Fin ally, as I have men ti oned above, law

46、s arethe fun dame ntal ofour societyand un just laws will do much harm to our society and every one of us, we should not merely resist unjust laws. I think we should obey just laws and makeour efforts to ame nd unjust laws and make more and more just laws out of un just laws.改后稿： Laws are the backbo

47、ne of our society, with just laws preserving and unjust laws endan geri ng our way of life. I n order to main tai n a healthy society we mustnot only obey the just laws and resist the unjust ones, we must also work to reform un just laws.評(píng)語：反復(fù)說一樣的話，可通過調(diào)整句式避免重復(fù)。Prese nReasonsIdeasEffectivMa nyted/wel

48、l-focuseViolatioIn sighExampleed andVocabulans oftfulswell-orga nry AndConventiPositiPersuasized?Sentenceon s?on?ive?Variety?NNNNY總評(píng)：作者有他的觀點(diǎn)和想法，但談不上in sightful positio n.論證錯(cuò)誤且沒有例證句式多樣化，但用詞不準(zhǔn)。該篇文篇需要整改。寫作策略： Attitudes Towards Two Types of LawsTopic: There are two types of laws: just and unjust. Every

49、individual in a society has a responsibility to obey just laws and, even more importantly, to disobey and resist unjust laws.Most students will think that unjust laws should be resisted and take this viewpoint. The problem for the writer, then is to argue that resisting a law is good. His audience w

50、ill probably be won over if he can prove that disobeying unjust laws is not lawless, is not anti-government, and is, in fact, good.Therefore, to make a strong argument, it would be a good idea to use concrete examples of which kinds of laws should be resisted. The writer should define what he means

51、by unjust laws in order to let the reader know that he is not agreeing with unthinking lawlessness. The writer should also be careful to think of examples that his reader will recognize. The reader can then identify with the need for some people to stand against these unjust laws.Rough Outline:Do we

52、 have a responsibility to disobey and resist unjust laws? Argument: it isnecessary and even good to resist laws that are morally wrong or that create social injustice.When it is right to obey an unjust law / definition of an unjust law:It is harmful to one segment of society.Society will be helped i

53、f the law could be changed. (suffrage)The laws are obsolete based on a different era. (migrant workers are deprived of the freedom to travel)Abortion needs employer certificates.Remember the three tasks of the first paragraphTo stand against injustice and defend against injustice should extend as fa

54、r as resisting and even disobeying unjust laws, but only when the injustice is great enough to warrant it. A distinction must be made between a law that is intrinsically unjust and a law that is not in itself unfair. In a stable society where rule of law provides an environment of fairness, a few ci

55、tizens will usually be found who are willing to stand against the unfairness to make changes without upsetting the fabric of society. This sort of civil disobedience has colored and improved many societies, and is usually recognized as beneficial when no other options presented themselves.One type o

56、f law that requires civil disobedience is any law that breaks our basic moral code. Laws that are unjust to one segment of society, that discriminate, repress, disenfranchise, and take the lives of one group in society are worthy of civil disobedience. Such laws are, in themselves, morally unbearabl

57、e. The person who bends to such an unjust law must break his own moral code. During World War II, whenHitler s fanaticism required his countrymen to take the lives of innocent people, many quietly resisted and lost their lives as well. Although unable to change the immediate course of events, those

58、who rescued and hid Jews during theholocaust are regarded as hono rable in a time of shame.It is also a duty to disobey a law that is unjust whe n we know our resista nee will ben efit society. Laws that unn eeessarily restrict freedom and produce sufferi ng ofte n can only be cha nged through civil

59、 disobedie nee because those in power are afraid to make cha nges. Society has recog ni zed the bravery of people who have disobeyed such un just laws. Few would con test that Martin Luther King, Jr., in lead ing his race and to sta nd aga inst the tyra nny of injustice and seek equal treatment, was

60、 doing a great service for his generation and his country. Even though the Jim Crow laws did not threate n lives, Marti n Luther Ki ng Jr. s call forresistance marked the birth of civil rights in his country, sparking the AmericanIn dia n Moveme nt and the Harlem Ren aissa nce.Civil disobedie nce ha