兒童英文笑話

1、_Tell a lieMom: "Which banana do you want, Victor?"Victor: "I want that one of the greatest."Mom: "Victor, you should be polite, to have that little one."Victor: "Mom, I must lie to be polite?"媽媽： “你要哪一只香蕉，維克多？”維克多： “我要那只最大的?！眿寢專?“維克多，你應(yīng)該懂禮貌，要那只小的?！本S克多： “媽媽，難道

2、懂禮貌就必須說謊嗎？”I Don't Like an Argument我不想爭論Gerald, asked the teacher, what is the shape of the earth?It's round, answered Gerald.How do you know it's round? continued the teacher.All right, it's square then, he replied, I really don't feel like getting into an argument about it!杰拉爾德

3、，老師問：地球是什么形狀？是圓形的，杰拉爾德回答道。你怎么知道是圓的？老師又問。好吧，那它是方的，學(xué)生回答說：我可不想與你爭論這件事情。Two Birds兩只鳥Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.Teacher: Please tell us.Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow

4、 and the sparrow is beside the swallow.老師：這兒有兩只鳥，一只是麻雀。誰能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎？學(xué)生：我指不出，但我知道答案。老師：請說說看。學(xué)生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。Three Turtles三只烏龜Three turtles decided to have a cup of coffee. Just as they got into the cafe, it started to rain.The biggest turtle said to the smallest one, " Go home and get

5、 the umbrella."The little turtle replied, "I will, if you don't drink my offee.""We won't," the other two promised.精品資料_Two years later the big turtle said to the middle turtle, "Well, I guess he isn't coming back, so we might aswell drink his coffee."J

6、ust then a voice called from outside the door, "If you do, I won't go."三只烏龜決定去喝咖啡。它們剛到咖啡店的門口，就下起雨來。于是最大的那只烏龜對最小的烏龜說，“回家去取傘吧。 ”最小的烏龜說，“如果你們不把我的咖啡喝了，我就去?！薄拔覀儾缓龋?”另外兩只烏龜答應(yīng)說。兩年后，大烏龜對中烏龜說，“好吧，我猜他肯定不回來了，我們可以把它的咖啡喝掉了?！闭谶@時，一個聲音從門外傳來，“你們要是喝了，我就不去。”Who Is the Laziest誰最懶Father: Well, Tom, I aske

7、d to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question. Who is thelaziest person in your class?Tom: I don't know, father.Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing and writing, who sits in the class andonly watches how other people work?Tom: Our teacher, father.父親

8、：哎，湯姆，今天我跟你們老師談過，現(xiàn)在我想問你個問題。你們班上誰最懶？湯姆：我不知道，爸爸。父親：啊，不對，你知道！想想看，當(dāng)別的孩子們都在做作業(yè)、寫字時，誰在課堂上坐著，只是看人家做功課？湯姆：我們老師，爸爸。But the teacher cried可是老師哭了The six-year-old John was terriblyspoiled （被寵壞的） . His father knew it, but his grandma dotedon him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cri

9、ed or threw atempertantrum （亂發(fā)脾氣） . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother'sloving arms.When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.Was school all right? she asked, Did you get along all right? did you cry?Cry? John asked. No, I didn't cr

10、y, but the teacher did!六歲的約翰嬌生慣養(yǎng)。他的父親知道這一點，可他的祖父母仍然寵著他。這孩子幾乎寸步不離他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是鬧。他第一天上學(xué)才離開祖母的懷抱。約翰放學(xué)了，他奶奶在門口接他并問道：學(xué)校怎么樣？你過的好嗎？哭了沒有？哭？約翰問，不，我沒哭，可老師哭了。精品資料_Who is Stupid誰愚蠢A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyonewho thinks you're

11、stupid, stand up!"Little Johnny then stood up.The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?""No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"一個老師在對學(xué)生們講心理學(xué)，“誰認為自己蠢就站起來？”她一開始就說。小約翰尼站了起來。“你認為你很蠢嗎，小約翰尼？”老師問?！安皇堑?，老師，我只是不喜歡看你一個人站著。”Lost Purse丟失的錢包

12、A lady lost her handbag. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse,she commented, "Hmmm. That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there aretwenty $1 bills."The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time

13、I found a lady's purse, she didn't have anychange for a reward."一個女人丟了手提包，有一個誠實的小孩撿到后交還給了她。她看了看錢包，說：“嗯，這么有趣，我丟的時候里面是一張20 美元，現(xiàn)在成了20 張一美元。 ”“沒錯，夫人。 ”小男孩立刻回答道，“上次我撿到錢包時，那位夫人沒有零錢獎賞給我?！盜 know who god is我知道上帝是誰了A boy says to her mother, Mom, is God a man or woman?The mom thinks a while and sa

14、ys, Well, son, God is both man and woman.The son is confused, so he asks, Is God black or white?The mother replies, God is both black and white, honey.The son, still curious, says after a while, Is God gay or straight, mommy?The mother, getting a little worried, answers, Son, God is both gay andstra

15、ight.The son thinks about it, and his face lights up when he thinks he finally has answered his question: IsGod Michael Jackson?兒子：媽媽，上帝是白人還是黑人？媽媽：寶貝，上帝是白人也是黑人！兒子：那上帝是男人還是女人？精品資料_媽媽：寶貝，上帝是男人也是女人！兒子：哦。我知道了，上帝是邁克爾·杰克遜！His Fault他的錯Billy: Mother, Bobby broke a window.Mother: How did he do it?Billy:

16、 I threw a rock at him and he ducked.比利：媽媽，波比打壞了窗玻璃。媽媽：他怎么打的？比利：我向他扔石頭，他躲開了。Like father, like son有其父必有其子Son: Papa, what's the meaning of " Like father, like son"?Father: Bastard. What another scandalous thing have you done in the school?兒子：爸爸， “有其父必有其子”是什么意思呀？父親：狗崽子，你在學(xué)校又干什么見不得人的事啦？The

17、y're Busy他們很忙One day, the phone rang, and a little boy answered."May I speak to your parents? ""They're busy. ""Oh. Is anybody else there? ""The police. ""Can I speak to them?""They're busy. ""Oh. Is anybody else there? &qu

18、ot;"The firemen. ""Can I speak to them? ""They're busy. ""So let me get this straight - your parents, the police, and the firemen are there, but they're all busy?What are they doing?""Looking for me. "電話鈴響了，小男孩接了電話。“請你父母聽電話好嗎？”“他們很忙。 ”“噢，那家里還

19、有其他人嗎？”精品資料_“還有警察。 ”“我可以和他們說話嗎？”“他們很忙。 ”“那還有其他人嗎？”“還有消防員。 ”“我可以和他們說話嗎？”“他們也很忙。 ”“請直接告訴我 你的父母、警察和消防員都在你家，但他們都很忙，他們到底在干什么？”“在找我。 ”Tom's excuse湯姆的借口Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, School-Go Slow.老師：湯姆，您為什么每天上學(xué)遲到？湯姆：我每次路過拐角，一個路標上

20、面寫著：學(xué)校- 慢行。I can not see it at all我根本就看不見After supper, the parents were busy playing mah-jong with the guests. At this point the mother thought ofsomething and said to her son who was watching TV, "Honey, go see if the kitchen light is on or not?"After a while, her son returned and said, &

21、quot;Ma, the kitchen is so dark that I cannot see it at all."晚飯后，父親和母親都忙著和客人玩麻將，這時母親忽然想起點兒事來，便對正在看電視的兒子說道：“寶貝，去看看廚房里的燈是不是還開著呢？”過了一會兒，兒子回來說：“媽，廚房里太黑了，我根本就看不見。 ”The New Teacher新老師George comes from school on the first of September."George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mo

22、ther."I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two andfour were six too."9 月 1 日，喬治放學(xué)回到家里?！皢讨危阆矚g你們的新老師嗎？”媽媽問。“媽媽，我不喜歡，因為她說3加3得6, 可后來又說2加4也得 6?！盜f I am a Manager如果我是一個經(jīng)理One day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write

23、a compositionIf I Am a Manager.All the students began to write except a boy. The teacher went to him and asked the reason.I am waiting for my secretary, was the boys answer.精品資料_一天課上，老師要同學(xué)們以如果我是一個經(jīng)理為題寫一篇作文。所有的學(xué)生都在動筆寫了，只有一個男生例外。老師走過去問他為什么不寫。我在等我的秘書。那孩子答道。Big hands大手Teacher: If I had seven oranges in

24、one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?Student: Big hands.老師：如果我左手上有7 個桔子，右手上有8 個桔子。那么我有什么？學(xué)生：大手。一場特殊的足球比賽Mike was late for school. He said to his teacher, Mr. Black, "Excuse me for my coming late, sir. I watcheda football match in my dream.""Why did it make you late?" inquired the teacher."Because neither team could win the game, so it lasted a long time." rep