讀后續(xù)寫--驚慌安慰篇PPT課件

1、2021/7/241續(xù)寫續(xù)寫-驚慌篇驚慌篇 安慰篇安慰篇2021/7/242 驚慌篇驚慌篇1. Rigo was a little nervous , lowering his head and couldnt help trembling , but he forced himself not to panic . 2. Sensing my stress and fear of the unknown, he tried to make me laugh . 感知到我對未來的緊張和擔(dān)憂，感知到我對未來的緊張和擔(dān)憂， .3. He was about to respond when he f

2、elt his tongue tied and palms sweating . 舌頭打結(jié)舌頭打結(jié) 手心出汗手心出汗4. A flood of tension welled up in him ./Tension flooded over him . 5. His heart beat wildly and his legs trembled , feeling his throat tightened . 感到嗓子發(fā)緊感到嗓子發(fā)緊6. Scared and nervous , she was frozen to the spot . 安慰篇安慰篇詞組：詞組：1. pat sb. on the

3、 shoulder 2. look sb. gently in the eyes 3. cast comforting glance at sb.4. hug/hold sb. in ones arms句子：句子：1. He didnt say a word , but smiled a watery smile and held my hands tightly . 2. She stroked(輕撫）輕撫）her fingers through my hair , and said ,”Things are going to be fine .”3.The woman was starin

4、g tenderly(和善溫柔地和善溫柔地at the girl , wiping out tears from her cheek . 4. Seeing her condition , I immediately felt a huge surge(洶涌）洶涌）of sympathy for her . It was coming deep from within my heart. 2021/7/2432021/7/2442021/7/245Para. Time Place Plot EmotionPara.1 a past experience airport 3 hours late

5、r got to the watched set my luggage on the airport sidewalk Why?- anxious : my anxiety had just begunPara. 2 terminal ofmy first visit alone-unfamiliarhad to find help- couldnt be late anxious+ panicPara. 3 tried but in vain another bus followed anxious awful- hopefulPara. 4 elevators Floor 3 was ab

6、andoned pressed button 3 no check-in counters in despair helpless hopeless Para. 5 Tears formed in my eyes as I saw the empty hall and realized that I would miss my plane. 點(diǎn)點(diǎn)1 點(diǎn)點(diǎn)2 1. I 失望難過失望難過表現(xiàn)表現(xiàn) 2. 老人見到老人見到安慰安慰-主動(dòng)主動(dòng)提出幫助提出幫助Para. 6 When I turned to thank him , he was gone.點(diǎn)點(diǎn)1 點(diǎn)點(diǎn)2I 遺憾遺憾 心懷感激心懷感激 從中

7、學(xué)到什么？從中學(xué)到什么？ 讀原文（一個(gè)中心兩個(gè)基本點(diǎn)三條線）預(yù)測全文走向（兩條線）定結(jié)局讀原文（一個(gè)中心兩個(gè)基本點(diǎn)三條線）預(yù)測全文走向（兩條線）定結(jié)局讀首句定段意讀首句定段意- 細(xì)節(jié)刻畫細(xì)節(jié)刻畫2021/7/246Who :WhenWhere:Why:How: I , an airport employee Before taking my plane home the terminal airport , the elevator , the third floor I was anxious , for this was the first visit alone to the airpo

8、rt This was my visit_ to the international terminal of the airport . Nothing was_, and I even didnt know _was the check-in-counter. I tried to ask a passing business man but failed because I didnt express clearly. Another bus arrived , I _ all the passengers and finally reached the _ , but I didnt m

9、anage to fit in and was _again . Then I got on it , but I pressed the wrong button 3 . On the third floor , there was no check-in-counter at all . I looked around _ , only to find_standing at the corner . alone familiar where followed abandoned abandoned shyly an elderly man情感：情感： anxious , my anxie

10、ty panic (couldnt be late) awful embarrassed (my words all came out wrong) ( followed ) at a loss ，shy , awkward , worried, helpless 結(jié)局：結(jié)局：Message /lesson- 感受愛，感受愛， 傳遞愛傳遞愛Step1：準(zhǔn)確理解材料，確定續(xù)寫結(jié)局：準(zhǔn)確理解材料，確定續(xù)寫結(jié)局一個(gè)中心，三條基本線：一個(gè)中心，三條基本線：沿著時(shí)間線沿著時(shí)間線 抓住情節(jié)線抓住情節(jié)線 抓牢情感線抓牢情感線 明確寫作目的明確寫作目的 -預(yù)測走向預(yù)測走向2021/7/247 第二步：結(jié)合首句

11、，設(shè)計(jì)兩段內(nèi)容第二步：結(jié)合首句，設(shè)計(jì)兩段內(nèi)容文本末：文本末：I looked around shyly , only to find an elderly man standing at the corner . He was an airport employee . P1:Tears formed in my eyes as I saw the empty hall and realized that I would miss my plane . P2: When I turned to thank him for all his help , he was gone . 可推知可推知P

12、1：得到那個(gè)老人的幫助。：得到那個(gè)老人的幫助。1. 銜接提示句，銜接提示句， 老人注意到我，老人注意到我， 如何注意到？如何注意到？ 我的動(dòng)作被看到我的動(dòng)作被看到2. 我的回應(yīng)我的回應(yīng) 心情心情 舉止舉止3. 幫助過程幫助過程找到找到check-in-counter- the inspection counterP2: 被幫助之后想表達(dá)感激未果后的感悟和此次經(jīng)歷的收獲被幫助之后想表達(dá)感激未果后的感悟和此次經(jīng)歷的收獲/觸動(dòng)觸動(dòng)1. 銜接提示句，銜接提示句， be gone 作者的作者的 反應(yīng)。反應(yīng)。2. 作者的內(nèi)心感激之情。作者的內(nèi)心感激之情。3. Message /lesson- 感受愛，感受

13、愛， 傳遞愛傳遞愛 第三步：細(xì)節(jié)描寫，注意全文結(jié)尾句第三步：細(xì)節(jié)描寫，注意全文結(jié)尾句 動(dòng)作動(dòng)作 心理心理 句間邏輯句間邏輯 4. 契合度契合度2021/7/248交流方式與原文？交流方式與原文？2021/7/249Problems 思路：偏思路：偏過過少少 1) 每段第二句話：每段第二句話： 重復(fù)重復(fù) tears 寫別的不該寫的寫別的不該寫的 我期待有人幫我我期待有人幫我 I couldnt find him 第一段末尾句寫過頭了：登上飛機(jī)第一段末尾句寫過頭了：登上飛機(jī) 沒寫到安檢處沒寫到安檢處 2) 第二段最后：第二段最后： 感悟自己的語言學(xué)習(xí)感悟自己的語言學(xué)習(xí) 感悟世界上還有愛感悟世界上還

14、有愛 不正：如果我沒遇到他的話，我原本就不會(huì)不正：如果我沒遇到他的話，我原本就不會(huì) 3) 每段細(xì)節(jié)描寫時(shí)應(yīng)突出主人公：誰是主人公，就應(yīng)誰作主語每段細(xì)節(jié)描寫時(shí)應(yīng)突出主人公：誰是主人公，就應(yīng)誰作主語 ： 老人怎么不厭其煩地主動(dòng)幫忙老人怎么不厭其煩地主動(dòng)幫忙 不能寫不能寫I 做做 2. 詞匯語法錯(cuò)誤多，失分點(diǎn)明顯：詞匯語法錯(cuò)誤多，失分點(diǎn)明顯： lead led led pat- patted patted startstarted guidance 腦中無規(guī)則腦中無規(guī)則 信馬由韁漢語式信馬由韁漢語式3. 只陳述事實(shí)，不加以描寫：只陳述事實(shí)，不加以描寫： He came to me. He asked

15、 me what happened I told him . 讀例句體會(huì)方法讀例句體會(huì)方法2021/7/24101. Seeing me crying with sadness, the elderly employee came up to me ,patted me on the shoulder, and gently asked me what had happened, which made me feel relieved and hopeful. 三連動(dòng)手法三連動(dòng)手法+副詞副詞 3.Fortunately, no sooner had I sobbed for my situat

16、ion than the elderly employee came smiling up to me and said in a comforting voice, “What can I do for you, guy? ” -伴隨狀語表示形態(tài)伴隨狀語表示形態(tài) 加定語更形象生動(dòng)加定語更形象生動(dòng) show-not tell said smiling come running ran out shouting stormed out roaring “” 4.Never before had I felt so excited that I couldnt wait to follow him

17、, sighing with relief. sothat 表示后果表示后果5.Hardly could I conceal/hide my excitement at the thought of the fact that I would go home smoothly. 倒裝增強(qiáng)語氣倒裝增強(qiáng)語氣6. If he hadnt lent me a warm hand, I would have been lost long and wouldnt have boarded the plane in time and got home at last. 虛擬語氣表心情虛擬語氣表心情 （感激后

18、悔遺憾）（感激后悔遺憾）7.What a kind man who even didnt give me a chance to express how appreciative l I was! 感嘆句表達(dá)感激之情感嘆句表達(dá)感激之情 有意識(shí)有意識(shí)-多嘗試多嘗試In Mothers armsFall asleep Have a deep sleepSleep soundlyHead on the shoulderThe boy felt very tired.to tell:to show:微技能微技能-細(xì)節(jié)描寫細(xì)節(jié)描寫 “how to show”Tom felt so exhausted t

19、hat he lay in Mothers arms , sleeping soundly.“So+ adj./adv. + that.”So exhausted did Tom feel that he lay in Mothers arms , sleeping soundly.Tom felt so that 細(xì)節(jié)描寫之細(xì)節(jié)描寫之 “how to show”Hungry and exhausted, Tom threw himself into Mothers arms and fell into a deep sleep in a few seconds . 動(dòng)作描寫可以表現(xiàn)人物性格特

20、征，反映其心理活動(dòng)，推動(dòng)故事情節(jié)。要選擇特定動(dòng)作描寫可以表現(xiàn)人物性格特征，反映其心理活動(dòng)，推動(dòng)故事情節(jié)。要選擇特定場景，抓住人物特定的動(dòng)作反應(yīng)，采用場景，抓住人物特定的動(dòng)作反應(yīng)，采用活躍具體的動(dòng)詞活躍具體的動(dòng)詞 搭配高級(jí)句式搭配高級(jí)句式，細(xì)致描述，更具畫面感！，細(xì)致描述，更具畫面感！_(感到又餓又累) , Tom lay in Mothers arms and fell asleep. Feeling hungry and exhausted非謂語動(dòng)詞作狀語非謂語動(dòng)詞作狀語”-ing /-ed/ to do ”細(xì)節(jié)描寫之細(xì)節(jié)描寫之 “how to show”Tears formed in my

21、 eyes as I saw the empty hall and realized that I would miss my plane.I flapped down on the floor, with a long hopeless sigh and sank into deep sadness. It seemed that the elderly employee saw me. He came up to me , patted me on the shoulder, and gently asked me what had happened, which made me feel

22、 relieved and comfortable. 賞析第一段賞析第一段賞析第二段賞析第二段2021/7/2417Para1 But no more helicopter came and it was dark. There was nothing but silence. and missed her husband, Tom, a great deal. She couldnt help crying, clutching her hair. , having a deep and long breath, Jane . Jane concentrated all efforts on

23、 walking down along the stream. , she eventually reached an open area. , she fell asleep. Para 2 It was break when Jane woke up. The sun shone lightly，bringing warmth and hope to the world. Jane stayed at the open area patiently to wait for others help. About two hours later, a helicopter that looke

24、d like the one she had seen the day before caught her eyes. Jane took off her yellow blouse to flag them and yelled out to draw their attention. Thank goodness! The helicopter noticed her and come closer, finally landing at the open area. Her husband, Tom, got out of the helicopter and rushed toward

25、s her. Surprised and overjoyed a lot, Jane hugged him tightly and told him how much she loved him . At the moment, the mountain was filled with love. 如何描寫如何描寫: 動(dòng)作神態(tài)描寫動(dòng)作神態(tài)描寫 心理描寫心理描寫 環(huán)境描寫環(huán)境描寫 對話描寫對話描寫 看看 聽聽 聞聞 觸觸 動(dòng)動(dòng) 感感 2021/7/2418Para1 But no more helicopter came and it was dark. “I shouldnt have left Tom”， thought Jane. Feeling disappointed, Jane had to stay alone for another night. After walking a long distance again, it occurred to her that she had a box of matches with her. She was wild with joy and