【讀后續(xù)寫】2021年6月高考讀后續(xù)寫臨門一腳：強(qiáng)化語篇分析 名師課件-吳俊峰

強(qiáng)化語篇分析，把握關(guān)鍵技能2021年6月高考讀后續(xù)寫臨門一腳情感主線是亮點(diǎn)/情節(jié)邏輯是基點(diǎn)/語言豐富是看點(diǎn)常山一中

吳俊峰基于語義連貫，回扣主題意義01規(guī)劃宏觀語篇模式的結(jié)構(gòu)圖讓主題思想插上騰飛的翅膀八次高考讀后續(xù)寫：對比分析1考試時間2016.102017.062017.102018.062020.012020.072020.07(山東)2021.01主旨大意叢林逃生狼口脫險(xiǎn)健忘媽媽旅行記父子尋路為狗找伴和北極熊面對面度過經(jīng)濟(jì)難關(guān)南瓜卡頭篇章結(jié)構(gòu)問題--解決問題--解決概括--具體問題--解決問題--解決問題--解決問題--解決問題--解決“沖突-危機(jī)-解決模式”是讀后續(xù)寫常見的敘事結(jié)構(gòu)主題語境人與自然人與自然人與社會人與自然人與社會人與自然人與社會人與社會場景特點(diǎn)叢林、直升機(jī)、外套夏日下午、自行車、汽車等開車旅行探親、沿途風(fēng)光農(nóng)場、河流、兔子、騎馬人與狗的相互陪伴營地、相機(jī)、直升機(jī)經(jīng)濟(jì)危機(jī)、社區(qū)、爆米花、廚房、相機(jī)情感態(tài)度親情友情親情親情親情親情人間真情親情思維特點(diǎn)平衡限定性與開放性、邏輯性思維與創(chuàng)造性思維、理順與順理的關(guān)系

讀后續(xù)寫的考查越來越重視對于語篇意識相關(guān)的宏觀組織層面的考查：語篇類型、整體結(jié)構(gòu)、主題意義、主線邏輯、推理判斷以及語篇背后隱含的作者意圖等，尤其是續(xù)寫內(nèi)容思想性的考查（回扣主題，思想升華）。規(guī)劃宏觀語篇模式結(jié)構(gòu)圖——拉波夫（Labov,1927）關(guān)于敘事結(jié)構(gòu)的分析模式1點(diǎn)題敘述者在敘述故事前對故事的簡要概括。指向敘述者在故事的開始對時間、地點(diǎn)、人物及其活動或環(huán)境的描述。（鋪墊）進(jìn)展故事本身的發(fā)生、事態(tài)的發(fā)展。結(jié)局一系列事件的結(jié)束，故事的結(jié)果或結(jié)局，包括人物的下場、目的的實(shí)現(xiàn)或失敗等。回應(yīng)在故事的結(jié)尾、用一兩句話來接應(yīng)主題，使聽者對敘述有一個完整的了解，對故事有一個有頭有尾的滿意感。評議敘述者對故事發(fā)生的原因、故事的要點(diǎn)、敘述故事的目的、動作或人物等的評論。也可表達(dá)敘述者對某種情況的看法、態(tài)度。評議可用來制造懸念，增強(qiáng)故事的吸引力和感染力。一個完整的敘述的開始點(diǎn)是指向，接著是進(jìn)展，然后是結(jié)局，最后是回應(yīng)，評議滲透在進(jìn)展和結(jié)局之中。

當(dāng)然、并不是所有的敘事結(jié)構(gòu)都包括上述完整的六個部分。續(xù)寫捕捉伏筆和鋪墊善于發(fā)現(xiàn)接應(yīng)點(diǎn)-1Labov‘smodelofnarrativestructure1DimensionsNarrativeElementsContentYourRolesExamples(2021.01ZhejiangNCEE)whatAbstract（概述）title,

beginninglevel-topdesigner頂層設(shè)計(jì)師Icouldn'tremovemyheadfromthepumpkinwhatOrientation（發(fā)生）characters,setting,objectssettinginvestigator背景調(diào)查員PumpkincarvingatHalloween；afamilytraditionalcompetetionwhatComplicatingaction（矛盾激化）elaborativedetailconflictmediator沖突調(diào)解員gettingoutwasgoingtobelessstraightforwardthangettingin.howEvaluation（評判）character'sthoughtsandfeelingscharacterportrayer角色描繪師Myexcitementwasshort-lived;IhadnotactedsofoolishlyhowResult/resolution（結(jié)局）correspondingresolutionplotmagician劇情魔術(shù)師Myheadwasfinallyreleased.whyCoda（尾聲）memory,wish,decisionthemeexplorer主題探索者areminder,acapturedmemorablemoment,arecollectionoffestivalhappiness,coloredbyheartyhumaninteractions-11捕捉原文伏筆和鋪墊（隱喻/語義鏈）——前后呼應(yīng)，升華主題-2段落的主題，與文章的主題有合理的邏輯關(guān)系。領(lǐng)悟文章主旨并進(jìn)行準(zhǔn)確點(diǎn)題，篇首的內(nèi)容在篇末再次被提及并附加新的信息，使文章主題高度融合。主題是文章的“魂”，貫穿于文章的始末。主“魂”題捕捉原文伏筆和鋪墊（隱喻/語義鏈）——前后呼應(yīng)，升華主題1①以人物活動為接應(yīng)點(diǎn)——性格沖突、內(nèi)心矛盾②以情節(jié)發(fā)展為接應(yīng)點(diǎn)——矛盾懸念

，有效解決

③以環(huán)境描寫為接應(yīng)點(diǎn)

——環(huán)境相同，心境不同AppealingEndings?合情合理，出人意料寓情于景，情景交融設(shè)置懸念，留白想象合理推斷，拔高立意情感真摯，激發(fā)共鳴1.深諳隱喻之道，讀懂言外之意；2.主題升華即語義鏈的末端（神經(jīng)末梢），

是基于語境的語義延展，撩撥心弦，自然舒暢，

無需名言警句，忌脫離語境的高大上。-21捕捉原文伏筆和鋪墊（隱喻/語義鏈）——前后呼應(yīng)，升華主題原文首段：

Ihadaninterestingchildhood:Itwasfilledwithsurpriseandamusements,allbecauseofmymother-loving,sweet,andyet

absent-minded

and

forgetful.Onestrangefamily

trip

wetookwhenIwaseleventellsalotabouther.（2017年11月浙江省高考試題讀后續(xù)寫）

?續(xù)寫結(jié)尾：Thisthrilling,memorabletripremindedeverynowandthenthatMomwasnotallaboutanabsent-minded,forgetfulperson,butwassomeonewhowasfullyawareofhowtoaddcolortodailylife.Itdawnedonmethatonceweexplored,lifewouldembraceyou.?由反求正，反彈琵琶，既回扣全文，又通過與健忘媽媽旅行的經(jīng)歷，感知媽媽人格魅力，人物形象反轉(zhuǎn)：媽媽是一位給我們帶來多彩的生活，教會我們?nèi)松览?。①以人物活動為接?yīng)點(diǎn)——性格沖突、內(nèi)心矛盾-21捕捉原文伏筆和鋪墊（隱喻/語義鏈）——前后呼應(yīng)，升華主題原文首段：“I’mgoingtomissyousomuch,Poppy,”saidthetall,thinteenager.Hebentdowntohughisoldfriendgoodbye.Hestoodup,huggedhisparents,andsmiled,tryingnottolethisemotionsgetthebetterofhim.（2020年1月浙江省高考試題讀后續(xù)寫）

?續(xù)寫結(jié)尾：Theboybeamedwhilehuggingbothdogs:“Idon'tknowifIshouldfeelthrilledforhavinganewpuppyorsadbecausePoppyhasfoundanewbestfriend!”.?由表及里，對男孩子來說“Poppy找到新朋友是喜是憂？”，由自己離家求學(xué)，引發(fā)思考離別的意義，反映內(nèi)心的觸動和成長。①以人物活動為接應(yīng)點(diǎn)——性格沖突、內(nèi)心矛盾-21捕捉原文伏筆和鋪墊（隱喻/語義鏈）——前后呼應(yīng)，升華主題②以情節(jié)發(fā)展為接應(yīng)點(diǎn)——矛盾懸念，有效解決?續(xù)寫結(jié)尾：Afterwecalmeddown,thelocalstoldusthat

thebearswerelosingtheirhomesandfoodbecauseofhumanactivitiesandclimatechanges.Onthewaybackhome,Icheckedthepreciouspicturesinthecamera,lostinthought.?由一及眾，由個人經(jīng)歷及“asinglegoal—拍照”，聯(lián)想到“abiggoal—人類活動對動物生存環(huán)境的負(fù)面影響”，攝影家的責(zé)任到每個人的責(zé)任，緊扣主題適當(dāng)呼吁，留白想象“l(fā)ostinthought”，升華到“環(huán)境保護(hù)”大主題。原文首段：Onefall,mywifeElliandIhadasinglegoal：tophotographpolarbears.Wewerestayingataresearchcampoutside“thepolarbearcapitaloftheworld”-thetownofChurchillinManitoba，Canada.（2020年7月浙江省高考試題讀后續(xù)寫）-21捕捉原文伏筆和鋪墊（隱喻/語義鏈）——前后呼應(yīng)，升華主題-2原文首段：TheMeredithfamilylivedinasmallcommunity.Astheeconomywasindecline,somepeopleinthetownhadlosttheirjobs.Manyoftheirfamilieswerestrugglingtomakeendsmeet.Peopleweretryingtohelpeachothermeetthechallenges.（2020年7月山東省高考試題讀后續(xù)寫）?續(xù)寫結(jié)尾：Althoughitwasahardtimeandpeoplewere

tighteningtheirbelts,Bernard'sbusinessworkedoutquitewellandeveryonewasreadytobuyonepacktosupporthim.....Itturnedoutthattheireffortsnotonlyhelpedabrotherinneed,butalsogavethemselvesthesweettasteofhelpingothers.?由事及理，由

“幫助小男孩賣爆米花”

講述

“只要樂于助人，就總有辦法擺脫困境，且內(nèi)心幸?！钡牡览?，起到畫龍點(diǎn)睛，拔高立意，傳遞正能的效果。②以情節(jié)發(fā)展為接應(yīng)點(diǎn)——矛盾懸念，有效解決1捕捉原文伏筆和鋪墊（隱喻/語義鏈）——前后呼應(yīng)，升華主題-2原文首段：AsMacpedaledalongalone，hethoughtfondlyofhiswifeandtwoyoungdaughtersathome．Hehopedtoshowthemthisbeautifulplacesomeday.（2017年6月浙江省高考試題讀后續(xù)寫）?續(xù)寫結(jié)尾：Onthewayhome,nightbreezemadehimateaseandhecouldn’twaittosharehisexperiencewithhiswifeanddaughtersandshowthekindnessoftheworld.?由點(diǎn)到面，騎車遇狼，同伴解救，呼應(yīng)首段，并使主題的境界得到提升

“分享經(jīng)歷傳播正能和互幫互助人間大愛”。③以環(huán)境描寫為接應(yīng)點(diǎn)——環(huán)境相同，心境不同1捕捉原文伏筆和鋪墊（隱喻/語義鏈）——前后呼應(yīng)，升華主題-2原文首段：Fiveyearsago,Ihadanine-to-fivejob,andIusuallycommuted(通勤)toworkbybus.Thoselongtiringhoursoftravelling

werealways

annoying.Butoneday,itwashealing.（2021年3月浙江省名校協(xié)作體

讀后續(xù)寫）?續(xù)寫：Thewomantooksomecheesebreadtotheoldmanandsaid"Don'tworry.Allisgoingwell."Itamazedmethatwhatrandomactionsofkindnesscouldmeantothepeoplewhoreceivedit.FromthatdayIwasnotannoyedatthelongtiringhoursoftravellinghomeanymore.Ifelthealed,enjoyingeverymomentcommutetowork.?由此及彼，盡管捉襟見肘、左支右絀，遭遇偷竊，經(jīng)歷痛苦和掙扎，該婦女依然相信善良，相信世間溫情，釋放著溫暖和善意，她也用這份溫情完成了自我救贖，治愈healing世人（包括作者）。③以環(huán)境描寫為接應(yīng)點(diǎn)——環(huán)境相同，心境不同基于敘事特征，深度解讀語篇02搭建中觀語篇意識的腳手架讓邏輯思維插上騰飛的翅膀TheConflict-Crisis-ResolutionModel2personalcharacter(人物性格)BeginningDevelopmentClimaxEnding-ResolutionForeshadowing(伏筆)Conflict(沖突)

Inclusio(首尾呼應(yīng))Suspense(懸念)Setting(故事背景)developtheplotlogicallyandrationally

“沖突-危機(jī)-解決模式”是讀后續(xù)寫常見的敘事結(jié)構(gòu)，包括故事的開始、發(fā)展、高潮和結(jié)束。解讀敘事元素和結(jié)構(gòu)，結(jié)合文本分析和解讀故事背景、人物性格、鋪墊（伏筆）、懸念、沖突和首尾呼應(yīng)，幫助學(xué)生明晰這些敘事元素的概念和應(yīng)用，從而快速提升寫作素養(yǎng)。-1解讀敘事元素，推進(jìn)情節(jié)邏輯2components→→→→→

→

→→

→

composition

理順敘事元素，

順理協(xié)同成章componentscomposition故事背景setting人物性格personalcharacter沖突conflict鋪墊foreshadowing懸念suspense首尾呼應(yīng)inclusioimplant敘事元素順implant-1基于敘事特征，深度解讀語篇（2021.01：南瓜卡頭）2

①

Pumpkin(南瓜)carvingatHalloweenisafamilytradition.WevisitalocalfarmeveryOctober.Inthepumpkinfield,Icompetewithmythreebrothersandsistertoseekoutthebiggestpumpkin.Mydadhasarulethatwehavetocarryourpumpkinsbackhome,andastheeldestchildIhaveanadvantage-Icarriedan85-pounderbacklastyear.②Thisyear,itwashardtotellwhethermyprizeortheonechosenbymy14-year.Oldbrother,Jason,wasthewinner.Unfortunatelyweforgottoweighthembeforetakingouttheirinsides,butIwasdeterminedtoprovemypoint.Allofuswerehardatworkatthekitchentable,withmymomfilmingtheannualevent.I'munsurenowwhyIthoughtforcingmyheadinsidethepumpkinwouldsettlethematter,butitseemedtomakeperfectsenseatthetime.

③Withthepumpkinrestingonthetable,holeuppermost,Ibentoverandpressedmyheadagainsttheopening.AtfirstIgotjammedjustabovemyeyesandthen,asIwentonwithmytask,unwillingtoquit,mynosebrieflypreventedentry.FinallyImanagedtoputmywholeheadintoit，likeacork（軟木塞）forcedintoabottle.Iwasabletostraightenupwiththehugepumpkinrestingonmyshoulders.④Myexcitementwasshort-lived.Thepumpkinwasheavy."I'mgoingtosetitdown,now,"Isaid,andwithJasonhelpingtosupportitsweight,Ibentbackoverthetabletogiveitsomewheretorest.ItwasonlywhenItriedtoremovemyheadthatIrealizedgettingoutwasgoingtobelessstraightforwardthangettingin.WhenIpulledhard,mynosegotintheway.IgotintoapanicasIpressedfirmlyagainstthetableandmovedmyheadaroundtryingtofindtherightangle,butitwasnouse."Ican'tgetitout!"Ishouted,myvoicesoundingunnaturallyloudintheenclosedspace.Para.1Iwasstuckforfiveorsixminutesthoughitfeltmuchlonger._____

_Para.2ThatvideowaspostedonlinetheMondaybeforeHalloween.____

___-1Narrativeelementsandstructure（2021.01：南瓜卡頭）2敘事元素和結(jié)構(gòu)故事背景settingPumpkincarving;atHalloween;afamilytraditionalcompetetion.人物性格personalcharacterI:competitive,determinedMyparents:affectionate沖突conflict①Ithoughtforcingmyheadinsidethepumpkinwouldsettlethematter,butitseemedtomakeperfectsenseatthetime.②ItwasonlywhenItriedtoremovemyheadthatIrealizedgettingoutwasgoingtobelessstraightforwardthangettingin.鋪墊foreshadowing①M(fèi)yexcitementwasshort-lived.②withmymomfilmingtheannualevent.懸念suspense

itwashardtotellwhethermyprizeortheonechosenbymy14-year-oldbrother,Jason,wasthewinner.首尾呼應(yīng)inclusioUnfortunatelyweforgottoweighthembeforetakingouttheirinsides,butIwasdeterminedtoprovemypoint.-1基于敘事特征，深度解讀語篇（2021.01：南瓜卡頭）——

conflict（沖突）2

①

Pumpkin(南瓜)carvingatHalloweenisafamilytradition.WevisitalocalfarmeveryOctober.Inthepumpkinfield,Icompetewithmythreebrothersandsistertoseekoutthebiggestpumpkin.Mydadhasarulethatwehavetocarryourpumpkinsbackhome,andastheeldestchildIhaveanadvantage-Icarriedan85-pounderbacklastyear.②Thisyear,itwashardtotellwhethermyprizeortheonechosenbymy14-year.Oldbrother,Jason,wasthewinner.Unfortunatelyweforgottoweighthembeforetakingouttheirinsides,butIwasdeterminedtoprovemypoint.Allofuswerehardatworkatthekitchentable,withmymomfilmingtheannualevent.I'munsurenowwhyIthoughtforcingmyheadinsidethepumpkinwouldsettlethematter,butitseemedtomakeperfectsenseatthetime.?續(xù)寫1：Iwasstuckforfiveorsixminutesthoughitfeltmuchlonger.HowIwishedIhadnotactedsofoolishly,makingmyselfalaughingstockofmyfamily!?續(xù)寫2：Despitemyunwillingnesstoadmitit,Ihadmadethemostshamefulandstupidmistakeever.IhadnochoicebuttobegJansontohelpme.?續(xù)寫3：Thenamixtureofsoundsswamintomyears.Mysister’sgiggle,mom’sscreaming,Jason’sspluttering聽覺描寫，隱喻的運(yùn)用描述慌亂的場面explanation,allwerelikehissingfiresaroundme視覺描寫，明喻的運(yùn)用突出主人公焦灼不安的心情.-1基于敘事特征，深度解讀語篇（2021.01：南瓜卡頭）—foreshadowing（鋪墊）2

①

Pumpkin(南瓜)carvingatHalloweenisafamilytradition.WevisitalocalfarmeveryOctober.Inthepumpkinfield,Icompetewithmythreebrothersandsistertoseekoutthebiggestpumpkin.Mydadhasarulethatwehavetocarryourpumpkinsbackhome,andastheeldestchildIhaveanadvantage-Icarriedan85-pounderbacklastyear.②Thisyear,itwashardtotellwhethermyprizeortheonechosenbymy14-year.Oldbrother,Jason,wasthewinner.Unfortunatelyweforgottoweighthembeforetakingouttheirinsides,butIwasdeterminedtoprovemypoint.Allofuswerehardatworkatthekitchentable,withmymomfilmingtheannualevent.I'munsurenowwhyIthoughtforcingmyheadinsidethepumpkinwouldsettlethematter,butitseemedtomakeperfectsenseatthetime.?續(xù)寫1：...MyheadwasfinallyreleasedanditwasthenthatIrealizedmymomhadbeenfilmingthewholetime.

ThevideowaspostedonlinetheMondaybeforeHalloween.

WhenIloggedinmyFacebookIfoundmyselfdumbfoundedbytheabundantlikesIreceivedfromthosewhohadseenmyvideo.

?續(xù)寫2：...Gaspingforcrispairgreedilywithmynewly-freednose,Ispanaround,onlytoseesomethingmorethrillinginstoreforme—

Mom

recordedeverything!

ThevideowaspostedonlinetheMondaybeforeHalloween.

Sharesandlikessurgeddramatically,andsooneveryonenearbywasimpressedbymy“heroic”deed.-1基于敘事特征，深度解讀語篇（2021.01：南瓜卡頭）—

suspense（懸念及解決）2②Thisyear,itwashardtotellwhethermyprizeortheonechosenbymy14-year.Oldbrother,Jason,wasthewinner.Unfortunatelyweforgottoweighthembeforetakingouttheirinsides,butIwasdeterminedtoprovemypoint.Allofuswerehardatworkatthekitchentable,withmymomfilmingtheannualevent.I'munsurenowwhyIthoughtforcingmyheadinsidethepumpkinwouldsettlethematter,butitseemedtomakeperfectsenseatthetime.④Myexcitementwasshort-lived.Thepumpkinwasheavy."I'mgoingtosetitdown,now,"Isaid,andwithJasonhelpingtosupportitsweight,Ibentbackoverthetabletogiveitsomewheretorest.ItwasonlywhenItriedtoremovemyheadthatIrealizedgettingoutwasgoingtobelessstraightforwardthangettingin.WhenIpulledhard,mynosegotintheway.IgotintoapanicasIpressedfirmlyagainstthetableandmovedmyheadaroundtryingtofindtherightangle,butitwasnouse."Ican'tgetitout!"Ishouted,myvoicesoundingunnaturallyloudintheenclosedspace.?續(xù)寫1：Withthevideogainingmoreandmorepopularity,Ifeltamixtureofembarrassingandsatisfactionstrikingintomyheart.Justatthatmoment,JasontappedonmyshoulderandadmittedthatIwasthewinner

thisyear,followedbytheapplauseofmywholefamily.?續(xù)寫2：Downdashedmydadwho

gotmetopushmyheadfartherintothepumpkinsothatmom'shandcouldreachinandloosenmyponytail.Myheadwasfinallyreleased

anditwasthenthatIrealizedmymomhadbeenfilmingthewholetime.-1基于敘事特征，深度解讀語篇（2021.01：南瓜卡頭）—

inclusio（首尾呼應(yīng)）2

①

Pumpkin(南瓜)carvingatHalloweenisafamilytradition.WevisitalocalfarmeveryOctober.Inthepumpkinfield,Icompetewithmythreebrothersandsistertoseekoutthebiggestpumpkin.Mydadhasarulethatwehavetocarryourpumpkinsbackhome,andastheeldestchildIhaveanadvantage-Icarriedan85-pounderbacklastyear.②Thisyear,itwashardtotellwhethermyprizeortheonechosenbymy14-year.Oldbrother,Jason,wasthewinner.Unfortunatelyweforgottoweighthembeforetakingouttheirinsides,butIwasdeterminedtoprovemypoint.Allofuswerehardatworkatthekitchentable,withmymomfilmingtheannualevent.I'munsurenowwhyIthoughtforcingmyheadinsidethepumpkinwouldsettlethematter,butitseemedtomakeperfectsenseatthetime.?續(xù)寫1：IwaschattingmerrilywithJasonwhensomeoneknocked,“Trickortreat?”Iopenedthedoorstunnedtoseeakidbearingahugedelicately-carvedpumpkinoutsidehishead!Ibeamedandburstintochuckles.（風(fēng)俗習(xí)慣和開心幽默，增加了故事的真實(shí)性和生動性）?續(xù)寫2：ThankstoMom,thevideoturnedouttobe

areminder,acapturedmemorablemoment,arecollectionoffestivalhappiness,coloredbyheartyhumaninteractions.（家庭比賽的意義，總結(jié)很透徹)?續(xù)寫3：Thoughalittleembarrassed,Isoontotallyforgotthe“unforgettable”incidentandsetoutforthetrick-or-treating.IwouldliketotakeitasatreattoaddjoyandfuntothisfestiveHalloweenforeveryone.（煙火氣，是生活的最大底氣，尷尬地自嘲，道出了滿滿的幸福感，生活是且走且歌且笑的一場旅行）-1激活話題詞匯，設(shè)置問題驅(qū)動，構(gòu)建寫作支架（2020.07：和北極熊面對面）2

①

Onefall,mywifeElliandIhadasinglegoal:tophotographpolarbears.Wewerestayingataresearchcampoutside“thepolarbearcapitaloftheworld”—thetownofChurchillinManitoba,Canada.②Takingpicturesofpolarbearsisamazingbutalsodangerous.Polarbears—likeallwildanimalsshouldbephotographedfromasafedistance.WhenI'mfacetofacewithapolarbear,Ilikeittobethroughacamerawithatelephotolens.Butsometimes,thatiseasiersaidthandone.Thiswasoneofthosetimes.③AsElliandIcookeddinner,ayoungmalepolarbearwhowasplayinginanearbylakesniffed,andsmelledourgarlicbread.④Thehungrybeerfollowedhisnosetoourcamp,whichwassurroundedbyahigh,wirefence.Hepulledandbitthewire.Hestoodonhisbacklegsandpushedatthewoodenfenceposts.⑤Terrified,ElliandItriedallthebeardefenseactionsweknew.Weyelledatthebear,hitpotshard,andfiredblankshotgunshellsintotheair.Sometimesloudnoiseslikethesewillscarebearsoff.Notthispolarbearthough—hejustkepttryingtoteardownthefencewithhismassivepaws(爪子).⑥Iradioedthecampmanagerforhelp.Hetoldmeahelicopterwasonitsway,butitwouldbe30minutesbeforeitarrived.Makingthebestofthiscloseencounter(相遇),Itooksomepicturesofthebear.⑦ElliandIfearedthefencewouldn'tlastthrough30moreminutesofthebear'spunishment.ThecampmanagersuggestedIusepepperspray.Thesprayburnsthebearseyes,butdoesn'thurtthem.SoIapproachedouruninvitedguestslowlyand,throughthefence,sprayedhimintheface.Withanangryroar(吼叫),thebearrantothelaketowashhiseyes.Paragraph1：

Afewminuteslater,thebearheadedbacktoourcamp.

。

Paragraph2：

Atthatverymoment,thehelicopterarrived.

。-2激活話題詞匯，設(shè)置問題驅(qū)動，構(gòu)建寫作支架

(點(diǎn)線面快速構(gòu)思法)2“點(diǎn)線面”快速構(gòu)思法，定位劃線詞出現(xiàn)的段落位置，并將劃線單詞和段首句進(jìn)行分類，用三條線（語義鏈）來區(qū)分劃線單詞，激活話題詞匯，形成語義鏈和語義場：時空線（明線），情節(jié)線（明線），情感線（暗線）幫助構(gòu)思情節(jié)。設(shè)置問題鏈，建構(gòu)寫作支架和圖式，以思維導(dǎo)圖的形式幫助學(xué)生分析故事的要素和線索，合理創(chuàng)設(shè)續(xù)寫情節(jié)。-22-2激活話題詞匯，設(shè)置問題驅(qū)動，構(gòu)建寫作支架（2020.07：和北極熊面對面）

設(shè)置問題驅(qū)動，邏輯發(fā)展線索(Tracetheclues)

根據(jù)段首句“thebearheadedbacktoourcamp”“Atthatverymoment”可以推測故事情節(jié)：受辣椒噴霧襲擊而暴怒的北極熊返回營地一定會對作者和他的妻子更瘋狂地攻擊，他們會想出什么樣的辦法來應(yīng)對北極熊，以及等待救援的到來，作者會以第一人稱視角描寫雙方驚險(xiǎn)對峙的動作和心理活動。根據(jù)第二段段首句thehelicopterarrived可知，直升機(jī)成功解救夫妻二人，經(jīng)歷了此次amazingbutdangerous拍攝之旅。

所以在角色連續(xù)、地點(diǎn)連線、時間延續(xù)的基礎(chǔ)上，將故事分為熊的“受誘惑→擅闖→被驅(qū)逐→攻擊→平息”五個情節(jié)發(fā)展階段；相應(yīng)地將Ellis&I的情感變化分為“Amazed/calm(拍照)→terrified（熊擅闖）→worried/unstable（驅(qū)逐熊）→uneasy/anxious(熊攻擊)→grateful(平息)”。2-2激活話題詞匯，設(shè)置問題驅(qū)動，構(gòu)建寫作支架（2020.07：和北極熊面對面）

激活話題詞匯，細(xì)化必要行為（Specifythemainactions）

Afewminuteslater,thebearheadedbacktoourcamp.Withgreaterrage,thebearroaredandtriedtoteardownthefencewithallhismight.Igatheredupmycourageandtriedtosprayhimagain.Unfortunately,hemanagedtoescapeandmyheartfrozeinmychest.Atthismoment,Ellicameupwithacrazyideaandthrewourgarlicbreadatthebear.Tomygreatsurprise,thebearstoppedandboweddowntoeatthebread.Seeingthis,allofusletoutasighofrelief.Beforelong,however,thehungrybearfinishedeatingandpushedthefenceagain.Thefencewasabouttofalldown!

對首句提供的基本情景和語場進(jìn)行邏輯推進(jìn)，“受辣椒噴霧襲擊而暴怒的北極熊返回營地一定會對作者和他的妻子更瘋狂地攻擊”，

激活“攻擊”話題詞匯——Withgreaterrage,thebearroaredandtriedtoteardownthefencewithallhismight；managedtoescape；stoppedandboweddown；pushed，

細(xì)膩的神態(tài)動作描寫，增強(qiáng)文章的感染力。

作為續(xù)寫的次要情節(jié)，可以根據(jù)情節(jié)的需要增加細(xì)節(jié)描寫（環(huán)境描寫、心理描寫、外貌描寫等），起到烘托環(huán)境氣氛、刻畫人物性格和揭示主題思想的作用。2-2激活話題詞匯，設(shè)置問題驅(qū)動，構(gòu)建寫作支架（2020.07：和北極熊面對面）

激活話題詞匯，增加適當(dāng)情感（Addproperemotions）：

Atthatverymoment,thehelicopterarrived.Shockedbythenoises,thebearstoppedandturnedaround.Seeingthepeopleequippedwithguns,heranawayanddisapearedinthewoodsasifheknewwhotheywere.WefinallygotourbreathandElliandIembracedtightlywithstillracinghearts.Afterwecalmeddown,thelocalstoldusthatthebearswerelosingtheirhomesandfoodbecauseofhumanactivitiesandclimatechanges.Onthewaybackhome,Icheckedthepreciouspicturesinthecamera,lostinthought.

對首句提供的基本情景，可以渲染強(qiáng)化；小句關(guān)系，解釋說明，補(bǔ)充拓展。

在寫作支架的構(gòu)建中，有一個劃線詞“safe”，一個非劃線詞“amazing”屬于情感類形容詞，這篇文章的情感主線“dangerous→safe→amazing”非常明朗，在這條主線的帶動下，習(xí)作者增加了“Shockedbythenoises”→“embracedtightlywithstillracinghearts”→“l(fā)ostinthought”

通過這些豐富自然的，淋漓盡致的情緒表達(dá)，讓讀者能更好地理解人物、事件和中心思想。2-3段句邏輯關(guān)聯(lián)，主位合理推進(jìn)，語義清晰連貫

語言學(xué)家普遍認(rèn)為，一個句子可以劃分為“主位(Theme)”和“述位(Rheme)”兩大部分。主位是講話的起點(diǎn)，通常是語法上的主語，一般表示已知信息。述位是圍繞主位展開的部分，是對主位的敘述、描寫和說明，一般表示引發(fā)的新信息。語篇的基本主位推進(jìn)模式主要有四種：主位同一型、述位同一型、延續(xù)型和交叉型。在語篇中，作者的行文思路就是如何向讀者一步步傳遞重點(diǎn)信息，前后句子的主位和述位按照一定的內(nèi)在語言規(guī)律不斷地發(fā)生聯(lián)系和變化，具體表現(xiàn)在句子的相互銜接和信息的演化推進(jìn)，已知信息引發(fā)新信息，新信息又不斷地成為已知信息，并以此為出發(fā)點(diǎn)再觸發(fā)另一個新信息，也就是通常說的“前言搭后語”。隨著各句主位的向前推進(jìn)，整個語篇逐漸鋪開，從而文章脈絡(luò)暢通。

分析已知信息和新信息是如何銜接和掛鉤，可幫助學(xué)生準(zhǔn)確地把握語篇的內(nèi)部邏輯關(guān)系和作者原始的思路軌跡，合理清晰的主位推進(jìn)模式是語篇連貫的重要保證。敘述性語篇往往以人物、事件為話語中心內(nèi)容，對人物、事件進(jìn)行重點(diǎn)描寫，較多地使用主位同一型推進(jìn)模式(史金生等，2018)。即各小句主位相同，述位不同。2-3段句邏輯關(guān)聯(lián)，主位合理推進(jìn)，語義清晰連貫（2018.06：父子尋路）

運(yùn)用兩個段首句信息，確定人物、事件（主位）為話語中心內(nèi)容，在情節(jié)內(nèi)容與發(fā)展方向上為后續(xù)事件出現(xiàn)、狀態(tài)的形成作延展推進(jìn)，確保整個故事情節(jié)發(fā)展的一致性和延續(xù)性、語篇的連貫性。

“Whatalovelyrabbit!”Ishoutedwitheyesglitteringwithterrificexcitement.ItwasquitedifferentfromthoseIsawinourcity,thusimmediatelystimulatingmyinterest.Dadwasalsostunnedbythisspecialrabbit/creature,gawkingatitmotionlessly.“Daddy,let’scatchitasourpet!”Isuggested,unexpectedlyreceivinghispromptagreement.EntirelyforgettingwhatUnclePaulhadtoldus,wechasedafterthatprettyrabbit,franticwithrapture.Unfortunately,socleverandswiftwasitthatitdisappearedintheforestbeforelong.Notuntilthendidwerealizethatthelastrayoftwilightwasquicklydisappearingamongthenumeroustreesandwecouldn’tfindourtrackatall!Wedidgetlost!Suddenlyalittlerabbitjumpedoutinfrontofmyhorse.Wehadnoideawherewewereanditwasgettingdark.2-3段句邏輯關(guān)聯(lián)，主位合理推進(jìn)，語義清晰連貫（2018.06：父子尋路）

運(yùn)用兩個段首句信息，確定人物、事件（主位）為話語中心內(nèi)容，在情節(jié)內(nèi)容與發(fā)展方向上為后續(xù)事件出現(xiàn)、狀態(tài)的形成作延展推進(jìn)，確保整個故事情節(jié)發(fā)展的一致性和延續(xù)性、語篇的連貫性。

Myhorsewassoafraidthatitbeganrunningferociously.Icouldfeeltheairhittingmyfaceheavilyandhearmydad’shystericalcryfromadistance.Myheartwaspumpingwildlyandmybloodwaspulsingthroughmyveins.Ipulledbackthereins,distractedthehorseandtriedeverymeanstostopthehorsebutinvain.Afterwhatseemedaneternity,mydadcaughtupwithmebreathlesslyandmanagedtostopmyhorse.Butwefoundthatwewereindistress,withnotrackbesideus.Suddenlyalittlerabbitjumpedoutinfrontofmyhorse.Wehadnoideawherewewereanditwasgettingdark.2-3段句邏輯關(guān)聯(lián)，主位合理推進(jìn)，語義清晰連貫（2018.06：父子尋路）

運(yùn)用兩個段首句信息，確定人物、事件（主位）為話語中心內(nèi)容，在情節(jié)內(nèi)容與發(fā)展方向上為后續(xù)事件出現(xiàn)、狀態(tài)的形成作延展推進(jìn)，確保整個故事情節(jié)發(fā)展的一致性和延續(xù)性、語篇的連貫性。

Thebone-chillingwindhowledfiercelylikeawolf,makingthedarknessevenmoresuffocating.“Dad,whatcanwedo?”Ithrewmyarmsaroundhimtightly,quiveringandseizedbystarkhorror.“Allisgoingwell!”Dadansweredinagentlevoice,calmandmollified.Wewanderedinthescaryforestanddidn’tknowwhathorriblethingwouldhappentous,hopingtofindthewayback.Suddenly,weheardthesoundofwaterrollingdowntheriver.Wewereoverthemoonanddecidedtofollowtheriver.Afterawhile,weheardthefamiliarsoundofsheepandthencaughtsightofthefarmhouse.Thefamilywerewaitingforusinthedistance.Seeingthis,aradiantsmilelitupbothofourfaces.Wehadnoideawherewewereanditwasgettingdark.2-3段句邏輯關(guān)聯(lián)，主位合理推進(jìn)，語義清晰連貫（2018.06：父子尋路）

運(yùn)用兩個段首句信息，確定人物、事件（主位）為話語中心內(nèi)容，在情節(jié)內(nèi)容與發(fā)展方向上為后續(xù)事件出現(xiàn)、狀態(tài)的形成作延展推進(jìn)，確保整個故事情節(jié)發(fā)展的一致性和延續(xù)性、語篇的連貫性。

Theriverbesideuswasstillandsereneunderthelastrayofsunshinebutwedidn’thavethemoodtoenjoyit.Suddenly,itoccurredtousthattherewasalsoarivernearbythefarmhouse.Realizingtherivermaybeaguideback,ourspiritssoaredandwebegantotrotbrisklyalongtheriver.Justafewminuteslater,catchingsightofthesilhouetteofthehouse,Ifeltafeelingofreliefandrelaxationsurgingthroughme.IcouldpictureUnclePaul’ssmilingfaceandourdelicioussupperandIthoughttomyselfthatourbeinglostaddedaspecialtastetomyadventurousvacationwhichIwouldrememberallmylife.Wehadnoideawherewewereanditwasgettingdark.基于具體語境，表達(dá)準(zhǔn)確豐富03讓語言描寫插上騰飛的翅膀創(chuàng)造微觀語篇組織的表現(xiàn)力創(chuàng)造微觀語篇組織的表現(xiàn)力3

基于語言“輸入”理論和“輸出”理論協(xié)同效應(yīng)。

“讀后續(xù)寫最大的優(yōu)勢在于將語言的模仿和內(nèi)容的創(chuàng)新有機(jī)結(jié)合，在于釋放使用者想象力的同時提高其準(zhǔn)確運(yùn)用外語的能力”。（王初明，2012）理論依據(jù)將文本閱讀和寫作結(jié)合起來，基于具體語境，激發(fā)學(xué)生發(fā)揮想象力，提高學(xué)生在寫作、結(jié)構(gòu)以及想象方面的能力，形成發(fā)散思維模式。能力要求把握短文語篇結(jié)構(gòu)、關(guān)鍵信息及語言特點(diǎn)，有創(chuàng)造性思維能力，注意語言運(yùn)用的準(zhǔn)確性和豐富性（劉慶思、陳康，2016）。評價(jià)標(biāo)準(zhǔn)讀后續(xù)寫名詞和動詞是續(xù)寫語言之基3

名詞動詞是續(xù)寫語言之基，善用doing/done、形容詞、副詞、介詞短語，做伴隨狀語，在關(guān)鍵處駐足，避免流水賬，細(xì)化動作延緩過程，立體動感show出鮮活。-1名詞動詞是續(xù)寫語言之基31.伊麗莎白手里拿著玫瑰花，慢慢走向沃爾夫，舞臺燈光灼熱，汗珠順著伊麗莎白的臉上滴下來。Clutchingtheroses,ElizabethwalkedslowlytowardsMs.Wolff，thestagelightsblazinghotandbeadsofperspirationtricklingdownElizabeth'sface.現(xiàn)在分詞做伴隨狀語兩個獨(dú)立主格結(jié)構(gòu)

在本句寫作中，寫作者創(chuàng)作了合適語境，準(zhǔn)確使用非謂語動詞（現(xiàn)在分詞clutching做伴隨狀語，兩個獨(dú)立主格結(jié)構(gòu)lightsblazing和perspirationtrickling），能讓寫作句子更簡潔，段落更緊湊，層次更分明。并善用形容詞性短語（beadsof）、副詞（slowly，hot）、介詞短語（towards,down），在關(guān)鍵處駐足，避免流水賬，細(xì)化動作延緩過程，立體動感show出鮮活。-1名詞和動詞是續(xù)寫語言之基32.沃爾夫女士優(yōu)雅地走向鋼琴，坐到座位上，然后開始彈奏。她的手指在琴鍵上翩翩起舞。她時而搖擺,時而點(diǎn)頭,烏黑發(fā)亮的馬尾辮跟著起伏擺動。她的雙腳在踏板間來回穿梭。

Ms.Wolffmadehergracefulwaytothepiano,tookherseatandthenbegantoplay.Herfingersdancedacrossthekeys.Sheswayedandnodded,andhershinyblackponytailbobbed.Backandforthsheracedherfeetamongthepedals.三個并列謂語動詞表一連串動作，說明舞臺經(jīng)驗(yàn)豐富，臺風(fēng)穩(wěn)健.擬人動作描寫細(xì)膩真實(shí)，生動形象

非謂語動詞的使用并非越多越好。Toomuchisaburden！

“唯有動作描寫,人物才能立起來”，動詞和名詞是描寫生動性的根源。本段描寫活用謂語動詞，動作描寫精準(zhǔn)傳神，觀察細(xì)致細(xì)微，靈活運(yùn)用簡單句，復(fù)合句以及其它多種多樣的句式結(jié)構(gòu)和修辭，才能讓文章顯得錯落有致，有層次感。-1體會課標(biāo)單詞的精妙——活用教材詞匯，靶向高考寫作3

詞本無意，意由境生。詞匯的意義有理性意義和關(guān)聯(lián)意義，其中關(guān)聯(lián)意義包括：內(nèi)涵意義（connotativemeaning）；語體意義（stylisticmeaning）；感情意義（affectivemeaning）；搭配意義（collectivemeaning）。-21.能識別其口頭與筆頭形式；2.能隨時回憶起其詞義及形式；3.能把它與相應(yīng)的實(shí)物或概念聯(lián)系起來；4.能以適當(dāng)?shù)恼Z法形式應(yīng)用它；5.能以公認(rèn)的方式讀出它；6.能正確地拼寫出來；7.知道它以什么方式與其他詞結(jié)合(即它的正確搭配形式)；8.了解它與詞群中其他詞的關(guān)系(即同義反義關(guān)系和上下文關(guān)系等)；9.明白它的內(nèi)在含義及其關(guān)聯(lián)意義，能將它用于合宜的語體及適當(dāng)?shù)恼Z境中。芬蘭學(xué)者羅爾夫·帕爾姆伯格1986年在《英語教學(xué)論壇》雜志上撰文指出：真正認(rèn)識一個外語詞匯要求學(xué)習(xí)者