【讀后續(xù)寫】“CK251”法為讀后續(xù)寫助力-2021年1月高考續(xù)寫作文講評-朱遷苗

浙江永嘉中學(xué)朱遷苗Carol“CK251”法為讀后續(xù)寫助力——2021年1月浙江省英語高考讀后續(xù)寫寫作講評

Pumpkin

(南瓜)carvingatHalloweenisafamilytradition.WevisitalocalfarmeveryOctober.Inthepumpkinfield,Icompetewithmythreebrothersandsistertoseekoutthebiggestpumpkin.Mydad

hasarulethatwehavetocarryourpumpkinsbackhome,andastheeldestchildIhaveanadvantage—Icarriedan85-pounderbacklastyear.Thisyear,itwashardtotellwhethermyprizeortheonechosenbymy14-year-oldbrother,Jason,wasthewinner.Unfortunatelyweforgottoweighthembeforetakingouttheirinsides,butIwasdeterminedtoprovemypoint.Allofuswerehardatworkatthekitchentable,withmymom

filmingtheannualevent.I’munsurenowwhyIthoughtforcingmyhead

insidethepumpkinwouldsettlethematter,butitseemedtomakeperfectsenseatthetime.Withthepumpkinrestingonthetable,holeuppermost,Ibentoverandpressedmyheadagainsttheopening.AtfirstIgotjammedjustabovemyeyesandthen,asIwentonwithmytask,unwillingtoquit,mynose

brieflypreventedentry.FinallyImanaged

toputmywholeheadintoit,likeacork(軟木塞)forcedintoabottle.Iwasabletostraightenupwiththehugepumpkinrestingonmyshoulders.Myexcitementwasshort-lived.Thepumpkinwasheavy.“I’mgoingtosetitdown,now,”Isaid,andwithJasonhelpingtosupport

itsweight,Ibentbackoverthetabletogiveitsomewheretorest.ItwasonlywhenItriedtoremovemyheadthatIrealizedgettingoutwasgoingtobelessstraightforwardthangettingin.WhenIpulled

hard,mynosegotintheway.IgotintoapanicasIpressedfirmlyagainstthetableandmovedmyheadaroundtryingtofindtherightangle,butitwasnouse.“Ican’tgetitout!”Ishouted,myvoicesoundingunnaturallyloudintheenclosedspace.Para1：Iwasstuckforfiveorsixminutesthoughitfeltmuchlonger.____________________Para2：ThatvideowaspostedtheMondaybeforeHalloween.____________________________2021年1月高考續(xù)寫

閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫，使之構(gòu)成一個完整的故事。CK251ApproachContinuation承上啟下（段首句續(xù)寫協(xié)同效應(yīng)）Keywords關(guān)鍵詞（編情節(jié)契訶夫原則）2=theme+conflict（故事要素：讀+寫）5=fivepoints(150詞數(shù)卷面意識)1=onegoodending（呼應(yīng)主題：正能量

）2021年1月高考讀后續(xù)寫評分細(xì)則是否與所給短文故事情節(jié)銜接是否與段落開頭語銜接是否覆蓋5個及以上關(guān)鍵詞詞匯的準(zhǔn)確性和豐富性語法結(jié)構(gòu)和句式多樣化

契訶夫法則Chekhov's

Law

Removeeverythingthathasnorelevancetothestory.Ifyousayinthefirstchapterthatthereisariflehangingonthewall,inthesecondorthirdchapteritabsolutelymustgooff.Ifit'snotgoingtobefired,itshouldn'tbehangingthere.-AntonChekhov契訶夫法則(Chekhov's

Law)是一種文學(xué)技巧，在故事早期出現(xiàn)的某一元素，直至最后才顯現(xiàn)出它的重要性。換言之，在故事開頭出現(xiàn)過的物品一定要在后來用到，否則，它壓根就不應(yīng)該出現(xiàn)。在一部影片的開頭，鏡頭掃過墻上的一把收藏用的古董槍，到影片結(jié)束的時候，它應(yīng)該發(fā)揮作用(比如，出其不意地用它干掉手持火箭筒的大壞蛋);否則，這桿槍壓根就不應(yīng)該出現(xiàn)在鏡頭中。第二節(jié)讀后續(xù)寫（滿分25分）閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫，使之構(gòu)成一個完整的故事。注意:1.所續(xù)寫短文的詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右；2.應(yīng)使用5個以上短文中標(biāo)有下劃線的關(guān)鍵詞語；3.續(xù)寫部分分為兩段，每段的開頭語已為你寫好；4.續(xù)寫完成后，請用下劃線標(biāo)出你所使用的關(guān)鍵詞語。2021年1月高考讀后續(xù)寫構(gòu)思草稿FirstdraftCK251Approach2021年1月高考讀后續(xù)寫CK251Approach2=theme+conflict（故事要素：讀+寫）Whatisthetheme?Whatistheconflict?

Pumpkin

(南瓜)carvingatHalloweenisafamilytradition.WevisitalocalfarmeveryOctober.Inthepumpkinfield,Icompetewithmythreebrothersandsistertoseekoutthebiggestpumpkin(找出最大的南瓜).Mydad

hasarulethat(有一條規(guī)定)wehavetocarryourpumpkinsbackhome,andastheeldestchildIhaveanadvantage(有優(yōu)勢)—Icarriedan85-pounderbacklastyear.Thisyear,itwashardtotellwhethermyprizeortheonechosenbymy14-year-oldbrother,Jason,wasthewinner.Unfortunatelyweforgottoweighthembeforetakingouttheirinsides(取出瓜瓤前稱重),butIwasdeterminedtoprovemy

point(證明我的觀點(diǎn)).Allofuswerehardatworkatthekitchentable,withmymom

filmingtheannualevent(拍攝年度活動).I’munsurenowwhyIthoughtforcingmyhead

insidethepumpkinwouldsettlethematter,butitseemedtomakeperfectsenseatthetime.(我現(xiàn)在不知道為什么我認(rèn)為把我的頭塞進(jìn)南瓜里就能解決問題，但這在當(dāng)時似乎很有意義。)Withthepumpkinrestingonthetable(放在桌上),holeuppermost(開口朝上),Ibentoverandpressedmyheadagainsttheopening(把我的頭壓在開口上).AtfirstIgotjammed(卡住)justabovemyeyesandthen,asIwentonwithmytask,unwillingtoquit,mynose

brieflypreventedentry(我的鼻子暫時阻止了我的進(jìn)入).FinallyImanaged

toputmywholeheadintoit,likeacork(軟木塞)forcedintoabottle.Iwasabletostraightenupwiththehugepumpkinrestingonmyshoulders(站直，把大南瓜擱在我肩膀上).

Myexcitementwasshort-lived(短暫的).Thepumpkinwasheavy.“I’mgoingtosetitdown(放下),now,”Isaid,andwithJasonhelpingtosupport

itsweight,Ibentbackoverthetabletogiveitsomewheretorest(找個位置放下).ItwasonlywhenItriedtoremovemyhead(挪出腦袋)thatIrealizedgettingoutwasgoingtobelessstraightforwardthangettingin(不會像進(jìn)去那樣直截了當(dāng)).WhenIpulled

hard,mynosegotintheway(擋住).Igotintoapanic(陷入恐慌)asIpressedfirmlyagainstthetable(緊緊按住桌子)

andmovedmyheadaroundtryingtofindtherightangle(轉(zhuǎn)來轉(zhuǎn)去，想找到合適的角度),butitwasnouse.“Ican’tgetitout!”Ishouted,myvoicesoundingunnaturallyloudintheenclosedspace(我的聲音在這封閉空間里聽起來很不自然地響).Readforthethemeandtheconflict(s)CK251Approach2021年1月高考南瓜Exposition(情節(jié)交代)Risingaction(conflict激化)Climax(conflict最大化/turningpoint轉(zhuǎn)折點(diǎn))Fallingaction(conflict緩延)Resolution(conflict解開)Denouement(結(jié)尾)ToprovethatthewinnerwasMenotJason,Imanagedtoputmyheadintomypumpkinfeelingexcited,withmymomwasfilming.Jason;mom;head;nose;managedBecauseofDad'srule,wecompetedtoseekoutthebiggestpumpkinsandcarriesthembyourselves.pumpkin;DadPara1：Itwasfiveorsixminutesthoughitfeltmuchlonger.Para2：ThevideowaspostedtheMondaybeforeHalloween.theme:familylove,youth

conflict:[1]Whowasthewinner?(次要矛盾)[2]Igotmyheadstuckinthepumkin.Howtogetout?Whohelps?(主要矛盾)dad;Jason;mom;pumpkin;head;nose;pulled;managed...（morethan5keywords）dad;mom;pumpkin;head;support;rest...（ornone）人物事物動作dad;

Jason;mompumpkin;head;nosemanaged;support;rest;pulled2KUnexpectedly,Igotmyheadstuckinhepumpkin.Iattemptedseveraltimestogetout,butinvainandgotintoapacnic.support;rest;pulled2021年1月高考讀后續(xù)寫CK251ApproachMyfeelings?reactions?panic,beregretful，shamefulMyfamily'sfeeling?reactions?worried,hilariousWhohelpedme?Howtohelp?Whatwastheresult(conflict[2])?Myreaction?(video)Whatwasthenetizen'sresponse?support,befavourableMyfeelingsaccordingly?beembarrassed,delightedHowaboutthecompetition(conflict[1])?Whatwastheresult?(eg.dressupaspumpkinheadfortrick-or-treat)Myreflection?(theme)dialogue,actionBrainstormusefulexpressionsToshow,nottotell!ThesolutionstoConflict[1]Whowasthewinner?(矛盾一的解決)

eg1:

（para1）I

sawJasonholdinghisphoneatme:“Iamgoingtopostthisonlineandyouaregoingtobefamous!”Finally,wecameto

an

agreementthathemaypostthevideo,butIamthewinnerofthisyear’spumpkincontest.

eg2:

（Para2）Atthecafeteriaduringlunch,myfriendNathangreetedmesmirkingly,“Iheardsomeonehadalittletoomuchpumpkinovertheweekend.”Iignoredhismockingtoneandrespondedproudly:“Someonemighthave,

butsomeonealsowonthepumpkincontest!”

BrainstormusefulexpressionsToshow,nottotell!ThesolutionstoConflict[2]Igotstuckinthepumkin.Whohelps?

(矛盾二的解決：如何把頭從南瓜中弄出來)我的痛苦感受和徒勞努力：eg1:

Atthethoughtofbeingtrappedinthepumpkin,Iwas

byastrongsenseof

andmypalmsweresweating.Alleffortsto

myheadfromthepumpkin

were

,butinvain.Astime

,Ifelt

//myheadwasspinning

alackofoxygenand

ontothefloor.

seizedovercomeoccupiedhorrorfrightpanicfreedisconnectseperatetriedattemptedtickedbydraggedonbreathlessdizzy/giddysuffocatedduetoowingtoasaresultoffellheapedslumpedtumbledBrainstormusefulexpressionsToshow,nottotell!eg2:Unabletogetoutofthepumkin,Ifeltsoscaredthatmythroattightenedandmykneesfeltweak.

Thehardpumpkinweighedstubbornlyuponmyshoulder,notwantingtobudgeatall.Totaldarknessdisorientatingme(獨(dú)立主格),Irotatedonthespotandfinallyspunmyselfontothefloor.eg3:

Trappedinthepumpkin,Igulpedforair,mythroatdryandfaceburningup(獨(dú)立主格).

Itwasatormentforme.Iwrestledwiththeproblem,attemptingtosqueezemyheadoutofit(非謂語作狀語)

,butinvain.So

frightenedwasIthatIpulled,andbangedthepumpkinfrantically.eg4:

[humorous]IattemptedtheartfulremovalofpumpkinheadcallingoutallofmyhiddengymnasticabilitiesinwaysthatIknewInevercouldhavemoved.Toputitsimply,mybodywaslikeanoctopuscrawlingoutofaborrowedconchshell.(修辭:明喻simile)

我的痛苦感受和徒勞努力：BrainstormusefulexpressionsToshow,nottotell!ThesolutionstoConflict[2]Igotstuckinthepumkin.Whohelps?

(矛盾二的解決：如何把頭從南瓜中弄出來)家人的幫忙：eg1:Dad

heldonto

pumpkin

steadilyand

mom

pulled

mybody.Inthemeantime,

Jason

burstintolaughterandjoked:“Stickingyour

head

intothepumpkinwouldnotcountforextraweight!”Downdashedmydadwhogotmetopushmyheadfartherintothepumpkinsothatmom'shandcouldreachinandloosenmyponytail.eg2:Seeingmyrepeatedeffortsbutinvain,JasondartedoutoftheroomandturnedtoDadforhelp.Hetriedmanyapproaches,andeventuallymanagedtogetmyheadoutbycarefullycuttingthepumpkinopenwithaknife.eg3:“Hey,someone'sdyinginhere!”Ifeeblyprotested,myvoicemuffled.Itwasthenthattheywriggledclosertohelpmeunplug.Jasonsatonmylap

whiledadpulledwithallhismight.Thepumpkineasedpastmymouthandthenclimbed,inchbyinch,overthemostdifficultorgan--mynose.eg4:DadgotmetopushmyheadfartherintothepumpkinsoMomcouldreachinandundotherubberbandroundmyponytail!lemergedwithsquash-conditionedhair,asorechinandmynosepluggedwithpulp.

BrainstormusefulexpressionsToshow,nottotell!

家人想幫又想笑的復(fù)雜情緒和行為eg1:While

mom

and

dad

workedhardtohelpcalmmedowninbetweenfitsoflaughter,

Jason

recordedthewholeordeal.eg2:Throughthethickwallofthe

pumpkin’s

meatyshell,Icouldhear

my

mom

and

Jason

strugglingtoholdbacktheirlaughter

whilesupportingmeto

pull

myoversizedorangeastronauthelmetoff.eg3:Seeingmecaughtinsuchasituation,Dadwasunexpectedlysurprised,butsoonsurprisetransformedintolaughter.

eg4:“Dad!Emergency!Helpneeded!”Jasonroared,laughinghimselfunderthetable.Dadrushedoutandimmediatelyjoinedhissecondsoninrollingontheground.Jason,stilltremblingwithlaughterintheseat,finallyhadapangofconscienceandcalleddadforhelp.eg5:Uponseeingthepumpkin-headed“monster”,dadparticipatedinthechorusofjeersbutsoonsnatchedaknife,gentlypokeditthroughthetopofthevegetableandthentoreitopen.eg6:AlthoughIwaspanicking,myfamilyfoundmyfoolishdisplaymorecomicalthandangerous.BrainstormusefulexpressionsToshow,nottotell!關(guān)于視頻拍攝和上傳

視頻n.

(short)video拍攝v.

shoot(shotshot)/film發(fā)送上傳v.

post/uploadsth.

→

sth.bepostedonline分享v.

share...with...走紅

goviral

/immediatelybecomeahit關(guān)注v.followsb.轉(zhuǎn)發(fā)v.

repost/retweet點(diǎn)贊n.

like(s)/thumb-up(s)

→give/receive~瀏覽消息browseone'smessages評論n.comment(s)

→leave~/v.comment(on)

瀏覽量n.

view(s)/瀏覽最多的adj.

most-viewed

社交工具Facebook/TuTubeBrainstormusefulexpressionsToshow,nottotell!承上啟下句的銜接[第1段啟下句]eg1:JustwhenIfeltrelievedtobefreedfromthepumpkin,Isuddenlyfoundthatmomshouldbeshootingallthathappenedtomeandwoulduploaditonline.eg2:MyheadwasfinallyreleasedanditwasthenthatIrealizedmymomhadbeenfilmingthewholetime.eg3:Iliftedmypumpkin-pulp-coveredeyelids,scannedtheroomandsawthreefacescontortedbyguffawandmumstillholdingthecamera,which,unfortunately,hadrecordedeverything.[第2段承上句]eg1:WhenIloggedinmyFacebookIfoundmyselfdumbfoundedbytheabundantlikesIreceivedfromthosewhohadseenmyvideo.Browsingtheirmessages,Ifeltawaveofwarmth.eg2:Itwentviralinstantly.Justwithinhours,hundredsoflikesandfunnycommentsappeared,showingtheirenthusiasm.Constantsstreamsofcuriouspeopleevencamebytotakephotoswithusandmyprizedpumpkin.eg3:Notlongafteritwasuploaded,itsoaredtothetopof“most-watched”shortvideos.Thousandsleftcomments,sharingtheirownstoriesoftheirbodypartsbeingcaughtinsmallundesiredplaces.Thenextday,whenIwaswalkingaroundthecampus,Iwassoonrecognizedandaskedtotakeselfies.BrainstormusefulexpressionsToshow,nottotell!我的視頻被傳到網(wǎng)上的尷尬、懊惱等復(fù)雜心情eg1:Iwas

tooembarrassedto

seewatchthevideo,letalone

seeingmyfriends'

comments!eg2:SoembarrassedwasshethatIsatthererestlessly,feelingthebloodrushtoherface.(部分倒裝句)eg3:Myfaceflushed/burnedscarlet

withembarrassment/shame.eg4:HowIwishedIhadnotactedsofoolishly,makingmyselfalaughingstockofmyfamily!(虛擬語氣)eg4:Whilestuckinthepumpkin,Icouldwellimaginehowtheywouldlookwhenmyheadcameout.eg5:NeverhadIeverfeltsoembarrassedbutneverhadIeverbeensofamous!(部分倒裝句)MyemotionsweresoconflictedbetweenwhetherIshouldbehappyorsad.BrainstormusefulexpressionsToshow,nottotell!點(diǎn)題收尾句eg1:敘事式Iwentaroundmycommunitywithmyfriends,trick-or-treatingwithmy

head

inanother

pumpkin

that

mom

and

dad

hadfoundforme.Thistime,Imadesuretocutabigenoughhole.eg2:感悟式Thoughfeelingabitembarrassed,Ifeltastrongerfamilybond-afamilysurroundedbyloveandfun.eg3:感悟式Untiltoday,IamstillunsurewhattomakeofthatunforgettableHalloweenandsuperthankfulformydad'srescue.eg4:評價式Thankstomom,thevideoturnedouttobeareminder,acapturedmemorablemoment,arecollectionoffestivalhappiness,coloredbyheartyhumaninteractions.eg5:評價式Thenextday,whenIwalkedaroundthecampus,Icouldfeelfingerspointedatmydirection,gigglesbehindsleevesandwhispersinsmallgroups.It'slikeIsuddenlyshottostardom!IfthisincidentwasaTRICKGodplayedonme,ImightaswellregarditasmyTREATforeveryonetohaveanunforgettableHalloween.eg4:多元化（感悟+敘事+評價）

Bathedinthefestiveatmosphere,I

totallyforgotthe“unforgettable”

incidentandsetoutforthetrick-or-treating.IwouldtakeitasatreattoaddjoyandfuntothisfestiveHalloweenforeveryone.2021年1月高考讀后續(xù)寫

Iwasstuckforfiveorsixminutesthoughitfeltmuchlonger.

AlthoughIwaspanicking,myfamilyfoundmyfoolishdisplaymorecomicalthandangerous.Tomydismay,insteadoftryingtohelp,

Jason

reachedforhisphone.While

mom

and

dad

workedhardtohelpcalmmedowninbetweenfitsoflaughter,

Jason

recordedthewholeordeal.Hewasdeterminedtokeepavideorecordoftheeventsinitsfullentirety,surelytoteasemewithitforalongtimetocome.PullasImight,myheadcouldn’tbudge.Finally,aftersomeoliveoiltohelpeasethefrictionandafinalpullwithallmymight,Istumbledbacktotheground-my

head

freeandthe

pumpkin

firmlygraspedby

mom

and

dad.

ThatvideowaspostedonlinetheMondaybeforeHalloween.

IfIdidn’tfeelhumiliatedenoughathome,nowIgettolivewithmyfoolishnessinschoolaswell.ItwasnotlongbeforeIwasgiventhenickname“Pumpkin

Head”,anditstuck.Thenicknamecouldnotcomeatabettertime;myfriendsbeggedmetoseriouslyconsiderputtingmy

head

backinthe

pumpkin

forourannualtrick-or-treatingadventurestomorrownight.Atthispoint,Icouldnotdoanythingbutsmileandchucklealongwiththe

rest

ofmyf