讀后續(xù)寫：人與動物-拯救鱒魚講義-高三英語寫作專項

閱讀下面材料，根據(jù)其內(nèi)容和所給段落開頭語續(xù)寫兩段，使之構(gòu)成一篇完整的短文。JuliaalwaysenjoyedrunningthroughTheDarkWalktowardsthelightattheendofit.Itwasadark,damptunnel(隧道)madeofsmoothbranches.Thisyearshehadtheextrajoyofshowingittohersmallbrother,Stephen,andterrifyinghimaswellasherself.Onedaytheyfoundaholeononesideofthewalk.Insidetherewaswater,inwhichtheyperceivedapantingtrout(喘息的鱒魚).Theywerebothsoexcitedthattheywerenolongerafraidofthedarknessastheybentdownandpeeredatthefishpantinginhistinyprison,hissilverstomachgoingupanddownlikeanengine;otherwisehewasmotionless.Juliawonderedwhatheateandthoughtofhishunger.Shefoundhimaworm.Heignoredthefood,andjustwentonpanting.Bendingoverhim,shethoughthowhehadbeeninthere.Allthewinter,inthedarktunnel,allday,allnight,floatingaroundalone.Nobodyknewhowthefishgotthere.Hermothersuggestedthatabirdhadcarriedtheegg.Herfatherthoughtthatinthewinterasmallstreammighthavecarrieditdownthereasababy,andithasbeensafeuntilsummercameandthewaterbegantodryup.Beforetheywenttobed,Stephenaskedhismummythewholestoryofthetrout,notreallyinterestedintheactualtrout,butinthestorywhichhismumbegantomakeupforhim,andJulia,inherbed,presentedherbacktothemandreadherbook.Butshekeptoneearcocked.“Andso,intheend,thisnaughtyfishgotbiggerandbigger,andthewatergotsmallerandsmaller...”Passionately,sheturnedaroundandcried,“Mummy,don’tmakeitahorribleoldmoralstory.”Hermomevenbroughtinafairy(仙子),whohadmadeitrainandfilledthehole,sothatthetroutcouldfloatawaydowntotheriverbelow.Staringatthemoonsheknewtherewasnosuchthingasafairyandthattrout,downinthetunnel,waspantingforhislife.注意：1．續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右；2．請按如下格式在答題卡的相應(yīng)位置作答。ShesatupinthesilentnightandStephanwassoundasleep.

Juliapouredthetroutoutofthepotintotheriver.

與其說是解析，其實是今天在文科+理科班講課文字版實錄：上課

解析：

來，同學(xué)們，我們今天看一篇《人與動物》：劃重點：（并不全是這樣，只是為了吸引學(xué)生注意力）（1）遇到大動物（你打不過的）---拔腿咱就跑（2）遇到小動物（你打得過的）---和它做朋友

Juliaalwaysenjoyed

running

through

The

Dark

Walk

towardsthe

light

attheendofit.Itwasadark,damptunnel(隧道)madeofsmoothbranches.Thisyearshehadtheextrajoyofshowingittohersmallbrother,Stephen,and

terrifying

himaswellas

herself.Julia特喜歡穿越"黑暗的路”去尋找光明through

The

Dark

Walk

towards

the

light，（黑夜給了我黑色的眼睛,我卻用它尋找光明--顧城《一代人》），今年，她帶上她的弟弟一起去黑暗隧道，既能嚇著她自己，也能嚇著傻弟弟。注意：伏筆黑暗--光明？究竟是什么？

隧道的黑-----盡頭的光“人生”暫時的黑----“脫困”后的光

Onedaytheyfounda

hole

ononesideofthe

walk.Insidetherewas

water,inwhichtheyperceived

apantingtrout

(喘息的鱒魚).Theywerebothso

excited

thattheywere

nolongerafraid

ofthe

darkness

asthey

bentdownandpeered

atthefishpantinginhistiny

prison,hissilverstomachgoingupanddown

likeanengine;otherwisehewas

motionless.

Juliawonderedwhatheateandthoughtofhishunger.Shefoundhimaworm.Heignoredthefood,and

justwentonpanting.Bendingoverhim,shethought

howhehadbeeninthere.Allthewinter,inthedarktunnel,allday,allnight,

floatingaroundalone.有一天，姐弟倆在黑暗隧道里，發(fā)現(xiàn)一個坑，坑里有點水，水里有只喘息的鱒魚（），姐弟倆瞬間被這倒霉魚吸引住了，甚至忘記了黑暗帶來的恐懼。姐弟倆彎身，盯著魚兒看。魚兒肚子一脹一憋，像機器一樣呼吸，要么就呆著不動。姐姐就想這魚兒是怎么來的呢？？（長長的黑暗隧道，魚兒還能是自己走進來，跳進這小坑里？）整個冬天，日日夜夜，孤獨的小魚兒就在坑里漂著。注意：看到這段，腦子炸了一下：

這條喘息的魚是什么？就是魚被生活困住”的人生進入4月沖刺期，迷茫焦灼的高三考生脫不下”孔乙己的長衫“的人(prison囚籠）像機器/引擎一樣呼吸的魚-----”行尸走肉？（有的人活著他已經(jīng)死了--臧克家的詩《有的人》）

伏筆：看到魚兒，忘記黑暗恐懼的姐弟-----續(xù)寫第一段為了救魚克服恐懼的姐姐彎腰看”熱鬧“的姐姐------為了救魚兒跪著/趴著的姐姐像機器/引擎一樣呼吸的魚-----救魚兒時拼命lash拍打尾巴（從麻木--到奮發(fā)自救）的蘇醒Nobodyknew

howthefishgotthere.

Hermothersuggestedthatabirdhadcarriedtheegg.Herfatherthoughtthatinthewinterasmall

stream

mighthavecarrieditdownthereasababy,andithasbeensafeuntilsummercameandthewaterbegantodryup.回家后，父母得知鱒魚后進行的猜測（魚兒是如何進入坑里的）

冬天小溪帶進魚，夏天干涸魚被困（這真的不是氣候變暖產(chǎn)生影響的環(huán)保類文章？？？？）沒人知道魚兒是怎么進入隧道的？所以這像不像高中生在高一--高二--高三過程中，有些同學(xué)“跟不上”進度了，“落在了”黑暗中，而同學(xué)們已經(jīng)往前走了很遠，只留下他一個人？？Beforetheywenttobed,

Stephen

askedhismummythewholestoryofthetrout,

notreallyinterestedin

theactualtrout,butinthestorywhichhismumbeganto

makeup

forhim,

睡前弟弟Stephen讓媽媽講故事，媽媽開始編造鱒魚的故事

伏筆notreallyinterestedintheactualtrout弟弟其實不關(guān)心真的魚（黑暗--未啟蒙）andJulia,inherbed,

presentedherback

tothemandreadherbook.Butshekeptoneearcocked.“Andso,intheend,thisnaughtyfishgotbiggerandbigger,andthewatergotsmallerandsmaller...”Passionately,sheturnedaroundand

cried,

“Mummy,don’tmakeit

ahorribleoldmoralstory.”Hermomevenbroughtin

afairy(仙子),whohadmadeitrainandfilledthehole,sothatthetroutcouldfloatawaydowntotheriverbelow.

伏筆姐姐Julia【背對著母子】：

后背是dark,臉是Light,身后兩人是“局外人”，姐姐勇敢face"困境”解救鱒魚，獲得light姐姐聽到媽媽編故事：哭了，（真性情、真覺醒）：“別再編造哪些《心靈雞湯》了”：（小仙子來了，下雨吧，下雨了，魚兒得救了）Staringatthemoonsheknewtherewas

no

suchthingasa

fairy

andthattrout,downinthetunnel,

waspantingforhislife.伏筆盯著月亮（也是一種光），姐姐知道：仙子是沒有的，魚兒只能呆在隧道里，茍延殘喘。續(xù)寫第二段：姐姐救了魚兒---說也許真得是小仙子救了魚兒吧官方范文：ShesatupinthesilentnightandStephanwassoundasleep.Shetiptoedout,quietlyliftedalargepotofwaterandrantotheopeningofthetunnel.Insidewascompletedarkness!Scaredbutdetermined,sheracedin,kneltdownbythehole,andputherhandintoit.Thetroutlashedandtheywerebothmadwithfright.Stillshemanagedtoshovehimintothepotandracedoutofthetunnelanddownthesteeppaths.Allthewayh