讀后續(xù)寫寫作練習(xí)講評(píng)-2023屆高三英語(yǔ)寫作備考

讀后續(xù)寫寫作練習(xí)講評(píng)一、試題回顧閱讀下面材料，根據(jù)其內(nèi)容和所給段落開頭語(yǔ)續(xù)寫兩段，使之構(gòu)成一篇完整的短文。OnaFridayeveninginDecember,twoweeksbeforeChristmas,mymotherandIgothomeasusual.WewereexcitedforthecomingweekendandplannedtogetourChristmastree.Suddenly,mymothergothervoicemail:"We'resorrybutyourworkassignmenthasendedasoftoday."Thenewscastacloudofgloomoverherface.Andmyheartsankandanxietysentmespinning-mymotherlostherjob.Thefollowingdaysmymothergotupearlyandsetouttolookforwork,butstillhadn'tseenitcoming.AndInoticedthatwewererunningoutofnaturalgasandbillsofelectricityandwaterbegantopillup.Iknewmoneywastight.Onewrongmovecouldsendthefamilyintotrouble.Mymotheralsowasn'teasy.Shewasn'tjustasingleparent;shewastheonlyparent.MyfatherhadbeeninprisonmostofhislifeandIhadn'tmethimforalongtime.Nevertheless,I'dgrownaccustomedtothelife.Mymotherdideverythingshecouldtogivemeagoodlife.Thenextdayaswesearchedforourtreeintheshop,IstruggledtobecheerfulasIeyedeachpricetag.Ihandedanoteof$100tomymother,butsherefusedwithouthesitation,saying''Absolutelynot,that'swhatgrandmagavetoyou."Iwhisperedtoher"Mom,Idon'twantanygifts.AllIneedistobewithyou.Iloveyouforever!”ThenIheldherbythehandleavingtheshop.Overthenextweek,mymothercrazilyappliedforjobsasthebankaccountgrewsmallerandsmaller.Westillneededmoneyforrent,foodandotherdailyexpenses.

Onenight,lyingonthebedandlostinthought,Idecidedthatitwastimeformetodosomething.Atthat,Iroseuptodialatelephonenumber.Paragraph1:Thenextmorning,justonthedaybeforeChristmas,Inoticedafamiliarcarpullupinfrontofmyhouse.Paragraph2:Atthistime,Icouldn'thelpbutcry.二、學(xué)生考場(chǎng)習(xí)作呈現(xiàn)第二節(jié)（滿分25分）Thenextmorning,juslonthedaybeforeChristmas,Inoticedafamiliarcarpullupinfrontofmyhouse.Itwasmygmndmothprwho]cokdlostnightendwontedhprWhenshampt勿e.s力，huqqodmp.andaskedmen力十勿worrytoomuch.osshewould。?紳h2±h”pforus.Ihpn]oskpdh”whotcon]do力/mom.Shesoid十hotshpwould夕〃withmahev?astandwhfre"cqn$，〃soma沖/andsomeold十hinqsandshzwouldqiv?〃sclhondfirstAfterthat,wpwentoutondstartedaHtHptimp-Hcrdlyhodwp〃christmos"夕ondmqsirhussir）?sswhichmode〃5gptcompintchousewhpn]spottedAlthistime,Icouldnthelpbutcry'."JfJUgh廿0aHtHptimp-Hcrdlyhodwp〃christmos"夕ondmqnevercriedevenonehpcouqa1wonted±ohp_rphoh他formymomformymom-Hcwevor；spMnqmqformymom-Hcwevorformymom-Hcwevor；spMnqmqmi”砧'sqi廿jormp,itw。、posytohrustintocry.AHoffasuddlantmgqmndmahuggedbothofhuggedbothofandgoveboth葉huggedbothofandgoveboth葉〃$athatlongasw2coma

andeverqthinqwouldgohuggedbothofandgoveboth葉〃$athatlongasw2coma

andeverqthinqwouldgo士oqp十her，nothingkiss,adding

wouldbphordwallJustsh?soid,wegotsomemon四川加nurstemdandmymom力/anewworksubsequpntlg,whichled〃stocomeback十0a三、作文評(píng)析(一)作文亮點(diǎn)1.內(nèi)容環(huán)環(huán)相扣，畫面感強(qiáng)。文章的畫面感，讓人讀了能夠在腦海中呈現(xiàn)感人的畫面，與閱讀材料所傳遞的主題相符合。另外，內(nèi)容環(huán)環(huán)相扣，段落間銜接緊密而自然，條理清楚，語(yǔ)言流暢，可讀性、邏輯性強(qiáng)。第一段設(shè)計(jì)在房子前面，奶奶出現(xiàn)玲和奶奶擁抱3奶奶建議通過擺攤賺錢渡過難關(guān)3我看到圣誕樹。在第二段中，我看到媽媽送的圣誕樹3感動(dòng)而泣玲與媽媽相擁分賺的收入，媽媽找到工作。結(jié)局與原文既有呼應(yīng)又有出人意料，令人回味。情節(jié)設(shè)計(jì)合情合理，跌宕起伏，符合讀后續(xù)寫的曲折性原則。文章最后突出通過自己的努力而獲得圓滿結(jié)局，這體現(xiàn)了讀后續(xù)寫的正能量原則。2.詞匯和句式豐富，全文遵守原文一致原則。文章詞匯多樣且生動(dòng)，如spot,reliable,burstinto,subsequently等，這使文章增色不少。句式豐富，靈活多變，能夠巧妙運(yùn)用強(qiáng)調(diào)句，定語(yǔ)從句，狀語(yǔ)從句，賓語(yǔ)從句，現(xiàn)在分詞，倒裝句等，足見作者深厚的語(yǔ)言功底。亮點(diǎn)句式如下：(1)強(qiáng)調(diào)句：ItwasmygrandmotherwhoIcalledlastnightandwantedtoseekforhelpfromher.(2)賓語(yǔ)從句：IaskedherwhatIcandoformom.(3)倒裝句：HardlyhadwecomeintohousewhenIspottedaChristmastreeandmymom.(4)倒裝句：Toughthoughourliferecentlywas,Inevercriedevenonce.(5)現(xiàn)在分詞：Allofasudden,mygrandmotherhuggedbothofusandgavebothofusakiss,addingthat（6）定語(yǔ)從句：Justasshesaid,wegotsomemoneyfromourstandandmymomfoundanewworksubsequently,whichledustocomebacktoarighttrack.3.細(xì)節(jié)描寫生動(dòng)真實(shí)，扣人心弦。依據(jù)情節(jié)發(fā)展需要，作者按“所見、所聞、所思、所說、所做、所感〃六方面選擇性得增加細(xì)節(jié)，從多角度體現(xiàn)細(xì)節(jié)性描寫，如語(yǔ)言描寫、動(dòng)作描寫、人物描寫等等，從而增加文章的真實(shí)度、可信度和飽滿度。（1）所聞所說體現(xiàn)語(yǔ)言描寫：①IaskedherwhatIcandoformom.②Shesaidthatshewouldgowithmehaveastand（2）所做體現(xiàn)動(dòng)作描寫：①Whenshemetme,shehuggedmeandaskedmenottoworrytoomuch.②HardlyhadwecomeintohousewhenIspottedaChristmastreeandmymom.（3）所見體現(xiàn)人物描寫：However,seeingmymom'sgiftforme,itwaseasyformetoburstinto（二）意見和建議.語(yǔ)言問題（1）原文：IaskedherwhatcanIdohermom.改為：IaskedherwhatIcandoformom.此句為賓語(yǔ)從句,應(yīng)用陳述語(yǔ)氣。（2）原文：Shesaidthatshewouldgowithmehaveastand改為：Shesaidthatshewouldgowithmeto.haveastand此處目的狀語(yǔ)應(yīng)加上tOo（3）原文：However,seeingmymom'sgiftforme,itwaseasyformetobrustintocry改為：However,seeingmymom'sgiftforme,Ijustcan'thelpburstingintotears非謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞的邏輯主語(yǔ)有問題，burst拼寫錯(cuò)誤，burstintotears會(huì)更符合英語(yǔ)表達(dá)習(xí)慣。(4)原文：Allofasuddlen,mygrandmotherhuggedbothofallandgavebothofusakiss,addingthat改為：Allofasudden,mygrandmotherhuggedbothofusandgavebothofusakiss,addingthatsudden拼寫錯(cuò)誤，bothofus更加準(zhǔn)確(5)原文：Justasshesaid,wegotsomemoneyfromourstandandmymomfoundanewworksubsequently,whichledustocomebacktoarighttrack.改為：Justasshesaid,wegotsomemoneyfromourstandandmymomfoundanew