高考閱卷隨筆 (2)

1、2013年高考湖北卷英語寫作閱卷隨筆湖北棗陽一中 姜敬軍 筆者參加了湖北省2013年高考英語短文寫作的評卷工作。現(xiàn)將評卷中的點(diǎn)滴感悟整理呈現(xiàn)出來，希望對參加2014年高考的考生和從事2014年復(fù)習(xí)備考的教師有所借鑒與幫助。一、考生失分原因分析與對策： 1. 審題偏差。今年寫作中不少考生存在跑題現(xiàn)象。有的寫 “堅(jiān)持（persistence）、樹立自信心（self-confidence）的重要性”，有的寫如何從失誤中學(xué)習(xí)（how to learn from mistakes）等等。分析：究其原因，這部分考生英語基礎(chǔ)不夠牢實(shí)，或看不懂提示語含義，將平時寫作訓(xùn)練的范文憑記憶生搬硬套地寫上去，或曲解了英

2、語提示語，認(rèn)為stick 的意思是“堅(jiān)持”。為解決這個問題，我們有必要看一下今年的短文寫作：請根據(jù)以下提示，并結(jié)合事例，用英語寫一篇短文。We all know that “sticks and stones may break our bones”, but we should also be aware that words can hurt people, too.注意：1無須寫標(biāo)題，不得照抄英語提示語；2除詩歌外，文體不限； 3文中不得透露個人姓名和學(xué)校名稱； 4詞數(shù)為120左右。 我想以上寫作提示告訴考生在寫作中應(yīng)注意以下幾個主要信息點(diǎn)：1. 英語提示語的重點(diǎn)在該并列句的后半句，考生

3、通過寫作應(yīng)著重告訴讀者這樣一個道理，即“惡語傷人”。2. 必須結(jié)合一個事例來闡述。3. 事例的主體時態(tài)應(yīng)是過去范疇時態(tài)（一般過去時、過去完成時等）。對策：根據(jù)評分原則，評分時，應(yīng)注意的主要內(nèi)容為：內(nèi)容切題，語言表達(dá)準(zhǔn)確、多樣、連貫、得體?？梢妰?nèi)容切題是得分重要因素，在內(nèi)容切題的情況下，再根據(jù)語法結(jié)構(gòu)、詞匯應(yīng)用的數(shù)量及準(zhǔn)確性、語句間的連貫等要素確定檔次。所以對我們來說，審題訓(xùn)練應(yīng)是短文寫作訓(xùn)練中不可忽視的一個重要環(huán)節(jié)。二、表達(dá)錯誤。主要表現(xiàn)在：1. 詞類錯誤?，F(xiàn)將今年短文寫作中考生書寫的典型錯詞整理如下：單詞過去式、過去分詞錯誤寫法正確寫法stickstruck / stikedstuck /

4、stuckhurthurted / hurtedhurt / hurtlaughlaughted / laughtedlaughed / laughedfeelfell / feeled (fell)felt / feltregretregreted / regretedregretted / regretted 2句子結(jié)構(gòu)錯誤。I always remembering the time (remember) Only he went out angrily did I know I hurt him. (when / after he went out angrily) 3時態(tài)、語態(tài)、語氣、

5、語序錯誤。I wont forget the day when I am in middle school. (was)I saw his face was turned red. (去掉was)Were I polite to him at that time, he wouldnt be so sad now. (Had I been polite)It was not until then did I realize I had hurt him deeply. (that I realized) 4搭配錯誤。 At that time we often talked many thin

6、gs together. (talked about) He left without saying a word because what I said to him. (because of)分析與對策：學(xué)生在高考寫作中所出現(xiàn)的這些問題，大多是他們平時學(xué)習(xí)、寫作中經(jīng)常犯的典型錯誤。因此我們說寫作訓(xùn)練重在平時。通過平時的每次訓(xùn)練，找出自己常在哪些方面出現(xiàn)問題，并把這些錯誤加以整理并收集起來，進(jìn)而編寫出自己的糾錯本，且時時看，常常思，久而久之，這些錯誤便會越來越少，直至消滅。 三、湖北省013年高考英語短文寫作案例與評判 Passage 1Its known to all that “stic

7、ks and stones may break our bones”, but it just hurts us physically. What we should know is that word can hurt people too and it hurts people mentally, which is hard to recover.When it comes to this, memories come flood in to my mind. When I was in middle school, my friend Lily did very poorly in wr

8、itten English. What she wrote sometimes was hard to recognize. She knew that it was her weakness and I didnt say anything. But one day I laughed at her, saying that her written English was so poorly. She cried and ran away. I was so shocked and felt very guilty. I was just joking and thought that sh

9、e wouldnt blame me. But she didnt. I apologized to her over and over because I realized that what I said did hurt her.So from my own experience, I can draw a conclusion that it is words that can hurt people most sometimes. So do mind your mouth, dont let what you say hurt someone or you will regret

10、for it! 得分：27-28分點(diǎn)評: 1. 文章讀起來通順流暢, 內(nèi)容切題，使用了較多句式、短語及必要的連接成分。2. 文中出現(xiàn)了些許錯誤如 memories come flood in, saying that her written English was so poorly. 此外，連接成分有些簡單、單一。3. 整體感覺: 賞心悅目Passage 2As far as I am concerned, good words can make people be good friends. But sometimes words can hurt people, too.For exam

11、ple, I have a good friend. We know each other when we were in middle school. We always talked many things, like friendship, love, family and so on. We have no words that cant tell to each other. We are brother.But one day, some words changed our life. He made jokes on me in class. All classmates lau

12、ghed. I knew that he was kidding. But I couldnt accepted it. And I got annoyed. I doubted our friendship and very sad.Now, things have passed on. I wont forget it. So when we speak, we should care the style, as words can hut people, too. 得分：21-22分點(diǎn)評: 1.主要內(nèi)容切題，應(yīng)用的語法結(jié)構(gòu)和詞匯能滿足任務(wù)的要求。2. 文中出現(xiàn)了一些錯誤如We alway

13、s talked many things, We have no words that cant tell to each other. We are brother, But I couldnt accepted it, I doubted our friendship and very sad. 此外，二三段缺少必要的連接成分且連接成分過于單一。3. 整體感覺: 清清楚楚Passage 3With time going by, we have all growing up. So, we must learn how could we use words cannot hurt other

14、s. Its very impertant.I still remember, when I was young, I often said some not good words, and always made my parents amazied. Oneday, my sister ware a new dress and visit my parents. My mother talk my sister: you look so beautiful. But in my eye, my sister is more fat. So, I shout to my mother: yo

15、u are wrong, she is very ugly. And then, my mother in a dilemma, and my sister was very upset.Too many years ago, I realize I was so foolish that I use words hurt my sister. In fact, I should have talk my mother the truth when my sister gone. Or I should say: sister, the dress is suitable for you if

16、 you loose wight.We all should be aware that words can hurt people, please use words carefully. 得分：15-16分點(diǎn)評: 1.主要內(nèi)容與提示語較吻合，應(yīng)用的語法結(jié)構(gòu)和詞匯能基本滿足任務(wù)的要求。2. 文中出現(xiàn)了一些錯誤如we have all growing up, we must learn how could we use words cannot hurt others. 請同學(xué)們找出其它的錯誤并修改一下。3. 整體感覺: 馬馬虎虎Passage 4It is said that your he

17、lping can be fongotten just seven days, but the words you have said can influence ones all life, expecialy the bad words. I always remembering the day I quarred with my friend Li. I thought she took away my book but not returned to me. I said she was a thief. The moment I said that words I hesited f

18、or a while. But I saw Lis face was got white and ran away. I feld pity for what I had said. Later, I found my books in my school bag. I knew I had hurt Lis heart, just because the words. So, I realized that I should thought what I will say again and again, and try my best not hurt others.I havent sa

19、id a words to Li since I was qurred with Li. I find the importance of words and make my mind that dont make the same mistakes again. 得分：9-10分點(diǎn)評: 1.主要內(nèi)容與提示語基本吻合，語法結(jié)構(gòu)單調(diào)，應(yīng)用詞匯有限。2. 有較多語法結(jié)構(gòu)或詞類方面的錯誤，影響了意義的表達(dá)。請你找出這篇寫作中的錯誤。3. 整體感覺: 稀里糊涂Passage 5Hurt is a not good things, usually, we need to get along with anybody, like we all know the words, setencese also hurt people.In my class, has a classmate lose ten RMB, he was surprised and angry, he said: he thought near h