discovery of a father (3).docx

Discovery of a Father 對父親的新認識You hear it said that fathers want their sons to be what they feel they cannot themselves be, but I tell you it also works the other way. 你應(yīng)該聽過，父親們總希望他們的兒子成長為他們自己所不能成為的人，但我要告訴你，這句話反過來也一樣。A boy wants something very special from his father. 男孩們也希望他們的父親是獨一無二的。I know that as a small boy I wanted my father to be a proud, silent, dignified man.我知道這個道理，因為當(dāng)我還是個小男孩時，我希望我的父親是個驕傲，冷靜，高貴的人。When I was with other boys and he passed along the street, I wanted to feel a flow of pride. 我希望當(dāng)我和其它男孩在街上玩耍時，父親從旁邊經(jīng)過，我會感到驕傲。There he is. That is my father. “那就是我的父親?！盉ut he wasnt such a one. 但他不是這樣的人。He couldnt be.他也成不了這樣的人。It seemed to me then that he was always showing off.我覺得他總愛炫耀。 Lets say someone in our town had got up a show. 讓我們來說說那次有人在我們鎮(zhèn)上舉辦表演活動的事。They were always doing it.經(jīng)常有這樣的活動。 The druggist would be in it, the shoe-store clerk, the horse doctor, and a lot of women and girls. 藥劑師、鞋店店員、獸醫(yī)以及許多女人和少女都會參與其中。My father would manage to get the chief comedy part.我父親總是想辦法出演主要的喜劇角色。 It was, lets say, a Civil War play and he was a comic Irish soldier.比方說，他會在一部描述內(nèi)戰(zhàn)的表演里出演一個滑稽的愛爾蘭士兵。 He had to do the most absurd things. 他不得不去做那些最可笑的事。They thought he was funny, I thought he was terrible. 他們覺得他很搞笑，而我覺得他太糟糕了。I didnt see how mother could stand it.我不知道母親怎么忍受得了。 She even laughed with the others.她甚至還和其他人一起大笑。Or there was a parade. 如果有游行活動。Hed be in that, too, right at the front of it, as Grand Marshal or something, on a white horse hired from a livery stable.他也會參與其中，就在最前面，騎著一匹從車馬出租所租來的白馬扮演大元帥什么的。I remember once when he had done something ridiculous, and right out on Main Street, too, I was with some other boys and they were laughing and shouting at him and he was shouting back and having as good a time as they were. 我記得，有一次他在主街道做了一些可笑的事，而我和小伙伴們當(dāng)時就在那里，他們嘲笑我父親，并對他大喊大叫，他也對他們大喊大叫，玩得很開心。I ran down an alley back of some stores and, there in the Presbyterian Church sheds, I had a good long cry.我跑過商店后面的一條小巷子，在長老會教堂里哭了很久。Or I would be in bed at night and father would come home and bring some men with him. 有時候，晚上我已經(jīng)睡了，而父親帶著幾個人回家。He was a man who was never alone. 他是一個從不孤單的人。Before he went broke, running a harness shop, there were always a lot of men loafing in the shop.在他破產(chǎn)之前，他經(jīng)營著一家馬具店，常常有許多男人在店里游蕩。 He went broke, of course, because he gave too much credit. 然后他破產(chǎn)了，這是肯定的，因為他放了太多貸款給別人。He couldnt refuse it, and I thought he was a fool.他不懂得拒絕，我覺得他是個傻瓜。Thered be men I didnt think would want to be fooling around with him.出乎我意料的是，竟然有人愿意同我的父親虛度光陰。 There might even be the superintendent of our school and a quiet man who ran the hardware store. 其中甚至包括我們學(xué)校的負責(zé)人以及一個很安靜的五金店店主。Once I remember there was a white-haired man who was a cashier of the bank. 我還記得有一個是滿頭白發(fā)的銀行出納員。It was a wonder to me theyd want to be seen with such a windbag.我很驚訝，他們竟然和我父親這種滿嘴空話的人來往。 I know now what it was that attracted them. 我現(xiàn)在知道吸引他們的是什么了。It was because life in our town was at times pretty dull and he livened it up.我們鎮(zhèn)上的生活太過無聊，而他使生活生動起來。He could tell stories.他會講故事。 He made them laugh.讓他們歡笑。If they didnt come to our house theyd go off, say at night, to where there was a grassy place by a creek.如果他們沒來我家，那就是去外面了，比如晚上會去溪邊一個長滿雜草的地方。Theyd cook food there and drink beer and sit about listening to his stories.他們在那做飯，喝啤酒，散坐著聽他講故事。He was always telling stories about himself.他總是講跟他自己有關(guān)的故事。Hed say this or that wonderful thing had happened to him.他總說那些發(fā)生在他身上的精彩離奇的事情。 It might be something that made him look like a fool.即使有些事情讓人覺得他像個傻瓜。 He didnt care.他也不在乎。If an Irishman came to our house, right away father would say he was Irish. 如果有愛爾蘭人來我家，我父親就會說他也是愛爾蘭人。Hed tell what county in Ireland he was born in. 他會說他出生在愛爾蘭的哪個郡。Hed tell things that happened there when he was a boy.講當(dāng)他還是個小男孩兒時，那兒發(fā)生過什么事情。 Hed make it seem so real that, if I hadnt known he was born in southern Ohio, Id have believed him myself.他講得跟真的一樣，如果我不是知道他出生在俄亥俄州南部，連我都會相信他。If it was a Scotsman, a German or a Swede, the same thing happened.如果來的是蘇格蘭人，德國人或者瑞士人，同樣的事情也會發(fā)生。Hed be anything the other man was.對方來自哪里，他就來自哪里。I think they all knew he was lying, but they seemed to like him just the same.我想他們都知道他在說謊，但他們依然喜歡他。A lot of fathers stories were about the Civil War.他講的大多數(shù)故事都跟內(nèi)戰(zhàn)有關(guān)。To hear him tell it hed been in about every battle. 聽他所講，他幾乎參加了每一場戰(zhàn)役。Hed known Grant, Sherman, Sheridan and I dont know how many others. 他認識格蘭特，謝爾曼，謝里登，我不知道他還認識多少人。Hed been particularly intimate with General Grant so that when Grant went East to take charge of all the armies, he took father along.他和格蘭特將軍非常親密，所以，當(dāng)格蘭特統(tǒng)領(lǐng)大軍向東進發(fā)時，也帶上了我父親。I was an orderly at headquarters and Sim Grant said to me, Irve, he said, Im going to take you along with me. “我當(dāng)時在總部當(dāng)勤務(wù)兵，然后格蘭特對我說，歐文，我打算帶上你一起走。”It seems he and Grant used to slip off sometimes and have a quiet drink together.好像說，他和格蘭特有時會偷溜出去喝酒。Hed tell about the day Lee surrendered and how, when the great moment came, they couldnt find Grant.他曾講過，當(dāng)李投降時，偉大的時刻到來了，但他們卻找不到格蘭特。You know, my father said,“你知道的，”我父親說， about the Generals memoirs.在將軍的回憶錄里。 Youve read of how he had a headache and how, when he got word that Lee was ready to call it quits, he was suddenly and miraculously cured.你應(yīng)該看過說他有頭疼的毛病，然后，當(dāng)他得知李即將投降的消息時，他的病突然奇跡般的康復(fù)了。Huh, said father.“哼”父親說 He was in the woods with me. “他當(dāng)時正跟我在樹林里呢。”I was there with my back against a tree. 當(dāng)時我背靠著一棵樹。I had got hold of a bottle of pretty good stuff.“我拿到了一瓶好酒。”They were looking for Grant.他們到處尋找著格蘭特。 He had got off his horse and come into the woods.他下了馬，走到樹林里來。 He found me. He was covered with mud.“他找到我時，全身都是污泥。I had the bottle in my hand. Whatd I care? 有酒在手，我還管那么多干嘛呢？The war was over.戰(zhàn)爭結(jié)束了。 I knew we had them licked.我知道我們戰(zhàn)勝他們了。My father said that he was the one who told Grant about Lee.我父親說，李投降的消息，正是他告訴格蘭特的。 An orderly riding by had told him, because the orderly knew how thick he was with Grant.一個傳令兵騎馬遇到他，并告訴他這個消息，因為這個傳令兵知道他和格蘭特關(guān)系密切。 Grant was embarrassed.格蘭特感到不安。But, Irve, look at me. 但是，歐文，你看看我。Im all covered with mud, he said to father.我渾身是泥。他對我父親說。And then, my father said, he and Grant decided to have a drink together. 然后，我父親說，他和格蘭特決定一起喝酒。They took a couple of shots and then, because he didnt want Grant to show up drunk before Lee, he smashed the bottle against the tree.他們只喝了幾杯，他就把酒瓶從樹上摔了個粉碎，因為他不想讓格蘭特醉醺醺地出現(xiàn)在衣冠整潔的李面前。Thats just the kind of thing hed tell. 他總說這類事情。Of course the men knew he was lying, but they seemed to like it just the same.當(dāng)然，人們知道他在說謊，但他們似乎還是喜歡聽。When we were broke, down and out, do you think he ever brought anything home? Not he.當(dāng)我們破產(chǎn)了，貧困潦倒時，你覺得他會帶什么東西回家嗎？不，沒有。 If there wasnt anything to eat in the house, hed go off visiting around at farmhouses. 如果家里沒有任何東西可以吃了，他就會出去拜訪那些農(nóng)戶。They all wanted him. 他們都很歡迎他。Sometimes hed stay away for weeks, 有時，他會一連離開好幾個星期，mother working to keep us fed,而母親努力工作養(yǎng)活我們， and then home hed come bringing, lets say, a ham.當(dāng)他回家時，他會帶回點東西，比如，一根火腿。Hed got it from some farmer friend. 他從一些農(nóng)民朋友那里拿來的。Hed slap it on the table in the kitchen. 他把它拍在廚房的桌子上，You bet Im going to see that my kids have something to eat,沒錯，我將看到我的孩子有東西吃。 hed say, and mother would just stand smiling at him.母親只是站著，對他微笑”Shed never say a word about all the weeks hed been away, not leaving us a cent for food.她從不對他一分錢都不留下，就離家?guī)字苡幸痪湓寡浴?Once I heard her speaking to a woman in our street. 有次我聽到她和我們街上的一個女人聊天。Maybe the woman had dared to sympathize with her.或許是那個女人有些同情她。 Oh, she said, its all right. Life is never dull when my man is about.“哦”她說，“沒關(guān)系的，我男人在的時候，生活就不再無聊?！盉ut often I was filled with bitterness, and sometimes I wished he wasnt my father. 但我總覺得我的生活充滿了痛苦，我希望他不是我的父親。Id even invent another man as my father. 我甚至虛構(gòu)了另一個男人作為我的父親。To protect my mother Id make up stories of a secret marriage that for some strange reason never got known. 為了保護我的母親，我編造了一個因為某些特殊原因而不為人知的秘密婚姻故事。As though some man, say, the president of a railroad company or maybe a Congressman, had married my mother, thinking his wife was dead and then it turned out she wasnt.類似某個男人，比如某個喪偶的鐵路公司總經(jīng)理或者國會議員，曾經(jīng)和我母親結(jié)婚，但婚后他的前妻又出現(xiàn)了。So they had to hush it up but I got born just the same. 所以他們不得不把這件事遮掩起來，但我還是被生下來了。I wasnt really the son of my father.我不是我父親的親生兒子。 Somewhere in the world there was a very dignified man who was really my father.在世界的某個角落，有一個尊貴的男人才是我的親生父親。And then there came a certain night.然后，在某個夜晚。 Hed been off somewhere for two or three weeks. 他去了某個地方兩三周后回來。He found me alone in the house, reading by the kitchen table.他發(fā)現(xiàn)只有我一個人在家，正在廚房的小桌旁看書。It had been raining and he was very wet.天下著雨，他身上濕透了。 He sat and looked at me for a long time,他坐著看了我好長時間， not saying a word. 一語不發(fā)。I was startled, for there was on his face the saddest look I had ever seen. 他的臉上有一種我從未見過的悲傷表情，我被嚇到了。He sat for a time, his clothes dripping.他坐了一會兒，衣服一直在滴水。 Then he got up.然后他站了起來。Come on with me, he said. “跟我來，”他對我說。I got up and went with him out of the house. 我起身跟他出了房子。 I was filled with wonder but I wasnt afraid.我感到驚訝，但并不害怕。We went along a dirt road that led down into a valley, about a mile out of town, where there was a pond. 我們沿著一條泥路，走下溪谷，那里大約在小鎮(zhèn)的一英里外，還有一個池塘。We walked in silence.我們路上沒說話。 The man who was always talking had stopped his talking.那個說話說個不停的男人停止了說話。I didnt know what was up and had the queer feeling that I was with a stranger.我不知道這是怎么了，只是有一種奇怪的感覺，覺得自己正跟著一個陌生人。The pond was quite large.那個池塘挺大的。 It was still raining hard and there were flashes of lightning followed by thunder. 雨依然很大，還電閃雷鳴。We were on a grassy bank at the ponds edge when my father spoke, and in the darkness and rain his voice sounded strange.我父親說話的時候，我們正走在池塘邊長滿草的堤壩上，在雨夜中，他的聲音變得很奇怪。Take off your clothes, he said. “把衣服脫掉?！彼f。 Still filled with wonder, I began to undress.盡管覺得驚訝，我還是開始脫衣服。 There was a flash of lightning and I saw that he was already naked.一道閃電閃過，我看到他已經(jīng)把衣服脫光了。Naked, we went into the pond.我們赤裸著進入池塘。 Taking my hand he pulled me in.他拉著我的手帶我下去。 It may be that I was too frightened, too full of a feeling of strangeness, to speak.可能是因為太害怕，我覺得特別奇怪以至于說不出話來。 Before that night my father had never seemed to pay any attention to me.在那一晚之前，我父親從未關(guān)注過我。I did not swim very well, but he put my hand on his shoulder and struck out into the darkness.我不太會游泳，但他把我的手搭在他的肩上，拍打著水面，進入黑暗中。He was a man with big shoulders, a powerful swimmer. 他是一個有著寬厚肩膀的游泳健將。In the darkness I could feel the movement of his muscles.在黑暗中，我可以感受到他肌肉的起伏。 We swam to the far edge of the pond and then back to where we had left our clothes.我們游到池塘的另一邊，然后返回我們放衣服的地方。 The rain continued and the wind blew.依然風(fēng)雨交加。Sometimes there would be a flash of lightning and I could see his face clearly.有時候閃電閃過，我能清楚地看到他的臉。It was as it was earlier, in the kitchen, a face filled with sadness.就像早些時候在廚房時那樣，他的臉充滿悲傷。There would be the momentary glimpse of his face and then again the darkness, the wind, and the rain. 我只在剎那間瞥到他的臉，然后又是無盡的黑暗，風(fēng)雨交加。In me there was a feeling I had never known before.我有一種從未有過的感覺。It was a feeling of closeness. 這是一種親密的感覺。It was something strange.一種陌生的感覺。It was as though there were only we two in the world.好像世界上只剩我們兩個人。It was as though I had been jerked suddenly out of my world of the schoolboy, out of a world in which I was ashamed of my father.