魯迅•《吶喊》自序 中英互譯

我在年青時候也曾經(jīng)做過許多夢，后來大半忘卻了，但自己也并不以為可惜。所謂回憶者，雖說可以使人歡欣，有時也不免使人寂寞，使精神的絲縷還牽著已逝的寂寞的時光，又有什么意味呢，而我偏苦于不能全忘卻，這不能全忘的一部分，到現(xiàn)在便成了《吶喊》的來由。WhenIwasyoungI,too,hadmanydreams.Mostofthemcametobeforgotten,butIseenothinginthistoregret.Foralthoughrecallingthepastmaymakeyouhappy,itmaysometimesalsomakeyoulonely,andthereisnopointinclinginginspirittolonelybygonedays.However,mytroubleisthatIcannotforgetcompletely,andthesestorieshaveresultedfromwhatIhavebeenunabletoerasefrommymemory.我有四年多，曾經(jīng)常常，——幾乎是每天，出入于質(zhì)鋪和藥店里，年紀可是忘卻了，總之是藥店的柜臺正和我一樣高，質(zhì)鋪的是比我高一倍，我從一倍高的柜臺外送上衣服或首飾去，在侮蔑里接了錢，再到一樣高的柜臺上給我久病的父親去買藥?；丶抑?，又須忙別的事了，因為開方的醫(yī)生是最有名的，以此所用的藥引也奇特：冬天的蘆根，經(jīng)霜三年的甘蔗，蟋蟀要原對的，結子的平地木，……多不是容易辦到的東西。然而我的父親終于日重一日的亡故了。FormorethanfouryearsIusedtogo,almostdaily,toapawnbroker'sandtoamedicineshop.IcannotrememberhowoldIwasthen;butthecounterinthemedicineshopwasthesameheightasI,andthatinthepawnbroker'stwicemyheight.Iusedtohandclothesandtrinketsuptothecountertwicemyheight,takethemoneyprofferedwithcontempt,thengotothecounterthesameheightasItobuymedicineformyfatherwhohadlongbeenill.OnmyreturnhomeIhadotherthingstokeepmebusy,forsincethephysicianwhomadeouttheprescriptionswasverywell-known,heusedunusualdrugs:aloerootdugupinwinter,sugar-canethathadbeenthreeyearsexposedtofrost,twincrickets,andardisia…allofwhichweredifficulttoprocure.Butmyfather'sillnesswentfrombadtoworseuntilhedied.▲魯迅像，黑白木刻（1961年，趙延年）有誰從小康人家而墜入困頓的么，我以為在這途路中，大概可以看見世人的真面目；我要到N進K學堂去了，仿佛是想走異路，逃異地，去尋求別樣的人們。我的母親沒有法，辦了八元的川資，說是由我的自便；然而伊哭了，這正是情理中的事，因為那時讀書應試是正路，所謂學洋務，社會上便以為是一種走投無路的人，只得將靈魂賣給鬼子，要加倍的奚落而且排斥的，而況伊又看不見自己的兒子了。然而我也顧不得這些事，終于到N去進了K學堂了，在這學堂里，我才知道世上還有所謂格致，算學，地理，歷史，繪圖和體操。生理學并不教，但我們卻看到些木版的《全體新論》和《化學衛(wèi)生論》之類了。我還記得先前的醫(yī)生的議論和方藥，和現(xiàn)在所知道的比較起來，便漸漸的悟得中醫(yī)不過是一種有意的或無意的騙子，同時又很起了對于被騙的病人和他的家族的同情；而且從譯出的歷史上，又知道了日本維新是大半發(fā)端于西方醫(yī)學的事實。Ibelievethosewhosinkfromprosperitytopovertywillprobablycome,intheprocess,tounderstandwhattheworldisreallylike.IwantedtogototheK—schoolinN—perhapsbecauseIwasinsearchofachangeofsceneandfaces.Therewasnothingformymothertodobuttoraiseeightdollarsformytravellingexpenses,andsayImightdoasIpleased.Thatshecriedwasonlynatural,foratthattimetheproperthingwastostudytheclassicsandtaketheofficialexaminations.Anyonewhostudied"foreignsubjects"waslookeddownuponasafellowgoodfornothing,who,outofdesperation,wasforcedtosellhissoultoforeigndevils.Besides,shewassorrytopartwithme.Butinspiteofthat,IwenttoN—andenteredtheK—school;anditwastherethatIheardforthefirsttimethenamesofsuchsubjectsasnaturalscience,arithmetic,geography,history,drawingandphysicaltraining.Theyhadnophysiologycourse,butwesawwoodblockeditionsofsuchworksas

ANewCourseontheHumanBody

and

EssaysonChemistryandHygiene.RecallingthetalkandprescriptionsofphysiciansIhadknownandcomparingthemwithwhatInowknew,Icametotheconclusionthosephysiciansmustbeeitherunwittingordeliberatecharlatans;andIbegantosympathizewiththeinvalidsandfamilieswhosufferedattheirhands.FromtranslatedhistoriesIalsolearnedthattheJapaneseReformationhadoriginated,toagreatextent,withtheintroductionofWesternmedicalsciencetoJapan.▲魯迅親自設計的《吶喊》封面因為這些幼稚的知識，后來便使我的學籍列在日本一個鄉(xiāng)間的醫(yī)學專門學校里了。我的夢很美滿，預備卒業(yè)回來，救治像我父親似的被誤的病人的疾苦，戰(zhàn)爭時候便去當軍醫(yī)，一面又促進了國人對于維新的信仰。我已不知道教授微生物學的方法，現(xiàn)在又有了怎樣的進步了，總之那時是用了電影，來顯示微生物的形狀的，因此有時講義的一段落已完，而時間還沒有到，教師便映些風景或時事的畫片給學生看，以用去這多余的光陰。其時正當日俄戰(zhàn)爭的時候，關于戰(zhàn)事的畫片自然也就比較的多了，我在這一個講堂中，便須常常隨喜我那同學們的拍手和喝彩。有一回，我竟在畫片上忽然會見我久違的許多中國人了，一個綁在中間，許多站在左右，一樣是強壯的體格，而顯出麻木的神情。據(jù)解說，則綁著的是替俄國做了軍事上的偵探，正要被日軍砍下頭顱來示眾，而圍著的便是來賞鑒這示眾的盛舉的人們。TheseinklingstookmetoaprovincialmedicalcollegeinJapan.IdreamedabeautifuldreamthatonmyreturntoChinaIwouldcurepatientslikemyfather,whohadbeenwronglytreated,whileifwarbrokeoutIwouldserveasanarmydoctor,atthesametimestrengtheningmycountrymen'sfaithinreformation.Idonotknowwhatadvancedmethodsarenowusedtoreachmicrobiology,butatthattimelanternslideswereusedtoshowthemicrobes;andifthelectureendedearly,theinstructormightshowslidesofnaturalsceneryornewstofillupthetime.ThiswasduringtheRusso-JapaneseWar,sothereweremanywarfilms,andIhadtojoinintheclappingandcheeringinthelecturehallalongwiththeotherstudents.ItwasalongtimesinceIhadseenanycompatriots,butonedayIsawafilmshowingsomeChinese,oneofwhomwasbound,whilemanyothersstoodaroundhim.Theywereallstrongfellowsbutappearedcompletelyapathetic.Accordingtothecommentary,theonewithhishandsboundwasaspyworkingfortheRussians,whowastohavehisheadcutoffbytheJapanesemilitaryasawarningtoothers,whiletheChinesebesidehimhadcometoenjoythespectacle.▲外文出版社1981年第一版這一學年沒有完畢，我已經(jīng)到了東京了，因為從那一回以后，我便覺得醫(yī)學并非一件緊要事，凡是愚弱的國民，即使體格如何健全，如何茁壯，也只能做毫無意義的示眾的材料和看客，病死多少是不必以為不幸的。所以我們的第一要著，是在改變他們的精神，而善于改變精神的是，我那時以為當然要推文藝，于是想提倡文藝運動了。在東京的留學生很有學法政理化以至警察工業(yè)的，但沒有人治文學和美術；可是在冷淡的空氣中，也幸而尋到幾個同志了，此外又邀集了必須的幾個人，商量之后，第一步當然是出雜志，名目是取“新的生命”的意思，因為我們那時大抵帶些復古的傾向，所以只謂之《新生》。BeforethetermwasoverIhadleftforTokyo,becauseafterthisfilmIfeltthatmedicalsciencewasnotsoimportantafterall.Thepeopleofaweakandbackwardcountry,howeverstrongandhealthytheymaybe,canonlyservetobemadeexamplesof,ortowitnesssuchfutilespectacles;anditdoesn'treallymatterhowmanyofthemdieofillness.Themostimportantthing,therefore,wastochangetheirspirit,andsinceatthattimeIfeltthatliteraturewasthebestmeanstothisend,Ideterminedtopromotealiterarymovement.ThereweremanyChinesestudentsinTokyostudyinglaw,politicalscience,physicsandchemistry,evenpoliceworkandengineering,butnotonestudyingliteratureorart.However,eveninthisuncongenialatmosphereIwasfortunateenoughtofindsomekindredspirits.Wegatheredthefewothersweneeded,andafterdiscussionourfirststep,ofcourse,wastopublishamagazine,thetitleofwhichdenotedthatthiswasanewbirth.Aswewerethenratherclassicallyinclined,wecalledit

XinSheng

(NewLife).《新生》的出版之期接近了，但最先就隱去了若干擔當文字的人，接著又逃走了資本，結果只剩下不名一錢的三個人。創(chuàng)始時候既已背時，失敗時候當然無可告語，而其后卻連這三個人也都為各自的運命所驅(qū)策，不能在一處縱談將來的好夢了，這就是我們的并未產(chǎn)生的《新生》的結局。Whenthetimeforpublicationdrewnear,someofourcontributorsdroppedout,andthenourfundswerewithdrawn,untilfinallytherewereonlythreeofusleft,andwewerepenniless.Sincewehadstartedourmagazineatanunluckyhour,therewasnaturallynoonetowhomwecouldcomplainwhenwefailed;butlaterevenwethreeweredestinedtopart,andourdiscussionsofadreamfuturehadtocease.Soendedthisabortive

NewLife.▲

CalltoArms

byLuXun(Simon&Schuster)我感到未嘗經(jīng)驗的無聊，是自此以后的事。我當初是不知其所以然的；后來想，凡有一人的主張，得了贊和，是促其前進的，得了反對，是促其奮斗的，獨有叫喊于生人中，而生人并無反應，既非贊同，也無反對，如置身毫無邊際的荒原，無可措手的了，這是怎樣的悲哀呵，我于是以我所感到者為寂寞。OnlylaterdidIfeelthefutilityofitall;atthattimeIdidnotreallyunderstandanything.LaterIfeltifaman'sproposalsmetwithapproval,itshouldencouragehim;iftheymetwithopposition,itshouldmakehimfightback;buttherealtragedyforhimwastoliftuphisvoiceamongthelivingandmeetwithnoresponse,neitherapprovalnoropposition,justasifhewerelefthelplessinaboundlessdesert.SoIbegantofeellonely.這寂寞又一天一天的長大起來，如大毒蛇，纏住了我的靈魂了。Andthisfeelingoflonelinessgrewdaybyday,coilingaboutmysoullikeahugepoisonoussnake.然而我雖然自有無端的悲哀，卻也并不憤懣，因為這經(jīng)驗使我反省，看見自己了：就是我決不是一個振臂一呼應者云集的英雄。Yetinspiteofmyunaccountablesadness,Ifeltnoindignation;forthisexperiencehadmademereflectandseethatIwasdefinitelynottheheroictypewhocouldrallymultitudesathiscall.只是我自己的寂寞是不可不驅(qū)除的，因為這于我太痛苦。我于是用了種種法，來麻醉自己的靈魂，使我沉入于國民中，使我回到古代去，后來也親歷或旁觀過幾樣更寂寞更悲哀的事，都為我所不愿追懷，甘心使他們和我的腦一同消滅在泥土里的，但我的麻醉法卻也似乎已經(jīng)奏了功，再沒有青年時候的慷慨激昂的意思了。However,mylonelinesshadtobedispelled,foritwascausingmeagony.SoIusedvariousmeanstodullmysenses,bothbyconformingtothespiritofthetimeandturningtothepast.LaterIexperiencedorwitnessedevengreaterlonelinessandsadness,whichIdonotliketorecall,preferringthatitshouldperishwithme.Stillmyattempttodeadenmysenseswasnotunsuccessful—Ihadlosttheenthusiasmandfervourofmyyouth.▲《新青年》創(chuàng)刊號及更名后第一期S會館里有三間屋，相傳是往昔曾在院子里的槐樹上縊死過一個女人的，現(xiàn)在槐樹已經(jīng)高不可攀了，而這屋還沒有人?。辉S多年，我便寓在這屋里鈔古碑。客中少有人來，古碑中也遇不到什么問題和主義，而我的生命卻居然暗暗的消去了，這也就是我惟一的愿望。夏夜，蚊子多了，便搖著蒲扇坐在槐樹下，從密葉縫里看那一點一點的青天，晚出的槐蠶又每每冰冷的落在頭頸上。InSHosteltherewerethreeroomswhereitwassaidawomanhadlivedwhohangedherselfonthelocusttreeinthecourtyard.Althoughthetreehadgrownsotallthatitsbranchescouldnolongerbereached,theroomsremaineddeserted.ForsomeyearsIstayedhere,copyingancientinscriptions.Ihadfewvisitors,therewerenopoliticalproblemsorissuesinthoseinscriptions,andmyonlydesirewasthatmylifeshouldslipquietlyawaylikethis.Onsummernights,whenthereweretoomanymosquitoes,Iwouldsitunderthelocusttree,wavingmyfanandlookingatthespecksofskythroughthethickleaves,whilethecaterpillarswhichcameoutintheeveningwouldfall,icy-cold,ontomyneck.那時偶或來談的是一個老朋友金心異，將手提的大皮夾放在破桌上，脫下長衫，對面坐下了，因為怕狗，似乎心房還在怦怦的跳動。TheonlyvisitortocomeforanoccasionaltalkwasmyoldfriendChinHsin-yi.Hewouldputhisbigportfoliodownonthebrokentable,takeoffhislonggown,andsitfacingme,lookingasifhisheartwasstillbeatingfastafterbravingthedogs.“你鈔了這些有什么用？”有一夜，他翻著我那古碑的鈔本，發(fā)了研究的質(zhì)問了。"Whatistheuseofcopyingthese?"hedemandedinquisitivelyonenight,afterlookingthroughtheinscriptionsIhadcopied.“沒有什么用?！?Nouseatall."“那么，你鈔他是什么意思呢？”"Thenwhycopythem?"“沒有什么意思?！?Fornoparticularreason."“我想，你可以做點文章……”"Ithinkyoumightwritesomething..."我懂得他的意思了，他們正辦《新青年》，然而那時仿佛不特沒有人來贊同，并且也還沒有人來反對，我想，他們許是感到寂寞了，但是說：Iunderstood.Theywereeditingthemagazine

NewYouth,buthithertothereseemedtohavebeennoreaction,favourableorotherwise,andIguessedtheymustbefeelinglonely.HoweverIsaid:“假如一間鐵屋子，是絕無窗戶而萬難破毀的，里面有許多熟睡的人們，不久都要悶死了，然而是從昏睡入死滅，并不感到就死的悲哀。現(xiàn)在你大嚷起來，驚起了較為清醒的幾個人，使這不幸的少數(shù)者來受無可挽救的臨終的苦楚，你倒以為對得起他們么？”"Imagineanironhousewithoutwindows,absolutelyindestructible,withmanypeoplefastasleepinsidewhowillsoondieofsuffocation.Butyouknowsincetheywilldieintheirsleep,theywillnotfeelthepainofdeath.Nowifyoucryaloudtowakeafewofthelightersleepers,makingthoseunfortunatefewsuffertheagonyofirrevocabledeath,doyouthinkyouaredoingthemagoodturn?"“然而幾個人既然起來，你不能說決沒有毀壞這鐵屋的希望?！?Butifafewawake,youcan'tsaythereisnohopeofdestroyingtheironhouse."▲“狂人日記”，《新青年》第四卷第五號是的，我雖然自有我的確信，然而說到希望，卻是不能抹殺的，因為希望是在于將來，決不能以我之必無的證明，來折服了他之所謂可有，于是我終于答應他也做文章了，這便是最初的一篇《狂人日記》。從此以后，便一發(fā)而不可收，每寫些小說模樣的文章，以敷衍朋友們的囑托，積久就有了十余篇。True,inspiteofmyownconviction,Icouldnotblotouthope,forhopeliesinthefuture.Icouldnotusemyownevidencetorefutehisassertionthatitmightexist.SoIagreedtowrite,andtheresultwasmyfirststory,

AMadman'sDiary.Fromthattimeonwards,Icouldnotstopwriting,andwouldwritesomesortofshortstoryfromtimetotimeattherequestoffriends,untilIhadmorethanadozenofthem.在我自己，本以為現(xiàn)在是已經(jīng)并非一個切迫而不能已于言的人了，但或者也還未能忘懷于當日自己的寂寞的悲哀罷，所以有時候仍不免吶喊幾聲，聊以慰藉那在寂寞里奔馳的猛士，使他不憚于前驅(qū)。至于我的喊聲是勇猛或是悲哀，是可憎或是可笑，那倒是不暇顧及的；但既然是吶喊，則當然須聽將令的了，所以我往往不恤委婉了一點，在《藥》的瑜兒的墳上平空添上一個花環(huán)，在《明天》里也不敘單四嫂子竟沒有做到看見兒子的夢，因為那時的主將是不主張消極的。至于自己，卻也并不愿將自以為苦的寂寞，再來傳染給也如我那年青時候似的正做著好夢的青年。Asformyself,Inolongerfeelanygreaturgetoexpressmyself;yet,perhapsbecauseIhavenotentirelyforgottenthegriefofmypastloneliness.Isometimescallout,toencouragethosefighters