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Analternativeflavouring長(zhǎng)望瀏寧平一模讀后續(xù)寫講評(píng)CONTENTS010203HEADLINEHEREThoughtforcustomerservice"isthesacredmissionofhidesign.考題分析類似話題遷移語(yǔ)言表述積累01考題分析Wednesdaymorningcame.Annegotupatsunrisebecauseshewastooexcitedtosleep.SheplannedtomakeacakeforMrsAllan,thebestteachershehadevermet,whowasinvitedoverforatteaparty.Whenshefinallyshuttheovendoor,shetookalongbreath.“I'msureIhaven'tforgottenanythingthistime,Marilla.Butdoyouthinkitwillrise?Whatifthatcakedoesn'trise?”“We'llhaveplentywithoutit,"wasMarilla'suninterestedwayoflookingat,thesubject.Thecakedidrise,however,andcameoutoftheovenlookingperfect.Annewasred-facedwithdelightand,inimagination,sawMrsAllaneatingitandpossiblyaskingforanotherpiece!MrsAllanarrivedandtheyallenjoyedalovelytea.EverythingwentwelluntilAnne'scakewaspassed.MrsAllan,havingalreadybeenhelpedtoalotofdesserts,declinedit.ButMarilla,seeingthedisappointmentonAnne'sface,saidsmilingly:“Oh,youmusttakeapiece,MrsAllan.Annemadeitspeciallyforyou,expectingthatyouwouldloveit.”“InthatcaseImusttryit,"laughedMrsAllan.Shetookamouthfulandastrangeexpressioncrossedherface;notaworddidshesay,however,butcontinuedeating.Marillasawthisandhastened(急忙)totastethecake.“AnneShirley!"sheshouted,“whatonearthdidyouputintothatcake?Whatflavoringdidyouuse?”“Vanilla(香草精),onlyvanilla."saidAnne.“Goandbringmethebottleofvanillayouused.”AnnereturnedwithasmallbottleandMarillatookitandsmelledit.“Mercyonus.Anne,you'veflavoredthatcakewithANODYNELINIMENT(鎮(zhèn)痛劑).Whycouldn'tyouhavesmelledit?”Ashamedofhermistake,Anneburstintotearsandfledtoherroom.SoonalightstepsoundedonthestairsahdMrsAllanenteredtheroom.________________WhenMrsAllanleft,AnneturnedtoMarilla.____________________________________1.不懂a(chǎn)lightstepsoundedonthestair的意思,導(dǎo)致首段情節(jié)構(gòu)思錯(cuò)誤;2.沒有厘清Anne和Marrilla的人物關(guān)系,導(dǎo)致第二段情節(jié)構(gòu)思錯(cuò)誤;3.結(jié)尾缺少對(duì)主題的提煉和升華??紙?chǎng)易錯(cuò)點(diǎn):
NarrativeplotthemeperspectivesettingscharactersElementsofnarrativewritingAnneMrsAllanMarillaWednesdaymorningAthometomakeacakeforMrsAllanAnnewhomadeacakeforherteacherflavouredthatcakewithanodyneliniment(鎮(zhèn)痛劑)insteadofvanilla(香草精).ReadforSettings:ReadforCharactersAnne:
Annegotupatsunrisebecauseshewastooexcitedtosleep.SheplannedtomakeacakeforMrsAllan.
Annewasred-facedwithdelightand,inimagination,sawMrsAllaneatingitandpossiblyaskingforanotherpiece!Ashamedofhermistake,Anneburstintotearsandfledtoherroom.Marrilla:
EverythingwentwelluntilAnne'scakewaspassed.MrsAllan,havingalreadybeenhelpedtoalotofdesserts,declinedit.ButMarilla,seeingthedisappointmentonAnne'sface,saidsmilingly:“Oh,youmusttakeapiece,MrsAllan.Annemadeitspeciallyforyou,expectingthatyouwouldloveit.”Mrs.Allan:
“InthatcaseImusttryit,"laughedMrsAllan.Shetookamouthfulandastrangeexpressioncrossedherface;notaworddidshesay,however,butcontinuedeating.Marillasawthisandhastened(急忙)totastethecake.
SoonalightstepsoundedonthestairsahdMrsAllanenteredtheroom._____agirlwhoislovelyandgratefulforlifeacaringwomanateacherwhoisconsiderableandrespectablebeginningclimaxendingAction:Anne,Marilla,MrsAllanEmotion:MayaWednesdaymorningWhathappened?Emotions?whenMrs.AllancameoverAnnegotupatsunriseandplannedtomakeacakeforMrsAllan.Mrs.Allandeclinedthecakebecauseshehadeatenalotofdesserts.Shetookamouthfulandastrangeexpressioncrossedherface.ashamedSoonalightstepsoundedonthestairsahdMrsAllanenteredtheroom.excitedThecakecameoutoftheovenlookingperfect.delightedWhenMrsAllanleft,AnneturnedtoMarilla.ReadforplotsAftertheteatimeAnneflavouredthatcakewithanodynelinimentinsteadofvanilla.disappointednervousPara1:
SoonalightstepsoundedonthestairsahdMrsAllanenteredtheroom.時(shí)間:空間:主要人物:關(guān)鍵情節(jié):Para2:WhenMrsAllanleft,AnneturnedtoMarilla.home.時(shí)間:空間:主要人物:關(guān)鍵事件:WhentheywerechattingIntheroomMrsAllan,AnnePlot1.WhatdidMrsAllansay?Plot2.HowdidAnnerespondandfeel?Plot3.WhatdecisiondidAnnemake?WhenAnneandMarillaweretalkingIntheroomPlot1.WhydidAnneturnedtoMarilla?Plot2.WhatwouldAnnesaytoMarilla?Plot3.Whatwastheending?Anne,MarillaWednesdaymorningcame.Annegotupatsunrisebecauseshewastooexcitedtosleep.SheplannedtomakeacakeforMrsAllan,thebestteachershehadevermet,whowasinvitedoverforatteaparty.Whenshefinallyshuttheovendoor,shetookalongbreath.“I'msureIhaven'tforgottenanythingthistime,Marilla.Butdoyouthinkitwillrise?Whatifthatcakedoesn'trise?”“We'llhaveplentywithoutit,"wasMarilla'suninterestedwayoflookingat,thesubject.Thecakedidrise,however,andcameoutoftheovenlookingperfect.Annewasred-facedwithdelightand,inimagination,sawMrsAllaneatingitandpossiblyaskingforanotherpiece!MrsAllanarrivedandtheyallenjoyedalovelytea.EverythingwentwelluntilAnne'scakewaspassed.MrsAllan,havingalreadybeenhelpedtoalotofdesserts,declinedit.ButMarilla,seeingthedisappointmentonAnne'sface,saidsmilingly:“Oh,youmusttakeapiece,MrsAllan.Annemadeitspeciallyforyou,expectingthatyouwouldloveit.”“InthatcaseImusttryit,"laughedMrsAllan.Shetookamouthfulandastrangeexpressioncrossedherface;notaworddidshesay,however,butcontinuedeating.Marillasawthisandhastened(急忙)totastethecake.“AnneShirley!"sheshouted,“whatonearthdidyouputintothatcake?Whatflavoringdidyouuse?”“Vanilla(香草精),onlyvanilla."saidAnne.“Goandbringmethebottleofvanillayouused.”AnnereturnedwithasmallbottleandMarillatookitandsmelledit.“Mercyonus.Anne,you'veflavoredthatcakewithANODYNELINIMENT(鎮(zhèn)痛劑).Whycouldn'tyouhavesmelledit?”Ashamedofhermistake,Anneburstintotearsandfledtoherroom.原文伏筆點(diǎn)Theme:selfgrowthClue:Intheroom,AnnemadeacakeforherrespectableteacherMrsAllan.However,AnnemadeamistakethatsheflavouredthecakewithANODYNELINIMENT(鎮(zhèn)痛劑).Ending:Agirlwhowaslovelyandgratefulforlifelearnedfromherexperienceandgotadmirationfromherteacher.ReadforTheme
Soon
a
light
step
sounded
on
the
stairs
andMrsAllanenteredtheroom.Hearingthefootstepapproaching,Annedidn'tevendaretowatchMrsAllanintheeye,weepinginregret.
“It'sjustafunnymistakethatanybodywouldmake.
I
appreciateyourkindnessandthoughtfulness.I’dliketotryagainnexttimeyoumakeacake!”said
Allan,as
she
huggedAnne
gently.
Somethingvital,motivated,leapedfromAllantoAnneatthetouchof
herwarmarms.Needlesstosay,Annewasdeeplymoved,especiallyMrsAllan,theteachershelikedbest,whoshowedappreciationforher.AninnervoicetoldAnnethatsheshouldmakeacakeagain.WhenMrs
Allan
left,Anne
turnedto
Marilla.
“
I’llnevermakethesamemistaketwice.”
MarillahadbeenworriedaboutAnneandwasregrettedofhercruelwords,
buthearingthis,shebreathedasighofreliefandapologizedtoAnne.“So,let'swaitforaperfectcake.”Havingmadethecaketogether,AllanandMarillaimmediatelysentittoMrsAllan.Seeingthecake,MrsAllanwastouchedbeyondwords,withtearswellingupinhereyesinaflash.ShepattedAnneonhershoulderandinvitedhertohavedinnertogether.Annefeltlikeshewasfloatinginanoceanofhappinessforshegotherfavouriteteacher’sinvitation.Shealsorealizedfromherexperiencethattheultimatesuccessdependsoneverydetailthatseem
sinsignificant.范文賞析
Soon
a
light
step
sounded
on
the
stairs
andMrsAllanenteredtheroom.Hearingthefootstepapproaching,Annedidn'tevendaretowatchMrsAllanintheeye,weepinginregret.
“It'sjustafunnymistakethatanybodywouldmake.
I
appreciateyourkindnessandthoughtfulness.
I’dliketotryagainnexttimeyoumakeacake!”said
Allan,as
she
huggedAnne
gently.
Somethingvital,motivated,leapedfromAllantoAnneatthetouchof
herwarmarms.Needlesstosay,Annewasdeeplymoved,especiallyMrsAllan,theteachershelikedbest,whoshowedappreciationforher.AninnervoicetoldAnnethatsheshouldmakeacakeagain.WhenMrs
Allan
left,Anne
turnedto
Marilla.
“
I’llnevermakethesamemistaketwice.”
MarillahadbeenworriedaboutAnneandwasregrettedofhercruelwords,
buthearingthis,shebreathedasighofreliefandapologizedtoAnne.“So,let'swaitforaperfectcake.”Havingmadethecaketogether,AllanandMarillaimmediatelysentittoMrsAllan.Seeingthecake,MrsAllanwastouchedbeyondwords,withtearswellingupinhereyesinaflash.ShepattedAnneonhershoulderandinvitedhertohavedinnertogether.Annefeltlikeshewasfloatinginanoceanofhappinessforshegotherfavouriteteacher’sinvitation.Shealsorealizedfromherexperiencethattheultimatesuccessdependsoneverydetailthatseem
sinsignificant.原文伏筆照應(yīng)02類似話題遷移(成長(zhǎng)感悟類)成長(zhǎng)感悟類續(xù)寫經(jīng)典考題列舉1.2021廣二模用雙手實(shí)現(xiàn)自己的夢(mèng)想2.2021年4月寧波二模
一只手表帶來(lái)的啟發(fā)3.
重慶市高2023屆高三第一次質(zhì)量檢測(cè)為打碎傳家寶向Missi媽媽道歉4.遼寧省名校聯(lián)盟2022年高三9月份聯(lián)合考試勇敢在眾人面前朗讀自己的作品成長(zhǎng)感悟續(xù)寫考題分析Growth
成長(zhǎng)感悟篇類的續(xù)寫文章一般屬于人與自我的主題語(yǔ)境。
整個(gè)世界中,靜止是相對(duì)的,而運(yùn)動(dòng)是絕對(duì)的。對(duì)于個(gè)人來(lái)說(shuō),個(gè)人的成長(zhǎng)就是一個(gè)絕對(duì)的過程。個(gè)人成長(zhǎng)是了解自我、完善自我、開發(fā)自我潛能的持續(xù)過程。
根據(jù)新課程標(biāo)準(zhǔn),人與自我主題語(yǔ)境下包括兩大主題群:生活與學(xué)習(xí);做人與做事。因此在讀后續(xù)寫中,個(gè)人的成長(zhǎng)不僅涉及到知識(shí)層面上,更多涉及到情感、態(tài)度和價(jià)值觀(含品德)。語(yǔ)篇往往是學(xué)生比較熟悉的場(chǎng)景:學(xué)校生活、家庭生活及工作(勞動(dòng))場(chǎng)景。最終的升華指向:健康的生活方式,積極的生活態(tài)度,完善的自我,優(yōu)秀的品行及更好的規(guī)劃(學(xué)習(xí),生活和職業(yè))。
按照情節(jié)的發(fā)展,語(yǔ)篇分為三個(gè)階段。成長(zhǎng)感悟續(xù)寫考題分析Growth
按照情節(jié)的發(fā)展,語(yǔ)篇分為三個(gè)階段。階段情節(jié)重點(diǎn)成長(zhǎng)前的困擾情境描寫+消極情緒的累積→高潮成長(zhǎng)中的蛻變成長(zhǎng)的動(dòng)機(jī)+過程中變化的心情。成長(zhǎng)后的升華成長(zhǎng)后的收獲+積極情緒(喜悅、滿足和驕傲等)03語(yǔ)言表述積累
一、成長(zhǎng)前的情境描寫:1、成長(zhǎng)前:遇到困難/挑戰(zhàn)1)無(wú)意打碎傳家寶的場(chǎng)景(重慶市高2023屆高三第一次質(zhì)量檢測(cè))Thesoundofglassbreakingisinstantlyrecognizable.I’dbeentellingmybestfriendMissiasillystoryandhadspunaroundinthelivingroom(在客廳里旋轉(zhuǎn))whenIheardthatsoundandfroze.WhenIlookeddownatthecarpet,itwascoveredwithpiecesofsparklingred,pinkandclearglass(鋪滿閃亮的紅的、粉紅的透明玻璃).2)孤獨(dú)的場(chǎng)景(遼寧省名校聯(lián)盟2022年高三9月份聯(lián)合考試)Miafollowedtheotherkidsandrushedintothehallway.Otherswalkedingroups,chatted,andlaughed,usingthebreaktosocialize.Mia,instead,walkedalonealongthewallofthehallway(沿著走廊的墻邊孤獨(dú)地走著),withherheaddown(低著頭).Shewasashygirl,afraidtospeakinfrontofotherkids,anddidn'tthinkotherswouldlikeher.FunwasfarbeyondwhatMiadesired.Shejustwantedtobelikeotherkids—runningwithfriendsinthehallway,laughingandjokingbetweenclasses(在課間笑著鬧著).Remindedofherpimply(長(zhǎng)粉刺的)face,shefelthopelessanddisappointed(感到絕望和失望).
二、成長(zhǎng)前的情緒描寫:孤獨(dú):Inevermadefriendseasily,andforatimeIdidlittlemorethangetonspeakingtermswithsomeboys.(2021年4月寧波二模)傷心:1.我在口袋里什么也沒發(fā)現(xiàn),這個(gè)事實(shí)就像一把長(zhǎng)矛刺進(jìn)我的心臟,立刻開始流血。Ifoundnothinginmypocket,afactthatseemedlikeaspearpiercingintomyheartwhichstartedtobleedimmediately.(2021年4月寧波二模)2.我焦急地幾乎哭了起來(lái)。(2021年4月寧波二模)Lookingaroundanxiously,Ialmostburstintocrying.3.把它放回去,我慢慢地騎車去學(xué)校,痛苦得麻木了(2021年4月寧波二模)Puttingitback,Irodeslowlyontoschool,numbwithmisery.4.悲傷沉重地懸在空中。Sadnesshangheavilyintheair.5."That'sit?"Aramsaid,hisheartsinking(他的心沉下去了).(2021廣二模)6.Awaveofdisappointmentstruckhim(失望如潮水般涌向他).(2021廣二模)7.Sadnessoverwhelmedhim(悲傷淹沒了他)sosuddenlythathecouldn'tthinkofawordtosay.(2021廣二模)
二、成長(zhǎng)前的情緒描寫:絕望:“Mymotherwouldn'tletmebringit,”Ilied,desperationboilinginsideme.我媽媽不讓我?guī)В蔽胰鲋e,絕望在我心中沸騰。(2021年4月寧波二模)嘲笑:他們大聲地笑著,像是在尖叫“多漂亮的破表?。 保?021年4月寧波二模)TheylaughedloudlywithCrawleyscreamingwordslike“Whatafinestbrokenwatch!”尷尬:1.尷尬把我完全包圍了。(2021年4月寧波二模)Embarrassmentenvelopedmetotally.
二、成長(zhǎng)前的情緒描寫:驚訝:Raisinghereyebrowsinsurprise,MrsRossifroze,asifrootedontheground(仿佛定格在那里).(2021廣二模)緊張:1."Why?WhatdidIdo?"Myfacereddened(我的臉紅了).2."Abby,thatglassvasewasoneofthefewitemsmyrelativesbroughtwhentheycametoAmerica,Missirepliednervously(緊張地回應(yīng)).Mystomachwasinknots(我的心揪得緊緊的).Wouldhermomyellatmeorpunishme?3.Icouldn'tstopplayingthefifteensecondsoverinmymind(我腦海里不?;胤拍?5秒),mespinningfastandthesoundofglasscrashing.TheonlythingIcouldthinkoftosaywas“I'msorry.”(重慶市高2023屆高三第一次質(zhì)量檢測(cè))4.Miawasnervouswithherheaddown(緊張地低著頭).Afterotherstudentsfinishedreadingthepapersonebyone,finally,itwasMia'sturn.Frozenwithfear(恐懼得手足無(wú)措),Miastoodinfrontoftheclass,withherhandsholdingherpaper,shaking(手拿著她的試卷,在顫抖).(遼寧省名校聯(lián)盟2022年高三9月份聯(lián)合考試)
三、成長(zhǎng)中:解決困難/挑戰(zhàn):1)誠(chéng)實(shí)地道歉的場(chǎng)景:Icouldfeelmyvoiceshakingandtriednottocry(聲音顫抖,努力讓自己不哭出來(lái)).“Whatisit,dear?"shegentlyasked,closingthedoorandwalkingclosertome.Ourhandsalmosttouched.Withhereyesstudyingme,myheartbeatfaster(她的眼睛注視著我,我的心跳得更快).“I'msorry,”Iblurtedout(脫口而出).“I...IwastalkingandlaughingwithMissiwhenIspunaroundandaccidentallybrokethevase.”Ifurtherexplainedthatwesavedthepiecesbuttriedinvaintofixit(試圖修復(fù)它卻失敗了).Itstilllookedlikesmallpiecesofglass.(重慶市高2023屆高三第一次質(zhì)量檢測(cè))2)原諒他人錯(cuò)誤的場(chǎng)景Hearingmyapology,Missi'smothereruptedintoaloudscreamofjoy(發(fā)出一聲歡樂的叫喊).Sheembracedme,kissingmeonbothcheeks(擁抱我,親吻我的臉頰).“Oh,thankyou!Ialwayshatedthatuglyvase.Nowit'sgone!You'vedonemeahugefavor!"hermomexclaimedwithdelight(高興地叫道).Althoughrelievedtohaveapologized(對(duì)道了歉感到放松),Iwasstillinshock,forthiswasnotatallthereactionIhadexpected.(重慶市高2023屆高三第一次質(zhì)量檢測(cè))
三、成長(zhǎng)中:解決困難/挑戰(zhàn):3)教育與成長(zhǎng)的場(chǎng)景1.“That’snottherightway.Patience,Will.Patience,”avoiceechoedinmyearsaftertheboysleft.(2021年4月寧波二模)2.“Whatwasdonewasdone,”thoughtItomyself.“Whatisimportantnowistodocorrectthingsnext.”現(xiàn)在重要的是下一步要做正確的事情。(2021年4月寧波二模)3.盡管憤怒、尷尬和悲傷重重地籠罩在空氣中,但這個(gè)聲音還是讓我意識(shí)到我在試圖給同學(xué)留下深刻印象時(shí)犯下的錯(cuò)誤。(2021年4月寧波二模)Thoughanger,embarrassmentandsadnesshungheavilyintheair,thevoicedrewmetotheawarenessofthemistakesIhadmadewhenIattemptedtoimpresstheboys.4.我不該如此匆忙的方式試圖融入,也不該把母親身后的手表偷走。(2021年4月寧波二模)Ishouldn’thavetriedtointegrateinsuchahastyway,norshouldIhavestolenthewatchbehindmymother.5.放學(xué)后,我會(huì)誠(chéng)實(shí)地告訴媽媽,我偷了手表是為了給那些不是我真正朋友的朋友留下好印象。(2021年4月寧波二模)Afterschool,IwouldtellmymotherhonestlythatIhadstolenthewatchouttoimpressfriendswhoturnedoutnottobemytruefriends.四、成長(zhǎng)后:成功/收獲場(chǎng)景描寫1)對(duì)人更加寬容和包容Itwasn'tuntilIreachedmyadultyearsthatIrecognizedwhataprofoundgifthermother'sgenerosityinwelcom
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