探索英語作文讀后續(xù)寫的藝術(shù)美：2020浙江寧波十校聯(lián)考高三英語書面表達(dá)寫作指導(dǎo)解讀

：2020寧波十校聯(lián)考英語寫作指導(dǎo)原題重閱讀下面短根所給情節(jié)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫,使之構(gòu)成一個(gè)完整的故事。wasapeacefulnight.sleepingwithbrothers,feelingwarmandMamawassleepingnearby,coveredbysnow.Papawassomewherenearby,watchingoverus.Thereabrightmoonandwehadallhadamealofvenison(鹿肉)had“UncleLouisiscomingPapasaid.lovedUncleLouis.Hewasafunnywolf,alwayshadinterestingthingstellandshowus.littlewhilelater,Uncleappeared.WedidnotapproachhimwithrespectthewayweapproachedPapa.Weflewathim,jumpedalloverhim,himinthesnow.UncleLouislaughedpatteduswithhisHeisblackallover,withyelloweyes,heverytall.“It'slongestnightoftheyear,UncleLouissaid,“Doeseveryonefeelarunthroughthewoods?Iwanttoshowyousomethingunusual.”Hearingthat,Papawarnedthatitwasdangeroustogonearthatpacklivedinthewoods.“TheyarehardlydangerousUncleLouislaughed,“Theyaresoclumsymakemuchnoise.Theynotabletogetnearus——orevenseeusifwantto.Besides,thistheirspecialnight.arequitepeacefulandwon'tbebotheringaboutwolves.”“Oh,please,usrunthewoodswithUncleandsomething”Weall“Itisafinenight”,Papasmiled,“Imustadmit,dofeellikerunning.”注意：所續(xù)寫短文的數(shù)應(yīng)為150右；至少使用5個(gè)短文中標(biāo)有下劃線的關(guān)鍵詞語；續(xù)寫部分分為段，每段的開頭語已為你寫好；續(xù)寫完成后，用下劃線標(biāo)出你所使用的關(guān)鍵詞語。Paragraph1Andwewereoff,allofus,headingtowardsthewoods.Paragraph2Westoppedandsatonahillsideandbelowuswasthe’place.分析故人物Papa:humansaredangerousUncleLouis:afunnywolfMybrotherandI:neverseehumans環(huán)境Moon,star,winternight,peaceful主要情節(jié)Iwanttoshowyousomethingunusual.這個(gè)分析可以看出來：故事主旨應(yīng)該是平和的，根據(jù)peaceful可以看出來，所以不適合寫人和狼發(fā)生激烈的沖突。寫作步一、抓旨下的盾Conflict:findtheunusualthingSolution:celebratewiththehumans二、抓顯矛盾決的結(jié)結(jié)尾：以景結(jié)情，情景交融，呼應(yīng)主題Thatunusualnight,theharmoniousnoise,Iremembered,wentoverthehillandfurthertothemoon.我記得那個(gè)不尋常的夜晚，這和諧的噪音越過樹林，傳得那么遠(yuǎn)，遠(yuǎn)到了月亮之上。主題詞：unusual,moon三、抓要?jiǎng)幼鰽ctionandResponse一個(gè)故事的action盡量用句概括，三句是最理想的，情節(jié)越簡(jiǎn)單，細(xì)節(jié)就越豐富。結(jié)合兩段開頭，我們可以猜測(cè)動(dòng)作：Andwewereoff,allofus,headingtowardsthewoods.Wedashed.Wesawhumans.（看到人后，應(yīng)該就要停下來，這樣是銜接的）Westoppedandsatonahillsideandbelowuswasthehumans'place.3、Wejoinedintheiractivity.關(guān)鍵是最后一個(gè)action如何實(shí)現(xiàn)？我想起了《和狼共舞》電影，鄧巴圍著篝火跳舞，一個(gè)人在野外，遠(yuǎn)處是一個(gè)狼靜靜看著。后來，這只狼成為他的好朋友。這個(gè)電影對(duì)我觸動(dòng)很大，人和狼不一定就必須是你死我活的零和博弈。另外《綠皮書》電影中的黑人走進(jìn)酒吧彈琴，大家側(cè)目靜看，然后爆發(fā)雷鳴般掌聲，讓我寫出了這樣的結(jié)尾。有時(shí)候，我真的發(fā)現(xiàn)，多看經(jīng)典電影，多思考導(dǎo)演為什么這樣安排，對(duì)我們寫作有很大的促進(jìn)。四、抓境描寫情感變環(huán)境的描寫重在景和情要完全融合，我這樣安排：景色情變化Themoonwashedthewoodsinagentlelight.Thestarstwinkledlikeachild’scuriouseyesblinkingwith好奇（）Thechillingwindsuddenlysentwavesofnervousnesscoursingthroughme.緊張（）Withthis,wespedup,thepiercingcrunchofthesnowunderourfeetripplingthroughtheairandsendingthebirdsflutteringamongthetrees.期待ButIndulgingintheirhappiness,mybrothercannothelphowling.心（happy）Suddenly,totalsilencedescendedonthehillside.Allthehumanslookedatusinterror,andsodidus.恐懼（terror）Unexpectedly,aroaroflaughterbrokeoutandthenthecelebrationwentonmoreenthusiastically.開心說明：這個(gè)句子：Atthis,wespedup,thepiercingcrunchofthesnowunderourfeetripplingthroughtheairandsentthebirdscrashingthroughthetrees.我想到了李清照的詞：常記溪日暮，醉不知路。興盡晚舟，誤藕花深。爭(zhēng)渡，渡，驚一灘鷗。漢語詩歌對(duì)寫作也有很多啟發(fā)，寫景重在意境，心中有畫，此為大美。景色描寫對(duì)于月亮星星描寫，我是直接把moon，star各種大辭典里查，我認(rèn)為詞典里里的描寫都是通俗易懂的，不至于高不可攀，具有普遍適應(yīng)性。試水范Andwewereoff,allofus,headingtowardsthewoods.ThemoonwashedthewoodsinagentleThestarstwinkledachild’scuriouseyeswithanticipation.Thechillingwindsuddenlysentwavesofnervousnesscoursingthroughme.“Arewegoingtothedangeroushumans?”Ifeltsoundquivering.“Relax.Weareseeingtheunusualthing.”UncleLouissmiled.Withwespedthepiercingcrunchofthesnowunderourfeetripplingthroughtheairandsendingthebirdsflutteringamongthetrees.Shortly,abigbonfirecameintoview.Westoppedandsatonahillsideandbelowuswasthehumans'place.Now,notfaraway,aroundthebonfirearedancingmanyhumans,handinhand.Papawarnedusnottostartlethem.ButIndulgingintheirhappiness,mybrothercannothelphowling.Suddenly,totalsilencedescendedonthehillside.Allthehumanslookedatusinterror,andsodidus.Mybrother,notknowingwhathappenedatall,imitatedtheirdancingclumsily.Unexpectedly,aroaroflaughterbrokeoutandthenthecelebrationwentonmoreenthusiastically.Thatunusualnight,theharmoniousnoise,Iremembered,wentoverthehillandfurthertothemoon.官方范文是對(duì)故事作者的原文的刪改，尤其是景色描寫和結(jié)尾藝術(shù)非常值得細(xì)細(xì)感悟，請(qǐng)讀者一定不要放過：官方答Paragraph1Andwewereoff,allofus,headingtowardsthewoods.Itwasalmostmidnight.Thesnowfeltandunderourfeet.Themoonshonesilveronmybrother'sfur,andthestarswereasbrightasdiamonds.Aswedashedthroughthewoods,webreathedthecoldairdeepintoourlungs,feelingrefreshed.WithPapaandUncleLouisleadingtheway,IfeltstrongandlightasthoughIcouldrunforever.Thenwesmelledsomethingnice.Paragraph2Westoppedandsatonahillsideandbelowuswasthehumans'place.ItwasthefirsttimemybrothersandIhadeverapproachedthosewoodenthings,which,accordingtoUncleLouis,weremadebyputtingpiecesofwoodtogether.Wedidn'tseehumans,butwecouldhearthemsingingtog