2023屆高考英語(yǔ)專題復(fù)習(xí)書面表達(dá)金課 讀后續(xù)寫 課件

Continuationwriting析閱卷標(biāo)準(zhǔn)明答題思路析文章結(jié)構(gòu)創(chuàng)故事情節(jié)析語(yǔ)言特點(diǎn)仿語(yǔ)言風(fēng)格搭建流程輸出續(xù)寫范文析閱卷標(biāo)準(zhǔn)明答題思路讀后續(xù)寫題型解讀

根據(jù)所給的一段約350詞的語(yǔ)言材料和段落的開頭語(yǔ)進(jìn)行約150詞的續(xù)寫，將其發(fā)展成一篇與給定材料有邏輯銜接、情節(jié)和結(jié)構(gòu)完整的短文。

提供的短文，多以記敘文故事類文章或者夾敘夾議類文章為主，故事情節(jié)有曲折、有起伏，但故事線索的邏輯性比較強(qiáng)。

就目前已考過的讀后續(xù)寫來看，都屬于“problem-solving”的思路。350詞150詞邏輯銜接情節(jié)和結(jié)構(gòu)完整記敘文夾敘夾議有曲折有起伏邏輯性problem-solving第五檔21-25分恰到好處，且有亮點(diǎn)血肉骨氣備之第四檔16-20分順暢，但亮點(diǎn)不夠云而通之第三檔11-15分盡管有錯(cuò)，但能讀懂知所云，然未周之第二檔6-10分支離破碎，難以讀下去知所欲云，然未能云第一檔1-5分讀不下去不知所云1.續(xù)寫部分與所給短文及段落開頭語(yǔ)的銜接程度；2.內(nèi)容的豐富性和對(duì)文章關(guān)鍵詞語(yǔ)的覆蓋情況；3.應(yīng)用語(yǔ)法結(jié)構(gòu)和詞匯的豐富性和準(zhǔn)確性；4.上下文的連貫性。閱卷時(shí)主要考慮以下內(nèi)容讀后續(xù)寫是一種將閱讀與寫作緊密結(jié)合的考查形式，可以說是。主要考查以下四個(gè)方面的能力：1.迅速獲取文章主題（theme）、關(guān)鍵信息（5W1H）、語(yǔ)言特色的能力。2.語(yǔ)篇建構(gòu)能力。3.創(chuàng)造性思維。4.語(yǔ)言運(yùn)用的準(zhǔn)確性與豐富性。讀寫并重+淺層的信息定位能力：深層的文本分析能力：

what,when,where,who,why,how等理清故事的發(fā)展脈絡(luò)明確文本的中心思想和寫作目的研判故事的語(yǔ)言風(fēng)格和語(yǔ)言特色讀后續(xù)寫題型能力考查的解讀閱讀理解能力由讀到寫的思維能力+書面表達(dá)能力三大原則020103前后銜接上下連貫風(fēng)格一致基于故事發(fā)展（故事線+感情線）預(yù)測(cè)正能量結(jié)局。弘揚(yáng)社會(huì)主義核心價(jià)值觀。故事跌宕起伏，人物會(huì)遇到困難或問題，最終解決。正能量原則原文一致原則曲折性原則迷路了失敗了吵架了犯錯(cuò)了賊逃了回到了家最終成功和睦相處改過自新繩之以法走近閱卷評(píng)分員陳開始的一句話“Withgreatconfidence,shebegantofindsomemethodstosatisfyherstomach.”這句話跟上文的天黑下來不是特別地連貫。接下來看第一段的最后一句“Nightfell",天黑了下來，“Janefellintosleep,dreamingshewouldberescuedbyahelicopterandbebacktoTom."這句話連貫得比較好，而且還用了ing形式dreaming。再看第二段，第二段天亮了，“Fortunately,itwassunnywhichbrightenedJane'sheart."這個(gè)連貫地也比較好。再來看一下他的語(yǔ)言。這篇的語(yǔ)言寫得比較好，比如說有“Unconsciously,Janefoundsomerubbishbelongedtoher.",語(yǔ)言雖然寫得比較好，但是好像不是很恰當(dāng)。然后有一句NosoonershesawTomdidsheburstintotears."用了一個(gè)nosooner,但是后面的語(yǔ)法出現(xiàn)了一點(diǎn)問題。然后有比較好的短語(yǔ)“bewildwithjoy"還有句型“withtearsonface",好詞好句比較多，但是也有點(diǎn)點(diǎn)小錯(cuò)誤，可以定在第四檔的十七分左右。評(píng)分員訪談分析1.您是怎樣評(píng)分的?一般需要讀幾次續(xù)寫才能得出評(píng)分?

連貫初步定檔，語(yǔ)言+故事完整性、精彩度，最后定檔。

三次：連貫，語(yǔ)言，確認(rèn)2.

對(duì)于評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)您有哪些建議?

書寫3.您現(xiàn)在是如何訓(xùn)練學(xué)生讀后續(xù)寫的?

理解前文、達(dá)到連貫、打好語(yǔ)言基礎(chǔ)。感受邏輯性和連貫性閱卷演練寫作一該篇作文在邏輯、語(yǔ)言方面做到了平衡、全面、出色。首先，在邏輯上，該篇文章做到了合理合情：起初，主人公身陷森林，內(nèi)心充滿了悔恨，在面對(duì)困難時(shí)焦慮、畏懼；之后，主人公努力求生，最終獲救，并且領(lǐng)悟到了一定的人生道理。縱觀整個(gè)故事，情節(jié)發(fā)展不僅符合兩段給出的開頭所限定的情景要求，而且還設(shè)置了一定的懸念，增強(qiáng)了故事的可讀性。在語(yǔ)言上，這篇文章并沒有一味采用大詞、難詞，而是在高中詞匯范圍內(nèi)精挑細(xì)選，活用了許多小詞，增加了許多閱讀趣味。例如，文章第一句“anabsolutedarknessruledtheforest”中，“rule”一詞就使用了擬人的修辭手法，讓森林陰森黑暗的一面展露無遺，同時(shí)描繪出主人公身處絕境的緊迫性。在“Eagerandexcited,sheflaggedheryellowblouse...”一句中，直接將情緒形容詞放在句首，使用了非謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞的語(yǔ)法，表達(dá)精練。此外，“There,shesawherhusband,amanstaringather,wearinganexpressionofrelief.”一句中，使用了幾個(gè)短句，卻包含了兩處非謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞語(yǔ)法，同時(shí)活用了“wear”一詞，把兩個(gè)人相見時(shí)的場(chǎng)景生動(dòng)地描繪了出來?？傮w來說，這篇文章反映出該考生課外閱讀較多，平時(shí)應(yīng)有較多練筆。25寫作二

這篇文章最大的特色就是語(yǔ)言能力非常突出。

首先，全文使用了非常多的高級(jí)詞匯，如“cluster,rage,dominate,infuriated”等等。這些詞匯不僅準(zhǔn)確地描繪出人物的動(dòng)作，而且對(duì)環(huán)境描寫也更為生動(dòng)。不過，其詞匯的使用也有一些只求大、不注意詞義搭配自然程度的嫌疑，甚至有誤用，如“adhere,flourish,astound”等。在修辭方面，文章多處使用擬人修辭手法，如“Clustersofstarsdecoratedthevastsky,weaklyshininginthemoon-eclipseddarkness.”以及“Sunshineembracedtheforestplain.”兩句中，兩個(gè)動(dòng)詞“decorate”，“embrace”使用了擬人。在語(yǔ)法上，全文主要使用非謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞，力求用最精練的語(yǔ)言表達(dá)出最生動(dòng)的畫面。

值得一提的是，文章雖然沒有使用許多句式，但卻從沒給讀者句子重復(fù)、單調(diào)的感覺，究其原因，是作者巧妙地給每句話設(shè)置了不同的主語(yǔ)。另外，本文每句話采用的寫作切入角度也值得研究。例如，第一段中，作者從遠(yuǎn)景（stars,sky）到近景（stream），再到細(xì)節(jié)特寫（ears），勾勒出了故事發(fā)生的不同場(chǎng)景，讓故事顯得有血有肉，情節(jié)豐滿，這也成為了文章邏輯上的出彩點(diǎn)。24寫作三

首先，在邏輯上，文章前半段對(duì)劇情的合理拓展非常符合情境：主人公從悔恨到無奈，最終鼓起勇氣尋找出路。情節(jié)的豐富曲折增強(qiáng)了故事的可讀性。

在語(yǔ)言方面，文章使用了多種句型，如“Neverinherwildestdreamhadshethoughtthatshewouldrunintosuchserioustrouble.”一句使用了倒裝句；“ItsuddenlyoccurredtoherthatshehadafamilyandTomtoattendto.”一句用了主語(yǔ)從句；“Prayingthatthehelicopterwillcomebackagain,Janesatdown.”一句使用了非謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞。句型的多變避免了句子的單調(diào)乏味，使文章更有靈性。同時(shí)，一些詞匯的使用也使文章比較生動(dòng)，例如“Desperateandhopeless,Janekneltdown,tearstreamingdownherface.”一句中，“stream”的使用非常貼切。25寫作四

該作文最大的亮點(diǎn)在于其語(yǔ)言的地道性。從文中使用了“ataloss”，“inadesperateattempt”，“spot”，“wornout”等詞。同時(shí)，該考生的組句能力也非常出色。文章中出現(xiàn)了多個(gè)長(zhǎng)句、復(fù)雜句，例如“Feelingunbearablycoldandextremelyexhausted,Janewasquiteatalossastohowtocopewiththeterriblesituation.”一句中，非謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞是其中的亮點(diǎn)語(yǔ)法，表達(dá)了人物當(dāng)時(shí)的身體狀況。

值得一提的是，該篇作文中沒有一處出現(xiàn)人物對(duì)話，但仍然保證了故事的可讀性與真實(shí)感。為何？因?yàn)樽髡邔?duì)故事的各個(gè)情境、人物的動(dòng)作、心理活動(dòng)等方面都進(jìn)行了細(xì)致入微的描繪，代替了語(yǔ)言相對(duì)簡(jiǎn)單的對(duì)話，反而讓文章的語(yǔ)言顯得更書面化。這一點(diǎn)，值得各位考生借鑒——人物對(duì)話寫得越多，意味著作文的口語(yǔ)程度越高，往往不太容易得分，如果犯錯(cuò)，卻容易失分，所以不太建議用大量對(duì)話。25答題情況分析及審題建議第一，從邏輯方面來看，大部分考生對(duì)故事的主要情節(jié)拓展基本做到了合情合理，銜接較為順暢。但是，也有不少考生構(gòu)思能力較為欠缺，無法在短時(shí)間內(nèi)理清故事脈絡(luò)以及寫作意圖，對(duì)所給的十個(gè)關(guān)鍵詞、兩段開頭語(yǔ)中提供的線索信息沒有很好利用，未實(shí)現(xiàn)語(yǔ)言交際的目的。第二，從語(yǔ)言方面來看，大多數(shù)考生能做到語(yǔ)言的基本正確。但是很多考生仍然基礎(chǔ)薄弱，不能用英文傳達(dá)意義，出現(xiàn)一些低級(jí)錯(cuò)誤。第三，抄襲現(xiàn)象比較嚴(yán)重。抄襲的情況一般分為三類：抄自續(xù)寫原文部分，抄自試卷的其他部分（如閱讀題），或者之前背誦的某一段文章。由于讀后續(xù)寫的內(nèi)容連貫性強(qiáng)，抄襲的同學(xué)很難渾水摸魚，往往以零分或低分告終。第四，內(nèi)容創(chuàng)新不夠，平淡無奇。既然是故事，需要一定的情節(jié)構(gòu)思和布局，不要求考生必須出奇制勝，但也需要考生能有較清晰的邏輯思維能力和一定的創(chuàng)造能力，情節(jié)合情合理，達(dá)到最后的合理收官。第五，整體卷面美觀程度有待提高，行文書寫體現(xiàn)不了語(yǔ)言美。析文章結(jié)構(gòu)創(chuàng)故事情節(jié)讀懂文章How六要素法Continuation閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫，使之構(gòu)成一個(gè)完整的故事。Jennywasaprettyeight-year-oldgirl.Onedaywhensheandhermotherwerecheckingoutatthegrocerystore,Jennysawaplasticpearlnecklace(項(xiàng)鏈),bywhichshewastotallydefeated.Howeagerlyshewantedit!Butwhenshesawtheprice,herheartsankalittle.Shegathereduphercourageandaskedhermotherifshewouldbuyitforher.Hermothersaid,“Well,itisaprettynecklace,butitcostsanawfullotofmoney.Icanbuyyouthenecklace,butwhenwegethome,weshouldmakeupalistofhouseworkthatyoucandotopayforthenecklace.”Jennyagreedimmediately,feelingaburstofjoy.Sohermotherboughtthepearlnecklaceforher.Jennyworkedonherhouseworkdeterminedlyandearnestlyeveryday.SoonJennypaidoffthepearls.Jennyhadaverylovingdaddy.WhenJennywenttobed,hewouldreadJennyherfavoritestory.Onenightwhenhefinishedthestory,hesaid,“Jenny,doyouloveme?”“Oh,yes,Daddy,youknowIloveyou.”thelittlegirlsaiddelightedly(高興地),withabroadsmileonherface.“Well,then,givemeyourpearls.”Hearingthat,Jennyfrozethere,ananxiousexpressiontwistingherface.“Oh!Daddy,notmypearls!ButyoucanhaveRosy,myfavoritedoll.Rememberher?Yougavehertomelastyearformybirthday.Okay?”“Ohno,darling,that’sokay.”Herfatherbrushedhercheekwithakiss,gentlyandcalmly.“Goodnight,littleone.”Aweeklater,herfatheronceagainaskedJennyafterherstory,“Doyouloveme?”“Ohyes,Daddy,youknowIloveyou.”thelittlegirlmurmuredsoftly,tryingtoescapefromherfather’seyes.“Well,then,givemeyourpearls.”“Oh,Daddy,notmypearls!ButyoucanhaveRibbons,mytoyhorse.Doyourememberher?Sheismyfavorite.”Thelittlegirlbegged.“No,that’sokay,”herfathersaid,smilingbroadlyandsweetlyandbrushedhercheekagainwithakiss.“Godblessyou,littleone.Sweetdreams.”注意：1.所續(xù)寫短文的詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右；2.續(xù)寫部分分為兩段，每段的開頭語(yǔ)已為你寫好；讀后續(xù)寫范例Paragraph1：Severaldayslater,whenJenny’sfathercameintoreadherstory,Jennywaswaitinganxiouslyforhimonthebed.___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Paragraph2：Holdingtheplasticpearlhisdaughteroffered,thefatherdraggedoutabluebox.____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________讀六要素（Who,What,When,Where,Why,How）Person：Firstperson?Secondperson?Thirdperson?Tense:Thesimplepasttense?Thesimplepresenttense?ThoroughReading以記敘文為例注意：有時(shí)候一個(gè)文本并不具備所有的要素，可能只會(huì)涉及其中的三到四個(gè)讀六要素（Who,What,When,Where,Why,How）Who

isthemaincharacter?When

didthestoryhappen?Where

didthestoryhappen?What

happenedinthestory?Why

didhewantthenecklace?How

wasthestoryended?JennyandherdaddyOnenightwhenherdaddyfinishedthestoryAtJenny’sbedroomHerdaddywantedherplasticpearlnecklace.HewantedtoknowwhichismoreimportanttoJenny,heorhernecklace.Jennydidn’tgiveittoherdaddy.ThoroughReading讀六要素（Who,What,When,Where,Why,How）Who:JennyandherdaddyWhen:OnenightwhenherdaddyfinishedthestoryWhere:AtJenny’sbedroomWhat:Herdaddywantedherplasticpearlnecklace.Why:HewantedtoknowwhichismoreimportanttoJenny,heorhernecklace.Whatisthestoryabout?Jennydidalotofhouseworkinexchangeforaplasticpearlnecklace.Herdaddyaskedhertwicewhethershecouldgivehimhernecklace.Shesaidnotoherdaddy.How:Jennydidn’tgiveittoherdaddy.ThoroughReadingPerson：Firstperson?Secondperson?Thirdperson?ThirdpersonTense:Thesimplepasttense?Thesimplepresenttense?ThesimplepasttenseThoroughReading拿捏情感和情節(jié)Plotplanning情節(jié):一般包括開端、發(fā)展、高潮、結(jié)局等部分。CharactersJenny,hermother,herdaddyBeginning

Jennydidalotofhouseworkinexchangeforaplasticpearlnecklace.DevelopmentHerdaddyaskedhertwicewhethershecouldgivehimhernecklace.Andshesaidnotoherdaddy.

Climax?

Ending?(youropinion)

?

ProblemSolutionRising……falling……Jenny,hermother,herdaddyclimaxParagraph1:Paragraph2:JennydidhouseworkinexchangeforaplasticpearlnecklaceHerdaddyaskedhertwicewhethershecouldgivehimhernecklace.Shesaidnotoherdaddy.

Thekeywords:JennyatthegrocerystorepearlnecklaceDaddybedlovedelightedlygivefavoritekissTip1:重要信息主要人物Plotplanning確定主題創(chuàng)設(shè)情節(jié)InfertheplotdevelopmentaccordingtothegivensentencesParagraph1：Severaldayslater,whenJenny’sfathercameintoreadherstory,Jennywaswaitinganxiouslyforhimonthebed.Paragraph2：Holdingtheplasticpearlhisdaughteroffered,thefatherdraggedoutabluebox.Tip2:先留意所給第二段的開頭語(yǔ)，里面的一些關(guān)鍵信息必須要在第一段里面有所體現(xiàn)PlotplanningParagraph1：Severaldayslater,whenJenny’sfathercameintoreadherstory,Jennywaswaitinganxiouslyforhimonthebed.Tip3:結(jié)合關(guān)鍵詞展開推斷思考：根據(jù)第二段開頭，可知Jenny把項(xiàng)鏈給了爸爸。可以從動(dòng)作，對(duì)話，情緒等幾方面去考慮1.門打開了，爸爸走進(jìn)來。2.爸爸發(fā)現(xiàn)Jenny心事重重，問她發(fā)生什么事了。3.Jenny坐在那，不回答。4.Jenny問她爸是不是真的想要她的珍珠項(xiàng)鏈5.答曰是。6.Jenny把項(xiàng)鏈給了爸爸。Plotplanning析語(yǔ)言特點(diǎn)仿語(yǔ)言風(fēng)格讀后續(xù)寫－如何打磨語(yǔ)言vividwritingWaystopolishyourstory

perconjunctions2.abundantsentencepatterns1.advancedwordsandphrases1.Advancedwordsandphrases(1)豐滿人物內(nèi)心（心情的表達(dá)）

Rich

adjectives

and

otherusefulexpressions

toportraytheinnerthoughtsofthefigures(2)增加表達(dá)效果（動(dòng)作的表達(dá)）Detailedverbstomakeexpressionspowerful(3)豐富故事情節(jié)（細(xì)節(jié)和連貫）Properadverbs

toenrichyourstory小提示：1.高級(jí)詞匯的選擇遵循具體性原則，晚詞優(yōu)先原則1)agood/nicewomanawarm-hearted/generous/honest

woman2)Findingthelostdiamondringwouldbedifficult.

Findingthelostdiamondringwouldbe

challenging.3)Ashleigh'scarelessnesscaused

thelossofthediamondring.Ashleigh'scarelessnesswereresponsiblefor

...

小提示：2.避免重復(fù)使用同一詞語(yǔ)1)TheHannahsthankedKorey,saying“Thankyou

foryourkindness,orwewillneverhaveit”againandagain.2)TheHannahsexpressedtheirgratitudetoKorey,saying“Thank

youforyourkindness,orneverwillwehaveit”againandagain.2.Abundantsentencepatterns思考翻譯：穿著白色裙子，這個(gè)女孩兒看起來非常漂亮。(1)Thegirlwearsawhiteskirt,andshelooksbeautiful.(2)Wearingawhiteskirt,thegirllooksprettybeautiful.(3)Wearingawhiteskirt,thegirlappearsabsolutelybreathtaking,makingmefallinlovewithher.BasicSentencesComplexSentences1.Astheeconomywasindecline,somepeopleinthetownhadlosttheirjobs.2.Sheknewtheyhadproblems,andtheyneededallkindsofhelp.3.Whenshehadtime,shewouldbringfoodandmedicinetothem.4.Onemorningshetoldherchildrenaboutafamilyshehadvisitedthedaybefore.5.Therewasamansickinbed,hiswife,whotookcareofhimandcouldnotgoouttowork,andtheirlittleboy.ComplexSentences6.Iwishyoucouldseehim.7....butIdon’tseewhathecando.8.Aftertheirmotherhadlefttheroom,thechildrensatthinkingaboutBernard.9.Iwishwecouldhelphimtoearnmoney,...ComplexSentences10.Ihaveasolutionthatwecanhelpaccomplish(完成).11.WhenJohnhadanidea,itwassuretobeagoodone.12.Itellyouwhatwecando,...13.YouknowthatbigboxofcornUncleSamsentus?ComplexSentences(Classified)GroupOne--ObjectClauses2.Sheknewtheyhadproblems,andtheyneededallkindsofhelp.6.Iwishyoucouldseehim.7....butIdon’tseewhathecando.10.Iwishwecouldhelphimtoearnmoney,...12.Itellyouwhatwecando,...ComplexSentences(Classified)GroupTwo--AttributiveClause4.Onemorningshetoldherchildrenaboutafamilyshehadvisitedthedaybefore.5.Therewasamansickinbed,hiswife,whotookcareofhimandcouldnotgoouttowork,andtheirlittleboy.11.Ihaveasolutionthatwecanhelpaccomplish(完成).13.YouknowthatbigboxofcornUncleSamsentus?ComplexSentences(Classified)GroupThree--AdverbalClause1.Astheeconomywasindecline,somepeopleinthetownhadlosttheirjobs.3.Whenshehadtime,shewouldbringfoodandmedicinetothem.8.Aftertheirmotherhadlefttheroom,thechildrensatthinkingaboutBernard.11.WhenJohnhadanidea,itwassuretobeagoodone.

ChristmasDaywascoming.Iwasjustakidthen,andmybigsistertoldmetherewasnoSantaClaus.I

fledtomygrandmabecauseshewouldbestraightwithme.IknewGrandmaalwaystoldmethetruth.

Grandmawashome,andItoldhereverything.Shewasreadyforme."NoSantaClaus?"she

shouted.

"Ridiculous!Don'tbelieveit.Thatrumorhasbeengoingaroundforyears,anditmakesmemad.""Now,putonyourcoat,andlet'sgo."Gowhere,grandma?"Iasked."Where"

turnedouttobeKerby’sGeneralStore,theonestoreintownthathadalitbitofjustabouteverything.Aswewalkedthroughitsdoors,Grandmahandedmetendollars"Takethismoney,"shesaid,"andbuysomethingforsomeonewhoneedsit.I’llwaitforyouinthecar"ThensheturnedandwalkedoutofKerby’s.Iwasonlyeightyearsold.I’doftengoneshoppingwithmymother,andneverhadIshoppedforanythingallbymyself.Thestoreseemedbigandcrowded,fullofpeoplecompetingtofinishtheirChristmasshopping.ForafewmomentsIjuststoodthere,confused,holdingthatten-dollarbill,wonderingwhattobuyandwhotobuysomethingfor.典例分析

IsuddenlythoughtofBobbyDecker,whowasakidwithbadbreathandmessyhair.HesatrightbehindmeinMrs.Pollock'sgrade-twoclass.BobbyDeckerdidn'thaveacoat.Iknewthatbecauseheneverwentoutforrecessduringthewinter.

Hismotheralwayswroteanote,tellingtheteacherthathehadacough,butwekidsknewthatBobbyDeckerdidn'thaveacough,andthathedidn'thaveacoat.IwouldbuyBobbyDeckeracoat!Settledonaredone,whichlookedreallywarm,andhewouldlikethat."IsthisaChristmaspresentforsomeone?"theladybehindthecounteraskedkindly,asIlaidmytendollarsdown."Yes."

Theniceladysmiledatme,putthecoatinabagandwishedmeaMerryChristmas.Paragraph1：Thatevening,GrandmahelpedmewrapthecoatinChristmaspaper.___________________________________________________________________Paragraph2:Grandmaand1waitedbreathlesslyforBobbyDecker’sfrontdoortoopenandfinallyitopened._______________________________________________典例分析寫作出彩高級(jí)且豐富的句式同樣重要(1)

Never

hadIshoppedforanythingallbymyself.(2)Thestoreseemedbigandcrowded,fullofpeoplecompetingtofinishtheirChristmasshopping.(3)ForafewmomentsIjuststoodthere,confused,holdingthatten-dollarbill,wonderingwhattobuy

andwhotobuysomethingfor.(4)IsuddenlythoughtofBobbyDecker,whowasakidwithbadbreathandmessyhair.(5)Hismotheralwayswroteanote,tellingtheteacherthathehadacough,butwekidsknewthatBobbyDeckerdidn'thaveacough,andthathedidn'thaveacoat.2.Abundantsentencepatterns并列動(dòng)作：

Theniceladysmiled

atme,

put

thecoatinabagand

wished

meaMerryChristmas.伴隨狀語(yǔ)：使用分詞形式、使用“with”結(jié)構(gòu)、使用獨(dú)立主格結(jié)構(gòu)、使用形容詞、名詞、介詞短語(yǔ)Hismotheralwayswroteanote,tellingtheteacherthathehadacough.

Bornintoapoorfamily,BobbyDeckerdidn'tevenhaveawarmcoat.

Quickly,weranintothecar,withourheartsbeatingwildly.Theyhuggedeachothertightly,tearsrollingdowntheircheeks.BobbyDeckersawthecoat,

confusedbutexcited.

Thatevening,GrandmahelpedmewrapthecoatinChristmaspaper.Sheaskedmetowrite"ToBobby,fromSantaClaus”onit.ThenwewenttoBobbyDecker'shouse.Weparkedourcar,notfarawayfromhishouse,andwewalkedtohisfrontdoor.Silently,IputtheChristmaspresentdownwhenGrandmaknockedathisdoor.Quicklyweranintothecar.Thenwewaitedforhim.

GrandmaandIwaitedbreathlesslyforBobbyDecker'sfrontdoortoopenandfinallyitopened.BobbyDeckerwentout.Whenhesawthecoatinthebag,helookedverysurprisedandthencalledhismothertogoout.TheyhuggedeachotherintearsandprayedtoSantaClaus.IfeltveryproudofwhatIhaddone.AtthattimeIdecidedtobeSanta'shelperforever.Thatmoment,IcametorealizethatSantaClausisineveryone'sheartifheiswillingtobeoneofhishelpers.Let’shaveatry!1.Sheaskedmetowrite"ToBobby,fromSantaClaus”onit.ThenwewenttoBobbyDecker'shouse.Shewrote"ToBobby,fromSantaClaus"onit,afterwhich

she

drovemeoverto

BobbyDecker'shouse,explaining

IwasofficiallyoneofSanta'shelpers.2.Weparkedourcar,notfarawayfromhishouse,andwewalkedtohisfrontdoor.GrandmaparkeddownthestreetfromBobby'shouse.

Takingadeepbreath,I

dashedforhisfrontdoor.GrandmaparkeddownthestreetfromBobby'shouse.Then,shegavemeanudge,whispering,“AllrightSantaClaus,getgoing”.

Taking

adeepbreath,I

dashedfor

hisfrontdoor.3.Silently,IputtheChristmaspresentdownwhenGrandmaknockedathisdoor.Quicklyweranintothecar.Thenwewaitedforhim.Seeingnootherpeoplenoticeus,I

puttheChristmaspresentdown,poundedhisdoorbell

andthen

GrandmaandI

crept

andhidinthecar.Let’shaveatry!1.BobbyDeckerwentout.OutwentBobbyDecker./

Therestood

BobbyDecker.2.Whenhesawthecoatinthebag,helookedverysurprisedandthencalledhismothertogoout.Seeingthecoatinthebag,heputhishandoverhismouth,

dumbstruck.

Afterawhile,heyelledathismothertogoout.Let’shaveatry!3.Theyhuggedeachotherintears

andprayedtoSantaClaus.IfeltveryproudofwhatIhaddone.Theyhuggedeachother

intears

and

afterhearingthemsay“thanks”toSantaClaus,IfeltveryproudofwhatIhaddone.4.Thatmoment,IcametorealizethatSantaClausisineveryone'sheartifheiswillingtobeoneofhishelpers.Itwasthatnightthat

Irealized

thetruththathewhohasnoChristmasinhisheartwillneverfindChristmasunderatree.Itwas

thatnightthat

Irealizedthoseawful

rumors

aboutSantaClauswerejustwhatGrandmasaidtheywere:ridiculous.SantaClauswasdefinitelyaliveandwewereactuallyonhisteam.Let’shaveatry!Appreciation:Para1:Thatevening,GrandmahelpedmewrapthecoatinChristmaspaper.Shewrote"ToBobby,fromSantaClaus"onit,afterwhich

shedrovemeovertoBobbyDecker'shouse,explainingIwasofficiallyoneofSanta'shelpers.GrandmaparkeddownthestreetfromBobby'shouse.Then,shegavemeanudge,whispering,“AllrightSantaClaus,getgoing”.

Taking

adeepbreath,Idashedfor

hisfrontdoor.

Seeingnootherpeoplenoticeus,Iput

theChristmaspresentdown,pounded

hisdoorbellandthen

GrandmaandIcrept

and

hid

inthecar.Appreciation:

Para2:GrandmaandIwaitedbreathlesslyforBobbyDecker’sfrontdoortoopenandfinallyitopened.OutwentBobbyDecker.Seeingthecoatinthebag,heputhishandoverhismouth,

dumbstruck.

Afterawhile,heyelledathismothertogoout.

Afterhearingthemsay"thanks"toSantaClaus,IfeltveryproudofwhatIhaddone.AtthattimeIdecidedtobeSanta'shelperforever.Itwas

thatnightthat

thoseawfulrumorsaboutSantaClauswerejustwhatGrandmasaidtheywere:ridiculous.SantaClauswasdefinitelyaliveandwewereactuallyonhisteam.小提示：結(jié)合使用長(zhǎng)句與短句根據(jù)實(shí)際情況在文章中交替使用長(zhǎng)句與短句，使得文章錯(cuò)落有致，這樣不僅使文章在形式上增加美感，而且使文章讀起來鏗鏘有力，如:Itookadeepbreath,rushedtohisfrontdoor,andput

thepresentdown.

Then

I

rang

thedoorbelland

flew

backtothecar.`Takingadeepbreath,Irushedtohisfrontdoor,and

put

theChristmaspresentdown.

Afterpounding

hisdoorbell,GrandmaandIcrept

and

hid

inthecar.2.Abundantsentencepatterns小提示：恰當(dāng)套用某些固定表達(dá)1)Afterpoundinghisdoorbell,GrandmaandIcreptandhidinthecar,feelingnervousbutexcited.Wecouldn'ttakeabreath.Afterpoundinghisdoorbell,GrandmaandIcreptandhidinthecar,feelingtoonervousandexcited

to

takeabreath.2)Theyfelttouchedandthrilled.Andtheycouldn'thelphuggingeachotherintearsandprayedtoSantaClaus.Theyfeltsotouchedandthrilled

thatthey...3)Whenhesawthecoatinthebag,helookedverysurprisedandthencalledhismothertogoout.Themoment

hesawthecoatinthebag,he

puthishandoverhismouth,

dumbstruck.

Afterawhile,he

yelledathismothertogoout.2.Abundantsentencepatterns輸入是輸出的基礎(chǔ)，不能純粹地通過寫作來提升寫作，而應(yīng)該通過閱讀來學(xué)習(xí)如何寫作。以合適的語(yǔ)篇為載體，多讀美的東西，進(jìn)行語(yǔ)篇分析，培養(yǎng)邏輯思維能力?？荚囶}型的二次開發(fā)：精讀完形（敘事類）任何一篇完形都覆蓋著幾乎80%的語(yǔ)法，包含經(jīng)典短語(yǔ)和句子，都是百里挑一的好文章。完形的主題與續(xù)寫的主題基本一致，都告訴我們一些人生道理（心靈雞湯）。注重積累，形成自己的語(yǔ)料庫(kù)，如悲傷逆流成河，驚訝到目瞪口呆，緊張到無法呼吸等等。備考指導(dǎo)Practicemakesperfect!PolishyourdraftPolishyourdraft修改:保證用上關(guān)鍵詞，確保語(yǔ)法正確，替換高級(jí)詞匯，然后運(yùn)用各種從句、復(fù)合結(jié)構(gòu)、非謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞、以及強(qiáng)調(diào)句和倒裝句等特殊句式擴(kuò)寫:增加一些語(yǔ)言描寫、動(dòng)作描寫、情緒描寫、環(huán)境描寫，增添語(yǔ)言的豐富性。1.Thedooropened,andJenny’sfathercamein.Whenthedooropened,herdadcamein,withastorybookinhislefthand.2.Jenny’sfatherfoundherdaughterupset,andaskedherwhathadhappened?SeeingJennysittingonthebedwithananxiouslook,hewentover,heldherhands,andaskedwhatwasthematter.3.Jennyjustsatthere.Shesaidnothing.Shakingherhead,Jennysaidnothing.修改:保證用上關(guān)鍵詞，確保語(yǔ)法正確，替換高級(jí)詞匯，然后運(yùn)用各種從句、復(fù)合結(jié)構(gòu)、非謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞、以及強(qiáng)調(diào)句和倒裝句等特殊句式擴(kuò)寫:增加一些語(yǔ)言描寫、動(dòng)作描寫、情緒描寫、環(huán)境描寫，增添語(yǔ)言的豐富性。4.Jennyaskedherfatherwhetherhereallywantedherpearlnecklace.Foramoment,silencefilledtheroom.“Daddy,”Jenny’svoicebrokethesilence,“Doyoureallywantmypearlnecklace?”5.Herfathersaidyes.Lookinggentlyintoherdaughter’seyes,henoddedwithadelightedsmileontheface.6.Jennygaveittoherdaddy.“Okay.”Jennycontinued,“Despitemyaffectionforthelovelynecklace,itisyouandmomthatIlovemuchbetter.”Beforeherdadcouldsayaword,Jennytookoutthenecklacefromunderthequiltandgaveittohim.PolishyourdraftLast

StepNeatcopyingNeat

copyingThedooropened,andJenny’sfathercamein.Jenny’sfatherfoundherdaughterupset,andaskedherwhathappened?Jennyjustsatthere.Shesaidnothing.Afterawhile,Jennyaskedherfatherwhetherhereallywantedherpearlnecklace.Herfathersaidyes.Jennygaveittoherdaddy.草稿版：潤(rùn)色版：Whenthedooropened,herdadcamein,withastorybookinhislefthand.SeeingJennysittingonthebedwithananxiouslook,hewentover,heldherhands,andaskedwhatwasthematter.Shakingherhead,Jennysaidnothing.Foramoment,silencefilledtheroom.“Daddy,”Jenny’svoicebrokethesilence,“Doyoureallywantmypearlnecklace?”Lookinggentlyintoherdaughter’seyes,henoddedwithadelightedsmileontheface.“Okay.”Jennycontinued,“Despitemyaffectionforthelovelynecklace,itisyouandmomthatIlovemuchbetter.”Beforeherdadcouldsayaword,Jennytookoutthenecklacefromunderthequiltandgaveittohim.升級(jí)版Severaldayslater,whenJenny’sfathercameintoreadherastory,Jennywaswaitinganxiouslyforhimonthebed.Whenlisteningtothestory,Jennywastotallyabsent-minded,withherhandsholdingthepearlnecklacetightlyandfirmly.Whenthestorycametoanend,unexpectedly,Jennyofferedherbelovednecklacetoherfather,withherfingerstremblingautomatically.Nooneknewwhatthenecklacemeanttoher.Shewhisperedtoherfather,softlyandgently,“Daddy,youknowIloveyoumorethanthenecklace.”Then,thenecklaceslidintoherfather’shandsdeterminedly.Have

a

tryParagraph2：Holdingtheplasticpearlhisdaughteroffered,thefatherdraggedoutabluebox.Paragraph2：Holdingtheplasticpearlhisdaughteroffered,hisfatherdraggedoutabluebox.MuchtoJenny’samazement,abeautifulrealpearlnecklacelaypeacefullyinthebox,whichsetherheartracing.Jennyfrozethere,athrilledexpressiontwistingherface.BeforeJenneywasabletosaysomething,herfatherbrushedawarmkissonherfaceandgatheredherintohisarms.Holdingthegenuinenecklaceinherhand,Jennyliftedherlip,tearsbeginningtoblurhervision.Have

a

try搭建流程輸出續(xù)寫范文閱讀下面材料，根據(jù)其內(nèi)容和所給段落開頭語(yǔ)續(xù)寫兩段，使之構(gòu)成-篇完整的短文。

WewereenjoyingthesummervacationonthebeachesonBeautifulGulfshoresAlabama.Mydaughterwasabout6yearsoldandtheyoungestwas3.Weboughtatwo-maninflatable(需充氣的)boatthinkingthiswouldmakeforareallyfundayforthetwogirls.Andsoitdid.Thetwoofthemplayedalldayinthatboat.

Notfarfromus,amiddle-agedmanwastakingasunbath,greetinguswithasmilenow

andthen.Laterthelittleonegottiredandwasbeginningtolookprettypinkwithtoomuch

sun.So,Itookhertoourspotonthesandandplacedanumbrellaoverherasmyoldergirl

continuedtoplayintheboat.Iprobablybecamealittletooinvolvedwithmyyoungerdaughter

and