高考英語書面表達(dá)專題指導(dǎo)練講及習(xí)作評析第三部分考場習(xí)作評析二

1、2013屆高考英語書面表達(dá)專題指導(dǎo)、練講及習(xí)作評析（第三部分考場習(xí)作評析）（二）假設(shè)你是某高中學(xué)生會主席李華，最近，你校學(xué)生會對學(xué)生課外閱讀情況進(jìn)行了調(diào)查，現(xiàn)在請你根據(jù)下面的圖表所反映的情況為某英語報(bào)寫一篇有關(guān)這次調(diào)查的報(bào)道，并談?wù)勀愕目捶ǎㄖ辽賰牲c(diǎn)）。學(xué)生課外閱讀的情況（每百人所占比例） 沒看過文學(xué)作品的原因（每百人所占比例）圖表1 圖表2要求：字?jǐn)?shù)150左右（開頭句已經(jīng)寫好，不計(jì)入總字?jǐn)?shù)）。recently our student union has had a survey on reading after class. 【考場習(xí)作】recently our student union

2、has had a survey on reading after class. (1)results of this survey are as follows. (2)half of the students are fond of reading newspapers or various magazines. (3)there are 20% students usually read cartoons. (4)the percentage of students who choose to read literary books is only 10, which is the sm

3、allest. (5)the rest of the students like reading others. (6)according to these statistics, its easy for us to find the fact that the number of those who choose to read literary books is small. (7)but what causes this phenomenon？(8)at first,50 students complain they are too busy with their homework t

4、o read literary books. (9)the second reason for this phenomenon is that schools library only opens for several hours every day and there isnt enough books available. (10)thirdly, its the high price that discourage someone from reading literary books. (11) last but not least, parents disagreement is

5、also responsible for this phenomenon. (12)they believe it does no good to exams.(13)as far as i am concerned, its meaningful for us to read more literary books, which can not only enrich our school life but also broaden our horizon. (14)schools are supposed to take effective measures to encourage st

6、udents to read more, as reading literary books can be beneficial for study.【習(xí)作評析】在評析考生考場習(xí)作之前，先讓我們來看一看該書面表達(dá)的最基本的要點(diǎn)是什么。圖表1 圖表2沒看過文學(xué)作品的原因課業(yè)負(fù)擔(dān)重，沒有時(shí)間看文學(xué)作品的占了一半；學(xué)校圖書館開放時(shí)間短，藏書有限；文學(xué)名著太貴買不起；家長認(rèn)為閱讀文學(xué)名著對考試無用，不予支持。以上要點(diǎn)必須在書面表達(dá)中有所表述，缺一不可。【習(xí)作的亮點(diǎn)】全文共14句202字（不包括已經(jīng)給出的句子），字?jǐn)?shù)超標(biāo)。要點(diǎn)表達(dá)齊全，較好地完成了題目所規(guī)定的任務(wù)。閱卷老師判分為20分（滿分為25分）。

7、1.習(xí)作根據(jù)作者自身水平較多使用了復(fù)合句。同時(shí)也注意使用并列句、簡單句以及強(qiáng)調(diào)句句，增加了文章的可讀性。顯示了作者的扎實(shí)的基本功。2.習(xí)作注意了過渡詞、過渡句的使用。如第二段中：(8)at first, (10)thirdly, (11) last but not least, (13)as far as i am concerned,等。這樣的運(yùn)用使得文章表達(dá)連貫；3.習(xí)作注意了高級詞匯及句型的運(yùn)用的使用使文章增色不少。如：various，the percentage，this phenomenon，complain，available，is also responsible for，are

8、 supposed to等等。4.習(xí)作在描述兩幅圖表時(shí)注意運(yùn)用了不同的表達(dá)手法法。比如：(2)half of the students are fond of reading newspapers or various magazines. (4)the percentage of students who choose to read literary books is only 10, which is the smallest. (5)the rest of the students like reading others.5.習(xí)作在談?wù)効捶ǎㄖ辽賰牲c(diǎn)）時(shí)，咳嗽得很恰到好處地緊緊圍繞圖表

9、2中所反映的（家長方面的和學(xué)校方面的）兩個(gè)原因來談?wù)勛约旱目捶ǎ黾恿宋恼碌牧咙c(diǎn)?！玖?xí)作的缺點(diǎn)】1.句型的運(yùn)用上有致命的錯(cuò)誤。這也許是該習(xí)作為什么被扣分的最主要的原因。如：(3)there is 20% students usually read cartoons.按照作者的基本功，根本就不應(yīng)該出現(xiàn)這種中國學(xué)生在書面表達(dá)中經(jīng)常出現(xiàn)的典型錯(cuò)誤。應(yīng)改成：there are 20% students who usually read cartoons.或there are 20% students usually reading cartoons.再如：(9) and there isnt enou

10、gh books available. 按照作者的基本功，根本就不應(yīng)該出現(xiàn)這樣的低級錯(cuò)誤。應(yīng)改成： and there arent enough books available. 2.因?yàn)橛兄貜?fù)，所以表達(dá)顯得過于冗長，這也許是該習(xí)作為什么被扣分的另一個(gè)主要原因。 如：“(6)according to these statistics, its easy for us to find the fact that the number of those who choose to read literary books is small.”與上文的“(4)the percentage of stu

11、dents who choose to read literary books is only 10, which is the smallest.”就是重復(fù)的。再說與上文聯(lián)系的也不緊密。似應(yīng)改成“why are so many students unwilling to read literary works?”或“why are so few students who choose to read literary works?”。這樣一改“(7)but what causes this phenomenon？”這一點(diǎn)就可以去掉而改成“according to chart 2”，然后敘述原

12、因，這樣顯得緊奏又順理成章。3.某些表達(dá)不準(zhǔn)確，似有chinglish之嫌。如：(12)they believe it does no good to exams.該句老外可能也看得懂，但是絕對不是英語中表達(dá)的方式。還是應(yīng)改成：“they believe reading literature wont help their children at all with their exams.”為妥當(dāng)。再有“(10)thirdly, its the high price that discourage someone from reading literary books.”句型倒是個(gè)好句型，所用

13、詞匯也比較好，但是所表達(dá)的意思根本就不符合邏輯。似乎應(yīng)改成：thirdly, its the high price that makes them unable to afford to buy literary books.4.詞匯的搭配上有錯(cuò)誤。如：(14), as reading literary books can be beneficial for study. 應(yīng)改成：, as reading literary books can be beneficial to studying our subjects.【修改后的習(xí)作】recently our student union ha

14、s had a survey on reading after class. as is shown in chart 1,half of the students are fond of reading newspapers or various magazines. 20% students usually read cartoons. the percentage of those who choose to read literary books is the smallest, only 10%. the rest students like reading others. why

15、are so many students unwilling to read literary works? according to chart 2, firstly,50% enrich our school life but also broaden our horizon. schools are supposed to take effective measures to encourage students to read more, as reading literary books can be beneficial to studying our subjects.【參考答案

16、】recently our student union has had a survey on reading after class. chart 1 shows that 50 percent of the students spend their time reading newspapers and magazines.20 percent of the students separately choose to read cartoons or other kinds of books in their leisure time. however, only 10 percent e

17、njoy reading literature. why are so many students unwilling to read literary works? according to chart 2, half of the students say they have no enough time because of their schoolwork burden. some complain that literature works are too expensive for them to afford to buy and still some students pare

18、nts simply think that reading literature wont help their children at all with their exams, so they do not support. besides, about 30% of the students are not satisfied with the opening hour of the library and limited book collections there. as far as im concerned, books play an important role in our

19、 study. especially reading literature works can broaden our horizon. whats more, it can provide us with good examples of writing.    讓學(xué)生嘗試評析另一篇考場習(xí)作并修改recently our student union has had a survey on reading after class. chart 1 shows that half【修改后的習(xí)作】recently our student union has had a

20、 survey on reading after class. chart 1 shows that half of the students prefer to read magazines and newspapers. 20% of the students spend their spare time reading cartoons for relaxation, which is equal to the number of the students who read other kinds of books. much to our surprise, only 10 percent students enjoy reading literature.why are so few students who choos