英語幽默笑話帶翻譯

英語幽默笑話帶翻譯1:A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: I think that he is very ill. I am afraid that he is dead.said the doctor, Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: Im not dead. Im still alive. Be quiet, said the wife. the doctor knows better than you! 醫(yī)生懂得多 一個男人在街上被出租車撞倒送進了醫(yī)院.他的妻子站在他的床前對醫(yī)生說:我想他傷得很厲害.醫(yī)生說:我怕他已經(jīng)死了.聽到醫(yī)生的話,這個男人轉(zhuǎn)動著頭說:我沒死,我還活著.妻子說:安靜,醫(yī)生比你懂得多. 2:You cant go without meThe bus is very crowded.Aman tries to get on,but no one gives way to him. Hey,let me get on the bus.the man shouts. Its too crowded.Youd better take the next bus.a passenger says to him. But you cant go withou me.Im the driver.the man says.沒有我你們走不了 公共汽車上很擁擠.一位男士想上車,但是沒有人給他讓路. 喂,讓我上車!那位男士喊道. 車太擠了,你最好坐下一輛車上的一位乘客對他說. 但是沒有我你們走不了.我是司機!那位男士說道. 3:Drunk One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, Whats the meaning of the word Drunk, dad? Well, my son, his father replied, look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk. But, dad, the boy said, theres only ONE policeman! 醉酒 一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個孩子正處于那種對什么事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發(fā)問道：“爸爸，醉字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父親回答說，“你瞧那兒站著兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那么我就算醉了?！?“可是，爸爸， ”孩子說，“那兒只有一個警察呀！”4:Hospitality The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guests plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese? In the rat-trap, sir, replied the boy. 好客 由于客人在吃蘋果餡餅時，家里沒有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。這家的小男孩悄悄地離開了屋子。過了一會兒，他拿著一片奶酪回到房間，把奶酪放在客人的盤子里。 客人微笑著把奶酪放進嘴里說：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你媽媽的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夾上，先生?！蹦切∧泻⒄f。 5:Dear white, something you got to know .When I was born, I was black.When I grow up, I am blackWhen Im under the sun, Im blackWhen Im cold, Im blackWhen Im afraid, Im black.When Im sick, Im black.When I die, Im still black.you-white people,When you were born, you were pink.When you grow up, you become white.Youre red under the sun.Youre blue when youre cold.You are yellow when youre afraid.Youre green when youre sick.Youre gray when you die.And you, call me color?親愛的白種人，有幾件事你必須知道。 當我出生時，我是黑色的我長大了，我是黑色的我在陽光下，我是黑色的我寒冷時，我是黑色的我害怕時，我是黑色的我生病了，我是黑色的當我死了，我仍是黑色的。你-白種人，當你出生時，你是粉紅色的。你長大了，變成白色的。你在陽光下，你是紅色的。你寒冷時，你是青色的。你害怕時，你是黃色的。你生病時，你是綠色的。當你死時，你是灰色的。而你，卻叫我有色人種？6：Where is the father?Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.Look, said the elder brother. How nice these paintings are! Yes, said the younger, but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, Obviously he was painting the pictures.兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫?！翱矗备绺缯f，“這些畫多漂亮呀！”“是啊，”弟弟說道，“可是在所有這些畫中，只有媽媽和孩子。那爸爸去哪兒了呢？”哥哥想了會兒，然后解釋道：“很明顯，他當時正在畫這些畫唄?！?：How Many Rabbits?Teacher: Now, Jonathan, if I gave you three rabbits and then the next day I gave you five rabbits, how many rabbits would you have? Jonathan: Nine, sir.Teacher: Nine?Jonathan: Ive got one already, sir.多少只兔子？老師：好，喬納森，假如我給你三只兔子，第二天我又給你五只，你一共有多少只兔子？喬納森：一共有九只，先生。老師：九只？喬納森：先生，我本來就有一只。8：These Are My JeansAfter going on a diet，a woman felt really good about herself-especially when she was able to fit into a pair of jeans she had outgrown long ago“Look，look” she shouted while running downstairs to show her husband“I can wear my old jeans again”Her husband looked at her for a long time，when said，“Honey，I love you，but these are my jeans” 那是我的褲子! 一個婦女在減肥一段時間后自我感覺特別好特別是當她又能穿上很早以前就穿不上的牛仔褲時。她跑下樓沖她丈夫喊道：“快看，快看。我又能穿上以前的褲子了?！彼煞蚩戳怂靡粫?，然后說：“親愛的，我愛你。但那是我的褲子?！?：The mean mans partyThe notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot. Why use my elbow and foot?Well, gosh, was the reply, Youre not coming empty-hangded, are you?吝嗇鬼請客一個出了名的吝嗇鬼終于決定要請一次客了。他在向一個朋友解釋怎么找到他家時說：“你上到五樓，找中間那個門，然后用你的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了之后，再用你的腳把門推開。”“為什么要用我的肘和腳呢？”“你的雙手得拿禮物啊。天哪，你總不會空著手來吧？”吝嗇鬼回答。10：All I do is payMy family is just like a nation, Mr. Brown told his colleague. My wife is the minister of finance, my mother-in-law is the minister of war, and my daughter is foreign secretary. Sounds interesting, his colleague replied. And what is your position?Im the people. All I do is pay.我要做的一切就是付錢布朗先生告訴同事說：“我的家簡直就象一個國家一樣。我妻子是財政部長。我岳母是作戰(zhàn)部長，我女兒是外交秘書。”“聽上去挺有意思的，”他的同事說，“那你的職務(wù)是什么呢？”“我就是老百姓。我要做的一切就是付錢?！?1. What room has no walls, no doors, no windows, and no floors?A mushroom.(蘑菇)2. What is smaller than an insects mouth?Anything it eats.3. What large instrument do you carry in your ears?Drums, that is eardrums.(鼓膜)4. Whats too much for one, just right for two, but nothing at all for three?A secret.5. What person tried to make you smile most of the time?A photographer.6. What animal has a head like a cat, eyes like a cat, a tail like a cat, but isnt a cat?A kitten.(小貓)7. What surprising things happen every 24 hours?Day breaks, but doesnt fall; night falls, but doesnt break.8. What can hear you without ears and can answer you without a mouth?An echo.(回聲)9. What do you know about the kings of France?They are all dead.10. What question can you never answer yes toAre you asleep?11. Why do some old people never use glasses?They must prefer bottles to glasses.12. Why is the person wearing two coats while painting the house?Because the instructions on the paint can say Put on two coats for best results.13. What two words have thousands of letters in them?Post office.14. What do workers do in a clock factory?They make faces all day.15. What 5-letter word has 6 left when you take 2 letters away?Sixty.16. When do you go as fast as a racing car?When you are in it.17. How many sides does a house have?Two - inside and outside.18. What never asks any questions but always gets answers?A doorbell.19. Where did Columbus stand when he discovered America?On his feet.20. When the boy fell into the water, whats the first thing he did?He got wet first of all.21. Who isnt your sister and isnt your brother, but is still a child of your mother and father?I myself.22. What has teeth but cannot eat?A comb.23. What kind of man can raise things without lifting them?A farmer.24. Why does time fly?To get away from all the people who are trying to kill it.25. Name five days of the week without saying: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday.The day before yesterday, yesterday, today, tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow.26. What animal eats and drinks with its tail?All do. No animal takes off its tail when eating and drinking.27. What has a soft bed but never sleeps, a big mouth but never speaks?A river.28. What kind of dog never bite?A hot dog.29. Why does the Statue of Liberty stand in New York Harbor?Because it cant sit down.30. What did one invisible man say to the other invisible man?Its nice not to see you again.31. What wears a cap but has no head?A bottle.32. What rises in the morning and waves all day?A flag.33. What is an astronomer?(天文學家)?A night watchman with a college education.34. How can you tell clocks and watches are shy?Because they always have their hands in front of their faces.35. What is wind?Air in a hurry.36. What comes after the letter A?All the other letters.37. What starts with a T, ends with a T, and is full of T?Teapot.38. What word can you make shorter by adding to it?Short.39. What person does every man take his hat off to?A barber.40. Why does the boy carry a ladder to the school?Because he wants to go to high school.41. What can you swallow that can also swallow you?Water.42. Whats the difference between a hill and a pill?A hill is hard to get up and a pill is hard to get down.43. Why is it useless to send a letter to Washington?Because hes dead.44. A doctor and a lawyer loved the same girl. The lawyer went away for a week and gave the girl seven apples before he left. Why?Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away.45. What will you do if a man-eating tiger is running after you?Nothing. Because Im a woman.46. What always travels on foot?A shoe.47. Where can happiness always be found?In the dictionary.48. What is higher without a head than with a head?A pillow.(枕頭)49. Why dont you advertise for your lost dog?He cant read.50. On which side does a bird have the most feathers?The outside.51. What is the best thing to keep in hot weather?Cool!52. What is never used until its broken?An egg.53. Whats a skeleton?(骨架)Its a lot of bones without the person on them!54. What is dark but made by light?A shadow.55. What can you break with only one word?Silence.56. What stays indoors no matter how many times you put it out?The light.57. A policeman saw a truck driver going the wrong way down a one-way street, but didnt give him a ticket. Why?Because the truck driver was walking.58. Where can milk be best