最終用稿(7人搞笑英語版話劇劇本-三顧茅廬).doc

精品文檔Three visits to the cottage三顧茅廬Aside: After their swearing brotherhood to heaven and earth in a peach garden, the three personsLiubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei-had to be janitors（美dnt n. 看門人；守衛(wèi)） in Caocaos corporation to make a living for they could not find jobs. Meanwhile the legendary and mysterious character ZhuGeliang who had been forced to attend CET-6 test by his wife was reviewing examination contents.SCENE 1: Liubeis homeActors: Liubei Guanyu ZhangfeiGuanyu: Brother! We three have been hungry for days and when will this tragic life end? Its so terrible!Liubei: Yu, its impossible that I dont feel painful, isnt it? But as the proverb says it is hard to sit in Rome and strive against the Pope. Now we come to Caocaos corporation as gatekeeper（看門人）, anyhow we can fill our stomachs between whiles. Its very hard to get work now. No diplomas and no job offers, what are you dreaming about?Zhangfei: Oh, Brother! ZhuGeliangs wife borrowed us 500yuan to cope with his husbands CET-6 fees last month, it seems that its time for us to be debt collectors now.Guanyu: Yeah, Brother! Or well be as poor as church mouseLiubei: Alas! How did I forget this? Lets go! Go go! Hurry up! Follow me and go to the mountain for dunning! （收拾家伙 挽袖子）Aside: And then the three brothers climb the mountain to find ZhuGeliang.SCENE 2: ZhuGeliangs houseActors: ZhuGeliang Zhus WifeZhuGeliang: Good morning! I am the genius ZhuGeliang. But I feel so sad recently. Because my wife forced me to pass the CET-6. Whats CET-6? Do you know? Ive never heart about that. And she asked me to read so heavy books and do so many texts. （拿起手里的試卷給大家亮亮） Its ridiculous. My major is military advice, not English. Why should I read this?Wife: Darling!ZhuGeliang：My wife is coming，she is so long-winded（啰嗦的） that I can never bear her. （裝作認(rèn)真狀）Wife： My dear, how about your study?ZhuGeliang：These books make me want to dozedz(打瞌睡). Im dizzy.Wife： Darling! Now, competition is so serious. If you cant pass cet-6 to get your masters degree, it is difficult to find a job. I have stayed here for half of a lifetime. But never visit a bigger place like Shanghai.(cry)ZhuGeliang：Dont worry, these books are too easy for your husband and dont need to learn. （扔書）Wife： Are you sure? let me have a test to you. Listen，read and see!ZhuGeliang：A piece of cake!Wife： Listen, can you spell apple? Desk?ZhuGeliang: Sorry I cant. （不會 抓耳撓腮）Wife： You cant? Oh, how unfortunate I am! (crying) Im wrong, Im really wrong, Im wrong from the beginning. I shouldnt marry here. If I didnt marry here, Ill never in this heartrending place now,諸葛亮崩潰了 （捂耳朵 忙勸）ZhuGeliang：Dont cry, dont cry, stop! 老婆（馬上變臉） I m going to study hard at once.Wife: 給書童一個手勢Keeper: What is the matter? Madam?Wife: Listen carefully! My husband is too busy doing his homework to welcome any people, so you will tell the people who calls on him that boss has went to study in England. Aside: While it is going on, liubei Guanyu Zhangfei have came to the gate of ZhuGeliangs house.SCENE3 Outside ZhuGeliangs houseActors: Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei KeeperZhangfei: Let me knock the door! Open! Open! （氣憤 敲門 咚 咚 咚）Keeper: (Check from the peep hole) Are these men asking for the debt? (Open the door)Liubei: This is liubei! We are calling on ZhuGeliang and his wife.Keeper: Zhu said he is not in.Liubei: En?Keeper: Oh! No!.I mean I mean my boss is studying English in England for the exam of CET-6, and he may not be come back this month.Liubei: OK! We will wait for him here!Guanyu: Nobody knows that when he will be come back, so, lets go home!Aside: The three men went away with disappointed. After a month, the deeply autumn came! They came here at the second time. Unfortunately, they didnt see Zhu Geliang as well. Two month passed, the cold winter is coming! It is heavy snow and very cold outsides. ZhuGeliang knows the reason that why they come here three times, and orders the keeper to let them come in whiles his wife is out.SCENE 4: ZhuGeliangs HomeActors: ZhuGeliang wife liubei Zhangfei GuanyuZhuGeliang: Thank goodness, heres Liubei at last. Ha ha ha Wife: Wof! Darling! He may come here to ask me to repay his money. We cant let him in.ZhuGeliang: My darling, please dont worry. I can make liubei go back with nothing by my sliver tongueLiubei: Mr. ZhuGeliang. I have hunted you for a long time! （此時劉備用槍指著諸葛亮頭 幻燈片放無間道）Zhu: Oh! You are Liubei. What can I do for you ?Liu: my brother, you have borrowed me 500yuan, when you repay it for me? I have starved for several days. （放乞丐的幻燈片）ZhuGeliang: I owe you 500yuan? who can testify? Please give me a chance, I want to be an honest man.Liubei: How can I give you a chance? Speak it to the judge.Zhu: Please look(扇子指向幻燈片 幻燈片放西農(nóng)地圖), although having ambition , you are just a guarder. We can enlarge our power from this base, and then attack Caocao. At last I believe that we can reign the whole country.Liubei: （若有所思） Im so surprised! I dont know you are so smart.Zhu Geliang: If I give you a map, could I not repay your money?Liubei: En.you know so much about affairs, are you willing to create a new country together with us?ZhuGeliang: Ensorry, I cant. Because my wife forces me to pass the CET-6 recently. If you can help me to resolve the problem, I will help you.Liu: （面露難色）En.Zhangfei: （拉劉備到身邊耳語到）(Pull) Brother, come here. Everything is fake now such as the milk. Why cant we find somebody help us do the test or buy a key ? （幻燈片武狀元蘇乞兒作弊呢段）Guanyu: Yes! We can overdraft our salary from Caocao to buy the key at first. （假答案圖片） SCENE 5: Outside ZhuGeliangs houseAside: After receiving the master degree, ZhuGeliang will go to work with Liubei to establish a new Kingdom.So the couples apart.Actors: ZhuGeliang Wife Liubei Guanyu ZhangfeiWife：Honey! ZhuGeliang：Darling!Wife：Excellent man have a great ambition. You should put cause above everything else , are sure not to miss me.ZhuGeliang：I will have a long journey .Please take care of yourself.( （轉(zhuǎn)身悄悄說）) Dont worried, never miss you! （出門拜倒在久侯的劉備 關(guān)羽 張飛腳下）ZhuGeliang：(To Liubei)Your Majesty ( mdst主公), I will never forget your favour. I must be loyal and devoted to the last.Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei: Let go!Aside: The three men go down to the hill. That is the end of the whole story. Thank you for your attention. （結(jié)束時放貓和老鼠的結(jié)尾）旁白話說劉關(guān)張?zhí)覉@三結(jié)義之后四處奔波 一時間找不到工作 不得不在曹操的公司靠看大門為生 而此時那個傳說中的神秘人物諸葛臥龍先生正專心在家復(fù)習(xí)考試 因為他的老婆黃氏逼著他參加CET-6 場景一劉備家劉備 關(guān)羽 張飛上關(guān)羽大哥 咱們都餓了好幾天了 這種吃糠咽菜的生活我們要過到什么時候啊 哎劉備二弟 這 大哥我怎么可能不難受嘛 可是常言道人在屋檐下 怎能不低頭 我們現(xiàn)在曹操的公司里給人家看大門 這年頭工作這么難找 我們?nèi)值軐W(xué)歷又不高 好不容易能有口飯吃就很不錯了 哪還有什么奢求呀張飛 大哥 對了 上個月后面山頭諸葛亮的老婆來問我們借走了500塊錢去給她老公交學(xué)費去了 都好久沒還 我們是不是應(yīng)該去要回來 關(guān)羽是啊大哥 不然的話這樣下去我們就得喝西北風(fēng)了劉備哎 就是 我怎么這岔給忘了 走 走 走 二弟三弟隨我這就上山 （收拾家伙 挽袖子） 旁白兄弟三人就此上山 場景二諸葛亮家諸葛亮上諸葛亮大叫好 我就是絕頂聰明的諸葛亮 可我最近卻很是郁悶 我那個娘子非要我去參加什么大學(xué)英語六級考試 六級考試是個什么東西 我怎么聽都沒聽說過 還要我看這么厚的書 做這么多的題（拿起手里的金瓶梅給大家亮亮） 我以后可是要當(dāng)軍師的！又不是這個專業(yè)的 干嘛還要要看這種書 老婆相公（遠(yuǎn)處喊）諸葛亮老婆上（比較啰嗦） 諸葛亮娘子來了 我娘子啰嗦的像唐僧一樣 說起話來我可受不了 快老實看書（裝作認(rèn)真狀）老婆相公 你的書背的怎么樣了諸葛亮娘子啊 這些書看得我頭昏眼花 光想打瞌睡 老婆哎 相公呀 你有所不知 你看 現(xiàn)在外面競爭這么激烈 你要是不好好考六級 將來拿個碩士文憑 以后找不到工作可怎么辦呀 我們在這個小村子里都呆了小半輩子了 你看我連稍微大一點的城市 像鐵嶺都沒去過 諸葛亮娘子 你看老公我這么有才華 以后還愁找不到工作么 這些書太簡單了 統(tǒng)統(tǒng)不用看 （扔書）老婆哼 ！你說簡單 那我考考你諸葛亮怎么 還要考我 舌戰(zhàn)群儒我都不怕 小小考試焉能難道我（對觀眾說）老婆我要考你聽寫（諸葛亮郁悶狀） 聽著 apple怎么寫 desk怎么寫諸葛亮（不會 抓耳撓腮）老婆相公啊 你連這都不會 可怎么辦呀 哎呀 我錯了 我真的錯了 我從一開始就不應(yīng)該嫁過來 如果我不嫁過來 就不會流落到這么一個傷心的地方 我好后悔呀 諸葛亮崩潰了 （捂耳朵 忙勸）諸葛亮娘子莫哭 娘子莫哭 相公好好看書就是老婆（馬上變臉） 這還差不多 你知道么 為了供你讀書 咱們家已經(jīng)欠了外面一屁股債 連看大門的我都借過 如果這些人上門來逼債我可怎么辦呀 諸葛亮娘子 你說看大門的 ？ 莫非就是呢個看大門的劉備 （抓胡子 興奮 點頭）老婆正是此人 書童你快過來 書童上書童主人 有何吩咐老婆書童 聽著 相公近日溫習(xí)功課 外人一律不見 來人就說去國外游玩講學(xué)去了書童 遵命 旁白話正說著 劉關(guān)張三人已經(jīng)到了諸葛亮家門口 場景三諸葛亮家門口劉關(guān)張上張飛大哥我來叫門（氣憤 敲門 咚 咚 咚）書童（從貓眼里看看 跟張飛頭對上 幻燈片配李逵的黑臉 嚇一跳）莫非是來討債的 （思考 開門）劉備在下劉備 特來拜訪諸葛臥龍先生和她老婆書童主人說他不在家劉關(guān)張恩？書童哦 不是 主人 主人 出去游玩了 可能很快回來 也可能十多天不回來劉備那我們就在這等他關(guān)羽他呢么貪玩 誰知道他什么時候回來 大哥 我們還是走吧 旁白三人離去 又過了一個月 已是深秋 三人第二次登門拜訪 可是仍然沒有見著 第三次已經(jīng)是冬天 屋外下著鵝毛大雪 諸葛亮知道了劉備上門討債的事情 趁這會老婆黃氏不在 趕緊命書童前去開門 場景四 （此段刪除）諸葛亮家門口 （下大雪）劉關(guān)張 書童上張飛大哥 下次要見諸葛小兒 你先給我老三說一聲 我把他綁來見你 如此勞煩哥哥 甚是無禮 劉備哎 二弟三弟 現(xiàn)在欠錢的都是大爺 我們還是再去一回吧 一定要誠心誠意才能打動人家（抹眼淚 幻燈片放楊白勞與黃世仁 咚咚咚敲門） 書童主人今天在家（諸葛亮拿著金瓶梅從身后走過）但是正在看書 請你們等一等張飛（等不及了）諸葛小兒 快出來 大哥二哥 幫我照顧好我七舅老爺他上外甥女。你要是不出來 我就一把火把你這房子燒了！關(guān)羽葵花點穴手（幻燈片配合 張飛定住 眼睛睜得大大的）哎 二弟呀 大哥說了你幾次了 我們是有文化的人 做人要斯文 要低調(diào)懂不 別一上來就舞刀弄槍的 我們是來要債的 又不是來要命的 你把人家砍死了 誰來給我們還債呀 劉備二弟呀 現(xiàn)在次貸危機呢么嚴(yán)重 怎么這點道理你還不懂呢？ 明白了 你就眨眨眼睛 張飛（眨眼）關(guān)羽 葵花解穴手張飛哎 二哥 （聳聳肩）你這點穴是那里學(xué)的關(guān)羽 呵呵 是看了一部很流行的電視劇 武林外傳學(xué)的 張飛二哥 你怎么不早說 要早知道你會這么一身手藝 我們?nèi)值懿蝗缛ラ_個武官 早就發(fā)財啦關(guān)羽是呵 這主意不錯書童 主人在看書 不可無禮劉備哎呀你們倆就別打岔了 安靜點 旁白諸葛亮正在興奮的時候 老婆黃氏突然回來 場景五諸葛亮家諸葛亮 老婆 劉備上諸葛亮劉備 我終于把他給等來了 哈哈哈老婆哦！相公 這準(zhǔn)時我們向我們討債的 可不能讓進來諸葛亮老婆大人放心 憑