讀后續(xù)寫專項(xiàng)2解析

讀后續(xù)寫專項(xiàng)訓(xùn)練二解析文本解讀故事講述的是作者在萬圣節(jié)發(fā)生的一件囧事:一家人一直沿襲萬圣節(jié)制作萬圣節(jié)南瓜燈的傳統(tǒng),同時還保持著評選每年最重南瓜的選拔賽。去年，作者獲得冠軍。今年為了能證明自己帶回家的南瓜是最重的，作者將頭伸進(jìn)了已掏空瓜瓤的南瓜里，結(jié)果卻被死死卡住。文本故事線索清晰，以故事線“頭試南瓜——身陷窘境——智取腦袋——分享經(jīng)歷”為主線，以作者的情感線“好勝一興奮一焦慮一害怕一釋然"為輔線向讀者呈現(xiàn)由囧變?nèi)さ墓适?。在閱讀文本時，我們通過記敘文的基本要素，即when、where、who、what、why、how去厘清文本的內(nèi)容和故事情節(jié)的發(fā)展脈絡(luò)。在梳理故事情節(jié)發(fā)展的脈絡(luò)時，我們要抓住三條線索：時空線、故事情節(jié)線和情感發(fā)展線。時空線：萬圣節(jié)前夕；家里的廚房。故事情節(jié)線：每年萬圣節(jié)，一家人一直沿襲萬圣節(jié)制作萬圣節(jié)南瓜燈傳統(tǒng)，作者“我”每年都會和兄弟姐妹一起比賽看誰挑選的南瓜最大。兄弟姐妹中“我”是家里老大，力氣大，于是“我”將頭伸進(jìn)了掏空的南瓜里，開心地將南瓜頂起來。但南瓜太沉，我想將南瓜卸下來,盡管有弟弟Jason的幫助,但頭卻仍被死死卡住?！拔摇北焕У迷骄?，心情就越煩躁緊張，也可以說害怕?！拔摇比绾螐哪瞎厦撾U(xiǎn)?周邊的家人什么反應(yīng)?是幸災(zāi)樂禍，還是友情提示?媽媽將錄制的視頻上傳網(wǎng)絡(luò),網(wǎng)絡(luò)的反應(yīng)如何?家人和“我”的反應(yīng)又如何?這就是留給考生的續(xù)寫任務(wù)。情感發(fā)展線:故事講述的是作者“我”在萬圣節(jié)發(fā)生的一件囧事。在故事推進(jìn)的過程中，作者以“我”的情感線“好勝一興奮—焦慮一害怕一釋然"向讀者呈現(xiàn)由囧變?nèi)さ墓适隆榱耸挂阎谋拘畔⒏忧逦?，我們可以根?jù)記敘文的六要素來梳理故事情節(jié)，了解主旨大意，把握故事梗概。CelebratingHalloweenisafamilytradition.Seekingoutthe1(big)pumpkinwasanannualpetition2thekidsinmyfamily.Lastyear,|wasthe3(win).Andthisyear,|alsowantedtoprovethispoint.Withthepumpkinhomeand4(rest)onthetableholeuppermost,|pressedmyhead5theopening.Thoughabit6(jam),Imanagedtoputmywholeheadintothepumpkin,whichmademefeel7(excite).Buttheexcitementsoonturnedintothestruggletogetmyheadout.Afterseveralrepeated8(fruit)attempts,evenwithmy9(brother)help,|wasstilltrappedinthepumpkin.Exhaustedand10(help),|gotintoapanic,cryingandscreamingforhelp.續(xù)寫首句及語言特點(diǎn)解讀已知文本交代了作者“我”為了能證明今年自己帶回家的南瓜是最重的，將頭伸進(jìn)了已掏空瓜瓤的南瓜里，結(jié)果卻被死死卡住。第二段首句“ThatvideowaspostedthedaybeforeHalloween.”的提示，我們可以推斷出，腦袋被南瓜卡住并不致命，最后一定會成功脫險(xiǎn)。母親將“我”所做的囧事錄制成視頻上傳網(wǎng)絡(luò)，想必一家人也該是一笑置之。因此這一段續(xù)寫應(yīng)該聚焦網(wǎng)民在看了上傳到網(wǎng)上的視頻后的反應(yīng)和評論，家人的反應(yīng)以及作者我的感慨，這樣的節(jié)日回憶注定是難忘的!第一段首句"Iwasstuckforfiveorsixminutesthoughitfeltmuchlonger."中的"though"可以推斷出:“我”被困得越久，心情就越煩躁緊張、害怕。盡管頭被卡只有五六分鐘，但似乎覺得過了好長時間。因此這一段應(yīng)該續(xù)寫“我”的緊張、焦慮與害怕以及如何在家人的幫助下成功脫險(xiǎn)。為了增添故事的畫面感，續(xù)寫時需要細(xì)致入微的動作和修辭來描寫，并且所用語言的風(fēng)格與已知文本保持一致。如第三段描寫“我”如何將自己的腦袋一步步塞進(jìn)南瓜的形象的動作描寫:bentoverandpressedmycrownagainsttheopening,gotjammed,wentonwithmytask,unwillingtoquit,poppedmywholeheadin,likeacorkforcedintoabottle,straightenupwiththehugepumpkinrestingonmyshoulders。思維導(dǎo)圖寫作思路根據(jù)GivenNew策略，我們可以基于原文本和首句提供的信息，采用圍繞中心詞問一些相關(guān)問題，然后回答這些問題的方法，拓展我們的寫作思路和思維角度，最終形成合力的故事情節(jié)線。第一段我們可以嘗試回答這些問題：1.HowdidIfeelwhilestuckinthepumpkin?2.Howdidmyfamilymembersreacttoit?3.HowdidIgetmyheadout?4.HowdidIfeelafterwards?然后進(jìn)行詳細(xì)地回答，我們就可以寫出這樣的一段文章：Iwasstuckforfiveorsixminutesthoughitfeltmuchlonger.Trappedinthepumpkin,Ibreathedquicklyanddeeplyforair.Istruggledtosqueezemyheadoutofit,butinvain.Noticingmyfear,Jasonproposedcallingthefiredepartment，whileotherslaughedwildly.Atthatmoment,mydaddashedtome,helpedmetopushmyheadfartherintopumpkinandreachedhishandintoloosenmyponytail.MyheadwasfinallyreleasedbutIfoundmymomhadbeenfilmingthewholeincident.第二段我們可以嘗試問這些問題：1.Howwidelywasthevideosharedonline?2.Howdidthenetizensreacttoit?3.Howdidmyfamilymembersreacttoit?4.Whatweremyreactions?然后進(jìn)行詳細(xì)地回答，我們就可以寫出這樣的一段文章。ThatvideowaspostedthedaybeforeHalloween.WhenIloggedinmyFacebookIfoundabundantlikesandmessagesfromthosewhohadseenmyvideo.Jasonwasdelightedthathebecamefamousovernight.Thedilemmawasturnedintothepositiveresponses,thefortaswellascountlesssimilarstoriessharedbythosestrangers.ThankstoMom,thevideoturnedouttobeamemorablemomentandarecollectionoffestivehappiness.【參考范文一】Itwasfiveorsixminutesthoughitfeltmuchlonger.Iwasoverwhelmedbyafeelingofregretandannoyance,whilemyparentsandJasonburstintolaughter.Ipointedtothepumpkinonmyhead,saying,“Help!Help!Ican'tsupportitsweight.”Muchsoonerthanexpected,mydadwasdeterminedtobreakthepumpkinwiththehelpofasharpknife.EventuallyIcouldtakeabreathoffreshair,onlytofindthatmymomwasengagedinrecordingmyembarrassingandawkwardsituation.ThevideowaspostedonlinetheMondaybeforeHalloween.Nosoonerhadtheclipbeenpostedonthelinethanitmanagedtoattracttheattentionofhundredsofthousandsofviewers,makingmanyfunnyandwarmments.ItwaswhenreporterscalledforaninterviewthatIrealizedhowpopularthevideowas.Wildwithjoy,Ibecameacelebrityinmycity.TherewasnodenyingthatthiswasthemostunforgettableHalloweenIhadeverhad.【參考范文二】Iwasstuckforfiveorsixminutesthoughitfeltmuchlonger.Thepumpkinrestedfortablyonmyshoulders,notwantingtoleave.Fortunately,I’vealwayslikedthesmellofpumpkins.DadwascalledandhegotmetopushmyheadfartherintothepumpkinsoJasoncouldreachinandundotherubberbandroundmyponytail.Imanagedtopullmyheadoutandemergedwithmessyhairandmynosepluggedwithpulp.ItwasonlythenthatIrealisedMomhadbeenfilmingthewholetime.ThatvideowaspostedthedaybeforeHalloween.Bytheendofthatdayithadhadover1,000views,andbyHalloweenmorningwehadgotphonecallsfromTVshows—thevideostartedgettinghundredsofthousandsofsupporters.WhenIwalkedinthestreet,IwasrecognisedbypeopleI’dnevermet.Thepumpkinalsobecameaminorcelebrity.Passersbyandtrickortreaterswouldknockandasktotakeselfieswithit.Thoughembarrassed,IwassatisfiedwiththehappinessandfunthatIhadbroughttoothers.【參考范文三】Iwasstuckforfiveorsixminutesthoughitfeltmuchlonger.IfonlyIhadneverforcedmyheadinoutofcuriosity!HowIwishedIhadnotactedsofoolishly,makingmyselfalaughingstockofmyfamily!Seeingmyrepeatedbutfruitlessefforts,JasondartedoutoftheroomandturnedtoDadforhelp.Seeingmecaughtinsuchasituation,Dadwassurprised,butsoonsurprisetransformedintolaughter.JasonandDadworkedtogether,tearingpumpkinintotwo.Afterwhatseemedlikeacentury,abrightworldcameintomysightagain.JustwhenIfeltrelievedtobefreedfromthepump