雅思作文修改示例：科技是否加大貧富差距

智課網(wǎng)IELTS備考資料雅思作文修改示例：科技是否加大貧富差距摘要：今天給一個(gè)學(xué)生改了作文，發(fā)現(xiàn)一個(gè)多數(shù)人都會(huì)有的問(wèn)題，就是“不扣題”，貼上來(lái)給大家看一下。這篇四段式的作文整體的思路是不錯(cuò)的，特別是中間兩段的論據(jù)很好，問(wèn)題在于兩個(gè)

今天給一個(gè)學(xué)生改了作文，發(fā)現(xiàn)一個(gè)多數(shù)人都會(huì)有的問(wèn)題，就是“不扣題”，貼上來(lái)給大家看一下

題目：

Task2:somepeoplebelievetherangeoftechnologyavailabletoindividualstodayisincreasingthegapbetweenpoorpeoleandrichpeople.Othersthinkitishavinganoppositeeffect.

Discussthesepointsofview.Whatisyouropinion.

Agapfortherangeoftechnologywhichbenefitsindividualsamongpoorpeoleandtherichonesthathasbecameahot-debatedissuenowadays.Someonebelievethatithasincreasingwhiletheothersholdtheoppsiteopinion.這句可以省略不用

Obviously,peoleholdthepointsofthatthegaphasbeenincreasingmaybeforthefollowingreasons;first,theadvancedtechnologybringmanybenefitsforpeopleespeciallytherichones,justbecausethenewsonesthathasalwayspublishedrarelyandcostly.Likethesmartmobilephone,navigation,searchingtheInternet.sendingemailsandmanyconvientfuntionscanmakeyoukeepingthapaceofmodernsociety.Howeverthiskindoffashionableluxuriesareboundtobeownedbytheminority.Furthermoregivethemthehighlevellivingsatandardandmoreopportunitiestogainmorewealthes,

Onthecontrary,thereexiststheoppositeviews.Theothersholdtheviewthattechnologycandecreasingthegap.Theupdatedtechnologycanbringmanycommounicatedmeanstotheruralareas.TheTVs,theradioeseventheInternet,canmakethepoorpeole’smindoutoftheboxes.Theycanacquaintthemselveswiththemodermsocietyanddeveloptheireconomic.Andthetechnologycanbringmoreservicingfacilitiesandtransportationmeans.Moreenterpriseswouldinvesttheirfundsintheseareas.Thistrendcanbringmoremoneytothem,anddecreasethegapatthesametime.

Overall:everycoinhastwosides.Sotechnologycanbringadvantagesalsothedisadvantages.BythatImeanthatthenewworldwhichcreatesbythetechnologyforthepoorpeolecanalsoaccumulatemoretreaturesfortherichones.Wecan’tconsideritinjustoneside.ButIthinkthemacro-economiccontrolsandmanymeasurescanbetakentosolvetheseproblems.

你的這篇四段式的作文整體的思路是不錯(cuò)的，特別是中間兩段的論據(jù)很好，問(wèn)題在于兩個(gè)中間段落的主題不是很扣題。

題目說(shuō)：有人認(rèn)為科技發(fā)展加大貧富差距，其他人認(rèn)為科技發(fā)展有相反的作用（也就是縮小貧富差距），而你在第一個(gè)中間段落，只是說(shuō)了科技發(fā)展給富人更多的好處，沒(méi)有點(diǎn)出會(huì)加大貧富差距，同樣第二個(gè)中間段落也沒(méi)有緊扣“科技發(fā)展縮