讀后續(xù)寫-人間有真情之公交車上唱歌講義-高三英語作文復(fù)習(xí)專項

讀后續(xù)寫原題目呈現(xiàn)：HenryCoultonsatonthebusandwatchedthemilesgopast.Hewasstillhundredsofmilesawayfromhisdestinationandfromthepersonwhoneededhim.Hiswife,Delia,wasinLosAngelesvisitinghermotherwhenshefellill.亨利·庫爾頓（HenryCoulton）坐在公共汽車上，看著幾英里過去。他離目的地和需要他的人還有數(shù)百英里。他的妻子Delia在洛杉磯看望生病的母親。Atfirst,Deliajusttoldhimthatshehadastomachache.However,twodayslater,HenrybecameworriedbecausehenoticedthatDeliawaspalerandthinnerwhentheyZoomed.“Youneedtogotoseeadoctornow!”Henryinsisted.起初，迪麗婭只是告訴他她肚子疼。然而，兩天后，亨利開始擔(dān)心，因為他注意到當(dāng)他們縮放時，迪麗婭臉色更蒼白、更瘦了?！澳悻F(xiàn)在需要去看醫(yī)生！”亨利堅持說。

LaterDeliawenttothehospitalandwasinformedthattherewassomething

wrongwithherleftlung.WhenHenryheardthebadnews,hefeltshockedbecausehiswifeneversmoked.Althoughhedidn’tunderstandthemedicalterms,allherememberedwasthewords“asizeabletumor(腫瘤)”.后來，迪麗婭去了醫(yī)院，被告知她的左肺出了問題。當(dāng)亨利聽到這個壞消息時，他感到震驚，因為他的妻子從不抽煙。雖然他不懂醫(yī)學(xué)術(shù)語，但他只記得“一個相當(dāng)大的腫瘤(腫瘤)”.Thedoctorsdidn’twanttowait.Thelongertheywaited,thehighertherisk.Theywereoperatingimmediately,soHenryleftforLosAngeleshurriedly.Heknewhewasn’tgoingtobetheretoholdDelia’shand,andthatwaswhatwashurtinghimthemost.Helookedoutofthewindowsotheotherpassengerswouldn’tseethetearspouringdownhischeeks.醫(yī)生們不想等。他們等待的時間越長，風(fēng)險就越高。他們立即開始行動，所以亨利匆匆前往洛杉磯。他知道他不會在那里握住迪麗婭的手，這是他最受傷的地方。他向窗外望去，這樣其他乘客就不會看到眼淚順著他的臉頰流下來。Suddenly,Henry’sphonerang.“Henry?"heheardDelia’svoice.“Baby,I'mgoingintotheORinalittlewhile,soIwanttohearyourvoice...”Henrysaid,“IwishIwerethere,holdingyourhand.”“Iwishyouwerehere,singingmyfavoritesong,Deliareplied.“ButIcansingitnowifyoulike...”“You’regoingtosingasongonthebus?”“Yes,Iam!”Henrytookadeepbreath.突然，亨利的響了?！昂嗬?？”他聽到了迪麗婭的聲音?！皩氊?，我一會兒就要進(jìn)手術(shù)室了，所以我想聽你的聲音……”亨利說，“我希望我在那里，牽著你的手?！薄拔蚁Ｍ阍谶@里，唱我最喜歡的歌，”迪麗婭回答?！暗绻阍敢?，我現(xiàn)在可以唱了……”“你要在公共汽車上唱歌嗎？”“是的，我在！”亨利深吸一口氣。Thenhegottohisfeetandheldthephoneupsotheotherpassengerscouldseeit.“Ladiesandgentlemen,I'msorrytointerruptyourpeaceandquiet.Pleasebepatient.Mywife,Delia,isinthehospitalandshe’sabouttogointosurgery(手術(shù)),soI'mgoingtosingherfavoritesong."ThenHenrystartedsinging,“Whenyou’redownandtroubled,andyouneedsomeloving

care…然后他站起來，舉起，讓其他乘客看到?！芭總儯壬鷤?，很抱歉打斷你們的平靜。請耐心等待。我的妻子Delia正在醫(yī)院，她即將接受手術(shù)?！?手術(shù)),所以我要唱她最喜歡的歌。然后亨利開始唱歌，“當(dāng)你情緒低落，遇到麻煩，你需要一些關(guān)愛……”注意:1.續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右;城么2請按如下格式在相應(yīng)位置作答。第一段：Hekeptsingingthroughthefirstline,andthenhehadahugesurprise!第二段：Fourhourslater，Henry'sphonerangagain.一、學(xué)生習(xí)作中的問題：

1.第一段結(jié)尾處沒有與第二段開頭“四小時后，再次響起”銜接上。就只寫到唱完了歌曲。

2.Para1的“surprise”寫的不合理。

寫：passengerslistenedquietly.X

寫：theysangtogether√

3.Para.2誰打來的？

寫：Delia×不合理，剛做完手術(shù)很虛弱

寫：doctor或者Delia’smother.√（前文有伏筆）

4.Para2寫Deliawascured，寫strangers’kindness可以curepeopleofdisease不合理，不科學(xué)。頂多是thesurgerywassuccessful.

5.“掛”不會表達(dá)

6.“一曲唱完”不會表達(dá)

7.語法錯誤：Hearingthenews,anxietygavewaytorelief.二、正確的思路：Para.1:Hekeptsingingthroughthefirstline,andthenhehadahugesurprise.

1.其他乘客跟著一起唱

2.Henry很感動，Delia受到鼓舞

3.一曲唱罷，Delia進(jìn)手術(shù)室，Henry掛斷回到座位上焦急等待手術(shù)結(jié)果（銜接）

（情感變化：驚訝感動緊張焦慮）

Para.2Fourhourslater,Henry’sphonerangagain.

1.忐忑不安/迫不及待地接了（銜接），得到消息：手術(shù)很成功。

2.Henry將好消息分享給車上的乘客

3.乘客們鼓掌和歡呼，向他表示祝賀

4.Henry向乘客們表達(dá)感謝并升華：愛和善意可以幫助人們渡過難關(guān)

(情感變化：忐忑緊張如釋重負(fù)開心激動感恩）參考范文：Hekeptsingingthroughthefirstline,andthenhehadahugesurprise!

Allthepassengerssangthesongwithhimtogether,loudly.Henry

moved,atear

swam

intheeyeofhim.Whenthelastlinewasfinished.thepassengers

cheered

himup

withbright,quietsmiles.Ontheotherendofphone,hiswifeDeliasaidshefelthisloveandthepassengers'

encouragement,asifhewasholdingherhands,shewouldfacetheoperation

bravely.Aftersayingseeyoulatereachother,sherangoff.Fourhourslater,Henry'sphonerangagain.

He

grabbed

it,clickitand

covered

ittohisear.“Delia?"askedHenryina

trembling

voice.Receivingthenewsthateverythingwentwell,heputhisanxious

heart

backinthebelly.ThenHenry

gotthisfeettoexpresshis

appreciation

toallthepassengers.Afteringtohiswife'sward,heheldherhandstightlyallthetime.Alwayssangthesongstothelovereventhestrangers,whichisfortabletoeveryone.下水文：Para.1He:keptsingingthroughthefirstline,andthenhehadahugesurprise.Justlikeawellrehearsedchoir,theotherpassengersstartedsinging,too!Henrywaslaughingandcryingatthesametime.Heheldthephoneup,wantingDeliatohearthesinging.Whenthesongended,DeliawaswheeledintotheOR.Henrystoodupandshookhandswitheverypassenger.thankingthemfortheirsupport...Thenhedidthehardestthinganymaneverhadtotowaiting...Para.2Fourhourslater,Henry'sphonerangagain.Henryansweredthephoneanxiously.ltwashismotherinlaw.When(hewas)toldthatthesurgeryhadbeenasuccess,hefeltrelievedandsharedthegoodnewswithallthepassengers.ToHenry'ssurprisethepassengers