2024屆高三英語二輪復(fù)習(xí)寫作專項(xiàng)：讀后續(xù)寫家鄉(xiāng)的辣番茄醬講義素材

家鄉(xiāng)的辣番茄醬

閱讀下面材料，根據(jù)其內(nèi)容和所給段落開頭語續(xù)寫兩段，使之構(gòu)成一篇完整的短文。SunlightfloodedthroughthewindowwhenTomaswassittingatthekitchentable,strugglingwithaliteraryclassic.Streamersofcloudsdriftedbyhighaboveinthesky.Notfaraway,thehugenewtowerblockslinedtheroad.Thefaintsoundofcarswasdimlyheard.Hismotherwaschoppingtomatoesfortheirdinnerasusual.Suddenlyshesaid,"Youknow,thethingImissmostiscookingareallyhotsalsa(辣番茄醬)withfreshpeppersstraightfromthegarden."Shesighed."That'swhatImissmostaboutMerida.Tomaslookedupfromhisbookinsurprise.Hismotherhadnevertalkedlikethisabout

theiroldlifebefore.Hestudiedhernow.Shelookedalittlesad.butthenshesmiledathimandsweptthepileofchoppedtomatoesintothecookingpot."ButI'vealreadylearnedalotaboutthisnewcountry,Tomas,shesaid."Forastart,I'velearnedthatthere'smorethanonewaytomakeasalsa!"Shewavedapacketofchilispicepowderathim,andtheybothlaughed.Watchinghismotherbusyinthekitchenpreparingdinner,Tomasthoughtabouttheinsighthismotherhadgivenhimintoherfeelings,andherealizedthathefeltthesamewayaboutleaving.Sure,ithadbeengreatforhisfathertogetthisgoodjob,butithadalsobeenhard.Tomasmissedhisoldhome-especiallythesunandthebeach.AndhismothermissedMerida,too.Shehadlovedworkinginhermarketgarden,sellingthefreshvegetablesthatshehadgrownherselfandthencominghometocookuphuge,tastymealsforherfamily.Tomas'sstomachrumbledatthememories.Hethoughtabouthowdifferentthingswereforthemnow,livinginthislarge,grayapartmentblockwheretherewasnogardenandnofriendsdroppingbytosharetheirdeliciousmeals.Hesighed.AtleasttheywerestillabletospeakregularlyeverynightafterdinnerwithhisgrandmotherbackinMexicooverthecomputer-Grandmother!Abuela!注意:1．續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右;2．請按如下格式在答題紙的相應(yīng)位置作答。Paragraph1:SuddenlyTomashadanidea.Paragraph2:Aweeklater,aboxarrivedfromMexico.●原文框架梳理:文章講述了Tomas和他的母親在一個(gè)新的國家思念家鄉(xiāng)的生活。母親懷念在家鄉(xiāng)種植辣椒,制作番茄醬的美好時(shí)光。Tomas也懷念家鄉(xiāng)的陽光和海灘，但他對父親的好工作也心存感激。他們現(xiàn)在住在一棟大灰色公寓樓里,沒有花園,也沒有朋友能夠分享美食。但他們每天晚餐后都能通過電腦與墨西哥的外婆保持聯(lián)系。文章傳達(dá)了家鄉(xiāng)情懷和適應(yīng)新環(huán)境的思考?！裎恼轮械暮镁涫?1.狀從+非謂語作狀語Sunlightfloodedthroughthewindow

when

Tomaswassittingatthekitchentable,struggling

withaliteraryclassic.2.兩個(gè)簡單句的并列Shewavedapacketofchilispicepowderathim,and

theybothlaughed.3.狀語+簡單句的并列(中間插入定從和賓從)Watching

hismotherbusyinthekitchenpreparingdinner,Tomasthoughtabouttheinsight

hismotherhadgivenhim

intoherfeelings,and

herealized

that

hefeltthesamewayaboutleaving.4.簡單句+狀語的并列Shehadlovedworkinginhermarketgarden,selling

thefreshvegetables

that

shehadgrownherself

and

then

coming

hometocookuphuge,tastymealsforherfamily.5.簡單句+狀語+定從Hethoughtabouthowdifferentthingswereforthemnow,living

inthislarge,grayapartmentblock

where

therewasnogardenandnofriendsdroppingbytosharetheirdeliciousmeals.●情節(jié)設(shè)置:第一段：SuddenlyTomashadanidea.參考情節(jié):①決定給媽媽一個(gè)驚喜②與奶奶交流

③奶奶決定給Tomas寄新鮮的辣椒過來第二段：Aweeklater,aboxarrivedfromMexico.參考情節(jié):①打開包裹②送給媽媽

③主題升華Paragraph1:SuddenlyTomashadanidea1.Whatcamedintohismindwasthatgettingsomefreshpeppersstraightfromthegardenwhichcouldmakehismom’sdreamofcookingareallyhotsalsacometrue?呼應(yīng)了原文,很好;兩處語法錯誤:camed改為came,that應(yīng)該去掉,因?yàn)楹竺嬷皇莿用~短語而非句子?；拘薷?Whatcametohismindwasgettingsomefreshpeppersstraightfromthegarden,whichwouldmakehismom'sdreamofcookingareallyhotsalsacometrue.一修改提升1:Hisideawastoobtainfreshpeppersfromthegardentofulfillhismother'sdreamofmakingaspicysalsa一修改提升2:Thethoughtthatoccurredtohismindwastoacquirefreshpeppersstraightfromthegarden,thusallowinghismothertomakeatrulyhotsalsa.2.Anintensesenseofexcitementwashedoverhim.這句話語法和用詞上都沒有問題。其它寫法1:Astrongwaveofexcitementsweptoverhim一其它寫法2:Hewasovercomewithanintensefeelingofexcitement.一其它寫法3:Apowerfulsurgeofexcitementwashedoverhim.3.Notlongafter,thewarmnightwitnessedthelovefulboystealingtoexplainhisplantograndmotherwithhisheartbeatingheavilyafterdinner.修改提升1:Notlongafterdinner,onawarmnight,theaffectionateboystealthilyexplainedhisplantohisgrandmother,withhisheartbeatingheavily.修改提升2:Notlongafterdinner,onawarmnight,theaffectionateboycrepttohiscomputerwithapoundinghearttoexplainhisplantohisgrandmother.4.“IwishmomwillnolongermissMeridatoomuchthroughthiseffort!”Tomasmurmured,filledwithlimitedlessdelightandexpectations.此句話wish改為hope更恰當(dāng);limitedless屬于語法錯誤。Meridasomuch!"Tomasmurmured,filledwithlimitless/boundlessdelightandexpectation.修改提升:Filledwithboundlessjoyandanticipation,Tomaswhispered"Iwishthisendeavorwillease/alleviatemymother'slongingforMerida."Paragraph2:Aweeklater,aboxarrivedfromMexico.5.Overwhelmedbyjoy,Tomascouldn’thelprushingtoit.這句話語法沒有問題,不過可以根據(jù)上下文稍作修改以使句子更加通順自然修改提升:Overwhelmed/Overcomebyjoy,Tomascouldn’thelpbutrushtowardsit.其它寫法1:Filledwithjoy,Tomasrushedtowardsitwithouthesitation其它寫法2:Tomas,overwhelmedwithjoy,wascompelledtorushtowardsit.其它寫法3:JoyovertookTomas,andherushedtowardsitwithoutanycontroloverhimself.6.“Mom!Lookwhatisit!”Tomasyelledhappily.“What’sup?I'mgoingtoprepareamealforourfamily!”Momapproachedandthensawthebox.需要做一些修改,同時(shí)修正語法和用詞的問題修改提升:"Mom!Look,whatisthis?"Tomasyelledhappily."What'sup?I'mpreparingamealforourfamily!"Hismomapproachedandsawthebox.其它寫法:Tomasshoutedwithexcitement,"Mom,comeseewhatIfound!'What'shappening?Imgettingreadytocookdinnerforthefamily,"hismomrepliedassheapproachedandcaughtsightofthebox.7.Theminutesheopenedit,shewasfrozenwithgreatastonishment這個(gè)句子語法和表達(dá)都沒有問題,是一個(gè)常見的表達(dá)方式?jīng)]有必要做任何修改其它寫法1:Shewasleftinshockandawethemomentsheopenedit.其它寫法2:Themomentsheopenedit,amazementovertookherandlefthermotionless.8.Shewasdeeplymovedtotears.其它寫法1:Shewasmovedtotearsofhappiness其它寫法2:Tearsofblissfilledhereyes.9.SheembracedTomasheavilyasifittookacentury.語法上沒有錯誤但ittookacentury表達(dá)不準(zhǔn)確。修改提升:SheembracedTomasheavily,asifacenturyhadpassedsincetheylastsaweachother.其它寫法:Itwasasthoughacenturyhadelapsedsincetheirlastembrace.suchwastheforcewithwhichsheheldTomas.10.Mommadethefreshpeppersintotastyhotsalsa,whichmadethefamilyhaveanicenightwithatastymeal.這個(gè)句子很清晰易懂,但是還有一些可以改進(jìn)的地方。一修改提升:Momturnedfreshpeppersintoadelicious/tastyhotsalsamaking(促成）ascrumptiousfamilydinnerandapleasantevening其它寫法:Withthehelpoffreshpeppers,Mompreparedamouthwateringhotsalsathatmadeforanenjoyablefamilydinnerandadelightfulevening.11.Tomasknewthismeaningfulmealwouldstrikewithhimforeversinceherealizedasthefamilywastogether,itwasthenicestthingthatworthedcherishing!使用staywithhim代strikewithhim,使子更加自然使用mostprecious代替nicest,表達(dá)山更多的感情意義;beingtogetherasafamily意思表達(dá)更清晰明修改提升:Tomasknewthatthismeaningfulmealwouldstaywithhimforever,asherealizedthatbeingtogetherasafamilywasthemostpreciousthingworthcherishing其它寫法ThememoryofthesignificantmealsharedwithhisfamilywassomethingTomasknewhewouldholdontoforever,especiallysinceherecognizedthatthemostcherishedmomentsinlifewerethosespenttogetherwithlovedones.修改精簡后的文章完美呈現(xiàn)SuddenlyTomashadanidea.Hisideawastoobtainfreshpeppersfromthegardentofulfillhismother'sdreamofmakingaspicysalsa.Anintensesenseofexcitementwashedoverhim.Afterdinner,whiletherestofthefamilysatoutsideenjoyingthewarmsummernightTomasquietlysneakedinside,heartpounding,tohiscomputertoexplainhisplantohisgrandmother.UponhearingTomas'plan,AbuelapraisedhimandsaidBrilliant!Youshallreceiveallthatyoudesire!Filledwithboundlessjoyandanticipation,Tomaswhispered,"Iwishthisendeavorwilleasemymother'slongingforMerida.Aweeklater,aboxarrivedfromMexico.Filledwithjoy,Tomasrushedtowardsitwithouthesitation.Tomasshoutedwithexcitement,"Mom,comeseewhatIfound!""What'shappening?"hismomreplied,approachedandcaughtsightofthebox.Themomentsheopenedit,amazementovertookher,leavinghermotionless.Tearsofjoywelledupinhereyes.SheembracedTomasheavily,asifacenturyhadpassedsincetheylastsaweachother.Momturnedfreshpeppersintoadelicioushotsalsa,makingforascrumptiousfamilydinnerandapleasantevening.Tomasknewthatthismeaningfulmealwouldstaywithhimforever,asherealizedthatbeingtogetherasafamilywasthemostprecious.經(jīng)過修改后的其他學(xué)生優(yōu)秀作文SuddenlyTomashadanidea.Whynotrequestafavorfromhisgrandma?Feelingencouraged,Tomaspromptlykickedintoaction.Abuela'sfaceemergedonthecomputerscreenwithasmileofunderstandingafterlearningabouthisintentions.Shepromisedtosendapackageofvariousgardenvegetables.Althoughthatmighttakesometime,Tomaswaseagerlyanticipatingitsarrival.TomasfanciedhimselfandhismotherreturningtoMexico.Heimaginedhismotherchoppingchillies.whilehewasimmersedinliteratureunderthecrystal-bluesky.Theairwascleanandrefreshingandtheconstantstreamofcarnoiseswasnowheretobeheard.“MayIgetthepackagesoon?”Tomasthoughttohimself(101words)Aweeklater,aboxarrivedfromMexico.UponopeningtheboxTomaswasgreetedbythefragranceoffreshvegetablesmixedwiththescentofsoilwhichpemeatedthewholeroom.Atthatmoment,hismotherwascookinglunch,andshecameouttoinvestigatetheinvitingaroma.Toheramazement,shespottedaboxofthegardenvegetablesshehadmissedImmediately,hereyeswereglintingwithexcitement."Mom,youcanmakeareallyhotSalsaagain."Tomassuggested.Thatnight,aspecialfeastwasservedandpleasantconversationfilledthedinnertime.TomasandhismotherbothenjoyedthehotSalsathemost,asitremindedthemoftheirgoldenpastandtherelaxedlifestyle.(102words)參范文SuddenlyTomashadanidea.WhynotturntoAbuelaforhelp?Seizedbytheincreasingeagernesstocontacthisgrandmother,hewolfedhissupperonceitwasready.Rightafterdinner,Tomasracedtothecomputerbeforehehadevenhadhisfavoritedessert,leavinghismotherincuriosity.Themomenthegotthroughtohisgrandmotherviathevideochat,heloweredhisvoice,whispering,“Abuela,Ineedyour