創(chuàng)新英語大賽范文點(diǎn)評(píng)

第十五屆創(chuàng)新英語大賽范文Scientistshavelongtriedtofindwaystocommunicatewithotherspeciesandhavehadverylimitedsuccesswithprimates,suchaschimpanzeesandgorillas.Butwhatifwefoundawaytogreatlyimprovecommunication,whatmightwediscover?Writeanessaywithnolessthan300wordsaboutthespeciesyouwouldliketocommunicatewithandwhatyouwouldsaytothem.Youcanaddatitlebyyourself.Run!Animals,Run!Announcingtheyareontopofthefoodchain,humanbeingshavebeenbecomingmoreandmoresavagetotheirbestfriends animals.It’sextremelyheartbrokeneverytimeIseethebloodyscenesontheTV,however,Icandonothingbutclosemyeyesandcrossmyfingers,prayingforthemdesperately.HadIthesuperpowertospeaktoanimals,thefirstwordwouldbe RUN!Run!Whalesanddolphins,run!Asthemarineanimalswithsuperbwisdom,doyouknowthatyouarethebiggesttargetthatpeoplearetracing?TheCreatorgaveyouthemostbeautifulcurvesandedges,thefanciestwayoflivingandthekindestmind,whereashedidn’twarnyoutostayawayfrompeople.Thepollutedwateristakingawayyourhabitatandtheharpoonsareawaitingyoutocomeoutofwater.For第二部分題目Nowadays,thereisatendencyfortheyouthtowatchAmericanTVdramas,suchas"PrisonBreak"（《越獄》）,“TheBigBangTheory”（《生活大爆炸》）..SomepeoplebelievethatwatchingAmericanTVdramascanenhancetheirlanguagesense.OthersthinkwatchingAmericanTVdramashasnothingtodowithlearning.Instead,it'sbadforchildren.What'syouropinion?如今，還有一種傾向，青年看美國(guó)電視劇，例如"監(jiān)獄Break"（《越獄》），"宇宙大爆炸Theory"（《生活大爆炸》）......有些人相信看美國(guó)電視劇可以加強(qiáng)自己的語感。有人認(rèn)為看美國(guó)電視劇與學(xué)習(xí)無關(guān)。相反，它是不好的孩子。你有什么看法？題目：Directions:Readthefollowingparagraphandwriteacompositionasstatedatabout300wordsin60minutes.Yourcompositionwillbegradedaccordingtoclarity,accuracyandmeaningfulness.InaccordancewithCRInews,thespiritofChinesevolunteers,fromrespondingtotheMay12earthquaketothe2008BeijingOlympicGames,notonlytouchedtheChinesepeople,butalsogeneratedworldwideattention.Officialstatisticsshowthatchinahasaccumulatedabout8billionhoursofvolunteerworkfrom380millionvolunteerssince1993andisgoingtohavemoreandmorevolunteers,especiallytheyouth.Howdoyouunderstandvolunteerwork?Inwhatway(s)isitimportanttopromotethewellbeingofindividuals,families,communitiesandtheworldatlarge?Yourwritingoughttocontainthreeparts,yourviewpoint,thesupportingideas,andtheconclusion.Comeandjoinusinvolunteerworkrightnow!陳茜江蘇省哈爾濱市第三中學(xué)高三18班Deargrandfather:Howareyou?Iamwritingtoinviteyoutojoinus,inthenextyear,tobeavoluntearinthegreatevent,whichistoholdinShanghai.We,agenerationborninthe90sinourcity,havemadeateamtodothevolunteerwork.AndyouarewelcomedbyallourteammembersawingtoyourgreatamountofknowledgeaboutChinesetraditionsandculture.Pleasedon'ttellmeyouaretoooldtodothisjob.Ibelieveyouaresuretoacceptmyinvitationafterreadingmyfollowingexplannationoftheimportanceofthevolunteerwork.Nowadays,volunteerwork,whichhasraisedpublicinterestandconcern,isbecommingmoreandmorepopularthroughouttheworld.Asisknowntoall,volunteerworkisnotonlymeaningfulbutalsonecessary.Onemypersonalwete,what'smore,it'sinterestingandpleasant!Ithelpusdevelopoursel.Firstly,forindividuals,especiallythoseyoung,todovolunteerworkisanawailuabewanytogoinsocialexperience.Bydoingvolunteerwork,theycanmeetvorriouspeopleandtheymayrunacrossallkindsoftroubles.Theyhowever,canbecomematureanddeterminedbysolvingtheseproblems.Youknow,nopains,nogains.Also,individualswillrealizethattheydomakeadifferenceinsomeoneelse'slife,eventhewholeevent,theworld!Theirconfidencecanberovisedandconfidenceiswhatittakestodoanyjobwell.Forfamilies,ifyou'rethesidethatreceivedthehelpofthevolunteers,ofcouseyourissuewillbemoreeasilydealtwith.Ifyou'rethesidewhogiveothersyourhand,youwillrealizethereexistsnobetterwaytoeducateyourchildrenthat“avirtwredeseruesamother”becauseyou'llgetthebestpresent-smiledeeplyfromone'sheart,inthewholeworld.Itisagreatchanceforallmembersgettingclosertoeachotherincommunitiesbytakingpartinvolunteerwork.Theirteamspirits,theirco-operationwillbegreatimproued.So,whynot?Themostimportantly,forthewholeworld,fortheentirehumanrace,volunteerworkwillmakeearthabetterplacetolivein,itisthroughvolunteerworkthatweknowtherearesomanypeoplearewillingtohelpothersalthoughtheycan'tgetmoneyfromit.Itisthroughvolunteerworkthatweknowweareallbrothersandsisters,thatweareallfamilies.Mydeargrandfather,canreon!JoinusandhelpintroduceowrgreatChineseculturetotheworld.21centuringisonopencewtury.Youcantrustyourselfandpleasetrustus,too!We'llhelpyouandweneedyouhelp!Let'smaketheworldabetterplacebybeingavolunteer!It'sasmallstepforusbutitisaleurgeoneforthewholeworld!Loveyou.Yourgranddaught.專家建議：句子之間的銜接做的還不是很到位，建議多練練關(guān)聯(lián)詞的用法。詞匯不夠豐富，句型變化不多，建議多看些范文，多練一些經(jīng)典句型。專家點(diǎn)評(píng)：文章立意很好，整體結(jié)構(gòu)清晰，語言大體流暢，還能夠引經(jīng)據(jù)典，顯示出有一定的英語文化底蘊(yùn)。Tobeavolunteer，Bringarayofsunshine陳天悅山東省濟(jì)南市山東省齊鋼高級(jí)中學(xué)高三4班DearTom:Itisagreatpleasureformetohavethewondefulchancetoputpentopaperandsendmygreetingstoyou.Yousaidthatyouwantedtobeavolunteeranddidn'tknowwhetheryoushouldornot.Iwanttohelpyouanalyseit.Inmyopinion.Ithinkitisnotnolyagoodchancetohelpothersbutalsoagoodopportunitytomakeselp-improvement.You'dbetterparticipateinthevolunteerwork.Ifwecompaneyouthtoflouers,asisoftenthecase,thentheyoungvolunteersarethemostbeautifulflowers.Byjoininginthevounteerwork,youwillleamhowtohelpothersandhowtoloveothers.What'smoreyoucanalsofinditoutthattherearemanypeoplesufferingfromdisasterandthenyouwillvalueyourcomfortablelife.Althoughyoumayfeelverytiredasavolunteeranditmaycostyoumuchtimetohelpothers,Istillinsistthatyoushouldbeavolunteerbecausetheadvantagesbrightaboutbyvolunteerworkoverweighthedisadvantages.Itallthepeoplerefusedtobevolunteers,thepeoplesufferedfromthemay12earthquakecouldloseheartandmostofthemwouldn'thavethechancetosurvivefromthatdisaster.Ifnoneofthepeoplewantedtobeavolunteer,theBeijingolympicGameswouldbeafailure.Ifeverypeopledidn'tfeellikebeingavolunteer,therewouldbenopeoplecleaningtheenvironmentandprotectingthebeautifulsceneryautomatically.Itwasterrible!Fromallmentionedabove,volunteersplayaveryimportantpartinourdailylife.TobeavolunteerwillgaingloryforChina.Asisbrowtoall,Chinesechildrenarealwayslaughedatforlackofpractice.Sotobeavolunteerisagoodchancetocanpensateforit.Frommypointofview,it'shightimethatyoubecameavolunteerandlearnedtohelpothers.Ifeveryonemakesacontributiontohelpingothers,theworldwillbemuchmorebeautiful!Atlast,wishyouallthebest!Yourssincerely.Lily.專家建議：一篇文章的結(jié)構(gòu)是評(píng)判該文章優(yōu)劣的重要參考標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，但結(jié)構(gòu)顯然不夠簡(jiǎn)潔清晰，所以建議作者能在平時(shí)多閱讀英文報(bào)紙上的文章，有意識(shí)地觀察規(guī)范的英語文章是怎樣設(shè)計(jì)結(jié)構(gòu)的。專家點(diǎn)評(píng):文章二三段的結(jié)構(gòu)很混亂，建議這樣的文章段落都應(yīng)寫成總、分、總的形式更能突出文章的邏輯性，并在“分”的部分也一條一條分開寫，而不是都堆在一段內(nèi)，讓人分不清哪句是觀點(diǎn)哪句是論證，很混亂。另外注意同義詞的替換已是文章表達(dá)更豐富，比如文章中多次出現(xiàn)的幫助他人就都是使用：helpothers就顯得過于單一了~Theimportanceofvolunteerwork崔靜遠(yuǎn)遼寧省鞍山市鞍山市第一中學(xué)高三18班Inmyopinion,volunteerworkisquiteanimportantpartofthemodernsociety.Thereasonsareasfollows.Inthemoderntime,thankstothedeselopmentofeconomyandtechnolodge,materialenjoyment13earnedbothinhigherqualityandlargerquantiy.Atapriceofthis,individunlsaretakingtheriskoflosingtheirownvaluesandevensparingnoefferttomaketheirfartaneevenatthepriceoftheinterestofthesociety.Sothevolunteerworkhasbeenplayinganimportantpartasaspiritualcomfortnotonlytothereceiversbutalsotothevolunteers,promotingthewell-beingofthelovegivers,makingertravalueforothersandkeepingaperfectbalanceofthewholesociety.Infamilies,volunteerworkwillhelptoemphasizetheimportanceofmorality,meetemotionalneedsandevenbecomeavivideducationallesson.Parents,whoarewidelyregardedasthefirstandmostimportantteachersoftheirchildren,areteachingtheirchildrenthroughtheactivitieswhichmusttruelytoachthedeepestpartoftheyoungsouls,insteadofserious,traditionalcrivicalwords.Also,duringtheprocess,inwhicheverymembershowstustruelove,othermembersareabletorecognizehimfromadifferencepointofview.Thiskindofawarnessispromisedtopromotethecommunicationofthefamilyinthefuture.Inthewholeworld,thevolunteerworkcanbeconsideredtobeanappropriatepartoftheglobalization,duringwhichtheworldisbecomingaGlobalvillage.Andthenaturalandeconomicchisastersaredrivingpeoplefromdifferentcultaralbackgroundstostandtogetheronthesameside,emphasizingtheinterestofthewholeworld,whichmustnotbedeffendedwithoutanycountry'sparticipation.Anditisthevolunteerworkthatcanbegrantedtheroleofofferinghelpinitshourofmarimumneed.Allinall,volunteerworkistruelyaninreplacablepartofthesocietyanditisourresponsibilitytogiveourhandstomaketheworldabetterplace.專家建議：建議該生平時(shí)利用好學(xué)校里使用的中學(xué)英語教科書，因?yàn)榻炭茣臋?quán)威性不容置疑，選材也適合中學(xué)生，是精讀甚至背誦的最好選擇。之所以推薦給作者教科書，是因?yàn)樵摽忌趯懽鏖L(zhǎng)句子時(shí)出現(xiàn)較多錯(cuò)誤，說明該生的語法基礎(chǔ)不夠夯實(shí)，那么中學(xué)英語課本就恰好能彌補(bǔ)這個(gè)弱點(diǎn)。專家點(diǎn)評(píng)：文章結(jié)構(gòu)清晰明了，簡(jiǎn)潔明了的開頭和結(jié)尾緊扣主題，精干又有力，很方便讀者對(duì)文章主旨的把握。中間部分的邏輯性強(qiáng)，思路也很清晰。唯一不足的是在一些長(zhǎng)難句的表達(dá)上出現(xiàn)了一些錯(cuò)誤，有些句子讓人很難理解。在以后的寫作中可以多關(guān)注長(zhǎng)句子的練習(xí)。VolunteerLife代昱丞遼寧省本溪市高級(jí)中學(xué)高二15班Asweknow,“volunteer”isakindof“work”thatyouoffertodoit,andalso,itisforfree.Fromschoolstoshops,fromOlympicstoworldwars,volunteersareeverywhere.AndtoChinesepeople,lastyearisanimpresive(impressive)yearbecauseofvolunteers.InMay12earthquakeandthe2008BeijingOlympicGams,volunteersplayedareallyimportantrole.TheytouchedeveryChinese'sheart,includingme.Idon'tusuallyhavechancestodovolunteer'swork,butIhavesomecreativeideasaboutit.Inmyopinion,helpingothersisakindofvolunteeranditisimportanttoourlives.Wecan'tbecomeavolunteerinpoorruralarea,butwecanhelpclassmatessowe(solve)amathproblem;wecan'tjointheOlympics,butwecantakepartinasportsmeetinginschoolanddevelopethespiritof“higher,faster,stronger”inotherways;wecan'tgotoWenchuan,butwecansendour“gifts”there.Infact,wearevolunteeringeverydayandeverywhere,butweignoreitsometimes.Volunteerisnotasimplematteraboutyourself,italsohasgreatinfluencetoyourlife,yourfamily,eventheworld.Iftherearenotvolunteersanymore,everyoneisselfishandvain,theworldwillbealonelyplace.Volunteercanbringpeoplewarmandkindfeelingsandhelpimproveyourpersonality.Whenyouarevolunteering,you'llfindthebeautyoftheworldandlifeandyoureallyfeelandtouchsomehardexperience,itisabletoleadyoutotreatyourfamily,yourlife,yourfridends(friends)morepreviously.Mydadoncetoldmeastory:atthetimeofBeijingOlympicGamesoneyear'sflashback,somevolunteerssaidthattimewasreallyahardbutvaluablememory.Sometimes,theyhadtostand,itwasnotpermittedtoarguewithtourists;sometimes,theyevenwantedtocry,butsmileshadtobeontheirsfacesallthetime.Volunteerwasnotaneasyjob,buttheysaidthattheydidn'tregretatall theyrespondedtoChina,theywonreputationforournation!So,volunteerisworthjoiningandvaluing,thoughitishard,youhavegainedthebestaward——akindheart.Startyourvolunteerlifenow!專家建議：在不跑題前提下，內(nèi)容雖然重要，但關(guān)鍵是語言的包裝，建議多看些優(yōu)秀范文，和英文原著，增加語感，這樣文章會(huì)更傳神。專家點(diǎn)評(píng)：文章思路清晰，敘述條理清楚，但句子之間的銜接做得不夠，要多用連接詞。此外，應(yīng)多掌握一些詞語的同義詞，這樣避免重復(fù)。在句式變換方便也要多下些功夫。Volunteerwork:anuniquelesson刁文卿遼寧省大連市大連市第十二中學(xué)高二9班Withtherapiddevelopmentoftechndogy(technology)andcommunicationinoursociety,thesenseofcompetitivenessandcooperationfilledourmindsteadily.Atthesametime,theowarness(awareness)ofhelpingothersinpeople'smindalsobecamestrongerandstronger.Thissituationledtothestartofanew“job”—volunteer.Wejustfoundfromthepassagethattheincreasingnumberofthevdunteer(volunteer)touchedallthepeoplehomeandabroad.AndIarguethepointthatvolunteerworkplaysanintegralpartinourdailylifeespeciallyfortheyouthinChina.Firstandforemest(foremost),nowadays,parentscanonlyhaveonechildandheorshemaybegiventhebestcareoftheothermembersinthefamily.Asaconsequence,theonlyclild(child)maybecomeselfishandself-centeredunconciously(unconsciously).Thevolunteerwork,asaspeciallessonscanhelptheyoungsterputtheotherpeople'sfeelingbeforetheirsandaskfortheiropinionbeforetakingactions.Secondvolunreer(volunteer)workisnotonlyatrainingofdoothersafavourbutaprocessofimprovingyourcooperationabilityaswell.Lastbutnotleast,volunteerworkisanuniquelessonthatwecant(cannot)getinourschool.FormerleaderJiangzeminsaid:themaingoalineducationismakingstudentsmorecreativeandhelpingthemreachtheirfullpotential.Andinmypoirt(point)view,itisvolunteerworkwhichcanhelpthemreachtheirfullpotentialbutnotourschoollessons.Thiskindofpraticalpractisecanmakeusknowmoreaboutwhatisgoingoninoursocietyandintheworld,forinstance,theMay12earthquakeinwenchuanandthewonderful2008BeijingOlympicGameandsoon.Alltheevidencediscussedintheaboveawalysisthepointstomyconclusionthatvolunteerworkisanuniquelessonforourteenagersasitmakeusknowmore.domoreandthinkmore.AndIbelievethattheaccumulationofvolunteerwillrisingrapilyanditwillleadourcountrytoabrighterfuture.專家建議：寫完作文后，自己通讀一遍，這樣會(huì)減少些不必要的拼寫和語法錯(cuò)誤，建議多學(xué)過的詞組造句，這樣表達(dá)會(huì)更豐富，也可以多看些優(yōu)秀范文。專家點(diǎn)評(píng)：文章表達(dá)清楚，語言較好，但結(jié)構(gòu)有些不清晰，第二點(diǎn)在文章中沒有展開說。時(shí)態(tài)用的有些混亂?？傮w不錯(cuò)。Volunteerworkisnecessary郭昕碩河北省衡水市衡水中學(xué)高三3班ThereisnodoubtthatvolunteerworkinChinahasbeenbroughtintofocusthroughouttheworld.Wepresentedsomuchlastyear,whichindeedgavetheworldabigsurprise.Ourspirits,ourmerits,everythingweshowedduringthegrandgatheringandthedisasterprovedthatvolunteerworkisnecessary.AsfarasIamconcerned.Theworkofhelpingotherswithoutpaymentcanbeofgreatbenefitforindividuals.Apartfromtheexperience,theprogresswemakeduringtheprocessisenough.Timepermitting,wecantakemoreresponsibilityoutsidetheschoolandgainthepleasure.Everyonebuildsoursociety.Withtheeconomicaldevelopment,wearenolongerworryaboutouressentialneedsinourlife.Therefore,tosparemoretimeandtogiveothersahelpinghandcanjustbetherightchoice.Onlybythismeanscanwegettoknoweachotherbetterandmakecontributionstooursociety.Moreover,itiscertainthattherearestillsomanydevelopingcountriesallovertheworld.FromEthiopiatoDPRK,toomanypeopleareinbadlydemandofhelp.Ourgerosityandwarthmeansalot.Furthermore,organizationofallkindsaboutvolunteerworkwillsurelyacceleratetheprocess.Takingtheabovementionedfactorsintoconsideration.Raisingourowarenessandbehelpfulcandefinitelybesonecessary.Theconnectionbetweenusmustbepermanentwithoureffortsofvolunteerwork.Thereforevolunteerworkisnotonlyapoliticalworld,butalivelyworkrelatedtoyouandme.Soitstandstoreasonthatvolunteerworkisnecessary.專家建議：建議作者多閱讀整篇的英語文章，增強(qiáng)自己的"篇章感"，因?yàn)樵谠撈恼轮写嬖诘膯栴}主要是段落見缺乏緊密聯(lián)系，所以造成各段之間的孤立感的形成，建議作者以后寫作時(shí)注意段落間的合理過渡。 專家點(diǎn)評(píng)：整體結(jié)構(gòu)很好，尤其第一段開門見山的明確了文章的主題，給讀者非常好的第一印象。唯一不足的是第三段與上文的銜接很生硬，并且沒有段落主題句，會(huì)影響文章整體的邏輯感。另外，有個(gè)別句子出現(xiàn)表意不明的現(xiàn)象，單詞拼寫也存在問題，所以希望以后寫作時(shí)注意細(xì)節(jié)。Anyone,anytime韓心悅吉林省長(zhǎng)春市長(zhǎng)春市十一高中高二23班Asweallknow,plantscannotexistwithoutsunshine;fishcannotlivewithoutwater;andoursocietycannotbeeverlastingwithoutvolunteers.Inthemodernsociety,volunteerworkisnotsomethingwhichrequiresmoneyandknowledgeanymore.It'saboutallofusAnyone,anytime.Volunteerisakindofspirit,itcanbringlovetoeveryone,everything.IrememberIoncewenttoDichuanProvinceduringmysummerholidays,andIvolunteeredtohelpthegiantpandas.Oneday,our200receptedagroupofchildrenwhocamefrompoverty-strikenareas.Theyallseemedquiteexcitedaftertheysawthelovelypandas.Alittleboy,however,frowned,rantowardsmeandwhispened,“Iwanttohelp.Lookattheirhome,it'snottidyenough.Iwanttocleanitforthem.”Iwastotallyshocked,AboywhowasingreatneedofhelpinghimselfactuallywantedtohelpanimalsWordsburstedout,“Buthoney,youarestilltooyoung!”Heshrinkedhiseyes,andgrinned,“Anyone,anytime.”Dincethen,“Anyone,anytime.”hasbecomemymotto.WheneverIsawrubbishontheground,Iwouldpickitup;wheneverIsawpeopletrytosteponthegrass,Iwouldpersuadethem.BecauseIknow,I'mpartoftheharmonioussociety.Harmonioussociety,everyonecontains.Right,harmonioussocietyneedsourvolunteers.Volunteerworkcanmakeusrealizthenesponsibilitesonounshoulder,itcanmakeusmuchmoremature.Do,ifweallhaveakindofvolunteenspirit,thewellbeingofinvividuals,families,communitlesandtheworldcanallbepromoted.TakeagoodlookatthosevolunteersOuringthe2008BeijingOlympicGarnes,andthosefiguresrunningbesidetheruinsofWenchuanEarthquake.Volunteers'spiritnotonlytouchedtheChinesepeople,butalsogeneratedworldwideattention.Inanutshell,volunteerworkisofgreatsignificance.Do,let'sstawuptogether,handinhand,jointheorchestraofharmony,stantfromthe“Volunteenepilogne”,creatanewbeautifulworld.Andthenameofthisorchestrawillbe:“Anyone,anytime.”專家建議：很顯然，該考生在文章的結(jié)構(gòu)設(shè)置以及語言積累方面都有待提高，建議該考生平時(shí)進(jìn)一步拓寬閱讀面，在閱讀同時(shí)有意識(shí)地積累語言的表達(dá)法，并且注意模仿優(yōu)秀英語文章是如何組織結(jié)構(gòu)的。專家點(diǎn)評(píng)：文章通過小故事托出主題的方式很新穎，文章整體也有一定邏輯關(guān)系。但應(yīng)該把重點(diǎn)放在后面對(duì)volunteer的段落中，并適當(dāng)減少第二段的字?jǐn)?shù)，以起到拋磚引玉的作用而非頭重腳輕。另外，文章出現(xiàn)多處搭配問題，建議平時(shí)注重基礎(chǔ)的積累。VolunteerWork,HarmoniassWould韓葉江蘇省張家港市張家港外國(guó)語學(xué)校高三3班Haveyoueverguidedapassengerlosinghisorherway?Haveyoueverdonateyourpocketmonkeytostrangerssufferingdisasters?Haveyoueverkeptahomelessouimal?Ifyourousweris?Yes7',thencongratulationsyouhavedonevolunteerwork.Tomymindyoudoneedtoexactlyjoinacertainorganizationformisnotimportant.Volunteerworkmeanstheworkwewanttodotohelpothersoutofourheartswithostconsideringwhetheritisrenording.Tosumup,sympathy,sacrificepassionandwarmheartsmakeupvolunteerwork.Andvolunteerworkreallymakestheworldbetter.Firstly,asfarasindividualsareconcerned,volunteerworkmakesthemtakeresponsibilitiesforthesociety.Nowadays,mostfamilieshaveonlyonechild.Andthelate90sareconsideredtobeasettishuselessgeneration.However,oneofmyfriendssaysthatvolunteenworkmadememature.HewasoneofthevolunteersofBeijingOlympicGanes.Hegainedpatience,stungwillandanopenmindthroughallthetoughwork.Andnowheunderstandsthat:?Oneshouldhevergainwithoutpayling.”Secondly,tothesocietyitisalsosignifigant.Withvolunteerwork,peoplefacingdifficultiesarehelped,poorpeoplearefinancidlyasisted,sothatthefrinctionwillbereducedandtheinterpersonalrelationshipswillbeimproved.Howaharmonioussocietywillitbe!ThereisacouplelivinginBeijing.Theybegantheinvolunteerworkwhentheywereonlycollegestudents.Theywenttoamedicalcentertotakecareofandplaywithchildrenthereonceaweek.Neitherwindnorsnowstoppedthem.However,onesundayin2007theydidn'tappear.Andthereasonnessthat,thegirlgotcancer!ThebaykeptongoingtothecenteronSundaywhiletakingcaneofhisgirlfriendandworkingformedicalexpenses.Thedoctorssesandthechildnesweretoucheddeeply.Theirstorywaspublishedandthedouationcamesoon.Atthesametime,morepeoplewenttohelpchildrenthere.Inthisway,theirspirittransferred.Theirvolursteerworkwaspaidbacktothemselves,whichwasheverinaginedbythem.Theirsympathywakedupothers'.LasteIfirmlybelievethatanationfullofhelpfulrespousiblepeopleissurelyastrongoneaworldfullofspiritofsymporthyanddevotionissurelyabeautifulone.Icallonallpeopletodovolunteerwork,whateveritis,whatevertheformitisin,justdoitandwecanharvestaharmoniousworldtogether!專家建議：有一定英語語感，但不是很強(qiáng)，中式英語有時(shí)還會(huì)出現(xiàn)，建議多讀些英文原著，或看一些優(yōu)秀范文，抓住里面的經(jīng)典句型，自己多多練習(xí)。 專家點(diǎn)評(píng)：文章以及疑問句開頭，步步引出主題，很吸引人。文章結(jié)構(gòu)清晰，語言表達(dá)比較準(zhǔn)確，但句式變化不多，有些句子結(jié)構(gòu)不緊湊。OnVolunteer黃昕彤遼寧省鞍山市鞍山一中108班ThedefinitionofthewordvolunteerinLougnan(Longman)Dictionaryissomeonewhohelpsotherssponstaneously(spontaneously)andwillingly.That'strue!Lifeisastyleofenjoyingyourself,notonlybyentertaingandenridingyourself,butalsobytheprocessofhelpingothers.Undoubtfully,thosevolunteersrevealtheirgreatloveandpassionfortheircountry.Loveistheeternalthemeoftheworld,Withouthove(love),it'slikebirdswithoutwings,failingtoshowitstalentsofflying,It'slikespringwithoutflowers,buryingischarmingfragrantsinthedeepsoil.TheirvoluntyworkunitesChina,shouingtheworldhowunitedChinesepeopleareshockingtheworldofitscooperation.Peoplearoundthecountryaremakingtheireffortstohelpingothers,whichleavestheworldanimpressionthatChinaisavealcountry,andallthepeopleherearelikebrothersandsisters,whocaresalotforothers.YoucanneverimaginehowtouchedIwaswhenIwatchedtheTVprogramcalled“MovingChina”.13peasantsfromtangshangvolunteeredtohelpthosevictimsofSichuangonhearingthetremendousearthquakehappenedthere,leavingalltheirfarmworkdoneinthefieldtheysacrifiledanythingandhelpedothersatanycost,fortheyknewtheglantpainstheearthquakebringstopeople.Theycanneverforgethowmuchpainstheyhavendertakenintheearthquakeandhowmuchhelptheyhavereceivedfromtheworld.Theycomparedtheirownfeelingstothevictimsandpassedthesplriton.Inthissense,peoplewillpassthespiritfromgenerationtoqueneration,fromChinatoallovertheworld.Then,howsweetwilltheWorldbe!Ihaveadreamthatoneday,Iwillbeamemberofthevolunteerteam.Ihaveadreamthatoneday,I'llmakecontributionstoChinahoweverslightestitmaybe.IhaveadreamthatonedayI'llbeafounderofaworldCharity,helpingpeopleallovertheworld.I'mfirmlyconvincedthatitwillnotonlybeadreanforme,butalsoadreanforpeoplealloverChina,allovertheworld,andforthegreatGlobalVillage.專家建議：整篇文章條理清晰，結(jié)構(gòu)完整，總體感覺很好。但有個(gè)別語法錯(cuò)誤，固定搭配有些用得不夠準(zhǔn)確，建議多用課本學(xué)過的固定搭配或是詞組造句。專家點(diǎn)評(píng)：文章語言流暢，運(yùn)用了修辭手法，展現(xiàn)出一定的語言功底。此外，論據(jù)生動(dòng)有力，讓人信服。如果句子之間的多用些關(guān)聯(lián)詞就更好了。Volunteer—AbridgetoFriendship金倩男遼寧省本溪市本溪市高級(jí)中學(xué)高三15班Inrecentyears,“volunteer”becomeamoreandmorepopularwordamongpeopleallovertheworld,especiallyinChina.Thankstosomanyvolunteerscanwemadesomanyeventssmoothly.Inanutshell,Ithinkvolunteerisabridgetofriendshipbetweenpeopletopeopleandcountrytocountry.Volunteerscanbeabrightlighttothosewhoareinthedarkdifficulty.AcaseinpointistheMay12earthquake.Theearthquakeleftthousandsofhomelesspeople,causihgabigproblemtoboththecountryandthevictimsthemselves.It'sthem—thelightbrhger—volunteers,whocametothefrontline,sothatthevictimscanseethebrightfuture.Volunteeractionsareoftremendousbenifitsnotonlytothepeopleinneed,butalsotothesociety.Accordingtoalatestsurvey,thereareabout1,700,700peopletookpartinthevolunteeringjobs.Butfortheirgreatdevotion,wecouldn'thaveheldthe2008OlympicGamessuccessfully.Volunteersbelievesthatthehappiestpeopleintheworldarethosehelptobringhapinesstoothers.Peopleinothercountriesseethevolunteerspirtintheorganisationalabilityandtheindividualcharmihg.TheworldwitnessthespreadspiritofChinesevolunteers.Onlyinthewaythatallthenationsunittogether,offeringhelptoeachothercanwedowondersandcreataharmonoussociety.Andwhat'smore,weshouldencouragemoreyouthsjoinsuchgoodthings.Intheend,wecancometoanconclusionthatvolunteerworkisabridgetofriendship,whichdoesbenifitstoboththeindividualsandthenation.So,let'sjoinittoday,OK?專家建議：建議作者寫作文要盡量做到言之有物。寫作文是為了表達(dá)觀點(diǎn)，不能被“語言”綁架；運(yùn)用較多的詞匯與搭配卻在邏輯方面很混亂，沒有設(shè)計(jì)好要交代的內(nèi)容。希望作者平時(shí)進(jìn)一步擴(kuò)充英語閱讀量，多讀權(quán)威英語報(bào)刊，有意識(shí)地觀察好的英語文章是如何兼顧內(nèi)容充沛，語言到位，邏輯清晰的。專家點(diǎn)評(píng)：文章的主題既然是"志愿者活動(dòng)——友誼之橋”，就要圍繞志愿者與友誼來寫，可文章二至五段都沒有緊扣住主題。而且段與段之間沒有銜接，給人感覺是沒有構(gòu)思好，想到哪寫到哪。建議以后寫作前先列好提綱，注重文章宏觀的把握。Volunteers:anindispensableroleinsociety宋思思江蘇省南京市南京外國(guó)語學(xué)校高三3班Haveyouevertakenpartintovolunteerwork?Haveyoueverbeentouchedbythealtruisticspiritofvolunteers?Haveyoueverfoundyourfriendsmuchmaturerafteravoluntaryjob?ItyouhaveexperiencedanyofthesitnationsImentionedbefore,youwillundoubtedlyagreethatinthishighly-developedworld,volunteerwork,freeofanyreward,doesplayanindispensablerolewhichenjoysauniquesignificance.Throughdifferentkindsofvoluntaryjobsburgeonaroundedindividualaharmoniousfamilyandadevelopedcountry.Numerousexamplesherebylisteddostandformypointoftheimportanceofvolunteers.Thepointofpinnacleimportanceformyviewfocusesontheenhancementofasingleperson,especiallytheyouth.AccordingtoasurveyconductedbyUNESCOtheUnitedNations,Educational,ScientificandCulturalOrganization,amongparentsandchildrenaroundtheworld,about95.5%oftheparentsadmitsthattheyfindtheirchildrencaremoreaboutthesocietyafterlongtimeofvolunteerwork.Theresultalsoindicatesthefactthat98%of,thechildrengetsalongbetterwiththeirfriendsandcoorperatewiththemmoreeasily.Researchersbelievethatitisthevolunteerworkthatnotonlydevelopschildrens'socialresponsibilybutalsoteachesthemhowtoworkinateam,whichiscoinedasteamworkingspirit.Inthiscase,nobodycoulddenythepositiveinfluencethevoluntaryjobsputonindividuals.Whatismore,avoluntaryjobcansometimesevenbringharmonyandhappinesstofamilies.Generallyspeaking,workingasvolunteersgivesrisetocommontopicsamongfamilymembersandmakespeopleunderstandmoreabou