期中考試的讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)：線索的照應(yīng)(圣誕節(jié)的男孩泡泡)

期中考試的讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)：線索的照應(yīng)（圣誕節(jié)的男孩泡泡）綜述：這篇作文初看起來(lái)比較好些，但實(shí)際上很難寫(xiě)好。原因在于，學(xué)生沒(méi)有牢記讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)的重點(diǎn)是：融洽和銜接。文章的conflict是：HowdidIhelptheboybuythesoapbubbles?解決的方法是：Igavehimthetencents.主題是：bekindandhelpfultoothers。但很多學(xué)生寫(xiě)成了，小男孩沒(méi)有買(mǎi)bubbles，而是買(mǎi)其它東西，譬如鮮花，送給妹妹或者我，表示感謝。甚至還有人寫(xiě)妹妹得病了，或者媽媽得病了。這些不是說(shuō)不可以寫(xiě)，但是在狹小的空間內(nèi)要另起鍋灶，不是讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)中提倡的。讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)需要嚴(yán)格遵守原來(lái)的故事情節(jié)線，不要隨意增加人物，也不要把矛盾給徹底避開(kāi)。其次，讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)要有線索意識(shí)，把文章中的線索都挑出來(lái)，并且通過(guò)線索照應(yīng)主題。這樣的作文才是精致動(dòng)人的。譬如文章的線索是：我對(duì)圣誕節(jié)的感受：Ithadbeenoneofthosedayswhennothinggoesright.ItcausedmetothinkbacktothetimewhenIenjoyedChristmas.Thatwastwoyearsago,beforeIwentworkhere.Somehowsincethattime,Christmasdidn’tmeanmuchanymore,exceptmoreworkandheadaches.那么文章要實(shí)現(xiàn)升華，必然在最后要說(shuō)明，我的消極感受逆轉(zhuǎn)了，需要通過(guò)某種直接或間接的方式來(lái)照應(yīng)。還有一些隱含的線索：AndIstillhadtofinishmyChristmasshoppingthatevening.securitytoldustowatchkidsforstealing.“Idon’twanthertoknowaboutit,”hewhisperedbeforeIcouldevenanswer.第一個(gè)說(shuō)明了，我還要這天去買(mǎi)圣誕禮物。如果這點(diǎn)考慮了，那就會(huì)想到：我最后也去買(mǎi)圣誕禮物，并且感受到了圣誕的精神。和幫助小男孩的快樂(lè)結(jié)合起來(lái)，實(shí)際就是：贈(zèng)人玫瑰，手有余香。還有一個(gè)最大的問(wèn)題就是，學(xué)生對(duì)每一段的內(nèi)容主要情節(jié)想的太復(fù)雜了，實(shí)際上lessismore。從第二段的提示句就可以知道：小男孩在第一段里有了足夠的錢(qián)，并且離開(kāi)我去買(mǎi)禮物去了。有的人避開(kāi)文章主要矛盾，就會(huì)寫(xiě)這個(gè)錢(qián)是他放棄買(mǎi)bubbles去買(mǎi)便宜的東西。實(shí)際上第一段主要情節(jié)就是：小男孩如何有了錢(qián)？答案就兩個(gè)：我給的。（因?yàn)榫蛢蓚€(gè)人物，也不不允許增加第三者。）剩下問(wèn)題就是：我怎么給他錢(qián)。這個(gè)可以是自由想象了。第二段主要寫(xiě)：小男孩買(mǎi)禮物和妹妹見(jiàn)到后的互動(dòng)，注意前面有線索，他不想讓妹妹知道。所以這里面就大有文章可做了。我作為旁觀者，看到我的幫助給他們帶來(lái)了這么多的快樂(lè)，我如何感受？但是有些同學(xué)想不通我為什么也快樂(lè)和感動(dòng)？其實(shí)，這就是缺少同理心的表現(xiàn)了。讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)是需要一點(diǎn)生活經(jīng)驗(yàn)的。包括很多學(xué)生也無(wú)法理解，這一對(duì)兄妹怎么對(duì)待禮物，譬如妹妹看到禮物馬上撲過(guò)去。這都是生活中的常情，但由于現(xiàn)在很多孩子是獨(dú)生子女，就無(wú)法想象，更不用說(shuō)去理解了。這樣他們就沒(méi)法寫(xiě)出很感人生動(dòng)的畫(huà)面。至于后面我寫(xiě)我去寫(xiě)我也和孩子一樣吹肥皂泡，學(xué)生也感覺(jué)不可思議：成年人怎么會(huì)像小孩子一樣吹肥皂泡？其實(shí)每個(gè)成年人的心底都有一個(gè)孩子的童心。所謂：歸來(lái)不忘少年。連蘇軾都說(shuō)：老夫聊發(fā)少年狂。通過(guò)這次寫(xiě)作，發(fā)現(xiàn)學(xué)生的語(yǔ)文閱讀積累真的不容樂(lè)觀，也側(cè)面導(dǎo)致了想象力的發(fā)散。學(xué)生的想象力不是說(shuō)不豐富，而是說(shuō)缺少美學(xué)意義上的想象或者是人文氣息。閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)其內(nèi)容和所給段落開(kāi)頭語(yǔ)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫(xiě)，使之構(gòu)成一個(gè)完整的短文。續(xù)寫(xiě)的詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150詞左右。Ithadbeenoneofthosedayswhennothinggoesright.Iwasdueatworkat8o’clock,butIwastenminuteslatebecauseIoverslept.Iwentstraighttomyregularpost-thetoydepartment.ItwastwodaysbeforeChristmasandthedepartmentwasamess.ItcausedmetothinkbacktothetimewhenIenjoyedChristmas.Thatwastwoyearsago,beforeIwentworkhere.Somehowsincethattime,Christmasdidn’tmeanmuchanymore,exceptmoreworkandheadaches.Thewholeday,Iwascursed,yelledatandsteppedon.AndIstillhadtofinishmyChristmasshoppingthatevening.Ihadjustfinishedexplainingtoamanwhywedidn’tsellfirecrackers,whenIfeltatugonmyarm.ItwasoneofthetwokidsIhadbeenkeepinganeyeonforawhile---securitytoldustowatchkidsforstealing.Heandhislittlesisterhadbeenlookingatthe“discount”counter,wherewehadallthecheapesttoys.BeforeIevenbentdowntolistentohim,Icheckedaroundforhissister.Ididn’tseeher.Mister,doyouthinkthiswouldbeagoodpresentformylittlesister?”hesaidinabrokenaccent,holdingupabottleofsoapbubbleliquid.“Idon’twanthertoknowaboutit,”hewhisperedbeforeIcouldevenanswer.Ijustagreedwithhim.Hestuckhishandinthepocketofhisdirtyjeansandpulledoutafistfulofchange,askingifhehadenoughmoneytopayforit.“Itlookslikeyou’llhavetotrytofindsomethingelse,”Isaid.“Youneedtenmorecents.”Idoubteditwasatrick,especiallyatChristmas.Helookedsadandwentbacktofindsomethingelse.Iwatchedhimfromthecornerofmyeyeforawhileashelookedatotheritems,butalwayscamebacktothesoapbubbles.IlefttheareaforafewminutesandwhenIcamebackhewasstillthere,tryingtofindacheapergift.Somehow,thekidstruckmeasdifferentfrommostthetroublemakerswegotinthetoydepartment.Paragraph1:Iwentovertohimandaskedifhehadfoundanythingyet.Paragraph2:Ifollowedhimsecretlytoseewhathereallyspentthemoneyon.圖片我的下水文：Paragraph1:Iwentovertohimandaskedifhehadfoundanythingyet.Hecrouchedinacornershakinghisheadspeechless,disappointmentmappedonhisface.（銜接寫(xiě)theboy,寫(xiě)他的失望和無(wú)奈，我覺(jué)得蹲在地上是經(jīng)典的。）Istrokedhishead,awaveofsympathywellingupinme.（我的反應(yīng)：同情）Iwhisperedtohiminamysteriousvoice,“Now,closeyoureyesandIwillpracticemagicforyou.”（抖包袱開(kāi)始了：小孩子喜歡魔法，所以抖包袱圍繞小孩子的特點(diǎn)）Hescratchedhisheadbutdidit.（小男孩的困惑）Isneakedtencentsintohispocketandtoldhimtocheckit.（解開(kāi)包袱）Hepinchedhishandhardonlytofindhewasnotdreaming.Afterthankingme,heranawayasswiftlyasarabbit.（小男孩的反應(yīng)，同時(shí)和下文銜接）Paragraph2:Ifollowedhimsecretlytoseewhathereallyspentthemoneyon.Heshoulderedhiswaytotheareaofbubbleliquidandsooncameoutwithagiftbaglikeaking.（銜接上句，寫(xiě)小男孩的神氣：likeaking）Hislittlesisterjustwaitedoutsideandeagerlypouncedonit,eyessparklingwithexcitement,buttheboyheldthebagtightly,exclaiming,“Itisn’tthetime.”（寫(xiě)妹妹和哥哥的互動(dòng)，必須把兩個(gè)人的天真可愛(ài)刻畫(huà)出來(lái)，這里面需要有一些生活經(jīng)驗(yàn)。）Somehowtherestofthedaywentmuchbetter.（寫(xiě)我的心情，這一段和前文照應(yīng)）Thatnight,IcamehomewithsoapbubblestooasChristmaspresents.（繼續(xù)照應(yīng)線索）Iblewit,chasingtheflyingbubbleswithchildlikeinterest.（我深受白天孩子的感染，也吹泡泡）ForthefirsttimeinthreeyearsChristmasspiritcrawledupmyheartagain.（照應(yīng)前文線索，突出主題。這樣的結(jié)尾不是那么直接點(diǎn)明主題內(nèi)容）最后三句也可以用下面的哲理話語(yǔ)：Thatnight,IcamehomewithsoapbubblestooasChristmaspresents,remindingmyselfthatevenasmallactofkindnesscanmakeabigdifferencetoothers,andmostimportantlytomyself.完整的原文：Iwentovertohimandaskedifhehadfoundanythingyet.Hecrouchedinacornershakinghisheadspeechless,disappointmentmappedonhisface.Istrokedhishead,awaveofsympathywellingupinme.Iwhisperedtohiminamysteriousvoice,“Now,closeyoureyesandIwillpracticemagicforyou.”Hescratchedhisheadbutdidit.Isneakedtencentsintohispocketandtoldhimtocheckit.Hepinchedhishandhardonlytofindhewasnotdreaming.Afterthankingme,heranawayasswiftlyasarabbit.Paragraph2:Ifollowedhimsecretlytoseewhathereallyspentthemoneyon.Heshoulderedhiswaytotheareaofbubbleliquidandsooncameoutwithagiftbaglikeaking.Hislittlesisterjustwaitedoutsideandeagerlypouncedonit,eyessparklingwithexcitement,buttheboyheldthebagtightly,exclaiming,“Itisn’tthetime.”Somehowtherestofthedaywentmuchbetter.Thatnight,IcamehomewithsoapbubblestooasChristmaspresents.Iblewit,chasingtheflyingbubbleswithchildlikeinterest.ForthefirsttimeinthreeyearsChristmasspiritcrawledupmyheartagain.原文小說(shuō)作者的結(jié)尾（上文適當(dāng)參考了這個(gè)里面思想）：Iwentovertohimandaskedifhehadfoundanythingyet.Hejustshookhisheadandlookedverydisappointed.“Well,let’sseehowmuchmoneyyouhaveagain,”Isaid.Hedumpedthechangeinwiththetwodi