雙語(yǔ)你有權(quán)保持沉默.doc

1、雙語(yǔ)你有權(quán)保持沉默當(dāng)你精疲力竭時(shí)一個(gè)經(jīng)過準(zhǔn)備的借口能防止你淌入更深的渾水避免你卷入既不需要也無(wú)法處理的關(guān)系。接下來(lái)wtt給大家準(zhǔn)備了雙語(yǔ)你有權(quán)保持沉默,歡迎大家參考與借鑒。雙語(yǔ)你有權(quán)保持沉默Yourcellphoneisringing.Yourinboxisoverflowing1.Yourfriendwantstodiscusshersonsglue-sniffinghabit.MarthaBeckhasnewsforyou-youdonthavetoBeThereforallpeopleallthetime.Justfollowherescaperoutes.手機(jī)鈴聲響個(gè)不停收件箱爆滿朋友

2、想討論她兒子吸強(qiáng)力膠(以達(dá)麻醉、迷幻效果)的習(xí)慣。MarthaBeck告訴你-你不必事事、時(shí)時(shí)幫助每個(gè)人遵循她的“逃跑”路線吧。ThegreatEnglishwriterE.M.Forstermayhavevaluedconnectionaboveallelse,butforus21st-centuryfolks,disconnectionisasnecessaryasconnectionforcreatingahealthy,happylife.Whenweforceourselvestoconnectagainstourheartsdesires,wecreatefalse,resentf

3、ulrelationships;whenwedisconnectfromthepeoplewhodeplete2us,wesetthemfreetofindtheirtribeswhilewefindours.Ivelistedsomeofmyfavoritedisconnectionstrategiesbelow,inthehopethatyoumightfindthemuseful.偉大英國(guó)作家愛德華摩根福斯特也許把關(guān)系看得比什么都重要但是對(duì)21世紀(jì)的我們來(lái)說想要過健康快樂的生活脫離關(guān)系和擁有關(guān)系一樣必要。違背心愿建立的關(guān)系是虛假、怨恨的關(guān)系;當(dāng)我們脫離那些損耗我們的人我們給了他們尋找同類

4、的自由也給了我們自己尋找同類的自由。下面列出了一些我最喜愛的脫離方法希望有用。1.Hide.BlamemyhighschoolEnglishteacher-IllcallherMrs.Jensen-whomarriedat17,boreherfirstchildat19,andwasafarmwifeandmotheroffourbyage22.Whenshefeltoverwhelmed,shedretreatintoafieldoftallcornnearherhouseandhidethere,listeningtoherchildrensearchforher,untilshehear

5、dacryofgenuinepainorfeltreadytoreconnect,whichevercamefirst.“Martha,”Mrs.Jensentoldme,“everywomanneedsacornfield.Nomatterwhatshappeninginyourlife,findyourselfacornfieldandhidetherewheneveryouneedto.”隱藏。想出這點(diǎn)子都怪那個(gè)叫Jensen夫人的高中英語(yǔ)老師。她十七歲嫁人十九歲生下第一個(gè)孩子二十二歲時(shí)這農(nóng)婦是四個(gè)孩子的媽。當(dāng)她感到無(wú)法應(yīng)對(duì)時(shí)她會(huì)躲入她家附近一片高玉米地聽著孩子尋找她的聲音直到聽見真正痛

6、苦的哭喊或自己準(zhǔn)備恢復(fù)與現(xiàn)實(shí)生活的聯(lián)系。Jensen曾告訴我：”;Martha每個(gè)女人都需要一片玉米地。不管發(fā)生了什么找到自己的一片玉米地需要的時(shí)候躲起來(lái)?！盜veusedhundredsofother“cornfields”overtheyears:cars,forests,hotels,bathrooms.Ivebeenknowntohidefordays,butevenafewminutescancalmmystrung-outnerves-oryours.Ifyoudontalreadyhaveacornfield,findonenow.長(zhǎng)期以來(lái)我用了很多“玉米地”：汽車、森林、賓館、

7、浴室。我能消失好幾天這一點(diǎn)讓我出名了。但是即便幾分鐘也能平靜我緊繃的神經(jīng)?；蛘吣阋部梢浴Ｈ绻氵€沒有一片玉米地現(xiàn)在就找一個(gè)。2.Goprimitive3.Weallknowthattechnological4advanceshavemadeconnectioneasierthaneverbefore.Theyvealsoledsomepeopletothinkthatbreakingawayisaviolation5ofthesocialorder.Atsuchtimes,IbeedownrightAmish,religiouslymittedtoavoidingallmodernmunica

8、tiontechnology.Iunplugphones,puters,intersandfaxmachines,riskingopprobrium6,becauseIknowthatifIdontlosetouchwithsomeofthepeoplewhoaretryingtoreachme,Illlosetouchwithmyself.Theover-connectedmeisacranky,tiredfussbudget.Silenceisgoldenifitkeepsmefrombroadcastingthatfretfulselfintomyworkoftreasuredrelat

9、ionships.回歸原始。我們都知道技術(shù)進(jìn)步讓聯(lián)系比以往任何時(shí)候都要容易。也讓一些人認(rèn)為逃避是對(duì)社交秩序的侵犯。這時(shí)候我干脆變成一名門諾派教徒虔誠(chéng)地回避一切現(xiàn)代通訊技術(shù)。我冒著被罵的危險(xiǎn)把電話、電腦、對(duì)講機(jī)、傳真機(jī)都關(guān)了。因?yàn)槲抑廊绻也欢汩_那些要聯(lián)系我的人我將失去自己。在過渡聯(lián)系中的那個(gè)”;我”是易怒、疲倦、吹毛求疵。如果沉默能避免煩躁的我損害珍貴的關(guān)系那么它就是金。3.Playfavorites.Yourabilitytoconnectisaresourcemuchmorepreciousthanmoney,somanageitwell.Makealistofeveryoowhomyo

10、ufeelbonded7,thenconsiderwhatkindofreturnyouregettingonyourinvestment.Itmaysoundcold-bloodedtosayyoumustdivest8yourselfoftherelationshipsthatgiveyouconsistentlosses,butunlessyoudothis,youllsoonrunoutofcapital,andyoullhavenoconnectionenergylefttoinvestinanybody.So,please,decidenowtodeliberately9limit

11、thetimeandattentionyouspendon“l(fā)owyield”relationships.Aboveall.選寵。聯(lián)絡(luò)能力是一種比金錢更珍貴的東西所以要好好管理。列出一份你感覺關(guān)系密切的人名單然后考慮從你的投資中會(huì)得到哪類回報(bào)。也許要讓自己脫離那些無(wú)益你的關(guān)系。這么說聽上去冷血但是如果你不這么做你將耗盡資本無(wú)法投資給任何人。所以請(qǐng)現(xiàn)在就有意識(shí)地限制對(duì)“低產(chǎn)”關(guān)系花的時(shí)間和注意力。首要一點(diǎn).4.Getridofsquid.Squidismywordforpeoplewhoseemtobemissingtheirbackbones10butpossessmyriad11suckin

12、gtentacles12ofemotionalneed.Likemanyinvertebrates13,squidappearlimpandsquishy-butoncetheygetagriponyou,theyreincrediblypowerful.Mastersatcatalyzing14guilt15andobligation,theyoperatebysqueezingpityfromeveryoheymeet.Gettingasquidoutofyourlifeisneverpretty.Tellthemstraightforwardly16thatyouwantthem,yes

13、them,toleavenow,yes,now.Thiswillbeunpleasant.Therewillbelasting17hurtfeelings.Dontworry.Squidlovehurtfeelings.Theyhoard18them,tradingtheminforpitypointswhentheyfindanothervictim-er,friend.Letthemgo,theircoffersbulging19.除掉魷魚.在我的詞匯力魷魚是那些似乎沒骨頭卻長(zhǎng)了無(wú)數(shù)”;情感需求”吸吮盤的人。和許多無(wú)脊椎動(dòng)物一樣魷魚看上去柔軟黏糊-可是一旦它們將你抓住就變得無(wú)比有力。身為催

14、成罪惡感和義務(wù)感的大師他們的伎倆是從每個(gè)見到的人那里博得同情。要從你的生活中除去一只魷魚不容易。直接告訴他們你希望他們對(duì)正是他們現(xiàn)在離開馬上離開。這令人不快會(huì)有持久受傷的感覺。別擔(dān)心魷魚喜歡受傷感覺。他們?cè)诙诜e它們?cè)谡业搅硪粋€(gè)受害人(呃朋友)時(shí)用它們來(lái)?yè)Q取憐憫。讓他們?nèi)ツ愠鋵?shí)了他們的“囤積”。5.Beinsensitive.Thisisaverypassionate20waytouseyourownpsychologicalinstincts.Insteadofconnectingwitheverypersonsproblems,letyourselffeelwhethersomeonerea

15、llyneedsyourattention,orwhetherthebestgiftyoucangivemightbealittleabruptness21.漠然。這是運(yùn)用心理本能時(shí)很慈悲的做法。不要去關(guān)心每個(gè)人的麻煩而是讓自己感受別人是否是需要你的關(guān)注;也許你能給予的最好禮物是一點(diǎn)魯莽。6.Rehearseescapelines.WhenImoverextended,Iparadoxicallybeeworseatsettingboundaries.Iendupresortingtorehearsedexitlines.Takethetimetorehearseseveralreliable

16、alternatives.Because,whenyoureexhausted22,apracticedexcusecankeepyoufromwading23deeperintorelationshipsyoudontneedandcanthandle.排練逃跑臺(tái)詞。當(dāng)我把關(guān)系網(wǎng)拉得過大我設(shè)置界限的能力會(huì)變?cè)?。最終我會(huì)排練逃避臺(tái)詞。花時(shí)間排練幾種可靠選擇。因?yàn)楫?dāng)你精疲力竭時(shí)一個(gè)經(jīng)過準(zhǔn)備的借口能防止你淌入更深的渾水避免你卷入既不需要也無(wú)法處理的關(guān)系。7.Beshallow.Evenstayingintouchwithareasonablysmallnumberofhigh-qualitypeo

17、plecanbeoverwhelmingifyoutendtowardemotionalintensity24.Insuchcases,shallownesscanbeadelightful25alternative.E-mailastupidjoke.GatheryourfriendstowatchTVshowsinwhichstrangerspaintoneanothersroomsthecolorofphlegmandthenfeign26mutual27delight.Onceyouknowyoucanswiminthedeependofhumanconnection,itsfuntosplasharoundintheshallows.膚淺。和陽(yáng)春白雪的人群呆在一起就算他們?nèi)藬?shù)不多如果你感性一點(diǎn)就會(huì)覺得精神緊崩、喘不過氣。這時(shí)候膚淺可以是一個(gè)愉快的選擇。發(fā)一封傻傻的笑話郵件。邀朋友一起看電視節(jié)目(節(jié)目中有人把別人房間漆成和痰一樣的顏色然后假裝出大家同樂的樣子)。既能在關(guān)系”;深”處暢游也能在“淺水”中嬉戲。Ihopeyoufindthesedisconnectionstrategies