2023屆高考英語(yǔ)寫(xiě)作復(fù)習(xí)：讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)練習(xí)寫(xiě)作與講評(píng)講義

高考英語(yǔ)寫(xiě)作復(fù)習(xí)：讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)練習(xí)寫(xiě)作與講評(píng)講義

閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫(xiě)，使之構(gòu)成一個(gè)完整的故事。

OneweekendinJuly,Janeandherhusband,Tom,haddriventhreehours

tocampovernightbyalakeintheforest.Unfortunately,onthewayan

unpleasantsubjectcameupandtheystartedtoquarrel.Bythetimethey

reachedthelake,JanewassoangrythatshesaidtoTom.'Tmgoingtofinda

betterspotforustocamp"andwalkedaway.

Withnopathtofollow,Janejustwalkedonforquitealongtime.Aftershe

hadclimbedtoahighplace,sheturnedaround,hopingtoseethelake.Toher

surprise,shesawnothingbutforestand,farbeyond,asnowcappedmountain

top.Shesuddenlyrealizedthatshewaslost.

"Tom!"shecried."Help!"

Noreply.IfonlyshehadnotlefthermobilephoneinthatbagwithTom.

Janekeptmoving,butthefarthershewalked,themoreconfusedshebecame.

Asnightwasbeginningtofall,Janewassotiredthatshehadtostopforthe

night.Lyingawakeinthedark,JanewantedverymuchtobewithTomandher

family.Shewantedtoholdhimandtellhimhowmuchshelovedhim.

Janeroseatthebreakofday,hungryandthirsty.Shecouldhearwater

trickling（滴落）somewhereatadistance.Quicklyshefollowedthesoundto

astream.Tohergreatjoy,shealsosawsomeberrybushes.Shedrankandate

afewberries.Neverinherlifehadshetastedanythingbetter.Feelingstronger

now.Janebegantowalkalongthestreamandhopeitwouldleadhertothe

lake.

Asshepickedherwaycarefullyalongthestream,Janeheardahelicopter.

Isthatforme?Unfortunately,thetreesmadeitimpossibleforpeopletosee

herfromabove.Afewminuteslater,anotherhelicopterflewoverhead.Jane

tookoffheryellowblouse,thinkingthatsheshouldgotoanopenareaandflag

themiftheycamebackagain.

注意：

1.所續(xù)寫(xiě)短文的詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右；

2.續(xù)寫(xiě)部分分為兩段，每段的開(kāi)頭語(yǔ)已為你寫(xiě)好；

Paragraph1:Butnomorehelicopterscameanditwasgettingdarkagain.

Paragraph2:ItwasdaybreakwhenJanewokeup.

試題要點(diǎn)分析

短文

梗概Jane與丈夫Tom去森林中的湖邊野營(yíng)，發(fā)生了爭(zhēng)吵，Jane獨(dú)自進(jìn)入森

林后迷路，露宿一宿，第二天僅以溪水野果為食，并沿溪而行。有直升機(jī)飛過(guò),

Jane準(zhǔn)備以黃色襯衣吸引直升機(jī)注意。關(guān)鍵

段落

與開(kāi)頭語(yǔ)要求續(xù)寫(xiě)兩段，第一段開(kāi)頭語(yǔ)為："Butnomorehelicopterscame

anditwasgettingdarkagain.”表明應(yīng)續(xù)寫(xiě)第二天晚上Jane的經(jīng)歷。第二段開(kāi)頭語(yǔ)

為"ItwasdaybreakwhenJanewokeup.”表明應(yīng)續(xù)寫(xiě)第三天所發(fā)生的事情。兩句

開(kāi)頭語(yǔ)都是從Jane的視角來(lái)描寫(xiě)的，因此所接續(xù)的語(yǔ)句也以從Jane的視角來(lái)描

寫(xiě)為宜。

答題建議

文體記敘文體。重在講述故事，應(yīng)避免輕易議論。

結(jié)構(gòu)分兩段，共150詞左右，兩段詞數(shù)最好能基本平衡。

內(nèi)容每段開(kāi)頭語(yǔ)已經(jīng)限制了條件和情景，因此每一段的故事發(fā)展邏輯應(yīng)與

短文和每段開(kāi)頭語(yǔ)相符。一般來(lái)說(shuō)，故事的內(nèi)容以Jane在林中歷盡曲折、最終

與Tom相見(jiàn)、兩人和好為宜，以形成一個(gè)完整的故事環(huán)。人物關(guān)系相對(duì)比較簡(jiǎn)

單，以Jane為主，Tom次之，如有其他人物（如直升機(jī)駕駛員等）則更次之。

語(yǔ)言時(shí)態(tài)上，短文敘述發(fā)生在過(guò)去的一件事情，采用過(guò)去時(shí)。短文語(yǔ)言較為平

實(shí)，沒(méi)有大詞生僻詞，也沒(méi)有過(guò)于特別的句式。續(xù)寫(xiě)時(shí)最好能延續(xù)這種風(fēng)格，

用詞和句式上可以有變化，但不需要追求所謂的“高大上〃，應(yīng)以干凈、明白、

有表現(xiàn)力為準(zhǔn)。除總結(jié)性的語(yǔ)句外，應(yīng)注意多使用注重細(xì)節(jié)的描繪性、描述性

的語(yǔ)言。要恰當(dāng)使用語(yǔ)句連接成分，但需要注意的是，能夠完成語(yǔ)句連接任務(wù)

的并不只有連接詞和連接性副詞及詞組，還有其他許多手段，如代詞（代名詞、

代動(dòng)詞）、某些修辭手法（如重復(fù)、平行結(jié)構(gòu)等）或句式變換等。續(xù)寫(xiě)的文氣

應(yīng)與開(kāi)頭語(yǔ)相接。形式最好能緊接每段開(kāi)頭語(yǔ)續(xù)寫(xiě)，使開(kāi)頭語(yǔ)與續(xù)寫(xiě)部分形

成一個(gè)完整的段落，如果是在開(kāi)頭語(yǔ)行下方開(kāi)始續(xù)寫(xiě)，實(shí)際上就是另外一段了。

書(shū)寫(xiě)應(yīng)規(guī)范工整。

習(xí)作點(diǎn)評(píng)

習(xí)作1

Butnomorehelicopterscameanditwasgettingdarkagain.Janewassad.She

satbythestream,restingherachingfeet.IfIhadn'tquarreledwithTom,I

wouldn'thavetobehere.Janethoughtregretfully,withtearswellingupinher

eyes.ShewantedtosaysorrytoTomforlosinghertemper.However,theonly

thingshecoulddowaslyingbythestreamandwaitingforhelp.Itwasgettinglate

andJanefellasleep.

ItwasdaybreakwhenJanewokeup.Shestooduptofindsomethingtoeat.She

walkedandwalkeduntilshecametoanopenareawherewaterandburrieswere

available.Suddenly,sheheardahelicopter.Shetookoffheryellowblouseand

beganshakingitwidely,hopingsomeonecouldseeher.Sheshoutedout"Tom"

Thehelicoptersloweddownandlandedontheground.Withthedooropening,

Tomranout.SeeingJane,hewassoexcitedandcouldn/tcontainhisjoy.He

huggedJanetightly."Tom,Iwon'tlosemytemperagain.Iwanttostaywithyou

forever."Janesaidintears.

點(diǎn)評(píng)1

這篇習(xí)作故事邏輯性強(qiáng)，語(yǔ)言面貌總體相當(dāng)不錯(cuò)，較好地完成了交際任務(wù)。

從故事發(fā)展來(lái)看，習(xí)作與短文融洽度高，情節(jié)合理，有人物行為描述，也有不

少心理描寫(xiě)。最為突出的是，習(xí)作在描寫(xiě)過(guò)程中恰當(dāng)?shù)厥褂昧瞬簧倬哂休^強(qiáng)表

現(xiàn)力的細(xì)節(jié)描述性語(yǔ)言，如"restingherachingfeet""withtearswellingupinher

eyes"等，使故事非常生動(dòng)。習(xí)作也存在著一些語(yǔ)法和詞匯方面的問(wèn)題，如詞匯

拼寫(xiě)錯(cuò)誤（如"berries”拼成了"burries","wildly”拼成了"widely"）、詞匯使用錯(cuò)

誤（如"shaking"與"contain”等）、動(dòng)詞體錯(cuò)誤（如將“havinglosthertemper”誤

為"losinghertemper"）、非謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞誤用（如第一段中的"lying"與"waiting"應(yīng)為

動(dòng)詞不定式）等。標(biāo)點(diǎn)的使用也存在一些錯(cuò)誤（如"Iwouldn'thavetobehere”與

"\won'tlosemytemperagain”后應(yīng)用逗號(hào)，"SheshoutedoutTom”一句也未斷句

等）。但總體而言，這篇習(xí)作詞匯與語(yǔ)法結(jié)構(gòu)較為豐富、準(zhǔn)確，這些錯(cuò)誤不影

響意義表達(dá)，語(yǔ)句間連接成分的使用也非常有效，因此可判為第五檔。

習(xí)作2

Butnomorehelicopterscameanditwasgettingdarkagain.Janebecamemore

andmorenervous.Shethoughtshewouldbestarvingtodeath.ThistimeHowshe

wishahelicoptercouldcome.Butitdidn'thappen.Shecontinuedtowalktofindan

openareasothatshecouldflagheryellowblouse.Howeveritwastoodarktolook

aroundclearly.SoJanemadeadecision,Shedidn'twanttogoonanymore,

shewassotiredandfindanareawhichwasfullofgrass,shesleptsoon.

ItwasdaybreakwhenJanewokeup.Shewasveryhungryandthirsty,She

rememberedthestreamwhereshehadlooked.Shewalkedbackalongthepath”IfI

didn/tquarrelwithTom,IfIstaywithTom,didn'twalkaway,wemusthave

agoodandromaticevening/7Janebegantocry.Whenshefelthopeless,a

helicoptercameagain.Tohergreatjoy,Tomstoodatfrontofheratadistance.

Janewasshockedandrantowardshim.Theyhuggedeachothertightly.Tomsaid：

"\won'tleaveyoualoneanymore.wFortunately,Janewasfoundandtheyco

點(diǎn)評(píng)2

這篇習(xí)作與短文融洽度較高，每段從Jane的視角接寫(xiě)，與段落開(kāi)頭語(yǔ)銜接

合理。邏輯上，除"ahelicoptercameagain”外，總體沒(méi)有什么問(wèn)題。應(yīng)該說(shuō)，這

篇習(xí)作還是比較順利地完成了交際任務(wù)。語(yǔ)言面貌上，這篇習(xí)作問(wèn)題稍多一些,

比較突出的問(wèn)題是標(biāo)點(diǎn)的誤用（如第一段第三句"todeath.thistimeHowshe../\

第一段最后一句"Shedidn't...shesleptsoon”、第二段的"Tomsaid：”等）。與標(biāo)

點(diǎn)誤用緊密相連的，就是大小寫(xiě)的錯(cuò)誤。詞匯上，除拼寫(xiě)錯(cuò)誤（如"romatic"）

和搭配錯(cuò)誤（如atfrontof"）外，主要還是語(yǔ)義判斷上出現(xiàn)的問(wèn)題（如lookaround

clearly""whereshehadlooked""wasshocked”等）。語(yǔ)法方面，這篇習(xí)作時(shí)態(tài)錯(cuò)

誤較多（如"wish""didn'tquarrel""didn'twalkaway"等）。不過(guò)總體而言，習(xí)作

對(duì)語(yǔ)法結(jié)構(gòu)和詞匯的豐富性和準(zhǔn)確性有較好的注意，所出現(xiàn)的錯(cuò)誤對(duì)意義的表

達(dá)影響不大。語(yǔ)句銜接方面，除"Butitdidn'thappen"一句顯得突兀外，總體文

氣較為流暢。這篇習(xí)作可判為第四檔。

習(xí)作3

Butnomorehelicopterscameanditwasgettingdarkagain.

Janewasverydisappointed,butshedidn'tgiveup.Shestillkeptwalking,

andtriedherbesttofindthelake.

Shewasscreamedwhenshewalkedontheroad.Intheend,becauseshewas

tootiredthatshestoppedtoscream.Sheclimbedahighplaceandfallasleep

quickly,ButTomsfacecrowdedinhermindbeforesheclosedhereyes.

ItwasdaybreakwhenJanewokeup.

Tohersuprised,shefoundTomwasalongsideher!SheaskedTomwhyshe

wasinthere.Tomsaidhecalledthepolicetohelphim,andtheydrivedthe

helicoptertheyfoundherlaidinahighplace.Janewassomoved，thenshetold

Tomhowmuchshelovedhim,andpromisedshewillneverdoitagain!

Tomwasveryhappyandtheyneverhavesomequarrels.

點(diǎn)評(píng)3這篇習(xí)作典所給短文融洽度較高，與所提供的開(kāi)頭語(yǔ)銜接較好，寫(xiě)出

了若干有關(guān)內(nèi)容。習(xí)作形式上分成了6段，雖然如此分段并未受題目限制，但

與正確審題存在一定距離。這篇習(xí)作語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤較多，有時(shí)態(tài)錯(cuò)誤(如"fallasleep

quickly""shewillneverdoitagain”等)、語(yǔ)態(tài)錯(cuò)誤(如"wasscreamed")、連接

詞錯(cuò)誤(如"tootiredthat...")、非謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞錯(cuò)誤(如"foundherlaid""stoppedto

scream")、謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞屈折變化錯(cuò)誤(如"drived")、詞性錯(cuò)誤(如"toher

suprised")、人稱錯(cuò)誤(如“herwalked")、冠詞使用錯(cuò)誤(如“thefoundher")、

標(biāo)點(diǎn)錯(cuò)誤(如'fallasleepquickly,ButTomsfacew)等。詞匯方面有拼寫(xiě)錯(cuò)誤(如

“suprised")、詞義判斷錯(cuò)誤(如"crowded""some")。幸而這些錯(cuò)誤對(duì)意義的表

達(dá)影響不是特別大，并未嚴(yán)重影響交際任務(wù)的完成。習(xí)作語(yǔ)句間連接成分雖然

較為簡(jiǎn)單，卻也使用了足夠的連接手段，全文內(nèi)容基本連貫。全篇共134詞(不

計(jì)開(kāi)頭語(yǔ))，雖然達(dá)到了130詞，但與150詞的要求還有較大距離，在判分時(shí)

也需要酌情考慮。這篇習(xí)作可判為第三檔。

習(xí)作4

Butnomorehelicopterscameanditwasgettingdarkagain.Janewasworried

aboutherself.Shethought：”ifnobodycomeheretosavehershewilldiein

forest."Now,shestaredtomissTomverymuch.Shestaredtoregretleavethat

lakebutshehadtowalkawaythisplace.Sheusedherclothestiedtreeshope

someonecouldsawit.Andthedarkagain,shehadtofoundwheretosleep

otherwiseshecouldn/thavepowertowalk.Beforeshewasfoundsomewhereto

sleep,shedecidedtofindsomethingtoeat.Andthensheclimbedthetreeto

sleep.

ItwasdaybreakwhenJanewokeup.Tohergreatjoy,sheheardsomesounds.

Shelookedaroundaimtofindinghelicopterorsomeonebuttimewentbylongtime

shedidn'tseeanything.Shebegandisappointedandshewalkedslowly.Shewas

upsetaboutalivewhensheheardwatertricklingsomewhereatadistance.

Suddenly,Janebeganheardahelicopterveryclose,shestartedtorun,She

wasdumbfoundedwhensawTomstoodinhelicopter.Herhusbandhuggedwith

herandtoldherhowmuchhimlovedher.Theywerecriedalongtimeandleave

thisforest.

點(diǎn)評(píng)4

這篇習(xí)作內(nèi)容上與所給短文關(guān)系較為密切，與所提供的開(kāi)頭語(yǔ)也有較好的銜

接，寫(xiě)出了較多的內(nèi)容，應(yīng)用了6個(gè)關(guān)鍵詞語(yǔ)。語(yǔ)言上錯(cuò)誤較多，上文所評(píng)幾

篇習(xí)作所犯的錯(cuò)誤這篇幾乎都有，比較嚴(yán)重的是，意義的傳達(dá)受到了較大的影

響，如"Sheusedherclothestiedtreeshopesomeonecouldsawit”——句，"tied

trees"意義不清，再加上“hope”無(wú)法分清是動(dòng)詞還是名詞，使讀者無(wú)法明白作者

想要表達(dá)的意思。第二段中"buttimewentbylongtimeshedidn'tseeanything”也

存在同樣的問(wèn)題。有的地方是由于詞義判斷錯(cuò)誤而影響意義的傳達(dá)，如TShewas

dumbfounded"。有的句子則是由于沒(méi)有恰當(dāng)運(yùn)用銜接手段(加上其他錯(cuò)誤)而

影響意義傳達(dá)，如'butshehadtowalkawaythisplace"和'Shewasupsetaboutalive

whensheheardwatertricklingsomewherewo全文內(nèi)容雖然有一定的連貫性，但

由于意義傳達(dá)受到影響，交際任務(wù)未能很好完成，因此可判為第二檔。

習(xí)作5

Butnomorehelicopterscameanditwasgettingdarkagain.Janefeelsvery

hungry.Then,theTomhadclimbedtoahighplace,hewillhelpJane.Tomlook

theJane,hethinkshouldn'twalkedaway.

ItwasdaybreakwhenJanewokeup.JanethinksJanewasdead.Buthesees

Tomatadistance.Janefeelveryhappy,BecauseheandTomstillhavefriendship.

Intheend,theywerelefttheforest.

點(diǎn)評(píng)5

這篇習(xí)作總體面貌簡(jiǎn)陋，只有57詞，而且語(yǔ)句過(guò)于簡(jiǎn)單，錯(cuò)誤很多，邏輯

上也出現(xiàn)了很大的漏洞(如Then,theTomhadclimbedtoahighplace”和heand

Tomstillhavefriendship^),雖然與所提供短文和開(kāi)頭語(yǔ)有一定的銜接，語(yǔ)句間

也有一定的連接成分，但產(chǎn)出內(nèi)容太少，語(yǔ)法結(jié)構(gòu)和詞匯項(xiàng)目都很有限，全文

內(nèi)容也不夠連貫，交際任務(wù)完成情況很差?？膳袨榈谝粰n。

習(xí)作6

Butnomorehelicopterscameanditwasgettingdarkagain