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Sixstrategiesofmaking
andrevisingsentences1.Useparallelism2.Useaconsistentpointofview3.Usespecificwords4.Useactiveverbs5.Useconcisediction6.Varyyoursentences7.Confirmpunctuations8.Editsentencescarefully1.Useparallelism
Wordsinapairoraseriesshouldhaveparallelstructure.Bybalancingtheitemsinapairoraseriessothattheyhavethesamekindofstructure,youwillmakethesentenceclearerandeasiertoread.Noticehowtheparallelsentencesthatfollowreadmoresmoothlythanthenonparallelones.(1)Myjobincludescheckingtheinventory,initialingtheorders,andtocallthesupplies.(2)Thegame-showcontestantwastoldtobecheerful,charming,andwithenthusiasm.(3)Grandmalikestoreadmysterynovels,todoneedlepoint,andbrowsingtheInternetonherhomecomputer.(4)Wepaintedthetriminthelivingroom;thewallpaperwasputupbyaprofessional.Exe:---Thenoveltystoresellshandbuzzers,plasticfangs,andinsectsthatarefake.---Manypeoplesharethesamethreeintensefears:beinginhighplaces,workingwithnumbers,andspeeches.----“Myboyfriendissodumb,”saidMary,“thathewenttoLasVegas,hetriestoplaythesodamachines.”----Fromhisperchhighuponthrockycliff,theeaglespotsawhite-tailedrabbitandswoopeddowntowardhisvictim.-----AfterIfinishesthewritingwork,Iwentoutforawalkwithmypuppy,Jack.(2)ConsistencywithpronounsWhenwritingapaper,youshouldnotshiftyourpointofviewunnecessarily.Beconsistentinyouruseoffirst-person,third-person.Thefollowingexamplesarenotconsistentinpersonalpronouns.----Oneofthebenefitsofmyjobisthatyoucanuseacompanycreditcardforgasoline.---Thoughwelikemostofourneighbors,thereareafewyoucannotgetalongwith.---WhenIbuylipstickornailpolish,youneverknowhowthecolorwillactuallylook.----Itisexpensiveforustotakepublictransportationtoworkeveryday,butwhatchoicedoyouhaveifyoucannotaffortacar?----Peopleoftentakeafirst-aidcoursesothatwecanlearnhowtohelpchokingandheartattackvictims.----Onecanneverthinksofwhatwewillbelikeinfuture.----Whenyoudriveonthehighway,IgetdisgustedattheamountoftrashIsee.----Iwouldliketogotoschoolwhereonecanmeetmanypeoplewhoaredifferentfromme.3.UsespecificwordsTobeaspecificwriter,youmustusespecificwordsratherthangeneralwords.Specificwordscreatepictureinthereader’smind.Theyhelpcaptureinterestandmakeyourmeaningclear.Comparethefollowingsentences:Shewalkeddownthestreet.AnnewanderedslowlyalongRogersLane.Animalscameintotheplace.Hungrylionspaddedsilentlyintothesawdust-coveredarea.Theflagmovedinthewind.Theflagflutteredinthebreeze.Thatwomanjogsfivemilesaday.Thatfragile-looking,gray-hairedwomanjogsfivemilesaday.Anoisetoldthecrowdthattheyhadtwomintuestoleavetheplace.Apiercingwhistlewarnedthecheeringcrowdthattheyhadtwominutestoleavethesupermarket.Whenhereturned,allthathefoundintherefrigewasbreadandmilk.Whenhereturnedfromhislongjourney,allthatTomfoundwasstalebreadandsourmilk.Trytoaddthespecificdetailtothesentencesbelow.Thechildstartedtocry.Thegamewasexciting.Apassengeronthebuswasactingstrangely.Theloungeareawasbusy.4.UseactiveverbsWhenthesubjectofasentenceperformstheactionoftheverb,theverbisintheactivevoice.Whenthesubjectofasentencereceivestheactionofaverb,theverbisinthepassivevoice.Thepassiveformofaverbconsistsoftheverbtobeplusthepastparticipleofthemainverb.Forexample:----ManyunhealthyfoodsareincludedinthetypicalAmericandiet.Revised:ThetypicalAmericandietconcludesmanyunhealthyfoods.----Thefamilypicnicwasinvadedbyhundredsofbitingants.Revised:Hundredsofbitingantsinvadedthefamilypicnic.---Finalgradeswillbedeterminedbytheinstructorsonthebasisofclassperformance.Revised:Theinstructorswilldeterminethefinalgradesonthebasisofclassperformance.5.UseconcisedictionWordiness---usingmorewordsthannecessarytoexpressameaning---isoftenasignoflazyorcarelesswriting.Yourreadersmayresenttheextratimeandenergytheymustspendwhenyouhavenotdonetheworkneededtomakeyourwritingdirectandconcise.Herearetwoinstances:----Inthispaper,IamplanningtodescribethehobbythatIenjoyofcollectingoldcomicbooks.Revised:Ienjoyedcollectingoldcomicbooks.---InBen’sopinion,hethinksthatcabletelevisionwillchangeandalterourlivesinthefuture.Revised:Benthinksthatcabletelevisionwillchangeourlives.---Trytorevisethefollowingsentences.(1)Inconclusion,Iwouldliketoendmyessaybysummarizingeachofthemajorpointsthatwerecoveredwithinmypaper.(2)Controllingthequalityandlevelofthetelevisionshowsthatchildrenwatchisacontinuingchallengetoparentsthattheymustmeetonadailybasis.(3)Ingeneral,Iamthesortofpersonwhotendstobeshy,especiallyinlargecrowdsorwithstrangersIdonotknowwell.(4)Someonewhoisanalyzingmagazineadvertisingcanfindhiddenmessagesthat,onceuncovered,areseentobecleverandpersuasive.(5)MygreatestmistakethatImadelastweekwastohurtmybrother’sfeelingsandthennottohavethenervetoapologizeandsayhowsorryIwas.(6)Intoday’suncertaineconomicclimate,itisclearthatpeople,namely,averagemiddle-classworkingpeople,havegreatdifficultysavingmuchmoneyorputtinganythingasideforemergincies.(7)Wethoughtthetelevisionprogramthatwasonlastnightwasenjoyable,whereasourparentsreactedwithdisliketothecontentoftheshow.6.VaryyoursentencesOnepartofeffectivewritingistovarythekindsofsentencesyouwrite.Ifeverysentencefollowsthesamepattern,writingmaybecomemonotonoustoread.Herewewillexplainfourwaysyoucancreatevarietyandinterestinyourwritingstyle.Italsodescribescoordinationandsubordination---twoimportanttechiquesforachievingdifferentkindsofemphasisinwriting.1.Addasecondcompletethought(coordination)2.Addadependentthought(subordination)3.Beginwithaspecialopeningwordorphrase.4.Placeadjectivesorverbsinaseries.----Howtomakecoordinativesentencesorcompoundsentencewithand,or,but,so,for,nor,yet.Acompoundsentenceisasentencethatconsistsoftwoormoreclausesthatarejoinedbythecoordinativeconnetcivewordslikeand,or,but,so,for,nor,yet.Acompoundsentencecontainstwoideasthatshouldbeequalinimportance.Suchas,Gregworkedontheengineforthreehours,butthecarstillwouldnotstart.Bananaswereonsalethisweek,soIboughtabunchforthechildren’slunches.Welacedupourrollerblades,andthenwemovedcautiouslyontotherink.Attention:Gregworkedontheengineforthreehours;however,thecarstillwouldnotstart.----Howtomakesubordinativesentencesorcomplexsentence.Asubordinativesentenceisasentencethatconsistsoftwoormoreclauses,andoneofthemworksasmainclauseorindependentclause,theotherworksasdependentorsubordinateclausethatareintroducedbythesubordinativeconnetcivewords
likewhenfortime,whereforplace,ifforcondition,becauseforcausalrelation,so(that)forconsequentialrelation.Acomplexsentencecontainstwoideasthatshouldbenotequalinimportance.----Beginwithasepcialopeningwordorphrase.Amongthespecialopenersthatcanbeusedtostartsentencesare–edwords,-ingwords,-ly-words,towordgroups,andprepostionalphrase.Hereareexamplesofallfivekindsofopeners.___ed-wordConcernedabouthisson’sfever,Paulcalleddoctor.___ing-wordHummingsoftly,thewomanbrowsedthroughtherackofdresses.___ly-wordHesitantly,Sueapproachedtheinstructor’sdesk.__to–wordToprotectherhair,Evausesthelowestsettingonherblowdryer.___prepositionalwordDuringtheexam,dropsofwaterfellfromthecelling.(6)----PlaceadjectivesorverbsinaseriesIgentlyappliedastickynewBand-Aidtothedeep,raggedcutonmyfinger.Tomspunthebasketballononefinger,rolleditalonghisarms,anddribbleditbetweenhislegs.Moreexercises:Combineeachofthefollowinggroupsofsimplesentencesintotwolongersentences.Omitrepeatedwords.Variouscombinationsareoftenpossible,sotrytomakeyourcombinationmoresmoothlyandclearly.(1)Thephysicianwatched.Julietriedtostandonherweakenedlegs.Theycrumpledunderher.(2)Therewereparkingspacesonthestreet.Richardspulledintoanexpensivegarage.Hedidnotwanttoriskdamaginghisnewcar.(1)Thephysicianwatched.Julietriedtostandonherweakenedlegs.Theycrumpledunderher.(2)Therewereparkingspacesonthestreet.Richardspulledintoanexpensivegarage.Hedidnotwanttoriskdamaginghisnewcar.(3)Thetruckwasspeeding.Thetruckwasbrown.Thetruckwasskiddedontheice.Thetruckwasalmosthitapoliceman.Thepolicemanwasstartled.Thepolicemanwasyoung.(4)Therainstormfloodedourbasement.Therainstormwassudden.Therainstormwasterrible.Therainstormknockedslatesoftheroof.Therainstormuprootedsomeyoungtrees.(5)Asuddencoldfronthittheerea.Temperaturesdroppedthirtydegreesinlessthananhour.Myteechbegantoclatter.Iwasnotwearingawarmjacket.(6)Janeworksasamodel.Shehastolookherbest.Shegainedtenpoundsrecently.Shehadtotakeofftheextraweight.Shewouldhavelostherjob.(7)Theballgamewasabouttobegin.Adogranontothefield.Thedogbegannippingattheinfielder’sankles.Thegamehadtobedelayed.Thedogwaschasedaway.(8)T
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