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Unit13MarriageRobertLynd1“Conventionalpeople,”saysMr.BertrandRussell,“l(fā)iketopretendthatdifficultiesinregardtomarriageareanewthing.”Icouldnothelpwondering,asIreadthissentence,whereonecanmeettheseconventionalpeoplewhothink,orpretendtothink,asconventionalpeopledo.Ihaveknownhundredsofconventionalpeople,andIcannotrememberoneofthemwhothoughtthethingsconventionalpeopleseemtothink.Theywereall,forexample,convincedthatmarriagewasastatebesetwithdifficulties,andthatthesedifficultieswereasold,ifnotasthehills,atleastasthedayonwhichAdamlostaribandgainedawife.Ayoungergenerationofconventionalpeoplehasgrownupinrecentyears,anditmaybethattheyhavearosierconceptionofmarriagethantheirancestors;buttheconventionalpeopleoftheVictorianerawereundernoillusionsonthesubject.TheircynicalattitudetomarriagemaybegatheredfromtheenthusiasticreceptiontheygavetoPunch’sadvicetothoseabouttomarry-“Don’t.”2Idoubt,indeed,whetherthehorrorsofmarriagewereeverdepictedmorecruellythanduringtheconventionalnineteenthcentury.Thecomicpapersandmusic-hallsmadethemiseriesastandingdish.“Youcanalwaystellwhetheraman’smarriedorsinglefromthewayhe’sdressed,”saidthecomedian.“Lookatthesingleman:nobuttonsonhisshirt.Lookatthemarriedman:noshirt.”Thehumourwascrude;butitwenthometothehonestVictorianheart.Ifmarriageweretobejudgedbythesongsconventionalpeopleusedtosingaboutitinthemusic-halls,itwouldseemahellmainlypopulatedbytwinsandleech-likemothers-in-law.TherareexperiencesofDarbyandJoanwere,itistrue,occasionallyhymned,reducingstrongmensmellingstronglyofalcoholtoreverentsilence;but,onthewhole,theaudiencefeltmorenormalwhenacomediancameoutwithananti-maritalrefrainsuchas:OwhydidIleavemylittlebackroomInBloomsbury,WhereIcouldliveonapoundaweekInluxury(Iforgetthenextline).ButsinceIhavemarriedMaria,I’vejumpedoutofthefrying-panIntothebloomingfire.3Nodifficulties?Why,theverynigger-minstrelsofmyboyhoodusedtoopentheirperformancewithachoruswhichbegan:Married!Married!Opitythosewho’remarried.Thosewhogoandtakeawifemustbeverygreen.4Itispossiblethatthecomediansexaggerated,andthatVictorianwiveswerenotallviragoswithpokers,whobeattheirtipsyhusbandsforstayingouttoolate.ButatleasttheyandtheiraudiencesrefrainedfrompaintingmarriageasaninevitableParadise.EventheclergywouldgonofartherthantosaythatmarriagesweremadeinHeaven.Thattheydidnotbelievethatmarriagenecessarilyendedthereisshownbythefactthatoneofthemwrotea“best-seller”bearingthetitleHowtoBeHappyThoughMarried.5Idoubt,indeed,whethercommonopinioninanyagehaseverlookedonmarriageasanuntroubledParadise.Iconsultedadictionaryofquotationsonthesubjectanddiscoveredthatfewoftheopinionsquotedwererose-coloured.Theseopinions,itmaybeobjected,aretheopinionsofunconventionalpeople,butitisalsotruethattheyareopinionstreasuredandkeptalivebyconventionalpeople.WehavethereputedsayingofthehenpeckedSocrates,forexample,whenaskedwhetheritwasbettertomarryornot:“Whicheveryoudo,youwillrepent.”WehaveMontaignewriting:“Ithappensasoneseesincages.Thebirdsoutsidedespairofevergettingin;thoseinsideareequallydesirousofgettingout.”Baconisnomoreprenuptialwithhiscausticquotation:“Hewasreputedoneofthewisementhatmadeanswertothequestionwhenamanshouldmarry:‘Ayoungmannotyet;aneldermannotatall.’”Burtonisfarfromencouraging!“Onewasnevermarried,andthat’shishell;anotheris,andthat’shisplague.”Pepysscribbledinhisdiary:“Strangetosaywhatdelightwemarriedpeoplehavetoseethesepoorfolkdecoyedintoourcondition.”6ThepiousJeremyTaylorwasaskeenlyawarethatmarriageisnotallbliss.“Marriage,”hedeclared,“hathinitlessofbeautyandmoreofsafetythanthesinglelife-ithathmorecarebutlessdanger;itismoremerryandmoresad;itisfullerofsorrowsandfullerofjoys.”ThesentimentalandoptimisticSteelecandonobetterthan:“Themarriagestate,withandwithouttheaffectionsuitabletoit,isthecompletestimageofHeavenandHellwearecapableofreceivinginthislife.”7Rousseaudeniedthataperfectmarriagehadeverbeenknown.“Ihaveoften里;李四結(jié)了婚,生活在災(zāi)禍中。”佩皮斯在日記中信筆寫道:“說來也怪,我們這些已婚人士看到那些可憐的家伙像我們一樣被誘進(jìn)婚姻這個火坑時,我們是多么高興啊?!? 虔誠的杰瑞米·泰勒也同樣深刻認(rèn)識到婚姻并不都是好事。他宣稱:婚姻比單身生活少一份美感,卻多一份安全感——它有更多的關(guān)心,卻減少了風(fēng)險;它令人更加快樂也更加傷心;它充滿了更多的悲哀,也充滿了更多的歡樂。多愁善感又樂觀的斯梯爾說得最好的就是這句話:“婚姻狀態(tài),無論有沒有與其相適的愛戀,提供了我們此生能接收到的天堂和地獄的最完整形象?!? 盧梭否認(rèn)完美婚姻的存在?!拔页O?,”他寫道,“假如我們能在婚姻中延續(xù)愛情的快樂,我們將在人間找到天堂。迄今為止這樣的情形都不存在?!痹谶@本引語詞典中我們找不到約翰遜博士說的話,但誰都記得,盡管他是個盡職的丈夫,但他卻否認(rèn)婚姻狀態(tài)對人來說是自然的?!跋壬?,”他說,“要讓一個男人和一個女人生活在婚姻的狀態(tài)中,根本不是一件自然的事情,我們發(fā)現(xiàn)能讓他們保持這種關(guān)系的各種動力以及文明社會強(qiáng)加于他們的種種約束,都不足以保證他們廝守終生?!? 當(dāng)人們讀完世世代代關(guān)于婚姻的一切評論后,看到年輕人依然奮不顧身結(jié)婚的勇氣,不禁感慨萬千。幾乎所有人,凡夫俗子也罷,超凡脫俗者也罷,幾乎都用最灰暗的筆調(diào)來描繪婚姻的種種困擾。19世紀(jì)傳統(tǒng)小說家對婚姻如此悲觀,以至于他們幾乎不敢把故事延續(xù)到婚禮鐘聲敲響之后。戲劇與小說中的已婚人士極少有令人艷羨者,而且隨著斗轉(zhuǎn)星移,他們的命運(yùn)似乎越來越悲慘。即便是
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