business letter-修改商務(wù)信函

紅色部分是所做的修改或補(bǔ)充DearMs.Hathoway:ForthcomingPriceChangeSeasonticketsforthisyear'ssymphonyaregoingonsalenextmonthandwewantedyoutobeamongthefirsttoknow.

Asyouprobablyknow,rentalpriceshaveskyrocketedthroughoutTennesseethisyear.DuetoourincreaseinrentattheArringtonForum,wearefindingitnecessarytoraisethepriceofourseasonticketsfrom$228to$275.Singleviewingticketswillalsobesubjecttoapriceincrease.Wehopethatyouwillconsiderpurchasingseasonticketsfornextyeardespitethischange.TheArringtonSymphonyhasbeentogetherfor23years,andreliesonseason-ticketholderstofill25%oftheseatingateachevent.WithoutyoursupporttheArringtonSymphonycouldbeforcedintoretirementbeforeits25thanniversary.Topurchaseticketsforthe20--season,pleasevisitourwebsiteat,orcalltheticketagentrepresentativeat(615)395-8750.Welookforwardtohavingyouinouraudienceagainnextyear.Yourstruly,ColinFairchildGeneralAnalysisField:businesscommunicationMode:writtenletterTenor:formal,clear,directPersonaltenor:betweenoldbusinesspartnersFunctionaltenor:forthcomingpricechangeSemanticFpletenessandcorrectness:theinformationconveyedinthemessageiscompleteandcorrect.E.g.from$228to$275,…tofill25%oftheseatingateachevent.2.Clarityandbrevity:inthisletter,mostwordsarecommonwords,mostsentencesaresimpleinstructure.Besides,thetopicishighlightedtomakeiteasytograsp.E.g.ForthcomingPriceChange3Considerationandcourtesy:thetoneiscloseandpolitee.g.①“Wehopethatyouwillconsiderpurchasingseasonticketsfornextyeardespitethischange.”Therequirementisexpressedintheformofhope,makingitpoliterandeasierfortheaddresseetoaccept

②“WithoutyoursupporttheArringtonSymphonycouldbeforcedintoretirementbeforeits25thanniversary.”ThissentenceacknowledgestheimportanceofseasonticketholdersandexpressesgratitudetothemandthereforecaneasilygaintheirfurthersupportSyntacticFeatures1.activevoiceisused.Mostsentencesinthisletterareinactivevoice,creatingnatural,close,andpositiveeffect.E.g.……wewantedyoutobeamongthefirsttoknow.Wehopethatyouwillconsiderpurchasingseasonticketsfornextyeardespitethischange.2.passivevoiceandsubjunctivemoodE.g.WithoutyoursupporttheArringtonSymphonycouldbeforcedintoretirementbeforeits25thanniversary.Theuseofpassivevoiceandsubjunctivemoodimpliesthatweneedyourfurthersupportandyoucertainlywilldosomethingtopreventsuchthingsfromhappening.3.theuseofaffirmativesentences:inthisletter,therearemanysentenceswhichareexpressedinpositivetonesoastobepoliteandfriendly.E.g.In“wewantedyoutobeamongthefirsttoknow.”,theuseof“thefirst”impliesthatyouareveryimportanttousandwegiveyoupriority.②“DuetoourincreaseinrentattheArringtonForum,wearefindingitnecessarytoraisethepriceofourseasonticketsfrom$228to$275.”Inthissentence,theuseof“wearefindingitnecessary”makesitclearthatwedon’twanttoraisethepricebuthavetosinceweareinsuchasituation.Inthisway,thetoneofthestatementissoftenedandthenegativeeffectofpriceriseislessened.LexicalFeatures1.concreteandnaturalwords:e.g.Singleviewingticketswillalsobesubjecttoapriceincrease.2.BriefandCommonwords:briefandcommonwordsareusedtomakethemessagedirectandclear.e.g.price,change,sale,purchase,visit,etc.GraphologicalFeatures1.capitalization:keywordsandthenameofplacearecapitalizedtomarktheimportance.E.g.ForthcomingPriceChange,theArringtonForum,Tennessee,ColinFairchild;2.underlining:somewordsarealsounderlinedtomakethemprominent.E.g