2022年1月浙江首考英語(yǔ)讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)精深分析與下水范例

1、2022年1月浙江首考英語(yǔ)讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)精深分析與下水范例【真題呈現(xiàn)】When Dr. Gullickson was assigning project mates for his introduction to experimental psychology class, I secretly hoped he would pair me with my best friend or at least a classmate I could have some fun with. Above all, I hoped he wouldn't assign me to work with t

2、he intense, fiercely competitive, singularly serious fellow who always wore dark clothes and apparently had a personality to match. As fate would have it, Dr. Gullickson very deliberately matched everyone in class and announced that I would be working with the one person in class I wanted to avoid.I

3、 went up to my new teammate and introduced myself. He looked at me as though I weren't there. I felt he treated me as though I would hold him back and probably cause his grade-point average to take a nosedive. He wasn't outright mean or abusive. He just gave me the impression he could do wha

4、tever project we dreamed up better if he did it alone.Needless to say, I didn't look forward to an entire term of being brushed off, but I tried to make the best of it and didnt say anything, lest I make things worse.The project required each lab team to develop a hypothesis，set up an experiment

5、 to test the hypothesis，run the tests，do the statistical analysis and present the findings. Whatever grade the team received would be shared by both students. When my teammate and I met to discuss our project, I was uneasy. Here was this challenging student who had a reputation for single-mindedness

6、 and good grades the exact opposite of me. I was outmatched. I actually wanted to drop the class at one point，but stopped short because I didnt want to give him the satisfaction of my chickening out.After lengthy discussions，we somehow agreed to do a study on the tactile-kinesthetic perception of sp

7、ace. I wasnt sure what it meant，but at least we had a topic.Paragraph 1: We started to meet regularly to draw up our plans._ _Paragraph 2: One day I got word that he was admitted to hospital for a serious disease. 【語(yǔ)段解讀】When Dr. Gullickson was assigning project mates for his introduction to experime

8、ntal psychology class, I secretly hoped he would pair me with my best friend or at least a classmate I could have some fun with. Above all, I hoped he wouldn't assign me to work with the intense, fiercely competitive, singularly serious fellow who always wore dark clothes and apparently had a pe

9、rsonality to match. As fate would have it, Dr. Gullickson very deliberately matched everyone in class and announced that I would be working with the one person in class I wanted to avoid.【概要】故事發(fā)生的背景，古利克森教授指定項(xiàng)目搭檔，命運(yùn)弄人，我的搭檔是我最不愿碰到的家伙【Character】the author；the guy in black； Dr. Gullickson【Connection】a p

10、roject on psychology全文鏈接人物與情節(jié)的關(guān)鍵線索【Origin】The authors expectation Versus her tutors assignmentI went up to my new teammate and introduced myself. He looked at me as though I weren't there. I felt he treated me as though I would hold him back and probably cause his grade-point average to take a n

11、osedive. He wasn't outright mean or abusive. He just gave me the impression he could do whatever project we dreamed up better if he did it alone.【概要】搭檔的特性，其實(shí)也就是我不愿與他搭伙的原因，高冷、優(yōu)秀，擅長(zhǎng)單打獨(dú)斗【Personality】Indifferent;Somewhat cynical（憤世嫉俗的）；pursuit for perfect-ism貼合人物性格展開(kāi)情節(jié)【My feeling】The project was mor

12、e his own than our sharedNeedless to say, I didn't look forward to an entire term of being brushed off, but I tried to make the best of it and didnt say anything, lest I make things worse.【概要】作者的糾結(jié)，遇到這樣的一個(gè)搭檔，那么只能少說(shuō)以免出錯(cuò)?！綢ndicated personalities of the author】Considerate；cautious；ambitious【Likely

13、Theme】在與隊(duì)友合作的過(guò)程中提升自己；發(fā)揮主觀能動(dòng)性證明自我價(jià)值The project required each lab team to develop a hypothesis，set up an experiment to test the hypothesis，run the tests，do the statistical analysis and present the findings. Whatever grade the team received would be shared by both students. When my teammate and I met t

14、o discuss our project, I was uneasy. Here was this challenging student who had a reputation for single-mindedness and good grades the exact opposite of me. I was outmatched. I actually wanted to drop the class at one point，but stopped short because I didnt want to give him the satisfaction of my chi

15、ckening out.【概要】項(xiàng)目的操作流程，提出假設(shè)實(shí)驗(yàn)測(cè)試數(shù)據(jù)分析得出結(jié)論。作者感到be Outmatched，因?yàn)樽员耙欢认胍艞?，但最終還是堅(jiān)持了下來(lái)?！咎崾尽靠梢栽诤笪奶岬酵瓿身?xiàng)目的步驟，減弱日?？贪逵∠蟮膭?dòng)作描寫(xiě)After lengthy discussions，we somehow agreed to do a study on the tactile-kinesthetic perception of space. I wasnt sure what it meant，but at least we had a topic.【概要】介紹了項(xiàng)目?jī)?nèi)容，青少年心理健康問(wèn)題，這也是兩

16、個(gè)人擁有共同話題的開(kāi)端。【寫(xiě)作分析】本文語(yǔ)言風(fēng)格簡(jiǎn)練，敘事主體客觀，并沒(méi)有摻雜過(guò)多的個(gè)人情感，并沒(méi)有過(guò)多的進(jìn)行動(dòng)作和情緒的刻畫(huà)，是本篇續(xù)寫(xiě)的語(yǔ)言特點(diǎn)。平時(shí)的續(xù)寫(xiě)教學(xué)中會(huì)構(gòu)建語(yǔ)料庫(kù)，主要從動(dòng)作和情感著手，如果能從平時(shí)的語(yǔ)料中汲取部分，應(yīng)付這篇續(xù)寫(xiě)是綽綽有余的。但嚴(yán)格意義上來(lái)講，我們會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)這類(lèi)的動(dòng)作和情感并未有出現(xiàn)在原文中，原文中那種“碎碎念”更多的就是事件的簡(jiǎn)單介紹，而并沒(méi)有深挖細(xì)節(jié)。因而從續(xù)寫(xiě)的協(xié)同角度來(lái)看，真正的上乘之作應(yīng)該要考慮這一種接續(xù)。本文情節(jié)發(fā)展為：“我”在完成心理學(xué)課程項(xiàng)目時(shí)匹配到性格不合的隊(duì)友分工合作，定期討論突遭變故，隊(duì)友住院完成項(xiàng)目。需要重點(diǎn)把握事件發(fā)展和人物情感兩條線索。故

17、事開(kāi)始時(shí)，“我”希望自己能夠在輕松愉快的氛圍中完成項(xiàng)目，老師卻安排“我”和嚴(yán)肅自律的隊(duì)友一組，“我”感到失望和擔(dān)憂(yōu)；隨后“我”向隊(duì)友介紹自己，他無(wú)視“我”，使“我”感到氣憤和委屈；隨著故事的發(fā)展，“我”和隊(duì)友開(kāi)始合作，過(guò)程中“我”雖然背負(fù)壓力，但并沒(méi)有退縮。在續(xù)寫(xiě)時(shí)需要體現(xiàn)雙方是如何相互影響，并在合作中突破自身的局限共同成長(zhǎng)的。在原文中，“He just gave me the impression he could do whatever project we dreamed up better if he did it alone.”一句是伏筆，體現(xiàn)了“我”眼中的隊(duì)友形象。在續(xù)寫(xiě)段落中，故

18、事發(fā)生反轉(zhuǎn)：隊(duì)友突然重病使得完成項(xiàng)目的責(zé)任落在“我”的身上，此時(shí)情節(jié)與前面的伏筆相呼應(yīng)。本文中，“我”和隊(duì)友是主要人物，為合作關(guān)系。促成合作的Dr. Gullickson為次要人物。在兩位主要人物中，“我”的內(nèi)心較為敏感，擔(dān)心自己能力不足妨礙隊(duì)友；同時(shí)又有較強(qiáng)的自尊心，不愿直接退課。而文中從“我”的視角出發(fā)對(duì)隊(duì)友的描寫(xiě)也說(shuō)明，溝通合作不是隊(duì)友的強(qiáng)項(xiàng)。故事在塑造人物時(shí)使用了大量的心理描寫(xiě)，以“我”的心理為主（I secretly hoped He just gave me the impression I was uneasy I actually wanted to drop the clas

19、s at one point, but stopped short because I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of my chickening out.）呈現(xiàn)了一個(gè)內(nèi)心世界豐富的人物形象。在續(xù)寫(xiě)時(shí)，首先應(yīng)注意人物性格與故事設(shè)定相吻合，如隊(duì)友在前文中的性格是驕傲、獨(dú)立，但并不刻薄，也不會(huì)對(duì)“我”惡語(yǔ)相向。下文可以結(jié)合這樣的性格特點(diǎn)進(jìn)行動(dòng)作和對(duì)話等描寫(xiě)。從原文和兩段段首句可以看出，故事中的主要?jiǎng)∏榘l(fā)生在學(xué)校，續(xù)寫(xiě)時(shí)可以具體到校園中的某一個(gè)場(chǎng)景（如教室、實(shí)驗(yàn)室、圖書(shū)館等）。需要注意，在續(xù)寫(xiě)部分第二段如果情節(jié)涉及“我”和隊(duì)友的當(dāng)面溝通

20、，場(chǎng)景可能切換到醫(yī)院的病房中。故事發(fā)生的時(shí)間貫穿心理學(xué)課程的始終（可以推測(cè)為一個(gè)學(xué)期）。本文在敘述中多次使用對(duì)比的手法，突出“我”和隊(duì)友的不同之處，展現(xiàn)了兩人從項(xiàng)目初期互不信任到后來(lái)逐漸學(xué)會(huì)合作的過(guò)程。Setting：   at school  ,  everyday life我們開(kāi)始定期碰頭制定計(jì)劃.描寫(xiě)“我”和隊(duì)友制訂計(jì)劃的情景，二人可能會(huì)盡力相互配合，也有可能產(chǎn)生摩擦。閱讀第二段段首句可知，在第一段結(jié)尾處，“我們”應(yīng)該已經(jīng)合作了一段時(shí)間，取得了一些成果?！緟⒖肌?、Restate the roles in the projects con

21、duction2、My tireless efforts may improve our relationship3、Maybe the reason why he kept so secretive（可略寫(xiě)一筆，豐富內(nèi)容）【原文好句】I was floored by his cold and cynical responseI put in my two cents' worth whenever I could, but I still felt he was the driving force.突然一天我得知他因?yàn)橹夭∽≡毫? Clue ： 突然一天

22、我得知他因?yàn)橹夭∽≡毫?   學(xué)霸有軟弱的時(shí)候，學(xué)渣也有不可忽視的潛力【參考】a) 得知隊(duì)友住院，“我”的反應(yīng)如何？ b) “我”會(huì)和隊(duì)友進(jìn)行怎樣的交流？c) 通過(guò)這次經(jīng)歷，“我”收獲了什么？【主題】“在與隊(duì)友合作的過(guò)程中提升自己”結(jié)合故事情節(jié)可知，“我”在這次合作中獲得了成長(zhǎng)，“我”的努力付出也改變了隊(duì)友對(duì)“我”的看法?！旧A】Adversity reveals genius, prosperity conceals it. 苦難顯才華，富足隱天資。文章和愛(ài)情并沒(méi)有任何關(guān)系，其實(shí)更多的是講述作者與搭檔的友情 【語(yǔ)言錘煉】 基于原文本的模仿式寫(xiě)作Language動(dòng)

23、作描寫(xiě)The project required each lab team to develop a hypothesis,set up an experiment to test the hypothesis, run the tests, do the statistical analysis and present the findings. （動(dòng)作鏈）心理描寫(xiě)I secretly hoped he would pair me with my best friend or at least a classmate I could have

24、 some fun with.He looked at me as though I weren't there. I felt he treated me as though I would hold him back and probably cause his grade-point average to take a nosedive.（虛擬語(yǔ)氣表達(dá)作者的不滿(mǎn)）情緒描寫(xiě)Above all, I hoped he wouldn't assign me to work with the intense,fiercely competitive, sing

25、ularly serious fellow who always wore dark clothes and apparently had a personality to match. （多個(gè)形容詞，副詞修飾，表達(dá)討厭之情緒）Imitate1 動(dòng)作鏈：Without any delay, I packed up my school bag , took all the experiment statistics and rushed to the hospital.2 心理描寫(xiě)Developing the hypothes

26、is, setting up an experiment to test the hypothesis,and running the tests were all his tasks alone , leaving me just standing beside him as if I were a fool. （虛擬語(yǔ)氣表達(dá)作者的不滿(mǎn)）3 情緒描寫(xiě)It turned out to be such an excellent , fast , amazing and persuasive study that my

27、 teammate and I did win the best grade .（多個(gè)形容詞修飾，表達(dá)傲嬌之情緒）【優(yōu)秀下水作文欣賞】Version1We started to meet regularly to draw up our plans. When I looked at my teammates serious face and bit the bullet to ask him some questions, he answered with his precise language and icy tone, which ma

28、de me feel a mixture of admiration for his intelligence and discomfort about his indifference. To keep up with his pace, I completely gave up my idle ways and immersed myself in the project. Gradually, he changed his aloof attitude and even offered me help. It seemed that we had gone from strangers

29、to comrades in arms.One day I got word that he was admitted to hospital for a serious disease. That meant I would have to finish the project alone. I felt like I had been hit on the head by a mallet. To my comfort, as I expressed my concern by his bed, my teammate told me that he trusted me. I began

30、 to pour more energy into the project than I had ever done before. Finally, I was able to share our research findings with the class and succeeded earning a good grade for both of us. Tears of excitement and gratitude blurred my vision. But for my partner, nothing like this could have happened. So w

31、hen he thumbed up with a rare big grin, it suddenly dawn on me that we were to become kind of lifelong friends.Version2We started to meet regularly to draw up our plans. Those discussions were tense and too serious for my taste, but gradually we started to reach a consensus. The outcome was a simple

32、 yet elegant experiment. Knowing my strengths and weaknesses all too well, I decided to focus on the task of working with the subjects, while he developed the scientific model. I put in my two cents worth whenever I could, hardly sparing a thought for my usual entertainment. To my delight, he seemed

33、 to accept me little by little, and would occasionally share his ideas with me.One day I got word that he was admitted to hospital for a serious disease. When I visited him, I noticed for the first time a sense of vulnerability on the face of my stoic teammate. “I will complete our project,” I promi

34、sed him. “Dont worry, my friend.” He made no remark, but a trace of smile crept onto his face. Throughout the semester, I did my level best to work on the project, and the effort paid off. We were awarded an A! Even better, I received a precious gift the approval of a person who later became my frie

35、nd for life. Version3(個(gè)人下水，敬請(qǐng)指點(diǎn)）We started to meet regularly to draw up our plans.Whenever we met, he would show every symptom of self-superiority, as if the project had been more his than mine.A frown nailed to his face,familiar seriousness notably conveyed in his tone, my teammate approached every detail with great singularity aim which thoroughly struck my heart, motivating me to try desperately to prove myself. Belief sparkling in heart, I conducted research on the topic and vigorously discussed with him. At one point. I summoned up my co