搞笑話劇荊軻刺秦

1、 演職員表 荊軻 太子丹朱慧芳 李莫愁李平 張三豐李華仲 衛(wèi)兵甲萬(wàn)兆君 衛(wèi)兵乙賀瑞娟 路人田洪燕 秦王萬(wàn)井峰 導(dǎo)演姜國(guó)蒙 音樂姜國(guó)蒙 制作、策劃姜國(guó)蒙 愛妃班欣桐 謀士一駱盤 謀士二李道慧 謀士三蘇現(xiàn)美 大臣甲趙梅 大臣乙謝芳芳 廣告者潘雪崗 啊二楊淋淋 阿三李安心 旁白李萍 Leading actor 太子丹朱慧芳 秦王姜國(guó)蒙 張三豐李華仲 旁白(Aside )/介紹（Introduction）： Long long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, tryin

2、g to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth. 旁白旁白/介紹：很久很久以前介紹：很久很久以前,有一個(gè)瘋狂的國(guó)家有一個(gè)瘋狂的國(guó)家,在這個(gè)在這個(gè) 瘋狂的國(guó)家有一些瘋

3、狂的人瘋狂的國(guó)家有一些瘋狂的人,試圖顯示瘋狂歷史瘋狂試圖顯示瘋狂歷史瘋狂 的方式。荊軻先生最著名的武士和被派去殺了國(guó)王的的方式。荊軻先生最著名的武士和被派去殺了國(guó)王的 清清”,即即“。但最后他失敗了。你想知道發(fā)生了什么。但最后他失敗了。你想知道發(fā)生了什么 事事?好吧好吧,下一個(gè)展示將告訴你真相。下一個(gè)展示將告訴你真相。 Action I 太子丹：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? Im Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractiv

4、e man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? Where are my ministers? 第一幕：第一幕： 太子丹太子丹:鏡子鏡子,鏡子鏡子,告訴我告訴我,誰(shuí)是最漂亮的人在世界誰(shuí)是最漂亮的人在世界!謝謝你的鏡子。魔鏡謝謝你的鏡子。魔鏡 說我是世界上最有吸引力的人。但嬴政是一個(gè)嫉妒的家伙說我是世界上最有吸引力的人。但嬴政是一個(gè)嫉妒的家伙,我覺得他會(huì)我覺得他會(huì) 殺

5、了我如果鏡子告訴他真相。我很害怕。所以我能做什么殺了我如果鏡子告訴他真相。我很害怕。所以我能做什么?我的謀士們我的謀士們 在哪里在哪里? 阿二 阿三: Honey, we are coming (寶貝，我們來了） 太子丹：Ive told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、 charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!（我（我 告訴你告訴你,一次又一次一次又一次,你應(yīng)該叫我你應(yīng)該叫我“我最美麗、優(yōu)雅、英俊、我最美麗、優(yōu)雅、

6、英俊、 迷人的迷人的,可愛的可愛的,聰明的和最親愛的王子丹聰明的和最親愛的王子丹”!） 謀一：謀一：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng（當(dāng)然,親愛的!我有一個(gè)好 主意。我們可以找到一個(gè)英雄殺死贏政） 太子：Oh yeah. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? （二十一世紀(jì)最需要的是什 么） 阿二 阿三：Talent! （人才 ） 太子丹：Great!Good idea! But who is the right cand

7、idate?（太棒了!好主意!但誰(shuí)是合適的人選?） 阿二：After screening I have one promising persons on hand. 阿三：I have one too! 太子丹：What are they? 阿二：His name is JinKe. 阿三：Her name is LiMoChou， my lord 太子丹：but who should I choose ? 阿二：Tomorrow let them PK for the NO1 killer of the world. 太子：Well, show me the winner as soon a

8、s possible, OK? 阿二 阿三：Yes. Action II 荊軻 ：Are you Li mochou? 李莫愁：Yes. 荊軻：OK. Im Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers world. 李莫愁：Are you challenging me? 荊軻 ：Off course! 李莫愁：Come on! 。 Look ，帥哥！ 李莫愁：What happened? Why？you are 使詐 荊軻: We dont need any reason to win a person.

9、 Dont we? Do we? （贏 一個(gè)人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？） 李莫愁：Momma always said: Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what youre gonna get. I got it, Momma is right. 荊軻：who else? 張三豐：I am coming! I am zhangsanfeng 傳說。 張三豐：look,飛機(jī)！ 荊軻:You are too young too simple! 張三豐：OH！No! 荊軻：I am the strongest!

10、太子丹：How are you? 荊柯：Fine, thank you, and you? 太子丹：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”? 荊柯：Sure! 太子丹：How are you? 荊柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife? 太子丹暈倒 荊柯：Hey, man, Im kidding! 太子丹：Oh, Im kidding too!（畢恭畢敬）May I have your name card, please? 阿二：Hero，we need your help.

11、 荊柯：I am busy now! 太子丹：You can get a lot of money. 荊柯：I am very busy now! 阿二：IC, ID, IQ card? 荊柯：I am very very busy now! 阿三: Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say O.K., she is yours. 荊柯（：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love! 阿三：What? W

12、hats the TCM? 荊柯： Hey, guy! You look so smart but why you didnt know TCM? TCM is Traditional Chinese MM . 太子丹：Ok! I will 忍痛割愛！愛妃 come here! 荊柯： You are so cute, I believe that I have fallen in love with you. That may be the love at first sight! 太子丹：You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep sil

13、ent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, Im very glad, you still have to speak up. Take them and her! Do you really like? Really?(你想要什么?如果你想要說話!你為什么保持沉默 嗎?為什么你在看我嗎?盡管你的眼睛充滿誠(chéng)意,我很高興, 您仍然需要說出來。把他們和她!你真的喜歡嗎?真的嗎?) 荊柯Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for yo

14、u. Action 阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River. 荊珂：Just stop here, please. Farewell, my friends 太子丹：I will miss you, baby. 荊珂：Darling, I love you. 愛妃：I love you! You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（我愛你!你對(duì)我意味著更多比在這整個(gè)世界） 荊珂(流淚) ：I love you more. In spite of you and me and t

15、he whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you.。力 拔山兮氣蓋世，時(shí)不利兮騅不適，騅不適兮可奈何，愛妃，愛妃， 奈若何！ 愛妃：Well. Be a man, just do it! I will be right here waiting for you. 荊珂（欲走還留，執(zhí)子之手又曰）：Sweetheart! You must do me this honor. promise me you will survive. that you will never give up. no matter what happen

16、s. no matter how hopeless. promise me now, and never let go of that promise （我的甜心!你必須幫我這個(gè)榮譽(yù)答應(yīng)我你會(huì)生存下來 你將永不放棄無(wú)論發(fā)生什么無(wú)論多么絕望答應(yīng)我, 永遠(yuǎn)不要放棄你對(duì)我的承諾）（愛妃:I promise. 荊軻:Never let go. “ 愛妃:I promise. I will never let go, Jingke. Ill never let go. -荊軻來到秦王宮。 第四幕：murdering (刺秦). 大臣甲Hey, bad luck. I am late. The bonus

17、 of this month has been lost. 大臣乙：I am tired. I had been chatting on QQ until 1 o clock last night. 大臣乙（Good. Good. Your skin is fine. 大臣甲：I use “ Da Bao” everyday. 廣告者：“da bao”,day day see! 大臣乙：I have heart the emperor of Yan again give our king some good things. Be quick, to have a look. 大臣甲：Come

18、on 衛(wèi)兵甲：“Can we begin？” 秦王“begin” 衛(wèi)兵甲：“Let the people of Yan Jingke come in” 秦王：“Jingke. Whats wrong with you？” 荊柯：“Nothing. Nothing. May be there are lots of fleas on my body “. 秦王:Whats the good things， quickly！” 大臣甲：“Mr King, drink the milk quickly!” 秦王:Super rubbish, how dare you kill me? 荊柯:Im s

19、orry Im wrong But the prince of Yan told me to。 Please forgive me! 秦王：You will never live again. What would you like to say? 荊柯：My lovely lady， Once there was a truest love put before my eyes ,but I didnt cherish it. Only after losing it .I found myself regretting. No pain in the world comes near this, if God could give me another chance, I would say to the girl “I love you! “If there had to be a limit of time before the end of love. I hope it would be ten thousand years. 秦王：Soldiers carry out and put the pig head on the wall! 第五幕：Escape（逃跑） 衛(wèi)兵甲：Bad luck. He ha