黃西JoeWong演講原文及翻譯.doc

黃西Joe Wong演講原文及漢語(yǔ)注釋（修正版）不是翻譯，只是部分注釋，原文黑色，注釋藍(lán)色My name is Joe Wong. But to most people, I am known as “Who?” which is actually my mothers maiden name, and the answer to my credit card security question.開(kāi)場(chǎng)先是自嘲下自己默默無(wú)聞不為所知，然后利用中英文諧音，再聯(lián)系到信用卡密碼保護(hù)，因?yàn)榫W(wǎng)上注冊(cè)時(shí) 選擇用于取回密碼的驗(yàn)證問(wèn)題里，最常見(jiàn)的就是媽媽的姓氏是什么。Joking aside, I just want to reassure you that I am invited here tonight.因?yàn)榍耙魂囎影讓m舉行一個(gè)活動(dòng)，美國(guó)一對(duì)夫妻混過(guò)白宮層層保安，裝作是白宮邀請(qǐng)的貴賓，還跟這些政客 合影留念并發(fā)到網(wǎng)上，其中就有坐在邊上的副總統(tǒng)Joe Biden，被曝光后，在美國(guó)引起很大爭(zhēng)議，白宮的安保問(wèn)題被質(zhì)疑。I grew up in China. Who didnt?我在中國(guó)長(zhǎng)大，誰(shuí)不是呢？裝作無(wú)知，認(rèn)為每個(gè)人都是中國(guó)人，暗諷了一些美國(guó)人的自大，以為世界就是美 國(guó)。Most of my childhood memories are totally ruined by my childhood. When I was in elementary school, as part of the curriculum krkjlm , I worked at a rice paddy水稻田next to a quarry采石場(chǎng)where they use explosives炸藥 to break rocks. Thats where I learned that light travels faster than sound, which is almost as slow as a flying rock.主要是用生動(dòng)而夸張的語(yǔ)言形容小時(shí)候生活環(huán)境的惡劣，光速比聲速快，后者跟石頭飛散的速度差不多，就 是遠(yuǎn)處一道閃光，幾秒后隆隆爆炸聲伴著小石子飛濺過(guò)來(lái)。另外提到rice paddy，呼應(yīng)后文自己在rice university讀phd。My dad was a grumpy 脾氣壞的 guy. But occasionally he tried to cheer me up with jokes, but he doesnt do it right. When I was 7 he said to me, “Son, why is tofu tfu: 日豆腐better than centralized socialist economy?” 5 minutes later, I said, “Why?” He said, “Because I said so!”形容父親脾氣暴躁，毫無(wú)邏輯，頤指氣使。5分鐘后是笑點(diǎn)，如此荒謬的問(wèn)題還想了那么久。這兩段就是夸 張描述下自己的童年，因?yàn)楦绹?guó)人的經(jīng)歷完全不同，觀眾會(huì)因?yàn)樾迈r荒謬而發(fā)笑。I came to the United States when I was 24 to study at Rice University in Texas得克薩斯州, that wasnt a joke, until now. I was driving this used car with a lot of bumper stickers粘貼在汽車(chē)保險(xiǎn)杠上的小標(biāo)語(yǔ)that are impossible to peel off. And one of them said, “If you dont speak English, go home!” And I didnt notice it for two years.that wasnt a joke, until now.這句是臨場(chǎng)發(fā)揮，效果很好，因?yàn)榍懊嫣岬絩ice paddy，所以強(qiáng)調(diào)一下這個(gè)不是笑話，是真的。bumper sticker這個(gè)牌子的內(nèi)容和所用的語(yǔ)言本身的矛盾是一個(gè)笑點(diǎn)。 I like many other immigrants, We want our son to become the president of this country and we try to make him bilingual. You know, We try to make him speak Chinese at home and English outside in public ,which is really tough to do. Because many times I had to say to him in public, “If you dont speak English, go home!” He said, “Why do I have to learn two languages?” I said, “When you become the president, you will have to sign legislative ledsltv bills in English, and talk to debt collectors in Chinese!”此處用到了剛才sticker上的話；間接表達(dá)了中國(guó)是美國(guó)的債權(quán)國(guó)，屬于monologue常用技 巧：政治時(shí)事熱點(diǎn)就那么幾條，關(guān)鍵是能夠委婉間接的通過(guò)不同的段子說(shuō)到這個(gè)點(diǎn)上。After I graduated from Rice, I decided to stay in the US because in China I cant do the thing I do best here, being ethnic enk . In order for me to become a citizen, we immigrants had to take American history lessons with questions like: Whos Benjamin Franklin? We were like, “Ahh., the reason our convenient store gets robbed?” Whats the second Amendment? We were like, “Ahh., the reason our convenient store gets robbed?” What is Roe vs Wade? We went, “Ahh, two ways of coming to the US?”我在中國(guó)有件事肯定不如在美國(guó)，那就是民族性。用同一個(gè)答案回答了兩個(gè)美國(guó)歷史問(wèn)題，非常有笑果，用 移民的角度“誤解”美國(guó)的著名墮胎案判例，是一般美國(guó)人無(wú)法想象的視角。Later I read a lot about American history. So much so that I started to harbor white guilt.In America, all men are created equal, but after birth, it depends on their parents income for early education and healthcare.這段看上去很詭異，作為一個(gè)黃色人種，怎么會(huì)有這種優(yōu)越感，去產(chǎn)生white guilt，實(shí)際上在為后面跟總統(tǒng)比做鋪墊。I read in Mens Health magazine that president Obama every week has two cardio k:d days and 4 weight lifting days. I dont have to exercise because I have health insurance. I live in Massachusetts mstusits where we had universal healthcare and then elected Scott Brown. Talk about mixed message! I think there was a movie about him. Its called “Kill Bill”這段是一種很微妙的搞笑，如果奧巴馬那天不是臨時(shí)有事，在邊上坐著的話會(huì)很有意思。kill bill的bill不是指克林頓，應(yīng)該指法案。Scott Brown是共和黨人，剛當(dāng)選麻省議員，反對(duì)全民醫(yī)保。所以說(shuō)他kill bill “扼殺了（醫(yī)保）法案”。We have Mr. vice president Joe Biden here tonight. I have read your autobiography :tbarf and today I see you. I think the book is much better. They should have cast Brad Pitt, or Angelina Jolie.美國(guó)政客是要被隨時(shí)拿來(lái)開(kāi)涮的，其他的comedian諷刺起來(lái)比黃西狠得多。這里提到皮特和朱莉可 以做兩種解釋:一是自傳的文字都可以用來(lái)形容明星了，二是若將自傳拍成電影的話得請(qǐng)他倆來(lái)出演才夠格。So to be honest, I was really honored to be here tonight, and I prepared for months for tonights show and I showed the white house my jokes about President Obama, and that is when he decided not to come. And he started to talk about immigration reforms .Take that Stephen Colbert! Obama has been accused of被起訴being too soft. But he was conducting two wars and they still gave him the Nobel peace prize, and he accepted it. You cant get more bad-ass than that! The only way you can be more bad-ass than that is if you took the peace prize money and gave it to the military.奧巴馬沒(méi)到，但也沒(méi)忘調(diào)侃一下他，反襯自己寫(xiě)的那幾個(gè)笑話的威力。提到Stephen Colbert，因?yàn)閹啄昵暗挠浾哒写龝?huì)，他當(dāng)著bush的面羞辱了bush，那次bush臉色很難看，勞拉甚至罵了粗口，但就是當(dāng)面很尷尬而已，而我把 奧巴馬嚇得都不敢來(lái)了，還開(kāi)始考慮是否該讓這些移民來(lái)到美國(guó)。take that Stephen Colbert相當(dāng)于說(shuō)：怎么樣Stephen Colbert，我比你牛X吧。We have many distinguished著名的journalists新聞工作者 here whom I consider as peers. Because I used to wrote for the campus newspaper. Journalism is the last refuge refju:d for puns. Only in a newspaper can I say, “I was born in the year of the horse, thats why Im a neigh-sayer (nay-sayer)” ne ,my point exactly.馬叫聲英文是neigh，neigh-sayer就是發(fā)出馬叫聲的人，諧音nay-sayer，后者 是總說(shuō)反對(duì)意見(jiàn)，投反對(duì)票的人，na這個(gè)詞y常用在現(xiàn)場(chǎng)口頭投票，如果反對(duì)，一般說(shuō)nay，不說(shuō)no。在座很多記者，我認(rèn)為是我的同行，還有上面的自炫比 奧巴馬優(yōu)越，因?yàn)椴挥媒∩?，都是一種比較難解釋很微妙的幽默，可以理解為對(duì)那些自我感覺(jué)良好的人的一種諷刺。my point exactly，這正是我想說(shuō)的，是用這個(gè)蹩腳的雙關(guān)來(lái)解釋共和黨近一年來(lái)的表現(xiàn)：對(duì)奧巴馬的幾乎所有提案都持反對(duì)票，同時(shí)諷刺一下他們的動(dòng)機(jī)：就是為了 反對(duì)而反對(duì)。This is my first time on CSPAN, which is a channel I obvious always watch when I couldnt handle the demagoguery demg:gr 群眾煽動(dòng)and sensationalism of PBS and QVC. If I still couldnt go to sleep after watching CSPAN, there are CSPAN2 and 3!PBS有點(diǎn)類似中國(guó)的中央電視臺(tái)，弘揚(yáng)主旋律為主，QVC是電視購(gòu)物頻道，所以說(shuō)這倆的審查和煽動(dòng)性 比較強(qiáng)。明知自己的演講時(shí)CSPAN在直播，但還諷刺一下這個(gè)電視臺(tái)，美國(guó)人很喜歡這么干。CSPAN相當(dāng)于美國(guó)國(guó)會(huì)的監(jiān)控錄像，全天直播國(guó)會(huì)的各種會(huì) 議，聽(tīng)證，剛開(kāi)始看了新鮮，時(shí)間長(zhǎng)了就很無(wú)聊。I finally became a US citizen in 2008. Thank you! America is number one! Thats true! because We won the World Series every year!諷刺了美國(guó)國(guó)內(nèi)的各種職業(yè)聯(lián)賽冠軍頭銜都叫World Champion。After becoming the U.S. citizen, I immediately registered to vote for Obama/Biden. (Turn and face Biden) You are welcome. You had me at “Yes we can” That was their slogan.當(dāng)眾邀功奧巴馬和拜登的當(dāng)選，You had me那句是指，你們的那句Yes we can打動(dòng)了我。After getting them elected, I felt this power trip and started to think maybe I should run for president myself. I have to explain a little here. I had always been kind of a morose陰郁的and pessimistic guy. I feel that life is like peeing into the snow in a dark winter night. You probably made a difference, but its really hard to tell. Now we have a president who is half black half white. That just gives me so much hope because I am half not black half not white. Two negatives make a positive.Two negatives make a positive，負(fù)負(fù)得正，joe在其他節(jié)目里還說(shuō)過(guò)下一句的，這次沒(méi)說(shuō)出來(lái)，就是two illegals make a legal，指只要在美國(guó)境內(nèi)出生就自動(dòng)獲得美國(guó)國(guó)籍，無(wú)論父母身份。So my fellow Americans, you may be thinking what is your campaign slogans? You see, I spent 10 years in the past decade. You too? I understand that Americans are suffering. My campaign slogan will be, “Who cares!”這個(gè)who cares是經(jīng)典，用了一開(kāi)始說(shuō)的話，可以理解為hu cares，也就是我關(guān)心大家的疾苦，同時(shí)who cares這個(gè)意思也諷刺了一下美國(guó)競(jìng)選的本質(zhì)，宣傳口號(hào)是口號(hào)，當(dāng)選了也許就不那么關(guān)注老百姓的感受了。網(wǎng)上很多人說(shuō)這個(gè)who也指hu主席，我覺(jué)得沒(méi)有這層意思，就是 我在乎V.S. 誰(shuí)tm在乎呢If elected, I would make same sex not only legal, but required, that would get me the youth vote. You see that I am married now, but I used to be really scared about marriage. I was like:”Wow! 50% of all marriages end up lasting forever!”同性婚姻問(wèn)題是政治熱點(diǎn)。一半的婚姻是要持續(xù)一生的，正常思維是擔(dān)心兩個(gè)人會(huì)離婚，這里反向思維，頗 有笑果。I will eliminate unemployment by reducing the productivity of American workforce so that two people have to do the job of one, just like the vice president and the president, the Olson twins.不斷地調(diào)侃總統(tǒng)副總統(tǒng)。Olson twins是著名雙胞胎，童星。曾經(jīng)兩人演一個(gè)角色，在full house里。Despite heart diseases and cancer, most Americans die of natural causes. If elected, I will find a cure for natural causes. It may not be covered by insurance because of pre-existing conditions.如果當(dāng)選，我將找到治療自然死亡的方法，諷刺一下美國(guó)總統(tǒng)的大選的諸多空頭承諾，很多不可能實(shí)現(xiàn)的。pre-existing c