《嚴(yán)肅點(diǎn)-我在開玩笑》(第一至三章)翻譯報(bào)告畢業(yè)論文

３１第一章引言1.1項(xiàng)目背景艾倫·德杰尼勒斯是美國脫口秀節(jié)目著名的主持人，但是很少人知道艾倫還是一位出色的作家，早在她做主持之前，艾倫就于1995年出版了《最重要和我所擁有的》，接著于2003年出版了《有趣的事》最近就是2011年出版的該翻譯論文所選翻的書籍《嚴(yán)肅些，我在開玩笑》。本書的風(fēng)格與艾倫的主持風(fēng)格如出一轍，親切，歡樂，使人輕松愉悅。目前尚無中文譯本。該翻譯論文所選章節(jié)為艾倫自己對于人生的一些感悟，比如做真實(shí)的自己，積極樂觀的生活態(tài)度，告訴讀者真實(shí)的自己才最美，還表達(dá)了對待生活中瑣事的態(tài)度，努力的告訴大家女性的自我保養(yǎng)得重要性等。翻譯過程包括選定翻譯文本、對文本進(jìn)行通讀及背景調(diào)查、進(jìn)行翻譯工作、與導(dǎo)師進(jìn)行溝通交流以及修改校對譯文。1.2項(xiàng)目目標(biāo)由于該書語言為口語化的表達(dá)，完全為美國的人日常用語，且因中美文化差異和思維方式的不同，所以該翻譯論文的目標(biāo)是通過翻譯過程來更好的了解美國文化，同時(shí)還可以獲取更多的翻譯經(jīng)驗(yàn)，結(jié)合理論與實(shí)踐，運(yùn)用查找相關(guān)資料，工具等方法分析文化差異與文化背景，嘗試?yán)斫庠闹械碾[含意思，并試著轉(zhuǎn)化為中文后仍能達(dá)到類似的效果。1.3項(xiàng)目意義此項(xiàng)目原文文體為隨筆雜文，是艾倫從個(gè)人的的角度對女人應(yīng)該怎樣做自己和保養(yǎng)自己等方面表達(dá)了自己的生活態(tài)度。從她的文章中流露出對自己對生活的自信，能夠引起樂觀者的共鳴，同時(shí)也能夠激勵迷茫者的自信。該原文闡述方面貼近生活，為某些中年女性枯燥的生活帶來了希望和信心，同時(shí)也鼓勵了一些中年女性追求自己完美中年的勇氣。譯者希望通過此翻譯項(xiàng)目，讓更多的人了解勇敢自信的做真實(shí)的自己，有自己的思想和保護(hù)自己的意識。第二章原文背景2.1關(guān)于作者艾倫·德杰尼勒斯在1958年1月26日出生于新奧爾蘭一個(gè)中產(chǎn)階級家庭，是美國著名脫口秀喜劇演員，電視節(jié)目主持和演員。艾倫德杰尼勒斯是歷史上唯一一位主持過奧斯卡（AcademyAwards），格萊美獎（GrammyAwards）和艾美獎（EmmyAwards）的主持人。Ellen出生于路易斯安那州，她擁有法國，英國，德國和愛爾蘭的血統(tǒng)。Ellen于1976年5月畢業(yè)于亞特蘭大中學(xué)。她做過女服務(wù)員，油漆工，迎賓女招待和酒保。她的喜劇式的工作方式與她小時(shí)候和后來的工作生活有很大的關(guān)系。Ellen生平獲得過很多獎項(xiàng)，比如《海底總動員》中為Dory的配音而被授予“土星獎最佳女配角”；福布斯全球最具影響力女性100強(qiáng)名單中排名第十等等。TheEllenDeGeneresShow，于2003年9月8日首播，深受全世界觀眾喜愛，目前這個(gè)脫口秀贏得了31座艾美獎。Ellen通過獨(dú)特的輕松，自然，坦誠，詼諧，幽默的主持風(fēng)格與滑稽有趣的節(jié)目環(huán)節(jié)繼續(xù)證明著這個(gè)節(jié)目作為日間脫口秀的領(lǐng)導(dǎo)者地位。該節(jié)目因彰顯人道主義更而獲得好評。該節(jié)目已籌得超過1，000萬美元幫助了重建地區(qū)，校園恐嚇，乳腺癌等公益事業(yè)。由于OprahWinfreyShow的停播，使得EllenShow成為全美最炙手可熱的電視談話節(jié)目。2.2關(guān)于原文2.2.1原文版本本書語種為英語，于2011年10月4日由GrandCentralPublishing出版社出版。共40435字。作者為美國著名節(jié)目主持人艾倫·德杰尼勒斯。2.2.2主要內(nèi)容本書是美國著名節(jié)目主持人艾倫·德杰尼勒斯公開出版的第三本書。主要內(nèi)容就是艾倫自己的所見所聞，自己對于某些社會問題的看法。科克斯書評曾經(jīng)這樣評價(jià)這本書：“讀者絕對不會失望的，這本書就像是大雜燴，從頭至尾展示了作者捕捉幽默的能力，書中的內(nèi)心獨(dú)白完全顯示出艾倫智慧和開朗的標(biāo)志。2.2.3原文分析該書的語言風(fēng)格延續(xù)了艾倫的主持風(fēng)格，輕松，自然，坦誠，詼諧，幽默，非常有親切感。艾倫自己曾經(jīng)說過，她的幽默不像那些憑著挖苦別人，諷刺別人，給別人帶來傷害嘩眾取寵的人，她的幽默總是讓人感到很柔和，舒服和親切。該書的語言還很口語化，比如在我所選的第一章中：“親愛的我回來了，哦天哪，你的毛孔好大呀。”再比如第三章中：“嗨，我們穿著一樣的長袍，要不要來個(gè)擁抱？”這也是本書奇特的地方，讀者仿佛能感受到與艾倫的互動，她貌似就坐在眼前，與讀者坦誠的親切交談一般。另外，原作共有57章，章節(jié)結(jié)構(gòu)非常有特點(diǎn)，每個(gè)章節(jié)都是一個(gè)獨(dú)立的主題，與前后章節(jié)絲毫沒有任何意義上的聯(lián)系或關(guān)聯(lián)。感覺很像是作者的隨筆，想到什么就寫什么，每個(gè)章節(jié)的篇幅都很短小，有時(shí)甚至就幾句話，或一個(gè)清單，比如第七章，整個(gè)章節(jié)只有一句話：生命的奧秘：甘藍(lán)。第二十七章：我的遺愿清單：1.買更多的水桶（因?yàn)檫z愿清單的英文為BucketList所以要買水桶，這里就是文化差異所造成的理解困難，中國人會不明所以為什么要買水桶） 2：到異國他鄉(xiāng)接觸不同的民族，文化，社會，花更多時(shí)間看探索頻道。3：穿更多白色的衣服。4：學(xué)會飛。5：建一個(gè)獨(dú)木舟。6：告訴所有我認(rèn)識的人我造了一艘獨(dú)木舟。7：去看更多的交響樂，音樂會，歌劇，花更多時(shí)間看公共電視網(wǎng)。8：叫更多的人為流氓。9：看某個(gè)人跑馬拉松。10：學(xué)一門外語，比如澳大利亞語和英式英語。。這本書結(jié)構(gòu)十分新穎獨(dú)特，在篇幅較長的章節(jié)中間突然出現(xiàn)這種簡短有趣的章節(jié)給人眼前一亮的感覺，更具有幽默感。第三章翻譯難點(diǎn)與翻譯方法3.1翻譯難點(diǎn)如上文所述，原文筆風(fēng)隨意，較口語化，多美國日常用語，習(xí)語，俗語。因中美文化背景也有很大差異，如果不了解美國的社會狀況，文化背景，對原文的理解會有不小的困難。作者在很多地方都“埋伏”很多幽默的小把戲，但是只有在美國文化背景或者英語的語言背景下來能夠理解，所以需要譯者首先要在了解西方社會文化背景下準(zhǔn)確理解原文的意思，又要用中文表達(dá)出來，但同時(shí)又要盡量保有原文中蘊(yùn)含的幽默，這是個(gè)不小的挑戰(zhàn)。3.2準(zhǔn)備工作為了更好的完成這次翻譯任務(wù)，譯者做了充分的準(zhǔn)備工作，例如翻譯過程中需要用到的基本工具用書：《英漢大詞典》（陸谷孫先生編著）、《牛津高階英漢字典》。這些都是很實(shí)用的工具書。另外，譯前還要反復(fù)閱讀全文，并且譯者查閱了大量關(guān)于作者的資料，了解了作者的生平，成長背景，也觀看了艾倫主持的節(jié)目，了解了作者的性格特點(diǎn)，主持風(fēng)格，這對于對這本書了理解有很大的幫助。3.3翻譯方法3.3.1直譯與意譯直譯直譯——在忠實(shí)原文內(nèi)容的同時(shí)，符合原文的形式。英漢翻譯中有很多地方都存在直譯，如：例1：Beautyisnotintheface.Beautyisalightintheheart.1譯：美不在臉上。美重在心里美。例2：I’vebelievedthattruebeautyisnotrelatedtowhatcoloryourhairisorwhatcoloryoureyesare.Truebeautyisaboutwhoyouareasahumanbeings,yourprinciples,andyourmoralcompass.2譯：我相信，真正的美，跟你頭發(fā)和眼睛是什么顏色并沒有關(guān)系。真正的美應(yīng)該關(guān)乎于你是一個(gè)什么樣的人，你的做人原則和你的道德準(zhǔn)則。上面兩句例句中，原文和譯文的意思和結(jié)構(gòu)都相對應(yīng)，譯文包含了原文的所有意思，基本保持了原文表達(dá)的形式和內(nèi)容，沒有大的改動，是很典型的直譯的例子。直譯就是要求對原文不做多大改動，主張譯文與原文語序、語氣、結(jié)構(gòu)和修辭等一致，保留原意，同時(shí)要求翻譯過后的譯文要語言通順易通。3意譯意譯的含義是：打破原文的語言格式，用目的語的習(xí)慣表達(dá)形式把原文的意義、包含的意思（或者是讀者根據(jù)自己的理解獲得的信息）表現(xiàn)出來。但形式的轉(zhuǎn)變或者再改造還是要遵循原文信息。如果與原文的內(nèi)容與風(fēng)格有很大差異，甚至隨意發(fā)揮，胡亂編寫、捏造，就肯定不行了。所以說意譯雖然比直譯要自由一點(diǎn)，但也是在一定范圍內(nèi)的改動，不能違背原文的意義。4例3：Beautyisintheeyeofthebeholder.5譯：情人眼里出西施。例4：Andthenin2008IwasfinallyabletothrowallthathogwashoutthewindowbecauseIwasnamedthenewfaceofCoverGirl6.譯：在2008年，我成了一名封面女郎，因此我也不再廢話連篇。在這兩句話中，譯文很明顯在語序和表達(dá)方式上做了改動，當(dāng)然，這樣并沒有影響原意。用意譯的方法，既可以表達(dá)出原句的原意，也符合中文的表達(dá)方式，使譯文地道，通俗易懂。從上可以看出，我們要根據(jù)原文的語境，聯(lián)系上下文，根據(jù)文意和表達(dá)的要求決定選用哪種譯法。但是前提都是要忠于原文的內(nèi)容，然后，在此基礎(chǔ)上選擇更好的翻譯方法，適當(dāng)?shù)母膭樱棺g文更加通暢，更加符合目的的語和受眾在使用語言方面的習(xí)慣，這樣才是翻譯的最終目的。3.3.2增補(bǔ)法英語和漢語這兩種語言，有著不同的表達(dá)方式，正是這一點(diǎn)，要求譯者在翻譯時(shí)既要轉(zhuǎn)換詞類，又要適當(dāng)?shù)脑鰷p詞量，這其實(shí)就是增補(bǔ)法的實(shí)質(zhì)，即：翻譯時(shí)根據(jù)意義上和句法上的需要，合理適當(dāng)?shù)卦黾右恍┰~，使原文的思想內(nèi)容和作者的意圖更加通順地表達(dá)出來。當(dāng)然，這并不是無中生有地隨意增詞，而是通過增加一些適當(dāng)?shù)脑~，將原文中雖沒有明確用詞語描述，但卻隱晦地傳達(dá)出的意義表達(dá)出來。7例1：That’swhywehavemothers.8譯：這也是因?yàn)槲覀冇胁煌膵寢?。在此句中，根?jù)前后文的語義關(guān)系，作者原句中用了mother的復(fù)數(shù)形式，定是要表達(dá)不同的媽媽的意思。在結(jié)構(gòu)上英語有時(shí)為了簡潔，省略掉相同的詞語，但是在譯成中文時(shí)我們會在需要的時(shí)候?qū)⒃~語添加出來，以使句子意思更加清楚。例2：Whenwelearntoacceptthat,otherpeoplelearntoacceptus.9譯：當(dāng)我們學(xué)會接受年齡這個(gè)事實(shí)時(shí)，別人也就能學(xué)會接受我們了。英語用詞簡練，結(jié)構(gòu)緊湊，所以有時(shí)在譯成中文時(shí)為了充分表達(dá)原文的意思，需要在句中進(jìn)行結(jié)構(gòu)的調(diào)整，也必然需要增加一些詞來使譯文更加通順。例3：Andtheolderwegetthemorestuffwehavebecauseovertheyearswebuymoreandmorestuffandweneverwanttoletgoofanything.10譯：年復(fù)一年，隨著我們一天一天的變老，我們的東西就會越來越多，但是我們從不把任何有用或者沒用的東西丟掉。在這一句中，作者用了兩個(gè)and將句子連起來，但是前后句的關(guān)系并非是并列關(guān)系，所以，在翻譯的時(shí)候要加上中文的連接詞，這樣能更好的表達(dá)出原文的原意。3.3.3順譯法英語中多長句，順譯法是長句翻譯的幾本方法，有些長句的敘述層次和漢語比較一致，基本上可按照原文順序譯出。例1：Ifyouwanttocleanoutyourhouseandgetridofstuff,youcanalwaysdoagoodspringcleaningeveryyear.11譯：如果你想清理你的房子并丟掉一些垃圾，你可以做好每年的春季大掃除。3.3.4變序法英語的表達(dá)順序往往和漢語的表達(dá)順序大相徑庭，有時(shí)若按照英文的順序翻譯則非常困難，并且容易搭配不當(dāng)。例1：Ifamanhadtoputhisspecialpartsinsideaclamptotesthimforanything,Ithinktheywouldcomeupwithanewplanbeforethedoctorfinishedsaying,”PutthatthingtheresoIcancrushit.”12譯：如果為了檢查所有的地方，一個(gè)男人的特殊部位放在了一個(gè)工具里，我想在醫(yī)生說出“把那個(gè)東西放在那里，我們要粉碎它”之前，他們會想出新的計(jì)劃。這里按照原文翻譯為：如果一個(gè)男人將他的特殊部位放在了一個(gè)夾具里，為了檢查他的所有，我想他們會想出新的計(jì)劃，在醫(yī)生說出“把那個(gè)東西放在那，我們要粉碎它”之前。若將順序稍微調(diào)換一下就會通順很多。3.3.5其他翻譯方法量詞中文量詞豐富，在翻譯時(shí)應(yīng)注意轉(zhuǎn)換和搭配。例1：Igotsomegoodstuff—threetravelironsandalargeman’snightshirt.13譯：我可得到了一些好東西三個(gè)旅行熨斗還有一件肥大的男士睡衣。中文量詞數(shù)量十分豐富，有專用名量詞，例如：一本詞典，一匹馬，一尾魚。專用動量詞，包括：次、回、遍、趟、下、頓、番。翻譯時(shí)應(yīng)注意轉(zhuǎn)換和搭配。3.4小結(jié)這一章節(jié)主要介紹了譯者在翻譯過程中所所采取的翻譯方法，即直譯與意譯、增補(bǔ)，順譯法，變序法等其它方法。并從翻譯結(jié)果中選取了一些例子加以說明這些方法是如何運(yùn)用到翻譯實(shí)踐中的。只要根據(jù)文章需要，靈活選擇恰當(dāng)、適當(dāng)?shù)姆g法，就能得出比較理想的結(jié)果。第四章總結(jié)4.1翻譯經(jīng)驗(yàn)這次的翻譯實(shí)踐讓譯者意識到，在翻譯的過程中，要靈活處理英語句子，選擇適當(dāng)?shù)姆g方法，不能拘泥于一種翻譯方法，甚至是生硬地運(yùn)用一些翻譯理論。靈活的處理翻譯中遇到的問題，恰當(dāng)?shù)剡x擇翻譯方法是很必要的。而且，對自己翻譯的文章的文體要定位準(zhǔn)確，比如，這次翻譯的是一本隨筆雜文性的文章，因此翻譯的時(shí)候不需要太多的修飾和華麗的辭藻。就是準(zhǔn)確、簡潔、明了地翻譯出原文的信息就可以。當(dāng)然這要基于對原文的理解之上，要忠于原文的內(nèi)容，能直譯的盡量直譯，通過這樣方式，將原文信息盡可能多的保留下來。此外，又要在重視的基礎(chǔ)之上根據(jù)文中具體情況及作者的意圖有針對性地選擇翻譯方法，對原文進(jìn)行修整，讓原文更加通順，進(jìn)而更加符合目的語語言的表達(dá)習(xí)慣。在此過程中，譯者收獲很大：能更熟練的使用翻譯方法，提高了自己的翻譯了技巧。當(dāng)然，翻譯方法和翻譯技巧的提高不是短時(shí)間就能做到的，這次只是一個(gè)很小很小的進(jìn)步，譯者很清楚，這種提高是要經(jīng)過不斷地練習(xí)，不斷的實(shí)踐，日積月累，才能逐步做到的。因此譯者在以后會更加努力，特別是從以下幾個(gè)方面入手：夯實(shí)基礎(chǔ)，擴(kuò)大詞匯量，增加翻譯實(shí)踐，總結(jié)翻譯經(jīng)驗(yàn)。譯者相信，只要努力，就會有進(jìn)步。4.2翻譯教訓(xùn)著手翻譯這本書后，譯者才知道，什么叫做書到用時(shí)方恨少?，F(xiàn)在所學(xué)的東西，能真正運(yùn)用的，其實(shí)遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)不夠。翻譯是需要細(xì)心研究的學(xué)問，不得有一點(diǎn)含糊。只有一步一個(gè)腳印，踏踏實(shí)實(shí)的學(xué)習(xí)，夯實(shí)基礎(chǔ)，才是王道。4.3仍待解決的問題雖然已完成本翻譯項(xiàng)目，但譯者本身水平有限，很多地方翻譯的不是很通順，詞語選擇也不恰當(dāng)，語言不是很生動，無法再現(xiàn)原作者的風(fēng)格，也無法完全展示出作者在文中蘊(yùn)含的很多小幽默，很多的問題還未解決，比如在一章節(jié)中的PenélopeCruz譯者仍不知道什么意思，無法進(jìn)行翻譯。再如在一章中的“HaveyouseenthosesurgeryshowsonDiscovery?”,譯者仍不知道這句話上下文中是什么作用。所以，不足之處太多，需要不停得學(xué)習(xí)。注釋1EllenLeeDeGeneres,seriously,I’mkidding(Newyork:Grandcentral2012),5.2Ibid..3張振久，孫建民：《英漢互譯簡明教程》，北京：外語教學(xué)與研究出版社，2009,第118頁。4姜倩，何剛強(qiáng)：《翻譯概論》，上海:上海外語教育出版社，2008，第35頁。5EllenLeeDeGeneres,56Ibid..7姜倩，何剛強(qiáng)，第40頁。8Ibid.,69Ibid.,710Ibid.,811Ibid..12Ibid.,1013Ibid..參考文獻(xiàn)Breidlid,Anders.AmericanCulture.London:Routledge,2007.Baker,Mona.

InOtherWords:ACoursebookonTranslation.London:Routledge,1992.Dank,J.S,G.Fountain,S,&Mc.Beath..CognitiveprogressinTranslationandInterpreting,London:SAGEPublications,1997.JonathanCrowther.OxfordGuidetoBritishandAmericanCulture.NewYork:OxfordUniversityPress,2005.MarthaTennent..trainingfortheNewMillennium:PedagogiesfortranslationandInterpreting.NewYork:JohnBenjaminsPublishingCompany,2005.PhyllisZatlin.TheatricalTranslationandFilmAdaptation.Apractitioner’sView.Toronto:MultilingualMattersLTD,2005.EllenLeeDeGeneres,seriously,I’mkidding.Newyork:Grandcentral,2012.黃源深，張春柏《英語筆譯實(shí)務(wù)》北京：外文出版社，2012。姜倩，何剛強(qiáng)《翻譯概論》上海:上海外語教育出版社，2008。吳春梅，魏家海，張萬方《翻譯研究概論》北京：外語教學(xué)與研究出版社，2009。張振久，孫建民《英漢互譯簡明教程》北京：外語教學(xué)與研究出版社，2009。附錄1原文Chapter1Beautyisintheeyeofbeholder.Beautyisonlyskindeep.Beautyisnotintheface;beautyisalightintheheart.Throughoutmyentirelife,Ihavebelievedinthesesentiments.I’vebelievedthattruebeautyisnotrelatedtowhatcoloryourhairisorwhatcoloryoureyesare.Truebeautyisaboutwhoyouareasahumanbeing,yourprinciples,andyourmoralcompass.Andthenin2008IwasfinallyabletothrowallthathogwashoutthewindowbecauseIwasnamedthenewfaceofCoverGirl.Cosmetics!Takeabiteoutofthat,world!Checkoutthesecheekbones!I’mabeautyqueen!(ThisiswhereflashbulbsgooffandIturnmyheadfromsidetoside,posinglikeasupermodel.Itwasapparently“tooexpensive”and“notpossible”toputminilightbulbsineverybook,soyou’rejustgonnahavetoimagineit.I’msorry.)Thetruthis,Istillbelievethataboveallthingsphysical,itismoreimportanttobebeautifulontheinside—tohaveabigheartandanopenmindandaspectacularspleen.(Actually,mostpeople’sinsidesaredisgusting.Evenprettypeoplehaveveryunattractiveinsides.HaveyoueverseenthosesurgeryshowsonDiscovery?Notpretty.)Tome,beautyisaboutbeingcomfortableinyourownskin.It’saboutknowingandacceptingwhoyouare.I’mhappybeingwhoIam.I’mconfident,Ilivehonestlyandtruthfully,andIthinkthat’swhyIwaschosenasthefirstfifty-year-old,openlygayCoverGirl.It’sjustabonusthatIhavedevastatinglyblueeyes.Butwereallyhaveasocietythatfocusesonsomuchappearance.IrealizedthisrecentlywhenIaccidentallylookedintooneofthosemirrorsmagnifyyourfacetofivehundredtimesitsactualsize.TheysellthematBedBath&Beyondinthe“ThingsThatMakeYouFeelBadAboutYourself”aisle.They’rerightnexttothebathroomscales,usuallyonashelfyou’retooshorttoreach.I’msureyou’vealllookedintooneofthematsomepoint.Ononeside,it’satotallynormalmirror.Andthenifyouturnitovertotheotherside,yourfacelookslikethesurfaceofthemoon.PortiaandIhaveoneinourshower.Ineverlookinitbecauseit’susuallyblockedbythepersonwhowashesme.ButforsomereasonIlookedinitonedayand,ohLordythatisahorribleinvention!Whoinventedthatthingandwhyhaven’ttheybeenjailed?Thosethingsneedtocomewithawarning.Carmirrorshavewarningsthatsay,“Objectsarecloserthantheyappear.”Magnificationmirrorsshouldhavewarningsthatsay,“Objectsarenotasattractiveastheyappear.”Theyshowyouthingsyoudidn’tknowwerethere,thatnoonecanpossiblysee.IlookedatmyhairlineandIfoundafamilyofdoveslivinginit.Itwadshocking.Theonlypeoplewhoneedtoseethingsthatcloseuparesurgeonswhoareperformingdelicateoperationsadjewelers.That’sit.Nooneidgonnaseeyouthewayyouseeyourselfinthosemirrorsunlessyou’remarriedtoasurgeonorajewelerandtheycomehomefromworkstillwearingthatapparatus.“Honey,I’mhome.Ohmygoodness,yourporesarehuge!”Idon’tknowwhyweeverneedtolookintothose.They’renotaccurate.Theypointouteverysingleoneofourflaws.Wedon’tneedthat.That’swhywehavemothers.Thefactofthematteristhateveryonehasflaws.Nooneisperfect,exceptforPenélopeCruz.Ourflawsarewhatmakeushuman.Ifwecanacceptthemaspartofwhoweare,theyreallydon’tevenhavetobeanissue.Ifeelthesamewayaboutage.I’veneverbeensomeonetolieaboutmyage.Idon’tunderstandit.Actually,Idon’tknowhowpeoplecanlieabouttheirageanymorenowthattheInternetexists.NotonlycanpeopleeasilyfindoutwhatyearIwasborn,theycanfindoutwhattime,whathospital,howlongmymotherwasinlabor.Iwouldn’tbesurprisediftherewasfootageonYouTubeofthedoctorspankingme.Theonlyreasonthereisn’tisbecauseYouTubedidn’texistwhenIwasborn.Ourageissomethingwehaveabsolutelynocontrolover;it’sjustafactofwhoweare.Ienjoygrowingolderandwiserandlearningfrommymistakeseverysingleday.I’mhappy,forexample,thatInolongereatpaste,likeIdidwhenIwastwenty-four.AndI’mhappythatinafewyearsI’llbeabletogethalf-priceticketstomoviesandmuseums.ConsideringhowoftenIgotothemoviesandmuseums,Icouldsaveupwardofthirtydollarsayear.Whenwewerekids,allwewantedwastobeolder.Whenweweresevenandahalfandsomeonesaidwewereonlyseven,wewerefurious.Weprobablyevencriedboutit.Canyouimaginedoingthatnowasanadult?“ThisisMarsha.She’sforty-two.”“Forty-twoandahalf!Youalwaysforgetthehalf!I’mpracticallyforty-twoandthree-quarters!”Idon’tknowatwhatagepeoplestopwantingtobeolder.Peopleseemtoenjoytheirtwentiesandthirties.Itmustbearoundforty,whenyou’re“overthehill.”Idon’tevenknowwhatthatmeansandwhyit’sabadthing.WhenIgohikingandIgetoverthehill,thatmeansI’mpastthehardpartandthere’sasnackinmyfuture.That’sagoodthingasfarasI’mconcerned.Peopleseemtobeshyabouttheiragethroughtheirfiftiesandsixties,butthenoncetheyhitseventyoreighty,theystarttellingpeopleagainbecauseit’ssuchahugevictorytohavemadeitthatfar.Noonegetstoonehundredandtellspeoplethey’reonlyninety-five.SoIdon’tknowwhyanyonehastolieaboutthosemiddleyears.Weshouldcelebrateeveryyearthatwemadeitthroughandeveryyearthatwe’rehappierandhealthier.Becausehonestly,that’sthebest-casescenario.Andthebottomlineiswearewhoweare—welookacertainway,wetalkacertainway,wewalkacertainway.IstrutbecauseI’masupermodel,andsometimesIgallopforfun.Whenwelearntoacceptthat,otherpeoplelearntoacceptus.Sobewhoyoureallyare.Embracewhoyouare.Literally.Hugyourself.Acceptwhoyouare.Unlessyou’reaserialkiller.Iknowitseemseasyandbreezyformetosay,buttrustme—it’sokaytobeyou.IfyouhadcalledmefifteenyearsagoandtoldmeIwasgoingtoendupbeingaCoverGirl,Iwouldhavesaid,”Noway”and“How’dyougetthisnumber?”Butlookatmenow.I’mtotallymyselfandI’maninternationallyknown,widelysoughtaftersupermodel.IevenwenttoParisonetime.Chapter2Idon’tlikeclutter.Ifirmlybelievethatthereisaplaceforeverythingandeverythingshouldbeinitsplace.AndIknowthere’sanameforpeoplelikeme:neat.Itisastoundingtomehowmuchstuffweallhave.Ourclosetsarefullofstuff.Ourdrawersarefullofstuff.Ourstuffispiledontopofotherstuff.Andtheolderwegetthemorestuffwehavebecauseovertheyearswebuymoreandmorestuffandweneverwanttoletgoofanything.Nowadayspeoplearealittlemoreawareofhowmuchstufftheyhavebecausethere’sabitofasocialstigmaifyouhavetoomuchstuff.There’sevenanameforthepeoplewhohavethemoststuff.They’recalledhoarders.Backinthedaytheywerejustcalledgrandmothers.Ifyouwanttocleanoutyourhouseandgetridofstuff,youcanalwaysdoagoodspringcleaningeveryyear.OryoucandowhatIdo.Move.Imovealot.I’vemovedabouttentimesoverthepastfifteenyears.Idon’tmoveforthesolepurposeofgettingridofstuff.I’mnotcrazy.IalsomovesothatIneverhavetowashanywindows.“Isthatasmudge?Timetopackitup.Let’sgo.”Whenyou’repackingupahouse,you’reforcedtodecidewhatyoureallyneedversuswhatyoucangetridof.Youmighthavebeenholdingontocasesandcasesofemptyglassjars,butonceyouhavetopackthemupandmovethem,yourealizemaybeyou’renotgoingtoharvestyourownhoney.Mymamaissimilartomeinthatshealsolikestomovealot.Mamahasmovedthirty-twotimessince1952.It’ssofunnybecauseIremembersometimesIwouldcomehomefromschoolandtherewouldbeanoteonthedoorthatsaid,“Imoved.Tryandfindme!”AndIwouldspendhoursandhourstryingtofindthenewhouse.SometimesIwouldfinditbynightfallbutsometimesIwouldn’t.Actuallythisisreallyfunny—onetimesheaccidentallyforgottoleaveanoteandIhadnoideashehadevenmoved.IwaslivinginthehousewithabeautifulMexicanfamilyforaboutthreemonthsbeforeIrealizedtheyweren’tmycousinsvisitingfromoutoftown.Theyweresonice.Theycalledme“Quienes,quienes,”whichIthoughtwasabeautifulname.Anyway,mymamamightbesimilartomeasfarasmovingaroundgoes,butasfarasclutterisconcernedshe’salittledifferent.Whenshemovedintothehouseshelivesinnow(Ithinkshe’sgonnastaythereforawhile—theysaythethirty-secondtimeisthecharm),shemadeitapointtotellmehowexcitedshewasbecauseshewasgoingtodownsize.Shewasgettingridofallthestuffshedidn’tneedanymoreandstartingfreshinhernewhouse.Iwassoproudofher.IwentovertohelphersettleinandIassumedwhenIgotthereIwouldn’thavetounpackmuchmorethanapillowandaspoon.Notso.LetmesharewithyoualloftheitemsBetty“IAmDownsizing”DeGeneresaskedmoverstowrapup,placeinabox,sealupinthebox,putinavan,andmoveintoawholenewhousesothatIcouldcutopenthebox,takeouttheitems,andunwrapthem:1.Athree-holepunch.2.Asingle-holepunch.3.AVHStapeofAbsofSteel.4.AnunopenedVHStapeofHipHopAbs.5.Aharmonica.6.Anotherharmonica.7.Athirdharmonica.8.Arustysifter.9.Acolanderfrom1953.10.Biscuitcutters.Manyofthoseitemshavemovedthirty-twotimes.AndIshouldpointafewthingsout.Firstofall,Mamamovedintothathousein2010not1987,astheVHStapeswouldhaveyoubelieve.Secondofall,Mamaisnotinabluesband.Shedoesn’tplaytheharmonicaandevenifshedid,theonesIfoundinthatboxlookedliketheyhadbeendugupnexttosometraintracks.IfMamaputhermouthanywherenearthemIwouldimmediatelytakeherforatetanusshot.Thirdly,Mamadoesnotcookorbakeorpreparefoodinanyway.Idon’tknowwhatsortofimaginarybiscuitsshethinksshe’sgoingtocut.Icouldnotbelievehowmuchstuffmymamastillhad,butit’sbecausewealljustifyholdingontothings.Wedothisespeciallywithclothing.Weallhavesomanythingsinourclosetsthatweneverwearbutweconvinceourselvestokeepjustincaseweeverneedtopaint.Wedon’tpaint,wewon’tpaint,butwehavedozensofoldWham!T-shirtsjustincase.Alotofpeopleholdontoclothingjustforthesentimentalvalue.Theysay,“Ican’tgetridofthisjacket.Iloveit.Iworeitonmyfirstcruise.”O(jiān)fcourseyouloveit.Youboughtit.Butitdoesn’tfityouanymoreandtheshoulderpadsmakeyoulooklikea1980sfootballplayerwholovedthecolorsalmon.I’mguiltyofit,too.IstillhavetheshirtIworemyfirsttimeonJohnnyCarson.OnlynowIuseitasatableclothatdinnerparties.Itwasveryblousy.We’realwaysworriedthatwe’regoingtogetridofsomethingandthenit’sgoingtocomebackinfashion.Butevenifitdoes—andIassureyouthatpaisleyjumpsuityou’vebeenholdingontowon’t—theyalwaysmakeatinytweaksothatit’salittlebitdifferentsowehavetobuytheupdatedversion.Oneyear,bigcollarsareinandthenextyeartheymakecollarsaneighthofaninchshorter.Sowegooutandbuythecollarthat’saneighthofaninchshorterbecauseheavenforbidsomeoneseesuswalkingaroundtownwithlastyear’scollar.Asifstrangersonthestreetaregoingtocomeuptousandmeasureourcollars.“Ohno.She’swearinglastyear’scollar,everyone!She’swearinglastyear’scollar!”It’snotjustclothingweholdonto.It’soldelectronicsandoldfurnitureandI’lltellyouonethingIrecentlydiscoveredinmyownhome—lotion.Portiahoardslotion.Idon’tknowhowittookmesolongtonoticebutshehasbottlesandbottlesoflotion.Therearesomelineduponthecounter,someinbasketsunderthesink.ShehascheaponesfromdrugstoresandrealfancyonesfromtheSheratonandtheHolidayInn.confusedandstartclapping?Eachkindsaysithassomethingspecialinitforyourskin—aloe,sheabutter,coconut,cocoabutter,vanilla,lemonextract.That’snotlotion.That’soneingredientshortofaBundtcake.Don’tgetmewrong.Ilikelotion.Iuseamoisturizeronmyface.Ihaveto—it’smymoneymaker.AndIliketousehandlotion.IshakealotofhandsandIwantpeopletoexperiencemysuppleness.Buthandlotionistricky.Youhavetoknowexactlyhowmuchtoputon.Youdon’twanttooverdoit.Portiaonceputtoomuchonandgotstuckinthebathroomforanhourtryingtoturnthedoorknob.ThenIhadtoremindherwehaveadoorthatslides.Mypointiseveryonewhohasbucketsandbucketsoflotionshouldgetridofallthelotiontheydon’tuseanymore.AndbyeveryoneIdomeanPortia.Oratleastsheshouldthinkaboutcombiningallthehalfbottlesintoonegiantbottlesowecangetridofsomestuffandshecansmelllikeababyeatingacucumberinanorangegrove.Ihopeshereadsthis.Ireallydothinkit’simportanttoletgoofthingsandgivethingsaway,todeclutterandgetoutfromunderthatpileofpapersandoldcerealboxesandharmonicas.It’scathartic.It’sfreeing.PlusyoucangetgoodmoneyforsomestuffoneBay.A“vintage”colandergoesforjustunder$3.50.Mama’sgonnaberich!Chapter3Ispendalotoftimeexploringmybody.Hangon,thatdoesn’tsoundquiteright.WhatImeantosayis,Iliketoconstantlybeintouchwithmyownbody.Okay,that’snotright,either.Mybodyisawonderland.Idon’tevenknowwhyIjustsaidthat.WhatI’mtryingtosayisthatasI’vegottenolderI’vestartedtopaycloserattentiontomybodyandtomyphysicalwell-being.Ithinkweallhavetodothataswegetolder.Wehavetocheckourselvesout,literally,tomakesurenothinghasappearedordisappearedorgrownorshrunkortightenedorloosenedorsaggedorulceredorbulgedorinflamed.Ireallyhopeyou’renoteating.Oncewehitfortyandfiftyyearsold,ourbodiesgothroughalotofchanges.Evenifwe’reinreallygoodshape(read:Ihavebunsofsteel)thingsstarttoslowdown.Ourmetabolismslowsdown,ourreflexesslowdown,sometimeswebecomeslightlymoreforgetful.Idon’twanttoalarmanyonewhoisn’tthereyet,butyoushouldknowthatadaywillcomewhenyouleaveyourkeysinthefreezerandtrytostartyourcarwithabagel.Youshouldalsoknowthatstudieshaveshownthatafteragefiftythereisa97percentchanceyouwillpullyourgroinwhileputtingonabathingsuit.It’saprovenfact.Youcandotheresearchonyourowntime.Iactuallypulledmygroinonceafewyearsago.Idon’tevenknowhowIdidit.AllIknowiswhenithappenedIwasrightinthemiddleofauditioningfortheRockettesanditruinedeverything.Theproblemwithpullingyourgroin,besidespullingyourgroin,isthatthereisn’tadelicatewaytotreatit.WheneverIpullamuscleinmyback,Igetamassagetomakeitfeelbetter.Whenyoupullamuscleinyourgroinalregion,it’smuchtrickier.Youcan’taskastrangertomassageit.That’swhyIhadtoaskmygardenertodoit.AndI’llbehonest—atfirstitwasawkward.Butthenitwasbeautiful.Wehavetotakecareofourselvesasweageandthatincludesgettingproceduresdonethatareinvasive,uncomfortable,andattimeswhatmanywouldrefertoas“thirddateterritory.”O(jiān)neofthoseproceduresisacolonoscopy.IhadmyfirstroutinecolonoscopyafterIturnedfifty.I’msureyouallknowwhatitentails,butifyoudon’tI’llexplainitasbestIcan.Basically,acolonoscopyisaprocedurewhereacamerastartsdowntownandtravelsuptownontheCtrain.InLosAngeles,theydoitalittlebitdifferently.Theyattachcamerastoteeny,tinypaparazziwhoheadupthereandtakethousandsofpicturesofyourcolonthatlaterenduponTMZ.Ididn’tknowexactlywhattoexpectwhenIwentinformycolonoscopy.Firstofall,becauseofmyworkschedule,IhadtogetminedoneonaSaturday.Luckily,there’salittlekioskinthemallthatdoescolonoscopiesandearpiercingontheweekends.ThefirstthingIhadtodowhenIgottherewasputonagown.IthinkitwasaZacPosen.Idon’tnormallyweargowns,butthiswasabeautifulone—openinthebackandslightlyofftheshoulder.Theymademetakeeverythingoffexceptmysocks.Iguesstheyletyoukeepthoseonsothatyoudon’tfeeltotallynaked.Asitturnsout,evenwithsocksonyoustillfeeltotallyandcompletelynaked.Idon’tknowwhatthey’rethinking.Socksornosocks,alltheimportantpartsarestilloutandabout.AfterIwasinmygownandsocks,thedoctorcameinandgreetedme.ShewasalsowearingagownsoItriedtomakeajokelike,“Hey,isn’titembarrassingthatwe’rewearingthesamegown?”Shelaughedbutshewasholdinganeedleatthetime,soitsuddenlyfeltlikeascenefromMisery.Rightawayshestartedtogivemesleepy-timedrugs.That’sthemedicalterm.AndallIrememberafterthesleepy-timedrugsissaying,“Igottaget—”andthat’sit.Iwasoutfortherestoftheprocedure.Whenyouwakeup,it’salittledisorienting.You’renotsurewhereyouare.KatieCouricistherewithafilmcrew.It’sjarring.Butit’snecessaryandI’mgladIdidit.Anotherroutineprocedurethateverywomanneedstogetisamammogram.Now,theword“mammogram”makesitsoundlikeit’sgoingtobeafunexperience.Youthinkacutelittlegrandmaisgoingtoshowupatyourdoortosingyouahappybirthdaysongorsomething.Unfortunately,thatisnotthecase.Amammogramislesslikeafunsongandmorelikeanindustrial-strengthPaninipress.Thedifferencebetweenacolonoscopyandamammogram—well,thereareafewdifferencesobviously.Onetakesplaceabovetheequatorandonetakesplacebelowit.Buttheotherdifferenceisthatwithamammogramyouarefullyawareofwhatisgoingon.Youdon’tneedanydrugstoknockyououtbecauseit’snotapainfulprocedure.It’sjustuncomfortableandawkward,especiallygiventhefactthatyouarestandingfacetofacewiththetechnicianworkingthemachine.Atleast,it’sawkwardformeanywaybecauseinevitablyIhavetomakesmalltalk.“Yep,Idodancealot…No,notallthetime…Well,I’mabigfanofyourmom,sothankyou,that’snicetohear.”Icannotbelievetheyhaven’tyetcomeupwithabetterscreeningprocessthanthemammogram.Ifamanhadtoputhisspecialpartsinsideaclamptotesthimforanything,Ithinktheywouldcomeupwithanewplanbeforethedoctorfinishedsaying,“PutthatthingtheresoIcancrushit.”I’mgettingawayfrommypoint.Mypointis,thesetestsareveryimportant.AndIdon’tmindtellingyouallaboutmygroin,mycolon,andmybreastsifitmeanshelpingyoutakecareofyourself.IjustthoughtofsomethingelseIcouldsharewithyou.Wouldyouliketohearaboutoneofmymoles?No.Okay.Movingon.附錄2譯文第一章情人眼里出西施。美不在臉上，重在心里美。在我的大半生里，我一直相信，真正的美，跟你的頭發(fā)和眼睛是什么顏色并沒有關(guān)系。而真正的美關(guān)乎于你是一個(gè)什么樣的人，你的做人原則和你的道德準(zhǔn)則。在2008年，我終于成功的戒掉了說廢話的毛病，因?yàn)槲矣辛诵碌姆Q號——封面女郎。閃光燈下，化妝品，各種飾品，通通都閃開！素顏臉頰，我就是第一美女！（閃光燈下