自我投資：社會(huì)關(guān)系和人際網(wǎng)絡(luò)

1、.：.；自我投資：社會(huì)關(guān)系和人際網(wǎng)絡(luò)24EN Editors Note：Recently, I discussed the value of investing in yourself - putting time and money into improving you, not building assets. Today, well look at one area of investing in yourself as part of an ongoing series on the topic, spread out once per weekday over two weeks.

2、If youd like to review all the entries, look at the investing in yourself subcategory.Im a rather introverted person. When Im in a group of people, my gut instinct is to clam up, be quiet, and sink into the woodwork (unless, of course, Im very comfortable with most of the group). It takes genuine ef

3、fort for me to speak up in a group situation, and for much of my adult life I simply wouldnt do it. Id just sit there, waiting for someone else to talk and quite often not engaging at all.This antisocial streak was hindering me, and I knew it. A large group of friends and associates are incredibly v

4、aluable to have - they can provide support to you in countless ways and you can provide support back to them as well. By sitting there like a bump on a log, not only was I not actively working towards building friendships and relationships, I was actually sending off a negative vibe to people.There

5、were two books that really turned things around for me: Dale Carnegies How to Win Friends and Influence People and Keith Ferrazzis Never Eat Alone. These books actually have a lot in common - they both focus on how exactly to effectively interact with other people. Carnegies book focuses on the actu

6、al interactions themselves - how do you actually step up and converse with someone? Ferrazzis book continues that thought - how do you build a conversation into a relationship that has value? Theyre both filled with very specific tips that you can start applying right off the bat.With that informati

7、on in hand, I had a good idea of what to do - I just needed to get started doing it. Here are some direct actions you can take to start investing in building a network of friends and acquaintances that actually have value, both to you and to the person youre connected to.Engage in activities that en

8、able a lot of interactions with a lot of people.The first step is to simply meet people whose interests overlap with your own. Sure, you may know people through work, but thats only the tip of the iceberg - there are many, many people out there to meet, to know, and to develop friendships and relati

9、onships with. Here are some tips for getting out that front door.Identify social activities that mesh with your interests. Like reading books? Join a book club. Like outdoor activities? Join an outdoor club. Curious about the community? Go to any sort of community activity - check at city hall for t

10、he community calendar. Obsessed with your career? Go to meetings and conventions related to your professional area. Join Meetups for any activity of interest to you. Most large cities offer a lot of opportunity to explore whatever interest you may have.Dont give up on it after just one meeting. The

11、biggest mistake that people make when joining a potentially interesting group is that they give up when they go to the first meeting, the people there already seem to know each other, and there are ongoing things that theyre not familiar with. Give it a few meetings. Ask questions if you dont know w

12、hats going on. Dont just assume that youll immediately be part of any ongoing social circle at this group - give it time to happen.Dont be afraid to be the first to talk - but dont be the only one talking.One intense challenge for me is to know how to deal with a group of people when no one is talki

13、ng. Everyones experienced them - those periods of silence when no one has quite yet taken the initiative to start a conversation or to bring up a new topic. Thats the perfect time to get a new conversation rolling and to be noticed by others, so take advantage of it. Here are some tips.Realize that

14、everyone else is probably feeling as uncomfortable as you are. If theres a silence in the room, its probably a good indication that many of the people there dont know what to say next and are feeling some of your discomfort. By stepping up and getting the ball rolling, you often attract a positive r

15、esponse from others.If all else fails, ask a contextual question. Most of the time, I dont know what to say, so Ill use whats going on as the context for a question. Ill ask a question about the group itself, the event were engaged in, the book the book club is reading, or so on. If youre in a very

16、small group, current events can be a good topic to break the silence.If you notice youre the only one talking, its probably time to give someone else an opportunity. In other words, trim your point to a close and try to finish by encouraging someone else to talk. One good way to do that is to finish

17、 with a “What do you all think?Ask questions.The most effective way Ive found to get a conversation going or to continue it is to get a person to talk about themselves. The easiest way to pull off that trick is to ask a question - create a situation where it makes social sense for that person to beg

18、in discussing themselves. Heres some advice on how to do that.Ask a question that the person would feel comfortable answering. If youre in a book club, questions about the book youre reading are always fair game. If theyve brought up their children or family, cursory and positive questions about tha

19、t topic are fair, too. In general, questions that are positive in tone and arent too personal are always worthwhile. Compliment someone, for example, and ask where they got that item or idea.Listen to the responses. Listen to what theyre saying. Try to understand their viewpoint and experiences - th

20、eyre going to be different than your own. If you find yourself getting bored, then youre either discussing a topic that truly doesnt interest you or youre not clicking with that person, which is fine, but the first step to a positive connection is to listen to what they say and try to figure out wha

21、t they mean.Use the responses for follow-up questions if you dont have a compelling idea of your own to interject. If you dont know how to respond to what theyve just said, figure out the part thats troubling you and turn it into a question again, allowing them to explain further. It not only clearl

22、y shows that youre listening and are engaged, but it gives the person a greater chance to expound their thoughts in a positive light.Focus on the people that interest you.There are going to be people you are uncomfortable interacting with, either for obvious reasons or for reasons you cant quite put

23、 your finger on. You dont have to interact with them. Instead, focus on the people who give you a positive feeling - people who click with you and engage you. These people will be much more likely to build up an actual relationship with you, whether it be a friendship or a business relationship. Her

24、e are some tips.At first, interact with a lot of people. Listen to whos talking and figure out which people are actually interesting to you. When you see people standing alone and not talking, talk to them. When theres a group talking, listen in. Spend some time interacting with as many people as yo

25、u can. The reason is to figure out which ones you may click with.Gravitate gradually towards the people you find most interesting. It might be the person talking the most at the center of the room, or it might be the person sitting quietly off to the side. Keep conversing with the people that click

26、with you. Dont be afraid to move on if they exhibit behaviors that make you uncomfortable.Once youve narrowed it down, focus on building up ties with the people that fit best with you. Exchange contact information with one or two of them if it feels like you might really have something in common. If

27、 that doesnt feel appropriate yet, just make sure that you have opportunities to meet those people again at other, similar events - come to the next group meeting, for example.Follow up.If youve actually traded contact information with someone in a genuine fashion, meaning that it was because of a d

28、esire to actually further exchange ideas, follow up. Dont just let it dry there on the vine. I usually try to contact new people Ive met once every few weeks - for example, I recently was elected to a community board, so Im slowly putting forth an effort to get to know everyone on that board.Wait a

29、bit, then make a contact. I usually find that for most people, a follow up thats non-fluffy is worthwhile. I try to recall what weve talked about (I usually jot it down on the back of whatever contact info I get), do some research on the topic, and continue the conversation in some regard. I always

30、make sure to include a reminder of who I am as well, usually starting it off that way (This is Trent Hamm. We met recently at the Smiths fire benefit dinner and we discussed some changes in the towns sidewalk policy.).If they dont respond back, dont push it. Just wait for another opportunity to meet

31、 that person in a social environment and chat about it. Quite often, people intend to respond but just get busy with things - its often not a snub. However, you should make sure not to make yourself a nuisance.If you can easily do a favor for someone, do it. Quite often, opportunities will come up w

32、here someone is in obvious need of a helping hand. If you have the opportunity to help out, especially if its easy for you, do so. Helping out the people around you is the single best thing you can do to build a solid relationship with the people youre helping - plus, you get the opportunity to make

33、 someone elses life better.Dabble in hosting social events.One great opportunity to build and cement relationships and friendships is to host small social gatherings. Im pretty partial to the dinner party or barbecue, myself - inviting people into your home and serving them food is a great way to ge

34、t people to open up and connect to each other.Invite a diversity of people. If you have a gathering, its good to invite people who do know each other and people who dont. I usually try to keep the number small and make sure that everyone there knows at least someone else besides me, but ideally not

35、everyone knows everyone else. If you dont know that many people, just invite who you know and keep the number relatively low.Try very hard to accept any reciprocal invitations. If you get invited in return, make a special effort to go to that event. Social invitations are more valuable than you thin

36、k and theyre often a sign of acceptance into a larger group. Make an effort to go to any invite you get, especially if its the first one.Keep the communication going - dont let it die off.Once youve built a connection with someone, dont let it fall apart because youre too busy. It only takes a few m

37、inutes every once in a while to keep a relationship healthy, so take the time to do it.Keep in contact regularly - a handwritten note on a special occasion is a great way to do it. Send out New Years/winter seasonal cards to everyone you can, with a quick handwritten note inside greeting them. One y

38、ear, I made up almost three hundred of these and it was worth the effort. Similarly, if you find out someones made a career change, bought a house, got married, or had a child, make sure that you pop a handwritten note and perhaps a small gift their way.Send quick emails semi-regularly. Some people

39、do this with their cell phone, but I find that to be kind of intrusive for just touching base with someone. I often use a quick personally-written just asking how theyre doing and maybe delivering a few sentences on what Im up to or whats currently interesting to me. I dont do this too regularly - e

40、very few months or so - but it does a great job of helping a relationship to not wither and die over a long period of time.The real key, though, is to build a solid number of meaningful relationships and friendships and make sure they dont wither - these are the people who you support and will suppo

41、rt you when you need it. The first step is up to you.最近，我討論了自我投資的價(jià)值-花時(shí)間和金錢在完善他本人上，而不是購買資產(chǎn)。今天，我們先來看看自我投資的其中一方面，這也是將要開場(chǎng)的有關(guān)這個(gè)主題的系列文章的一部分。這一主題在這兩周的每個(gè)任務(wù)日會(huì)推出一篇文章。假設(shè)他想回想全部的文章，請(qǐng)查看“自我投資目錄下。我是個(gè)非常內(nèi)向的人。當(dāng)我身處眾人之間，我的天性反響是閉上嘴，堅(jiān)持安靜，防止引起他人留意當(dāng)然，假設(shè)我與其中的大部分人都能相處自若就不一樣了。我必需非常努力的壓服本人才干讓本人當(dāng)眾發(fā)表講話，而在我成人后的大多數(shù)時(shí)間中，我總是不自覺的防止這樣做。

42、我總是呆坐在那，等著他人走上前來和我說話，即使這樣我也經(jīng)常無法投入對(duì)話中。這一不合群的性格經(jīng)常妨礙我，我也認(rèn)識(shí)到了這點(diǎn)。擁有很多朋友與同伴的價(jià)值是無法估量的他們可以以無數(shù)種方式向他提供協(xié)助 ，而他也能相應(yīng)的協(xié)助 他們。呆坐著讓我不僅無法積極的去建立朋友及同伴關(guān)系，也讓會(huì)讓他人對(duì)我產(chǎn)生負(fù)面的想法。兩本書改動(dòng)了我：Dale Carnegie的，Keith Ferrazzi的。這兩本書有許多共同點(diǎn)他們都關(guān)注于如何有效的與他人進(jìn)展溝通。Garnegie的書著重于實(shí)踐溝通本身如何確實(shí)的與他人建立聯(lián)絡(luò)和進(jìn)展交談。Ferrazzi的書那么做了進(jìn)一步論述如何從一次溝通開展到有價(jià)值的同伴關(guān)系。兩本書中都充溢了他

43、可以立刻運(yùn)用的詳細(xì)的技巧。有了這些信息后，我就知道本人下一步該怎樣做了我要做的就是去實(shí)施它們。下面就是一些詳細(xì)的行動(dòng)指點(diǎn)，他可以按此去做來建立一個(gè)真正有價(jià)值的朋友和熟人圈子，它的價(jià)值不僅是對(duì)他，對(duì)與他交往的人也是同樣。積極參與到可以給他許多與他人進(jìn)展交流溝通的時(shí)機(jī)的活動(dòng)中第一步很簡(jiǎn)單，就是發(fā)明時(shí)機(jī)和那些與他的興趣喜好有交集的人會(huì)面。當(dāng)然，他經(jīng)過本人的任務(wù)就能認(rèn)識(shí)不少，但那只是冰山一角除此之外還有許許多多的人他應(yīng)該去會(huì)面、結(jié)識(shí)、開展友誼和嚴(yán)密的關(guān)系。有許多技巧可以協(xié)助 他實(shí)現(xiàn)這點(diǎn)。找到那些正好適宜他興趣喜好的社交活動(dòng)。喜歡讀書？無妨參與讀書俱樂部。喜歡戶外活動(dòng)？無妨參與戶外俱樂部。對(duì)社區(qū)生活感到

44、獵奇？無妨去參與恣意一種社區(qū)活動(dòng)可以到市政廳查看社區(qū)日程安排。熱愛他的職業(yè)？參與與他的專業(yè)領(lǐng)域有關(guān)的會(huì)議和展會(huì)。參與Meetups網(wǎng)站上提供的與他感興趣的活動(dòng)。幾乎一切的大城市都能提供許多這樣的時(shí)機(jī)，讓他可以進(jìn)一步探求他擁有的任何喜好。不要僅僅參與一次就放棄。人們?cè)趨⑴c那些能夠會(huì)感興趣的小組時(shí)往往會(huì)犯的最大錯(cuò)誤就是在第一次參與之后就放棄。小組中的其他人都互熟習(xí)識(shí)，而本人卻對(duì)其中正在進(jìn)展的事情毫無認(rèn)識(shí)。讓本人多參與幾次。假設(shè)他不知道他人正在做什么，就開口訊問。別假設(shè)本人會(huì)立刻成為小組中正在進(jìn)展的社交活動(dòng)的一部分需求時(shí)間來讓它發(fā)生。不關(guān)鍵怕成為第一個(gè)發(fā)言的但不要做獨(dú)一說話的人對(duì)我來說，最重要的挑戰(zhàn)

45、之一就是如何處置冷場(chǎng)的情況。幾乎每個(gè)人都閱歷過那樣的沉默沒人要自動(dòng)開場(chǎng)交流或開場(chǎng)一個(gè)新話題。這實(shí)踐是他不應(yīng)放過的好時(shí)機(jī)，他可以開場(chǎng)一個(gè)新的話題，讓其他人開場(chǎng)留意他。下面是一些技巧。他要知道，能夠其他人也都和他一樣對(duì)此感到不順應(yīng)。假設(shè)房間里變得沉默，這也許是一個(gè)非常明顯的征兆，即那里的大多數(shù)人都不知道接下來該說什么，并且和他一樣感到不自在。只需他向前一步，突破冷場(chǎng)，往往就能從他人那得到積極的回應(yīng)。假設(shè)別的方法都不行，無妨就問一個(gè)銜接性的問題。很多次，當(dāng)我不知道該說什么，我就會(huì)問“接下來做什么。我會(huì)問有關(guān)這個(gè)小組本身的問題，有關(guān)正在進(jìn)展中的活動(dòng)，如讀書俱樂部里正在閱讀的書，等等。假設(shè)他所在的小組很

46、小，有關(guān)目前正在進(jìn)展的活動(dòng)的問題是個(gè)很好的，可以用來突破沉默的話題。假設(shè)他發(fā)現(xiàn)本人是獨(dú)一在不停說話的人，也許就該給他人一些時(shí)機(jī)了。也就是說，他應(yīng)該總結(jié)他的話題，并在終了時(shí)爭(zhēng)取鼓勵(lì)另外的人開場(chǎng)討論。比如說用“他們?cè)鯓酉耄縼斫Y(jié)尾就是個(gè)不錯(cuò)的方式。問問題我找到的最有效的開場(chǎng)交流和讓它繼續(xù)下去的方法就是讓對(duì)方議論他們本人。到達(dá)這個(gè)目的的最有效途徑就是問問題發(fā)明一個(gè)讓他人開場(chǎng)議論它們本人的社交情景。這里有一些如何去做的建議。問對(duì)方可以輕松回答的問題。假設(shè)他在讀書俱樂部里，問有關(guān)他們正在讀的書的問題可以算是公平游戲。假設(shè)他們帶著他們的孩子或家人來參與，有關(guān)家人的簡(jiǎn)單和正面的問題也很恰當(dāng)?？傊?，那些帶著正面

47、語氣以及不過于私人的問題都是可以的。比如說，贊譽(yù)他人的服飾或想法，并訊問他們?cè)谀馁I的或如何想到的。傾聽對(duì)方的回應(yīng)。傾聽他人是如怎樣說的。試著了解他們的觀念和閱歷他們是與他不同的。假設(shè)他覺得枯燥乏味，那闡明他要么是在討論一項(xiàng)他確實(shí)不感興趣的主題，要么就是他與那人真實(shí)沒有共同言語。那樣并沒關(guān)系，不過達(dá)成積極的聯(lián)絡(luò)的第一步就是傾聽對(duì)方所說的，并了解對(duì)方的意思。假設(shè)他沒法想出一個(gè)有趣的話題來插入交談，無妨從他人的回應(yīng)中找到本人想問的問題。假設(shè)他不知道該怎樣回應(yīng)他人說的內(nèi)容，想想其中那些部分讓他困擾，把這作為一個(gè)問題再次提出，讓他人為他進(jìn)一步解答。這樣做不僅明晰的闡明他在他正在傾聽并積極的投入，而且給他人一個(gè)很好的時(shí)機(jī)，積極的為他仔細(xì)解釋他們的想法。關(guān)注于那些讓他感興趣的人總有些人，當(dāng)他與他們交往時(shí)會(huì)感到不自在，理由能夠很明顯，也能夠沒有明確的理由。那他就不用非要與他們交往。而是應(yīng)該專注于那些讓他覺得不錯(cuò)的人那些與他很合拍而且也吸引他的人。那樣的人更有能夠與他建立真正的關(guān)系，無論那是一種朋友關(guān)系，或是商業(yè)關(guān)系。這里有一些相關(guān)的技巧。首先，他要和許多人進(jìn)展交流。傾聽他們的說